Chapter Two
For backwater farmers, these ponies sure use high-quality locks.
The young colt tried again and again to pick the lock, but nothing would work. He looked up at the windows, they were too far up to reach on his own. If I could just fly. The colt looked around to try and find anything to step up on to reach the windows, but they were at least two stories up. In a last-ditch effort, he tried the door one last time, but it still wouldn’t budge.
Okay Plan B: This farm’s huge, there’s gotta be a shack around here, or something. He took a quick glance at the main house and noticed they had all finally gone to bed.
At least you ponies have beds.
Looking around, he found a path leading straight into the orchard. He took one last glance back at their home and started following the trail out into the orchard. “Trees, trees everywhere. Gotta be a building somewhere.” The path eventually ended at the edge of some trees and bushes, and he noticed that only half of those trees were growing apples. He looked back to make sure that he hadn’t missed something, then he looked past the bushes and found another trail, that looked older and more worn.
After several minutes of traveling, he came across another set of apple trees. “There has- AH HA!” Finally, his journey had come to an end. He ran up to what he thought was a shack, when he neared it he knew something was wrong.
“Is that a treehouse?”
He looked up and, sure enough, the pastel-colored building was resting on top of a very large apple tree. Feather looked around to makes sure nopony was around and then ascended the ladder that led to its door.
“Correction, its a clubhouse.” There was something carved just above the door. “Cutie Mark Crusader HQ?”
He looked down at his flank with a sigh, he didn’t have a cutie mark of his own. What bothered him more was he didn’t even have the drive to try and find one. His one and only motivation in life had always been to fix his device and you can’t get a cutie mark in that.
Unless you can get one in building machines and fixing them?
Shaking off his annoyance, he opened the door and took a quick glance around. Judging by the pink curtains, he concluded it was probably a club for fillies. I guess I can’t be picky,
He sat down and took off his saddlebag, then took out his device and gently laid it down. “This will be fine for tonight, I can start fixing up this thing.” He took out several tools and a book filled to the brim with notes. The book was more like a journal with the pages shoved inside. Some of the pages stuck out, while others were neatly stacked. Wasting no time, he began to examine the damage.
The child took out several very worn pages. He knew them by heart; but just to be sure, he always had them ready. Glancing back and forth, he would look inside the device past the glass door and back to his notes. “Okay, I’m missing one ring gear, three spur gears, some screws went missing and... Ugh! The carrier shaft bent!”
He sighed again and began to think. I probably have enough bits to buy these, but then I have to go into that hardware shop. He stomped one of his hoofs on the floorboard in frustration. He noticed that his hoof left a smudge of dirt where he stomped it. Then he looked down at himself and noticed his body was looking less than clean.
I guess I need to go find a lake to clean up in. Adults want children looking presentable, after all. He checked his map and sure enough, there was a lake near the orchard. He made a mental note to take a quick bath before re-entering the town in the morning and packed away his stuff before settling in for the night.
He spent the night in the clubhouse. It was cold, but that was something that he had gotten used to a long time ago. He started his journey towards Ponyville early in the morning, he was careful to make sure that no one noticed him leaving. He didn't know much about farmers, but he was sure that waking up early was a common trait among them. He left for the outskirts of the farm. He assumed the ponies on the farm would wake up at this time, so he ran for the lake. Inspecting his left side, he found it to be the dirtiest, and his wing felt itchy and uncomfortable. He put aside his saddlebag and jumped into the lake without hesitation. The colt did his best to clean off any and all dirt. He then spent a few minutes straightening out the feathers on his wing. He needed it to be in good condition when he finished his device, after all.
Then he waded onto the shore and flopped down in the sun and took at least an hour to dry off. He wanted nothing more than to simply wait on the shore, but he had to start into town and pick up some parts. He took a few deep breaths and then slowly walked into town. He knew that he was already going to look a tad odd, being alone in the morning. “Oh, wait!” He stopped walking when suddenly he remembered something quite important. “ Is today a school day?” He quickly tried to remember the last time he saw a calendar. “That shop, three days ago, I think it was Wednesday. Or was it Thursday? Either way, it’s the weekend.”
He breathed a heavy sigh of relief that he did not walk into a school trap; an adult would spot a child out of school from a mile away. As he passed the orchard and neared the edge of town, he noticed some kids out playing, but the adults definitely outnumbered them.
Okay, where is that hardware shop?
He spotted the library, it was not exactly the most crowded looking place. Some things never change, no one likes to read. He followed the path to the bakery, it seemed far more crowded than he would have liked. He noticed some of the town’s residents were giving him odd glances. Purely out of instinct, he ducked his head to try and avoid suspicion.
Snap out of it! They can stare all they want, you’re just a normal colt, nothing to hide.
He tried his best to shake off his nervousness and act normal, but his eyes kept darting from left to right. After several uncomfortable minutes, he found the store he was looking for.
He gently opened the door, causing a bell to ring. He narrowed his eyes and glared up at it. Of course.
He was surprised to find nopony walking up to attend to his needs. He saw a pink pony, but she was too busy searching through a bin of supplies to notice him. I don’t think she runs the shop, she looks a little too poofy to run a mechanical parts store. Where's the owner?
He shrugged and then carefully walked past the brightly colored pony, hoping to just get his things and leave. However, just as he neared the corner of an aisle, he heard something odd.
“Twitchy, twitch.” He looked back out of instinct when he heard the voice, and saw that pink pony had stopped rummaging. She was also staring straight at him.
Why is she looking at me like that?
“It's you!” she exclaimed.
The colt gulped loudly as the candy-colored adult took a step towards him.
No it’s not! What do you mean it’s me?! Oh, sweet Celestia, what did I do wrong? Is she going to turn me in?! Does she know? And why is she smiling so much?!
He took another step back, then another, but soon bumped into a wall. Without thinking, he looked back at it, realizing that any hope of escape was pointless. He looked back to where the pink mare had been standing and blinked in confusion. There was no sign of her.
Whew!
Relief poured over him like an adrenaline rush. I haven’t had a close call like that since... Oh, last night. Still, I guess she had me mistaken for somepony else.
The colt was just about to resume his search for the shop’s owner when he felt his weight leave his hooves. His mind blanked as he felt pressure on his chest and realized he was being hugged. Then he heard a voice. “Aw, you look so sad. Whatever it is, it’ll be alright, I just know it!” He was set back on the ground and spun around to face the pink pony from earlier. “Oh my gosh, I never introduced myself!” She thrust her hoof towards him and he leaned away from it. “Hi, I’m Pinkie Pie!”
The colt stared at her. She just smiled back. His brain had ground to a halt trying to process this pink pony’s actions. She didn’t look like any adult he had ever met, and if she wasn’t at least twice his height, he would have doubted that she even was older than him.
Pinkie hopped over to the parts bin and resumed her rummaging. "So, I was gonna throw you a party when you got into town yesterday." Her words were punctuated by flying mechanical components as she dug through the bin with reckless abandon. "It was a little too late though, the party would have been too short, and everypony your age would have had to go to bed way too soon to be able to enjoy it properly. Well," she added in a sheepish sing-song, "that and I had a slight mix-up with the party cannon. I used a little too much powder and damaged the gearing in the auto-loader, so I had to fix it. Oh, that took forever! I had most of the parts, but I still have to get a replacement for the mainspring and retool the hammer strut. I do the tooling myself. Gummy helps, of course, but I usually end up doing most of the work."
He blinked.
She took a deep breath and plunged her head into the bin with a splash of metal pieces. "As soon as I find the spring, it'll be done in a jiffy." Her voice was slightly muffled by the mechanical pieces covering her head. “What's your name anyway?"
Party?! Tooling?! Gummy?! What?!
He glanced at the parts strewn across the floor from the crazy adult's wild digging. For a moment, he considered trying to grab what he needed and hightailing it out of there, but that plan was cut short by the sound of a bell. Another pony entered the shop, a stallion with a brown coat and brown mane. The newcomer glanced at the mess and let out a heavy sigh before walking over to the counter and taking a seat behind it.
Great, the shop’s owner, just what I need. At least now I can buy what I need and getaway.
"Ah, ha!" Pinkie pulled her head from the bin. Balanced on the end of her nose was a polished steel spring. "This oughtta do it!"
Feather sighed and started looking through the scattered parts on the floor.
Maybe she'll leave now.
Suddenly, his vision was filled with pink and blue, Pinkie's upside-down face was right in front of his. "GYAH!" The colt stumbled backward in attempt to put space between him and the crazy pink pony.
She just smiled at him. "So? What's your name? I need a name to put on the banner for the party."
He sat there staring at her. His breathing was heavy as he contemplated giving her his name.
If I tell her, she might leave. She doesn't seem like the sort of pony who would check a name with the authorities, but should I take that chance?
"Soooooooo,” the pink pony blinked rapidly, “your name?"
He stood there, back against the wall frozen in fear. He knew the name, and he knew that by giving it out he would be at great risk.
But it might make her leave...
"Pinkie!" Both colt and mare turned their heads to face the shopkeeper. "Please stop scaring my customers." He shook his head and turned to the colt. "Sorry about that. She can be... unique at times. Are you ok?"
The colt nodded to the shopkeeper.
You call that unique? Are you from another planet?
He looked back at Pinkie. She was staring at him with an expectant smile.
She's waiting for me to tell her my name, isn't she?
He let out a sigh and cleared his throat. "My name's-" He paused for a moment as he realized something.
She doesn't need my full name! It's for a party decoration, so just my first name will work. He smiled and held out his hoof.
"Hi, Pinkie. My name's Feather."
Pinkie grabbed the hoof and shook vigorously. The colt's entire body shook from the motion. "Feather! I like it! Oki, doki, let me go get that banner ready, and I'll see you soon." She started hopping towards the door, pausing only once to yell at the shopkeeper. "Hey, Doc? If he needs anything, put it on my tab!"
As the pink pony left the shop, Feather let out a sigh of relief, a sigh that was quickly replaced by a gasp of shock. His saddlebag had fallen off, most likely from the constant shaking. His missing wing was now completely visible. He quickly pulled it over his back and looked over at the shopkeeper. If he had seen anything, he didn't give any indication of it; he was too busy gathering a broom and dustpan.
The shopkeeper chuckled as he started sweeping up the mess of parts. “She’s an odd one, but she means well. I hope you enjoy your party.”
Feather scanned the floor around him, quickly finding several of the parts he needed and picking them up. “I won’t be going.”
“Oh?” Feather was struggling to hold several small pieces and was quickly offered a little paper bag. “What makes you say that?”
Did I say that out loud?
Feather took the offered bag and put the gears and screws in it. Then he kept searching the floor. “I mean, I don’t think I’ll be able to, she never told me where it is.” He glanced back at the brown stallion to see if he bought the explanation.
“Ah, what delightful naiveté.” The shopkeeper resumed his sweeping with an amused smirk. “As I said, I hope you enjoy your party.”
“Um, ok.” Feather shook his head. Why do adults have to be so hard to understand sometimes? At least he hasn’t asked me any questions.
The colt inspected the contents of his paper shopping bag and decided to get some spare gears in case there was another incident. He gathered them up before the stallion could get them to the dustpan. He walked over to the counter and set the bag down on top of it. Then he cleared his throat. “Excuse me, sir? I’m ready to pay now.”
The shopkeeper walked around the counter and looked in the bag “Didn’t you hear the girl? She’s got you covered.” He gave the bag a small shake. “Is this all? She gets a discount for being my biggest customer, you know. Are you sure this is all you need?”
Feather thought about it for a moment. I could use a new carrier shaft, but that’s not really the sort of part a child would buy. But if I try to fix the one I have it might just keep bending. It’s an expensive part, but it’s free! I don’t have to steal it!
With a smirk, he looked up at the shopkeeper. “Do you have a ⅜ hex carrier shaft for a micro planetary gearing system?”
The shopkeeper tilted his head. “The sort used in magi-mechanical devices?”
Feather nodded. “But it has to be grade seven.”
The stallion let out a low whistle. “That’s a heavy-duty part. What are you up to with hardware like that?”
I blew it! What do I say?! The colt kept his smile in place as he stared up at the shopkeeper and tried to come up with an excuse. “It’s for something my dad made.”
“All right, I’ll check, but don’t get your hopes up.” The stallion got up and walked towards a curtained doorway near the back of the shop. “Rose,” he called out, “can you make sure I got all the parts picked up? Pinkie just paid us a visit.”
“Sure thing doc.” A cream-colored earth pony mare with a reddish mane walked out from behind the curtain.
“First Pinkie, now you,” said the shopkeeper, shaking his head, “is my name really that hard to remember?”
She gave him a smile as he headed off into the back of the shop. “Sorry, Time-Turner.” She walked over to the counter and looked down at feather. “Hi there, I’m Roseluck. What’s your name?”
The colt looked up at her. “Feather.”
