Chapter 58: Surprises for My Dad
A/N
Thank you all, my readers, for keeping me motivated to write this story, now onto chapter 58.
End A/N
Aceiro's POV
As Fe and I hurried down the hallway and towards my dad's room, I felt something staring at my back. I stopped in my tracks and looked back the way we just came from and saw nothing but door-filled hallway, but I couldn't shake off the feeling as if I am being stared at, "hurry up Aceiro," Fe called back, shaking me out of my wondering state.
"Oh sorry," I apologized. I quickly took off and caught up to Fe just as she stopped at a door.
"What was all that about?" Fe asked as I was calming my breathing.
"Sorry, I got a weird feeling like I am being watched," I explained the cause for me stopping in the middle of the hallway.
"There's nopony there," Fe stated.
"I know," having the same opinion as her, "that was the odd part," I looked back down the hallway and didn't get any odd feeling, "well anyway the feeling is gone, let's go inside, my dad has waited enough," I pointed out.
"Then why are we still waiting out here?" Fe pointed out. Fe reached out and opened the door E-one hundred fifty and walked inside, but as I was about follow her inside I felt a sudden pain in my chest, causing me to grasp it and feeling my breathing became labored, but just as soon as the pain appeared, it went away, ok what was that, heartburn?
"Hello," I head Fe call out, "anypony here- oh sweet Celestia," I heard Fe cried out in alarm.
I put aside the odd feeling and rushed inside the room and there I saw Fe lying on the ground, "Fe what's wrong, what happened, are you okay?" I panicky asked as rushed to her side, worried for wellbeing.
When I saw Fe blindly reach out towards me with her hoof I let out a sigh of relief, but when Fe's blind hoof found my neck, she forcibly yanked me to the floor with her and hissed to me, "what are you doing? Bow down."
"Huh? Why?" I asked her and her answer was to point forward. I looked up and saw what made Fe to cry out "sweet Celestia", for there standing by the bed that it is being occupied by my dad, was Princess Celestia, "holy guacamole," I said shocked at her appearance, which caused the sun princess to smile and giggle.
"Please raise, there is no need for you two to bow to me here," Princess Celestia told us as she walked away from my dad's bed and towards us, "and to tell you the truth, it is seriously getting old and trust me I know old," she added with a wink as Fe and I stood up and then I realized something, did she just make a… joke?
I quickly shook that thought away and turn my attention to the solar being in front of me and Fe, "Princess Celestia, um no offense or anything, but why in Equestria are you here?" I asked her, and was rewarded with an elbow into my side from Fe. I looked towards Fe and saw that she is giving me a glaring look, "what?"
"What? What?" Fe said disbelieved, "you just asked why one of the royal sisters is doing here, like you are close friends," the sound of a throat being cleared stopped Fe from saying anything more and caused her to look towards Celestia with an embarrassed look, "oh sorry your highness," she apologized with another bow.
"That's okay," Celestia reassured her, "but let me tell you though my little pony, I say that Aceiro is one of my friends, for he and his other friends have helped me to… teach, some manners into my nephew Blueblood," she said with a wink towards me, reminding me what I did to Blueblood, I hope they were able to fix the table. As if she read my mind she added, "And don't worry, they were able to fix the table."
"Well that is great to know, but can you tell us why you are here?" I asked her casually as Fe recovered from her bow.
"Well you see, the reason I am here is because I making sure that your father is doing fine and keeping him company while you two arrived, which may I ask, what took you to so long?"
"Well, we had to make an unexpected trip to meet somepony to help them," I explained, "but we got it taken care of them," I added.
"Oh, then that's alright," Celestia said, "and you see there's another reason I am here as well."
"What's the other reason?" I questioned.
"She is offering me a job," my spoke up, reminding me that he's the cause we are here today, I looked towards where I heard him and saw that he's getting out of the bed walking towards us.
I guess he's finally able to walk properly like a pony, I thought and then what my dad said sunk in, "wait a minute, a job?" I asked towards Celestia.
"Of course, you see our last accountant quit after he saw all the damage costs from all of those attacks that happened in Canterlot," she explained and then she grew grim, "all of those papers, so many papers," she shuddered and shook herself out of her funk, "so anyway, when I found out that Numeral is an accountant, I came over and see if he'll accept the offer for the accounting position."
