The Truth of the Moon

by Fluttershys at my house :)

The Start

AppleJack was Happy. She had just got her Cutie Mark! It was Three Big Red Apples,They looked good enough to Eat! She trotted through the orchid admiring the Trees then she tripped. She got up almost immediately. She turned and saw two young foals Asleep, They were bit younger than her and they looked like they had been Asleep for ages, They couldn't talk yet. She looked at them with Surprise. She wondered where they had came from they. She Quickly Ran back to the Barn and told her Granny.

AppleJack returned with her Older Brother Big Macintosh. He grabbed a Black Pegasus with a Red mane and White stripes She grabbed the smaller one it was a Blue Pegasus With a Black Mane they toke them back to the Barn where they laid them on the floor. They then started to make two small beds out of Blankets "Done!" Said Big Macintosh and walked over to the Foals "You Call Dat a bed?" She asked her Brother and looked at the messy pile of blankets "Eeyup!" He replied and grabbed the Smaller foal and Laid her in it "Well Shucks Bro I would call dat a Messy Pile of er Blankets" She responded with a sideways glance at her brother "Well do you call that?" he asked and pointed at a small folded pile of Blankets with another blanket on top to make the shape of a Bed "I call dat Creation over here a Bed" She Responded "I call That a....." He tried to think of the right word to say "A what Bro a Bed? A Place to rest?" She asked with a Grin "NO! its um a um Never mind lets go get somethin to eat?" He said trying to change the subject. He walked off towards the Kitchen. She Trotted forward and picked up the Black Foal and placed her in the bed she made. Then Trotted after Big Macintosh.

When she had ate her fill she trotted back to where the fillies where Sleeping. "Granny? What are we going to do with them?" She asked her Gran who just sat down on her Arm Chair "Well some of the Mares in town have recently had a Filly or Maybe your friend Fluttershy's Mother might Adopt Otherwise the'll have to go to that Orphanage down the Road" She replied. "Ok well Should we feed em?" She asked "No Sweetie They are very tired look at them!" She said. Applejack looked at the poor Foals. They were Small and Motherless and extremely Tired

She said Good Night to Big Macintosh and Granny And went to her Room. She Fell fast asleep.

AppleJack Awoke to the beautiful sunlight pouring in through her window. She Yawned and went down Stairs to Have Breakfast, She had Toast with Apple Jam, Then sat down to read a Book.
She looked up and saw Granny And Big Macintosh Carrying the Foals "C'mon AJ we gotta get them a Home" Big Macintosh said to his younger Sister.

They first went to Mrs Sparkles House she had recently had a Fillie Named Twilight "Excuse me Mrs Sparkle but these two dont got any home could you have em?" Said Big Macintosh "Oh i can't Twilight Is so Stressful and we are Moving soon" She said sounded extremely Worn out "Well Ok then Good Bye Mrs Sparkle!

"Sonny let Granny try next time!" said Granny Smith she thought that he didn't say it right. They then trotted off towards another House "Who lives here Granny?" asked AppleJack curiously "I'm not sure Sweets ill have to call em Miss" She replied and Knocked on the Door "Hello there" Answered a Pink unicorn with a Purple Mane "Excuse me Miss Yesterday We found Them little ponies and they don't have a Home can you take em?" Asked Granny Smith "I'm so sorry i Cant my little Baby Rarity is very Stressful" She replied they all could hear crying from inside her house "Well that's Ok goodbye Miss" Said Granny Smith C'mon lets go"

It was starting to get Dark. They had no luck of getting the foals a home. "So are we going to the Orphanage now?" Asked AppleJack who was getting tired "Ok lets go" Granny Smith yawned the walked up to the Orphanage. The sign read 'Cheerilees Orphanage' They rapped them up and lay them by the doorstep. The rang the Door bell and trotted away. They started walking home AppleJack went back to see if they were found

"AppleJack get your But over here!" Said Big Macintosh annoyed "Hold your Horses, Mac ill be over in a Minute or two" she replied also annoyed. Just then Cheerilee opened the door and saw the two Foals. She looked around then gently picked them up and toke them inside.

When they got home AppleJack went straight to Bed she was so Tired walking all day. She lay in bed for awhile thinking hopeing they would get a home The last thing on her mind before she fell Asleep was how she got her Cutie Mark.

(Author Note: This is in the Pat in case anyone didn't know that :P)

Comments

[DiabolicalMonocle]

I finally got round to reading this. I have to say, the plot is good. It's original, and you even created new characters. But you're missing some fundamental grammar here, such as unnecessary capitlisation, missing full stops and commas, new lines for different speakers. You're also not creating any build-up for emotional scenes, such as Cheerilee's dismissal (If that's supposed to be emotional.) She just basically tells them to get lost, and personally, I feel no emotion from that. Maybe a larger vocab as well, you seem to be using the same words again and again.

Take this review with a pinch of salt, seeing as though I'm a rookie writer as well. Don't feel disheartened, I encourage you to write more, just take what I said into account. Other than that, keep going! I like the plot of this! Sorry for the long review.