“Feather? Interesting name for an earth pony.” She leaned over the counter to inspect him a little closer. “I like your hat. I haven’t seen you ‘round before, you new?”
Feather groaned inside. Unlike the shopkeeper, this pony was curious. He could tell she was the type that would ask questions until something stopped her. “Yeah, I’m new. Pinkie’s throwing a welcome to town party later.” He had to change the subject quickly, but to what?
“That’s nice.” Rose kicked her hooves around as she leaned against the counter. “I remember the party she threw when Time Turner came to town. I’ll say this, between the two of’ em there’s never a dull moment around here.”
“Yeah, I can imagine.” Feather looked around for something to talk about. He had to take control of the conversation and ask her a question before she could ask another one. He just had to find something to talk about. He found it hanging on a chain around Roseluck’s neck. “That’s a neat watch, is it silver?”
Rose looked down at the pocket watch around her neck. “I’m not sure.” She ran a hoof over it and nodded her head towards the back of the store. “It belongs to him, but most of the time he forgets it even exists, so I hold on to it for him.”
“Hold on to what?” The shopkeeper walked out from the curtain carrying a small part in his mouth.
“The watch,” said Rose.
He walked over to the counter and set the part down. He then looked at the watch around the mare’s neck. “Huh, nice watch.” He picked up the part again and held it out to Feather. “This is the only one I have. If you could use a grade five, I have a better selection.”
Feather stared at the part. It was a brand new carrier shaft, just like he needed, except for one thing. “The teeth aren’t cut.”
The shopkeeper sighed and set it on the counter. “Like I said, it’s the only one I have. Grade seven parts aren’t commonly needed around here, so most of the ones I carry have to be customized.”
Feather weighed his options. He could either try a grade five shaft or try to get this one customized. The old one was grade five, it might bend again, but customizing parts costs a lot. He looked up at the shopkeeper. “How much would it cost to get the teeth cut?”
The stallion shrugged and held up the part again. “For standard gearing, two bits, but I can’t help you with this. You see the color?” He turned it around, when the light hit the part just right, there was a faint sheen of blue. “Magically-aligned steel. You either need a unicorn that’s trained in magi-mechanical dynamics or highly specialized equipment that I just don’t have.”
This made the decision even harder for Feather. Magically aligned steel would increase the efficiency of energy transfer from the battery, but where would I find somepony to customize the part? Suddenly, he looked up and had to fight back the urge to face-hoof. Of course, I'll just ask.
He cleared his throat. “Do you know if anypony in town has the equipment or training?”
The shopkeeper pointed to the front door. “She just left.”
Feather turned towards the door with a groan. Pinkie? The one pony I most want to avoid right now is the one that I need?
“Oh, you know,” Rose piped up, “there’s also the local librarian. She’s a unicorn named Twilight Sparkle, I’m sure she could help too.”
Feather looked back at her. “The librarian?”
“Yeah,” she said, “bright girl, cutie mark for magic and everything. I bet she could have that part done up in a snap.”
I have twelve bits, I hope that’ll be enough to get the part made. Feather thought about it a little longer, even if the librarian didn’t make the part, he could always ask that crazy pink pony. “Ok,” he looked up at the shopkeeper, “I’ll take it!”
Feather left the store happier than he had been in a long while. He would be able to fix his device, and with the new carrier shaft, he wouldn’t have to worry about it breaking again. At least, not in the same way. There was always the chance that something else could go wrong. I’ll have to be extra careful in this town, that parts store alone is worth staying for a while. I have to be on my best behavior, no stealing, no getting caught in a lie and definitely staying out of sight on school days.
He looked around the town for something to do next and started to weigh his options. I could check out the library for a while, but I would look quite out of place. A colt wanting to read on a Saturday, by himself? But the only pony there would be the librarian, and she could make the part I need.
He shook his head and tried to think of something else to try, his eyes landed on the odd bakery. They might have free samples, but... His thoughts turned to that pink pony who promised him a party. He wasn’t sure where it was being held, and that was a big problem. He suddenly realized that he could find his party in any building and a bakery seems like a logical spot for one. This could be bad. But maybe she’s still setting up, and none of the guests have arrived. Maybe I could convince her to call it off? I could also see if she’ll make the part, but she might want to know what it’s for.
He stared at the door to Sugarcube Corner, something about the entire place seemed off from when he saw it in the night. The place seemed vacant yet somehow to him it still felt quite occupied. The party has got to be in there, so if I just steer clear, I’ll be good. Right?
He wanted to leave but the potential for free treats was overwhelming most of his common sense. Maybe it’s not in there? It couldn’t hurt to try and peek inside...
He was just about to peek into the window but he stopped himself and shook his head. No, it’s too obvious, it is exactly what an adult is expecting!
He turned around and headed in the direction of the library, figuring that there was no way in Tartarus that a party would ever be held at such a quiet place. “Who knows, maybe they’ll even have one of those little candy dishes at the checkout desk.”
He slowly found his way to the building filled with books, his confidence that he had given the pink pony the slip overshadowing his cautious behavior. Even if the librarian won’t make the part, I can get some research done there, and maybe some reading on flying. Well, the flying book might seem suspicious...
Feather shook his head and slowly found the front door, he took a quick glance at the sign to make sure it was the right building and then slowly opened the door. He didn't bat an eye at the darkness in the room or the light that he brought with opening the door. He slowly walked in and gently shut the door.
“Hello?” After the words were said, he heard the sound of dozens of living creatures inhaling in oxygen all at once. No. She didn’t. Time seemed to slow down, he heard every single living being hidden in the shadows taking in as much as oxygen as possible. How can I have been so dumb? This is a nightmare!
“SURPRISE!” The sound of dozens of pony voices yelling out the same word came crashing down on his ears all at once.
He just stood there, dumbstruck and unable to respond. How could he? Impossible, I was so careful. I let down my guard for one minute and...
The lights turned on at the same moment he heard surprise. His eyes scanned the crowd. The first pony he saw was Pinkie, her smile was infectious to everypony but Steel. Darting from left to right he saw ponies of all types, ages, and colors. Did she invite the whole dang town?! He felt embarrassed, shocked, scared and just a bit angry all at the same time, but still he said nothing.
Taking this as her cue, apparently, Pinkie spoke up.
"Oh my gosh were you surprised, well were ya? At first, I thought I’d hold the party at Sugarcube Corner, but then I realized, that was toooo obvious. So I moved it to here and had the banner finished just in time. So were you surprised?!”
“Yes.” He let out a sigh. I really shouldn’t have been. The only two ponies who know how to make magi-mechanical parts, of course, they would know each other. He looked up at the banner, it said: Welcome to Ponyville, Feather!
How did she manage to make that so quickly?
In a whirl of motion, Pinkie had grabbed one of his hoofs and plunged him forward into the party, before he knew what was going on, he was standing in front of a lavender-colored unicorn who was smirking at Pinkie. He took a fast motion glance back at the party and noticed that everypony had started the party in earnest, eating, drinking, and playing games. That's it? This is just an everyday thing? How many parties does she throw?!
His thoughts were broken apart by Pinkie’s voice. “Okay, so this is Twilight Sparkle. She’s the town librarian and one of my very best friends!” He blinked. “She’s the one who can make the part? I have to make a good impression.” He gave his best smile which she returned. Hesitantly he brought up his right hoof to shake hers.
“Hi there Feather, welcome to Ponyville. I trust you like it so far?” All he could think of was to nod.
Snap out of it! You’re acting like a child! Well, wait...I am one and that means they expect me to act like one... He turned around and noticed the pink pony was now gone, leaving him with his thoughts and Twilight. She’s not leaving. What do I do?! I can’t just ask her about the part in the middle of a party. Ponies had started the party moving around them, but Twilight and Steel stood in a single group.
She gave him a curious glance and cleared her throat. “So, where are you from?” she questioned in a cheerful voice.
He scratched the back of his head. Why does everypony have to ask so many questions? I can’t be rude to her, but what do I do if she asks something I can’t answer?
“I’m from Manehatten,” he replied, his mouth suddenly feeling quite dry. He was genuinely trying to sound as perky as her, but it wasn’t working.
“Oh, the big city?” Twilight nodded. “That must be fun, I’m from Canterlot myself, did you and your parents move here?”
There it is, the first question about my parents. How many of these am I going to have to answer tonight? His breathing increased just slightly but not enough for her to notice. He hoped. “My father’s here on business. But he’s kind of busy right now, and couldn’t make it.” He watched the librarian for any signs of suspicion. “Good, she's still smiling. That one works every time!
“Huh?”
He heard the voice of a young filly. He didn’t notice the group of them behind him, but one of them had noticed him. It was the orange filly from the day before. She slipped away from her group and watched Feather as he talked to Twilight, listening intently to what he was saying. Which made him feel awfully nervous.
Twilight used her magic to grab a bottle of some sort of drink from a nearby table. “So, Feather, has your dad enrolled you in school yet?” She inspected the label carefully before taking a sip.
Feather’s shoulders and head drooped slightly. “Yeah, he mailed in the paperwork yesterday.”
“Oh, good.” Twilight let her drink hover for a moment and waved to somepony in the crowd. “I want you to meet somepony, then.” A pink and purple earth pony made her way over to them. She walked up and stood next to Twilight, waiting to be introduced. “Feather, this is Cheerilee. Starting Monday, she’ll be your new teacher.”
Feather’s eye twitched. Crud. He held out a hoof. “Ni- nice to meet you, Ms. Cheerilee.”
She took the hoof and gave it a little shake. “Nice to meet you too, Feather. How do you like Ponyville so far?”
Until now, I liked it fine. But now I have to leave before Monday. He kept his fake smile in place. “I haven’t really seen much of it, but it seems nice.”
“That’s good,” Cheerilee said with a smile, “I just know you’ll love it here. Would you like to meet some of your classmates?” Before he could open his mouth to say no, Cheerilee was pushing him through the party towards two fillies about his age. His eyes widened in horror as he recognized one of them. “This is Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, they’ll be in the same class as you. Say hello.”
"H-hello?” Feather gulped loudly. The filly introduced as Diamond Tiara was the filly whose house he robbed to feed himself. How many kids are in this town, and she has to introduce me to her?! Typical! He started backing away. “You know what? I’m feeling a little thirsty, I’m going to go get something to drink. Be right back.” He bumped into somepony and spun around to see who it was. He was greeted by a face full of orange and purple. “It’s you! Uh, I mean,” he glanced back at the three ponies he was backing away from, “it’s nice to meet you, I bet you’re gonna be in my class too. Well, bye!” He turned and headed towards a table loaded with bottles. He barely noticed that there were now four ponies following him.
He found an unopened bottle near the edge of the table, a green bottle with an apple on it. That looks like what Twilight was drinking, I wonder if it’s any good? He started to reach for it, but then he noticed the x’s on the label. Oh, of course. What I wouldn’t give to be older right now.
As smoothly as he could, he reached past the bottle for one of several juice boxes farther in from the edge. He couldn’t reach them. Ok, the hard stuff’s easy to get to, but they make you work for the juice? This place is messed up. With a groan, he jumped up on his hind legs, resting his front hooves on the edge of the table. He was just about to reach for a juice box when he realized his mistake. He felt his saddlebag start to slip.
He tried to catch it, but he was too slow, the bag hit the floor and one of the pockets ripped open. Broken gears and mechanical parts spilled out across the floor. Worse than that, when he looked up, he found himself face to face with five shocked ponies. He locked in place as they stared at him, his bottom lip shook as he tried to say something, anything. “S-s- st-”
“Oh, my.” Cheerilee was the first to recover. She stepped towards the frozen Feather, picking his saddlebag up from the ground and placing it back on his back. “Are you okay, Feather?”
Unfortunately, Scootaloo was the next pony to speak. “What happened to your wing?!” She stared at his right side with wide eyes, focused on the spot where there should have been a wing. There was nothing but blue fur.
Twilight quickly stepped in front of the orange filly. “I’m sorry, Feather, she didn’t mean to-”
“Stop it.” He stared at the floor. “Just stop it.” He looked up at the ponies staring at him. “Stop staring at me like that! I’m not a cripple!” Everypony stepped back. He looked back at the floor, at the broken pieces around him. “So, I’m missing a wing.” A single tear fell to the floor near his hooves. He lifted his head and stomped his hoof down on a small gear, damaging it more than it already was. “Stop treating me like a broken part! I don’t want your pity!”
He stared at them a moment longer. Looking at them, he realized that he just lost all hope of going unnoticed in this town. The sounds of the party kept anypony else from hearing, but that didn’t really matter anymore. He walked away as quickly as he could and started looking for the door.
Twilight gave an exasperated sigh and turned to glare at the orange pegasus filly. “Scootaloo! Why would you do that?” She shook her head. “Stay here and help Cheerilee pick this up.” Scootaloo opened her mouth to reply, but Twilight stopped her. “The next words out of your mouth had better be, ‘yes, ma’am.’ That was an extremely rude and hurtful thing you did to Feather.”
Scootaloo lowered her head. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Good.” Twilight’s horn lit up and an old pair of saddlebags drifted through the air towards Cheerilee. “Stick it all in there, I’m going to go see if I can find Feather.”
The teacher took hold of the bag as Twilight walked off in search of Feather. She and Scootaloo started picking up the little gears and metal pieces. After a few seconds, she felt something poke at her side.
She looked over to see Diamond Tiara looking up at her. “Ms. Cheerilee, we’ll help.”
Silver Spoon did a double-take and stared at her friend. “We will?” She looked back at Cheerilee with a nervous chuckle. “I mean, of course, we will.”
“Why, thank you, girls.” Cheerilee turned back to the task of gathering up the parts. “That will make this much easier.” She didn’t notice Diamond Tiara pick up a piece of paper from among the scattered pieces, fold it up, and stuff it behind her tiara.
Twilight waded through the sea of party guests, keeping an eye out for any sign of a blue colt. “Feather? Feather, are you there?” She didn’t find any sign of him, but she soon found plenty of pink near the snack table. “Pinkamena Diane Pie, what were you thinking?!” The party pony turned around as Twilight approached. “Or were you even thinking at all? Did you know about Feather’s wing?”
She swallowed the mouthful of treats she was chewing. “What about it? It’s a perfectly normal wing, a little large, but still normal. Or do you mean the missing one?”
Twilight blinked. “You knew?!”
Pinkie shrugged. “He seemed kind of sad earlier, so I gave him a hug. It’s kind of hard not to notice something like that.”
“What?” Twilight shook her head. “W-why didn’t you tell anypony?”
“Why would I?” Pinkie grabbed some more snacks off the table and proceeded to crunch into them noisily. “It’s not that big of a deal. He’s a bit different, so what?”
Twilight sighed and sat down. “I know, but, Pinkie, fillies and colts don’t always see it like that. Not to mention that it took everypony completely by surprise. Somepony said something to him, and it upset him.”
“Why would anypony do a mean thing like that?” Pinkie tilted her head to the side in innocent curiosity.
Twilight sighed. “It was Scootaloo, and she didn’t mean to, she just spoke without thinking. I mean, look at it from her perspective, she’s a pegasus, her wings are everything to her, and she just saw somepony who was missing one. She probably felt bad for him, but she might have also been afraid that it could happen to her too.”
Pinkie reached for another hoof full of snacks, but thought better of it and sat down instead. She put a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. “Twilight, you’re taking this personally, why?”
Twilight shook her head in surprise. “Pinkie, sometimes, you are so random that I forget you are a pony like the rest of us. But, you’re right, I am taking this personally.” Twilight lifted a hoof and looked at it. “Pinkie, have you ever heard of Navicular Syndrome?”
Pinkie chewed her lip for a moment. “It’s that thing where your toe hurts and you have to wear special horseshoes, right?”
“It’s a lot worse than that Pinkie.” Twilight held up both hooves and tapped them together at the toe. “Every step feels like the hoof is cracked, and sometimes it hurts to walk at all.”
Realization dawned on the pink pony. “So, you-”
“Yeah,” Twilight put her hooves down, “I was that pony in the funny horseshoes. I don’t have any problems with it anymore, but when I was younger, sometimes, I just couldn’t walk and had to sit where I was until somepony came and got me. The other foals just thought I was just temperamental. Hey didn’t understand that I was, for the most part, lame.”
Pinkie pulled the unicorn into a hug. “That’s why you’re always sitting down in your old pictures. That’s so sad, I’m glad you’re all better.”
Twilight returned the hug. “Thanks, Pinkie, but I- Wait, what old pictures?”
“The ones in that big, old photo album under your bed.”
Twilight pulled back from the hug. “The one in a box labeled, ‘do not touch?’”
Pinkie nodded happily. “That’s the one!”
Twilight sighed and walked off in search of Feather. “Why am I surprised? I really shouldn’t be, but I am.”
Pinkie hopped off in the other direction, towards the drink table.
Neither of them saw Feather crawl out from under the snack table. He rubbed at his face to wipe the tears from his eyes and looked back at the saddlebag he wore. It does cause problems, doesn’t it? He adjusted it so it no longer hid his wing and started walking towards the drink table. I’ll get the parts I dropped, then come back for some food.
When he approached the drink table, he saw that there were no longer any scattered parts. He also saw that everypony but Twilight was still there, with the addition of Pinkie Pie. He sighed. There’s no avoiding this, is there? He walked up to them. “Um, where is everything?”
Cheerilee jumped at the sound of his voice. “Feather! Are you ok? Twilight went to look for you.”
He nodded. “I’m fine, could you tell her she doesn’t have to search for me? I’m ok.”
Pinkie hopped forward and saluted. “Oki, doki, loki, just leave it to me!” She disappeared in a pink blur.
Feather’s nose twitched as he watched her leave, but Cheerilee ignored it completely. She took a step towards him and softened her voice. “You ran off so suddenly, we were worried that-”
“Don’t, I’m fine.” He looked at the old saddlebag on the floor. “Is that my stuff?”
Cheerilee glanced back. “Yes, but-”
Feather rushed over to the bag and hoisted it onto his back atop his other bag. “All right, I’m gonna go get some food, anypony want anything?”
Cheerilee walked over to feather and put a hoof on his shoulder. “Are you sure you’re ok? You were quite upset earlier.”
He shrugged. “I’m a kid, kids bounce back. We’re tough like that.” His stomach let out a loud growl. “Heh, heh, well, food, got to go!” He turned and started for the snack table. That was good timing. He glanced back to see if anypony was following him. He saw two fillies, one pink, one orange, both watching him with narrowed eyes. As he watched, they glanced over at each other and exchanged mean looks before storming off in opposite directions.
Feather froze in place. That can’t have been good.
Feather made a mental note to avoid those two fillies as he resumed his course towards the food. It’s too bad she didn’t throw the party yesterday, I wouldn’t have had to steal any food. Well no sense crying about it now, and I’m not about to let this go to waste.
When he reached the table, his heart skipped a beat. Food, there was too much food. He thought there could never be enough food, but this proved him wrong. He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream in joy, but most important of all he wanted to take all of the desserts and drinks he could carry and keep them for later. And that is what made him cry on the inside.
Keeping all the food I can carry for later is too obvious. Even though it wouldn’t make a dent in the amount of food here, everypony would still wonder what I needed it for. This is a nightmare! He cursed in his head, for he knew that he could only keep some of the food and the rest was to go to waste.
Out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of Pinkie Pie gorging herself on an endless supply of cake, this eased his mind as to what he was about to try. Well, if she can do it, so can I!
He grabbed a plate of cake, some juice boxes, and a few other snacks and sat down in a corner, it all tasted too good. He wanted more, he wanted to live with that pony so he could use her just for the food alone. For a moment, he felt that all of his pain and sorrow was being drowned out, for that one moment he found that he wasn’t worried about being surrounded by other ponies. That moment had to stop, he had to come to his senses, he had to snap out of it. No, no matter how much they try and help, they are still adults. I’m still in trouble here and I still need a way out!
He let out a sigh and reached for one of the juice boxes he had set down next to him. He felt something fluffy instead. He looked down to see that it was somepony’s tail, a pink, puffy one that could only belong to one pony. Great, when did she get here? He looked up at the pony sitting beside him. “Hi, Pinkie.”
“Hi, Feather.” She held a bowl in her hooves and she held it out to the colt. “Have you tried these yet?”
He looked down at the thin, red, and white wafers in the bowl. In the middle of the bowl sat a smaller bowl filled with some sort of yellow-orange goop. “What is it?”
"Chips and dip!” She took a chip, used it to scoop up some goo, and stuffed it in her mouth. “It’s good,” she said between chews, “try it.”
“If you say so.” Hesitantly, Feather picked up a chip and dipped it.
“Hey, Feather,” Pinkie’s voice didn’t hold the same cheer it did earlier, “I’m sorry about what happened, I honestly didn’t expect it to be that big of a deal. I’m sorry if it ruined the party for you.”
By it, you mean my wing, don’t you?
He let out a low sigh and bit down on the chip he held. “MMH!” He chewed it quickly, savoring the contrasting crunch and cheesy gooeyness. “Don’t worry about it, the food’s too good for anything to ruin this party.” He reached for another chip Now if only I could find a way to save some of this for later.
"Feather, I have something else to ask.” Pinkie glanced around, avoiding eye contact. “I talked to Twilight, and she said you moved to town with your dad. Did he come into town with you? Or has he lived in Ponyville before?”
Feather chewed another chip as a sense of dread loomed over him. Those are very specific questions. Does she know something? He tried his best to act casually. “Why do you ask?”
“Oh, no reason.” She looked at the nearby snack table. “Would you like to take some of the food with you? I’m pretty sure I made more than everypony can eat.”
Feather’s eyes lit up. “Yes! I mean, my dad will love it. Too bad he missed out on this.” He looked at the table. Now I can take as much as I can carry. But I have to make sure I get stuff that keeps well. And I can only take as much as I can easily move and store. He looked at the chip bowl again and took a chip. He ate it without dipping it. Ok, I’ve got to be sure to get plenty of these.
Pinkie smiled and set the bowl of chips down in front of him. Then she hopped away. She returned a few moments later with a foil bag in her mouth. She moved it to her hooves and held it up to show him. “Look what I found! You really seem to like those, so I checked and found this. Now you get to bring home a whole bag of chips!”
Feather stared at the foil pouch she held. “They come in a bag?” It was big, way too much for him to eat in a single sitting. Maybe this party wasn’t such a bad idea. By the time it’s over, I’ll have enough food to see me through the next few days. Now if I could just find a way to get around having to go to school, I won’t have to leave town so quickly. He was so absorbed in his planning that he didn’t notice Pinkie hop around to his side. As soon as he felt a tug on his saddlebag, he jumped. “No!” He spun to face Pinkie, who was still holding the bag of chips.
She looked like she had been struck. “I- I just wanted to -”
She was just trying to put the chips away. Feather gulped loudly.
“N-no, um, no need to do that? I can take care of it.” He reached out and took the bag of chips. “Thank you.” He tried to give a reassuring smile, but it came out as more of a wince. “I’m gonna go try the rest of the food you made. Bye.” He headed off for more snacks, but mostly away from any adults. The grown-ups here are CRAZY! They don’t act like they’re supposed to! As soon as I get my fill of the snack table, I’m out of here.
He sat down in front of the snack table and started grabbing each and every treat that caught his eye. He tried a little of everything, and when he found something that was dry enough to not go bad quickly, he stuffed a bit of it in his saddlebags. After a while, he saw Diamond Tiara walk past the snack table with a brown stallion in a tie.
Must be her father. Bags of bits for a cutie mark? Definitely her father.
A short while later, a yellow filly with a red bow and hair walked by with an orange mare with yellow hair. The mare had red ribbons in her mane and tail. Must be her mother, they’re dressed alike. Another filly and mare followed them. These two both had white bodies and purplish manes.
Another happy kid with her mother, do they all have to walk right by-- Oh shoot! He looked at the ponies walking by, they were all headed in the same direction, straight for the door. Each group contained at least one filly, and there were even two colts that he hadn’t noticed before. All the kids are headed home! They’re going to be suspicious if I stay! He grabbed a nearby plate of cookies and dumped them in his saddlebag before heading for the door.
He didn’t notice Twilight watching him. Another pony walked up to her. “Twilight?” She looked over to see Cheerilee with a look of concern on her face. “Is something wrong.”
Twilight sighed and looked back towards the door. “Yes? No? Maybe? I’m not really sure. Did you notice that Feather barely talked to anyone? I mean the whole reason Pinkie throws these things is to allow the new pony in town to make friends.”
“I’m sure he was just nervous, I’m sure he’ll make friends in time.” Cheerilee let out a sigh of her own. “The incident with the wing didn’t exactly help, but these things happen sometimes. I wouldn’t worry about it too much.” Cheerilee walked over to the snack table.
Twilight followed her. “I hope you’re right.”
“So do I.” The teacher looked around the table. “Wasn’t there a plate of cookies here a moment ago?”
The unicorn cast one last glance towards the door. “Yes, there was.”
Feather Steel had made it back to the clubhouse in record time. He gave a huge sigh of relief while he noticed the moon was just now coming up.
Everypony should be in bed soon, time to fix my device.
He was about to take out his belongings when he heard a faint sound outside. Curiosity got the better of him and he slowly made his way to the window. Sounds like wheels traveling on gravel or something?
He shook his head when he noticed that no one was around and turned around to grab his saddlebag. Just before he could take hold of it, the door swung open with a loud creak.
Shoot!
He slowly turned his head to see who it was that caught him in the act of trespassing. If he was lucky, it would be somebody he could talk out of calling the authorities. There, standing in the doorway, staring at him, was an orange filly with a purple mane. “Scootaloo?!”
Stats
Page generated in 0.042 seconds
Total duration
693 users online
1,154,290 hits today, 2,571,732 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Phew this took forever to get out!
Finally up!
Took us long enough
2975114
2975098 And it was worth every single word^^
Wooo!
Glad this is finally out! 
Thanks for the help on it too
2975530
A downvote and no explanation? How can this be?!
2975893
Downvotes are so stupid on this site.
Nice. I rarely see anyone ever use learned that way. If that was intended at least. Did you mean leaned away? Or more like he moved away from it as his experiences throughout his travels have made him weary of suspicious behaviors from adults? It works either way, one just might appear to be a typo to others, which it could as well been, though if intentional then well done on selling that fearful tone.
Durr, I'll stop rambling over small things now.
look like
They
Its been edited over and over and over and over silly
While that is a good point about Scootaloo's slip of the mind, keep in mind that she is a filly. 2976663
Um, nice catches and all. But anything you'd like to say about Feather? About the story? Find it odd that he knows so much for a colt or something? Anything other then grammar please?
Not to sound testy but finally someone comments and its... fixes. 2976859
This is going to cause much confusion if you don't find a way to differentiate between the saddlebags that was placed on Feather again, and still wearing as his next scene appears, with the saddlebags Twilight handed Cheerilee. Maybe make the parts he bought rip below his worn saddlebag and that bag scattered all over the floor.
Even re-reading the scenes it still comes out vague enough to appear like a contradiction in the story. Needs a slight touch up on the scene there. It might make sense for some that these are Twilight's old saddlebags, but there is no clear way of knowing up to this very point before he's given saddlebags again.
(NOTE: The above is merely my own opinion and not what I think you SHOULD do. Just how I felt during reading in which a scene appeared to jar or confuse. i.e. break me out of immersion/makes me ask distracting questions.)
forgot the i.
I think my favorite moments were the ROSE scene talking all chatterboxy like the Rose from you know where, who held onto a certain POCKET WATCH that the Doc just seemed to think 'looked nice'. And the Pinkie Pie moments. She really is great in this story. The Twilight having certain issues as a child was interesting in a good way, it was a really nice addition to her character I think. But I certainly felt a sad coming on during the last couple Pinkie Pie scenes with Feather. You certainly caught Pinkie's character here. Looking forward to where that foreshadowing leads to with the two fillies appearing to have something up their proverbial sleeves.
Overall too early to judge, but certainly a fun tale so far. And apologies as I yet to view comments or respond, I tend not to when I'm in the midst of reading.
This is a super minor point. He has two saddlebags. One for his device and one for other things. We could mention it but I fail to see how it makes the story worse if we don't.
As for your comments, THANK YOU! SOMEONE COMMENTED! I think I'm going to go jump in my pool just because!
Seriously no one ever comments anymore 
And yes, sadly a lot of things are too early to judge in this story. Even if you read up to what we have. Thought you would certainly get a better picture. 2977165
2976943 Apologies, yes, any dweeb can nitpick over minor things. But I think I did state a few things already. As for Feather, I get that he's conflicted with a lot of issues of not being able to trust adults, and he seems very overly opinionated about stuff (Quills and Sofas), not wanting to steal but wanting to let us know he's still very much doing it as a means of survival while still showing he's beginning to lean more towards the jadedness of "It's just food. It's just a few bits." and so forth.
Perhaps a bit more showing and less telling I suppose. Being reminded not to dislike him for having to do what he has to do is one thing, and yes he doesn't trust adults I get that much. But nothing really bothered me too much.
Far as him 'knowing too much' for a colt/child? I can actually relate quite well to him. It isn't hard to believe being around a father that tinkers with machines who made a wing for his son's lost appendage, would teach him how to stay safe and how it works. He's what? 8-11? Plenty of time to learn how things work. Question is how long has he been on the road? Life on the streets tends to help a child grow up faster than one would normally give them credit for. I used to build full on lego city and various other 50-100 stuff all on my own at 5 and cleared Super Mario Brothers at the age of 4. No, I don't think he knows more than he should because we're all different and mature based on the experiences we acquire.
I guess, no I don't see anything too wrong at the moment.
Funny, the first few drafts of this story, people complained I did too much telling and not enough showing
Or did you mean you want more showing? Cause if so that's just kind of my style and habit. Its not something that is going to break anytime soon I learned. But I'm glad to hear the other things! 
2977239
2977239 Hi, co-author here, you bring up a lot of good points, and I'm mentally kicking myself for not catching them before we posted.
I'll be paying more attention to the subsequent chapters to avoid things like that.
Thanks for reading though.
It is 15K words, there are bound to be mistakes
2980080
You know, I can relate to this story. He has to finish his wing to make everything right, but when he finishes the wing, what will he do? Overall, a great story so far!
you might want just want to make the thoughts separate from the paragraphs, like
Wordswordswordswords
Thoughtsthoughtsthoughts
Wordswordswordswordswords
Wordswordswordswordswords
Meh. Technically speaking having thoughts inside " and " is not grammatically incorrect. We didn't feel like our paragraphs were that long. Does it just read confusing to you? As for what he has planned ot do... seems like nuffin huh? 2980201
Who said they didn't have electronics?
That's kind of up to debate. Also who said it runs on electricity? 
I guess you didn't technically but seems to be what you are implying lol. 2980909
This is really good so far! You've alluded to several things, all of which I'm quite curious about. Was Feather born with one wing, or did it happen in an accident? Is he really from Manehattan? His dad appears to be dead, but no mention has been made of his mom. Did she die when he was too young to remember? Did she leave? Augh!!! I want to know!!! Can't wait for the next installment, hopefully more will be explained!
2980909
Wish I had a flying leg...
Glad I got someone hooked. You will find out most of those things eventually
But yes he is really from Manehattan btw, figured that is harmless to reveal. 2981534
Took me awhile to figure it out
I shall add this to "Read Later" considering how badass the OC looks.
I think that's how Spike's Nameless Brother ended up eventually becoming popular heh. I'll take what I can get though
2982053
Good story with an original plot! Love it!
Thank you!
2982172
I really, really, really, REALLY Need MOAR!!
Even though the next chapter is ready and even though I really want to release it now... I can't. We don't want to run out of chapters before the authors have finished making it. 2982573
2977223
It helps the audience to understand what you're saying, for one thing.