"Which I have to it surprised me, I mean the ruler of the land is giving me a job, I was overwhelmed, "he confessed. He then turn towards Celestia revealing an X as his cutie mark, dummy that's a numeral symbol of ten, "but I have your answer now, I decided to take you up on your offer, after all I am good account."
"Excellent then," Celestia happily said, "I will just pass the burden- ah I mean, get you acquainted with your job tomorrow, so come to the castle," and with that she turn to Fe and I and added, "now I have a lot of things to do before sunset, so I must leave you three so you alone, see you all on another day," and with that she walked past us and walked out of the door.
After a few seconds of silence my dad spoke up, "well aside from the document-feared ruler and giving me a job, it is good to see you Aceiro," my dad happily said as he embraced me into a hug.
"Good to see you too as well," I greeted back, "and seeing you that you are completely alright now."
We both broke the hug and then he noticed Fe standing next to me, "and who is this lovely lady?" he asked as he took a step forward and putting out a hoof, which Fe retaliated by taking a step backwards, making my dad raised a questioning eyebrow, "what's wrong?"
"My name is Fe and sorry sir, but it is nothing personal, it is in my culture to not make contact with others, and the only way to gain the personal closeness of the pony from our cultural is that they must have complete trust and faith in the one they love," she explained to my dad.
"That's quite a culture, wait a minute, but you made contact with my son," he said as he pointed to me and then to Fe, "so does that mean…"
"Yes, I love him and his marefriend as well," she confirmed, she then proceeded to give me a hug-tackle, which caused the metal wings to cling together, making the chiming sound and revealing them to my dad as well.
"Wow, how did this happen?"
"Well it all started when I was being picked on a gang of dragons…" Fe then told him what happened when I found her, "and we have been seeing each other since, but without making contact you know, but after an accident I found that I have feeling for him when I worried for him."
My dad looks towards me, "it sounds like you had quite an adventure, but what happened? Because the last time I saw you, you didn't have wings and what is also with up those tattoos?" he asked as he pointed to the black and white markings on my arm.
Oh boy, this is going to take a while, "Well, as Fe said I was in an accident due to a dragon attack while we were testing out an experimental pair of wings, the fire from the dragon burned the wings into my body, which then my body integrated them into itself."
"That sounds painful," my dad said with a worried tone, "But if you are out and walking about, then I guess that means you are alright, but what about those markings?" he repeated.
"Well there are some things you should know first though..." I started, and then I told him what happened to me from our last visit to the Canterlot wedding and to what we did before we came here, leaving out the crazy day of when the mares in Ponyville went nuts with heat, "and that's what happened to me so far," I finish my story to my dad.
"Wow so you help save this land that is some adventure, for I would never have thought that my son would accomplish feats like those, your mom would be so proud," he said with a happy sad look, "you are just like her, helping others and accomplishing goals like she did, but her greatest accomplish was you."
"Wow," Fe said impressed, "your mom sounds amazing, is there any way I am to meet your mom?" she asked unaware of what she said. Fe saw our sad looks and then she understood the meaning in what my dad said, "wait, would, did, those are past-tense… oh sorry, I didn't know," she apologized as she understood that my mom isn't with us anymore.
"That's ok Fe," my dad said reassuringly, "it is just that she was a great mother and wife to the both of us, sigh, I still miss her occasionally, but don't worry, we both have gotten over it so don't fret over it," he said to her with a smile.
"Well I am still sorry for reminding you," Fe repeated, "so what are you going to do now?"
"Well I don't have to worry about finding a job anymore," he thought it over, "but I do have to find a place to live now though."
Fe looked over to me and nudged me, "don't you have something to give him?" she said as she pointed towards the saddlebag, reminding me that I have something for him.
"Oh yeah, I completely forgot," I said as I took off the saddlebag, and then gave them to my dad, which caused him to drop from the unexpected weight of what's inside.
"What's in the bag?" he asked, strained as he lifted the bag off of the floor.
"Well, there are things inside the bag are going to help you get your life started," I hinted.
My dad released the latch and opened it and took a gasp at what he saw inside, "Aceiro, I can't accept this, you probably had worked a lot of hours if it is this large of amount," he complained, for filled almost to the top of the bag were bits and there resting on top of the bits was an envelope.
"It's no problem dad," I said reassuringly, "Star and Arcana pitched in as well and there is more as well."
"There's more?" my dad asked disbelieved.
"Yeah there's more," I confirmed, "look inside the envelope."
