Rainbow Dash needs to speak to Applejack near the outskirts of the Everfree, and it can't wait long. What could be happening?
Sound familiar? Trust me, it's very, very, VERY different from my last fic. Without spoiling anything, suffice it to say it's a lot darker. A LOT darker.
Once again, Cloudy Skies, Yayflutters, Mysteriousstranger, and the Twentiest are to thank for inspiration. I also have to thank Yayflutters and Mysteriousstranger again for following my work, even though theirs is far superior.
As always, constructive criticism is welcome, as it will help me know what I need to do to improve my work even more. Thanks!
Chapters (1)
This was... Interesting... I hope Rainbow doesn't do anything stupid...
Rainbow...
Anyways, to point out a few things...
Her name is actually two words, Apple Bloom.
Missing quotation marks at the end here, and you didn't need to double space it and the next line of dialogue. You could've added between them, 'Rainbow Dash took a deep breath before continuing,' and then continued from there, with the next line of dialogue.
Other than that, no errors I could spot.
Hmm... Well, to be honest, it felt a little fast-paced. Rainbow gave up way too quickly, and so did AJ after the funeral.
Looking back on things overall, I feel as if Rainbow would've been a little more confident with herself when confessing to AJ, rather than going full-on Fluttershy mode and speaking rather... Nervously.
Little straight-forward there, Dash. Not something you're supposed to say when confessing your love...
Besides the pacing issues though, there aren't really many problems.
Well, they did it... This is why I don't like dark stories...
1960988 Heh heh. Wasn't really sure what to say while Dash was talking there in the beginning. I'll remove that.
Well, I'll say this: Scene breaks can be your friend. A great friend. Such as ~~~ in between scenes, preferably in the middle, or the basic line break that's in the formatting options.
Not always used, but for dream sequences, I tend to italicize everything. Just to seperate between what's real and what isn't. Without line breaks/knowing when the dream started, etc... It feels a little strange to read. Just another thing you can improve on.
1967426 Hmm? I could swear I italicized it. Whatever, I'll fix that.
The additions definitely help a little but...
Missed a line break there.
It might also help to add a little more to why RD is going to the creek in the first place, with the additions it seems kind of out of place now. Possibly another rejection?
1986962 I haven't put the line break in there yet because there's actually still something I would like to add before she gets there. I won't spoil what it is, but that's why there's no explanation for the river as well.
Well. Um.
Wasn't expecting something this dark.
As a writer of light romantic comedies, I don't know if I'm really qualified to judge- it's good? I guess? I'm not saying it's bad; I don't really see any typos, and your writing style's pretty good. I just don't like to see ponies commiting suicide.
I demand more tears. MOAR THEY SUSTAIN ME
!!!!
2003658 So many romances
it burns!
I love so sad so sad
It only just came to my attention that there is a glaring issue in the italics near the end of the story. I am trying to figure out where that happened right now. I apologize for the inconvenience.
I also notice that this story is being heavily disliked. Yes, it's VERY different from the last two I wrote, but if I stick to doing the same thing over and over, nothing gets done. Don't worry though, my next one will be more lightheated, but may everypony please tell me if there's anything particularly bad about this, other than the whole pony suicide thing?
I-I-I... why? Why did you do that? How?
should 
. not be dead. People dislike the story JUST because of the death of RD. No spelling misstakes.
2049652 This was honestly a bit of an experiment for me, to see if I could write a sad story. I guess I can, but people didn't like it. My other stories are a lot happier, though.
Stop wrighting this sad shit it makes me cry
2050338 Don't worry, I'm not going to write any more sad fics.
2050450 What the hell. I know you, your better than this. Do not do generic endings, Apple Jacks suicide was to soon, too expected, and overall cliche. You are better than this.
I have to agree with the overall consensus about it being a little rushed. A good story none-the-less. I think if there was a little more to it, y'know, "put some meat on those skinny bones" kind of thing. The plot that's there is good, just needs...more of a story to play it out.
Ow! This hurts my feels.
Suicidal ponies?
I doubt I will read it again, but that was alright.
2189620 Right... I found out the hard way that if you want to change your style, change it slowly. Jarring changes will hurt your readers severely. Regardless, I think I'll stick in the faint-of-heart romance category for the rest of my fics (or at least for a while-plans may change).
2189640 Don't take my word for it, I have not read any of your other work before. I never like seeing good ponies die. (Friendship is Tragic by Vermillion makes me want to cry every time) I myself am trying to find what best suit me so I have about a dozen partially finished fics on notebook paper and my hard drive.
2189978 Well, as you can see by the ratings, this one was not very popular, so I learned my lesson there.
I bit rushed.
But I have death fics. it was interesting. not in my favorites, but vote up
Aaaaand there goes my heart.
3564689 Sorry about that. Not my most popular or best work.
3564804Nonsense! This is great. Though I'm certainly not in any position to critique seeing as how I can't write at all, I think this is really great.
3564847 Oh, really? To be honest, I don't like sadfics. I have no clue what urge overtook me to write this one. Honestly, I don't like it.
3565894 I've never really been to drawn to them myself but occasionally I'll stumble upon a good one that gives the ol' heart strings a nice yank. They're okay in moderation.
Why that particular method? Drowning oneself like she did is incredibly difficult due to the self preservation reactions. It would have made more sense to tie her own wings down and hang herself, cut her forelimbs, tie the wings and jump off a cloud. But to drown oneself?
4072511 Two things: 1, sorry for reading this god-awful story. 2, the river was the closest thing available that would work.
4073409 It is extremely hard to hold one's own head underwater though... Unless one does something to intentionally make it difficult to resurface. Other than that, only other real complaint story wise was that Rainbow was so emotionally fragile.
4076064 I wasn't exactly researching the most effective ways to commit suicide for this story, you know.
4076579 Hey, it was original. it isn't really an issue, just thought it was odd.
Other than that, the opening few paragraphs felt.... Choppy. I do not know how to discribe it but the rhythm felt odd
4079263 Just reread the beginning to see if you're right. Oh god, that was a horrible intro. I'll make sure to avoid doing that again in the future.
Goodness the message literally is if you don't like someone, you should. Or else they will kill themselves.
Applejack is a mess, she was honest, but then she wasn't?
4251095 This story was absolute shit. I know.
4251123 It wasn't the worst thing ever, just you tried to hard for the feelzz