I may not have noticed all the details, but it seems as if Twilight gave Feather's saddlebags to Cheerilee, and then he had them again in the next scene.
Actually this was something my coauthor wrote and I forgot about. It was actually Twilight's saddlebag. I could change it, but just seems like nitpicking to me.. 2982830
The aspect that I find most fascinating about this story is one of the key aspects I enjoy about fiction in general: viewing a developed world that one has come to know and adore from a different perspective. Having a character go through a bit of culture shock can go a long way in driving a story forward and making for an interesting narrative. Normally, I find this element on FimFiction in stories where a human comes to Equestria or a pony travels through time. However, your story manages to incorporate this theme through the mind of a member of the same species of the same time period, and it works because the life he lived before clearly differs from the one we're familiar with from the show.
Unless I've misread something, I believe our main character's name matches the title, Feather Steel. He's an immature, mechanically-inclined loner from Manehattan who could power the invention that he obsessively wants to make functional with his undying cynicism if he could properly convert it. However, since he can't and the machine breaks down anyway, he has to find the replacement parts to fix it.
This is a good start. He has a definite goal, and we understand why he wants to complete it. We also have a potential scenario for failure in the form of the authorities catching him if his identity becomes known. This potential failure also adds a bit of mystery to the story since it hasn't yet been revealed if he's just delusional about the authorities or if he's actually wanted for a crime.
Conflict comes from two distinct areas: the friendly citizens of Ponyville and Feather's own distrust. Since they think he's just a new colt in town, he has to play that role while hiding his desire to grab his parts, maybe get some food, and leave in the dead of night without a word. Meanwhile, his paranoia that anyone and everyone is out to turn him in causes him to slip out of his innocent front at times, which he doesn't even seem to realize damages his ability to blend in more than anything else.
Now for the part where the true potential of this story comes in. We see this world and this story through the point of view of Feather and all his internal conflict, yet most people reading this story have an in-depth understanding of the world he's stepped into, i.e. Ponyville. You have a treasure trove of dramatic irony stashed away behind the scenes without doing anything more than creating Feather's character. The way I see it, the potential you have there is what really makes this story worth the read. Diamond Tiara's a little extra motivation.
Grammatically speaking, I noticed you have a tendency to comma splice. It's a little thing, but the fact that it recurs so much drew my attention to it.
You can divide each of these quotes into two independent sentences, but a comma is all that separates them where there should be a period or an additional conjunction. It's an easy fix. I just thought I'd make you aware for future reference.
From what I've seen, the biggest flaw, at least in my eyes, was the sudden shift in focus matter that took place during the second chapter. We have this sole focus on Feather trying not to get his secret exposed and get through this party, and then suddenly we have this big detour about disabilities. This in itself wouldn't be too jarring if not for the fact that we've spent the entire prologue and first few chapters inside Feather's head and he's made no reference to thinking like this about his handicap outside of regretting that he was unable to fly. At first, I thought his freak out was part of a ruse to leave the party without causing suspicion, but then we find him crying and hiding under the snack table. Even so, his thoughts revert back to his focus on survival and his parts almost immediately, as if he really didn't care that much to begin with, and he receives no words of comfort afterwards other than an apology. The issue itself felt like something very fitting to this story, but the significance it was given compared to how much it affected the plot made it really seem like an issue that should have been saved for later or at least led to some substantial character or story development.
I don't like to harp on specific quotes, but this one hurt.
After you told us that Pinkie was the one who could fix his part, the irony tapped us on the shoulder and we noticed it. This quote was the equivalent of the irony writing its name across a sledgehammer and driving it into our skulls after it already got our attention. Just as a friendly suggestion, you might want to add a bit of subtlety to this line.
Good luck with your future ideas. I'll be standing by to see where you go from here. Let me know if you want some feedback on something specifically.
Make the most!
It's hard to find a good story like this.
Truely a great story, and not many of it's quality either. I can't wait for more of it!
This is amazeing. the wrighting and style is defently now one of my faverits. and the story is just such a new and unique idea, witch is hard to find now a days. and charcters are spot on. I liked the non timelourd doctor with the fob watch, i kinda want to see more of him because the idea to add the fob watch in like that so its not the 'doctor' its time turne, its prefect. but i also dont want the stort to be about him and want it to foces on feather. but i do want to see more of time turner and about the fob watch just not this story.
i love it!
keep up the good work!
i might actually give this story a try. I usually don't read stories at all! But mechanical wing? Interesting. I had a story with a pony having a mechanical wing
Where were you on all of my stories when I published? Seriously amazing comment! 24.media.tumblr.com/dd039c8badd010d04404cee1ce9a971a/tumblr_mkv1o7CjXG1s0sz7go2_1280.png 2983415
Thank you everyone! And I know Metal Pony Fan appreciates it too!
2984419 2983894 2983822 2983820 2983422
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw8502-1352369117665488.jpg Also I'm not calling you a bitch I just found the picture funny, sorry. 2985247
Absolutely hooked with this story! I can't wait until you release the rest of the story!
Ahm hooked. Must have more.
Favorited, waiting for more.
I'm surprised to say that I enjoy the hell outta' this.
Sometimes Feather's emotions/thoughts make me feel like the situation has escalated really quickly... but, considering that he's supposed to be pretty young, I guess that could be intentional. Young folk are pretty temperamental. If it's not intended, though, it might be better to add a bit more build-up to emotional outbursts, like the whole 'Cripple' episode. It seemed like only a few seconds passed, and he was suddenly shouting.
But, at the same time, something like a disfiguring/crippling injury could be quite a sore spot, so once again- it might've been intentional, and if it was, well done. Just giving an opinion.
Not to sound like a jerk but:
I think he made it pretty clear
The reason it is not clear in the prologue is because it is supposed to be from his perspective. Why would he think about his missing wing or mention it even?
Oh also fun fact: The original prologue's I had written out revealed far too much information about him. Including some secrets that none of you know yet so yeah. 2986681
AH yes this scene. Metal Pony Fan wrote this part I believe and I do stand by it. I liked what he did and if you look at it from Feather's perspective it makes a whole lot of sense. Sure Feather is supposed to be this stoic pony (at least it is safer to be that way in his unique situation or risk unwanted attention) but he was at a party. He was on edge already for one. Two, he is a child. Children can fly off the handle at the drop of a hat, I know I did when I was his age. Factor in the fact that he has not spoken to ponies in at least two days and you have a recipe for disaster. 2986784
Well yes, but man that made me laugh. You think he is cynical?! Check him out: True Sight one of my other stories
2987561