My dad complied and took out the envelope and opened it, taking out a letter. He then started to read the letter, after about a minute and he looked up from the letter, "Aceiro, this a deed to a house, how did you even get this?"
"A little gift from the Princess Celestia's sister, Princess Luna," I answered him, "don't ask me why she gave it to me, all she said was to give it to you and that you can't decline it, because it's already owned by you."
"Now that is awfully sly of a Princess," my dad pointing out that deception.
"Well she is the princess of the night," Fe whispered in my ear, causing me to grin.
"Well we have stayed long enough," I said to my dad steering away from our current conversation, "let's get you checked out of this hospital and show you the city."
"Yes let's..." my dad agreed, "because I am getting slightly sick from eating the hospital food," he explained, sticking out his tongue in antipathy.
We all walked out of the room and back to the elevator, with Fe walking on my right with my dad on my left. We soon came upon the elevator that had taken us up on this floor I then pushed the button calling the elevator and we didn't have to wait long, for the doors opened revealing the same pony from before, "what floor would you like to go to?" the operator asked us as we stepped inside.
"Lobby please," Fe responded back to him.
The operator closed the doors and brought us down to the lobby with the feeling of falling forming, we soon came to a stop and he opened the doors showing the hallway that we just came down about an hour earlier. As we were leaving the elevator we heard the elevator operator calling out to us, "thank you and have a nice day."
We all returned the saying and made our way to the front desk to check out my dad from the hospital. We reached the front desk and saw the same pony sitting there as well with a bored look on her face. When she saw us standing at the front desk she spoke up, "is there anything I can help you with?"
"Yes there is," I answered as I stepped up towards the receptionist, "I would like to check my dad out of the hospital please."
"Of course," she said, and then proceeded to reach into the space underneath the counter and pulled out another binder about the same size as the first one from before and slapped it in front of her, making a thud to be made throughout the foyer. She flipped it open to a page in the binder and pulled it out and slapped it to me, "now, would you please sign here, here, here and there," she said as she pointed to the places to sign.
I looked around for and writing utensils and saw container filled with pens to my right, I leaned over and picked one up in my mouth and moved back over the release form and started signing it, making sure not to make mistakes on it, "Aceiro can I say something to you?" Fe whispery asked as she walked up next to me.
"Uh huh," I answered with a pen-filled mouth as I moved to the next place to sign.
"Well, since I met your dad, I was wondering if I can ask you something."
"Sure, what is it?" I asked for what she wanted to ask me as I moved to the last spot to sign so my dad can get out the hospital.
"Well you see, I want you to meet my parents," when she said that, my concentration broke and the pen slipped in my mouth and went across the form and flew out of my mouth, with the results being a large slash of ink to be made from one side of the form to the other.
"Wait what?" I asked hoping that I heard wrong.
"I want you to meet my parents, because they want to know the stallion that I have complete trust in," she explained, "because I want to establish good ground with you and my parents."
"Okay that isn't so bad," I reassured myself, but I can feel the panic rising deep inside, igniting that heartburn feeling from before, I then thumped my chest and faking it into a cough until it went away, "so when is it okay to meet your parents?"
"This is excellent, and three days from now is good," she said happily as she walked away.
And then I heard my dad spoke up next to me, "there is something you should know Aceiro, when your mother wanted me to met her parents as well."
"Really," hoping for some helpful advice for Fe's parents, "what happened? Did it go alright?"
"Well…" my dad hesitantly started, "… not exactly, let's just say that it didn't end well," when he said that, I felt the burning feeling rising inside my chest, oh thanks a lot dad, that's helpful at all.
I hear a coughing sound, causing me look where the sound originated from and saw that it came from a very irked receptionist, "can you have this conversation somewhere else please, so I can have the form back please?"
When she mentioned about the form, I looked down and saw the slash across it, "can I have a new release form please?" I nervously asked her as I gave the ruined form to her. She looked at it and gave and an annoyed look, she then released a sigh and went back to the still open binder and pulled a new form out.
"And this time, try not to ruin this one," she instructed with an aggravated tone.
"I promise, I won't," I said as I reached for the container to get a new pen, but my thoughts keep turning to meeting Fe's parents, oh boy, I have a funny feeling about this, I thought as I started to resign my dad's release form.
A/N
Well, I am definitely getting back into the spirit of things, so tell me what you think in the forms of reviews, comments and questions, and also to the anonymous person on Fanfiction that left the review saying "what happened to chapter 58 to 63?" well I deleted all of the author notes and pointless pages in the story and that is what happened.
So goodbye for now, and plus thanks to those that left their thoughts behind in the comments.
End A/N
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heheh funny stuff ussually happens when you meet your girlfriends parents...*shiver*
yeah
keep it up mon!
Yay!
Well umm don't get me wrong, the story is interesting and all but I don't see EQD accepting it anytime soon, not just because of the first chapters, the latest chapters are written in almost the same rushed fashion...
Did you get yourself a proofreader? An editor perhaps? Unless you have at least one of those you can't make a story look good...
Great meet the parents story.
Sorry, about jinxing you from last time. 
976469
Honestly, I have to agree. In the shower scene, I noticed the word "stinginess", which has nothing to do with stinging, but is actually a form of stingy.
English is confusing sometimes, isn't it?
I'd ask you to get a pre-reader or an editor. Word processing programs like Microsoft Word or Open Office Writer can only check to see if a word is in the dictionary, not if you have the right word in the right place. There were also a couple places where extra words were present, like this one here:
"I will take that as a yes, and I have to say, you have some guts that if you are going to "shove my story down my throat"." The 'that' isn't necessary, and just wrecks the flow of the sentence.
Good job with the chapter, mate! Keep up the great work!
I think meeting her parents went well.
I'm sorry to disappoint you, but this story is never going to be accepted to EQD. Even if you fixed all the typos, refined your sentence structure and word choice, gave the characters appreciably different voices (they basically all sound the same except for content), improved the ratio of showing to telling (look up "show don't tell"), fixed the plot holes, improved the pacing, and made your characters less Sue-y, the story would still not be accepted. EQD has a rule specifically prohibiting this kind of story.
Note that that does not mean you shouldn't do the above things!
976469 976583 This is exactly what I've been saying!
976469 976583 I did get an editor, but something went wrong in the transferr and so he didn't get it, and I realize that my story isn't going to be accepted on the site, maybe another different story, but not this one, but they did say that it is doing well on this site.
And Kage no Brony, thanks I didn't see that mistake there, I will go and fix it.
and you 977513 I thought you weren't going to read this story any more, are you enjoying it?
.
977723 I am continuing to read it because it increases my wordcount and I do see the potential in this story. You just have to refine your technique.
977849 That is the most uplifting thing you ever said about this story, thank you.
One idea would be to build chapters upon notes. Study your story, write down major points of what you plan to do in a chapter, then one at a time, expand upon the notes, for example adding descriptions and feelings. THEN start writing it using the notes as reference.
congrats..... you dont die now!
There is nothing normal about that town. Ain't that the truth.
All nine (nearly cosmic-powered) elements in the same half-crazed location.
Nah, what could possibly happen?
978587 a lot.
952934 No big deal. No FIM stuff of mine will show up there; it's a little crowded. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png
978691 And since I just had to say it...
978785 Eeyup
976583 I just think of it as an out-of-breath teen-ager trying to explain what he's seen, and enjoy the story.
It's not like there are some worse stinkers elsewhere.
978482 That happens if he breaks Fe's heart. And he'd deserve it.
Great ch.
the only problem I found was 3 mishaps
1. getting in the taxi
2. just before the shower
3. Fe's dad threatening Aceiro
978908 What do you mean?
Your either missing words or in the case of #2, you have too many words.
1. After we both left the castle grounds, Fe flagged down a taxi for us and the told the driver her parents' address just as soon as we got in the taxi, we were then on way. the problem here is your missing the word our between the last two words.
2. "Then where do I clean myself?" I asked her, not wanting to make thing even more things worse due to the way I smell. Too many words here.
3. "but if I ever find you that you ever have hurt my little girl in anyway, You might want to replace the words 'you that' with out.
I hope this helps you
978987 Thanks for that
977723
I wouldn't give up on it, I'd just wait until you have a reliable editor, and do a complete revamp of the series to fix as many errors as you can before you try again.
978801
Yeah, I know there's a lot worse stuff out there. But when i'm trying to help find errors, I keep my standards as high as possible. For normal reading, though, I just roll with the punches, so to speak.
There goes Aceiro's first impression. Oh, and:
Once again, the comma rule applies, you have again placed a comma when there should be a dot, and didn't placed the comma where it should properly be, but you made another mistake; you 'ate' the word "never", and you forgot to capitalize. Basically, it would need to look like this: