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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hi again! Alright, the story continues to progress at a good pace and is full of anger. But the only problem that I have is that Twilight actually breaks too easily when Luna goes to see her. Anger can get the ball rolling, but hatred can last forever and it has an extreme amount of power. If Twilight truly HATED celestia then Luna would not have been able to get through to her. The saving grace is that Twilight realized she cannot go against Luna or Celestia without help and could just have put a dam in front of the raging river, and it will eventually boil over. Another criticism I can give is that Twilight goes off with the intent to murder Celestia, as in plan it out, without the immense hatred I mentioned before. That hatred is the only thing in my opinion that can sustain Twilight's plan for murder. Anger is the inferno, quick and strong, but hatred is the embers, burning on and on. (Sorry about all the metaphors but they sound so cool!) The last thing is too introduce more spacing either between the words or every time someone talks. If you need an example, go look at Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven, a story which uses spacing perfectly, in my own opinion.
Now it's time for praise! This story is still in my top 25 stories on here, which is outstanding, considering how much I read. The story line is progressing fairly well with a good source of conflict. Characters are all believable and well written. Looking forward to more bad-ass Twilight, because awesome magical power + an analytical mind = Death and Destruction, which was clearly shown. Kudos to you! Keep Writing!
2328768 Thanks so much for the detailed feedback *squee* I'm aiming to give Twilight's character more depth in later chapters, but the next few chapters will be focusing more on the others from the mane six. As per Twilight's 'mission' I need to get into their heads, so the next chapter might be a little while in the making (2-3 weeks). Might take your advice and try to spread out the speaking more, as it does look cluttered atm, I'll check out the FE fic after I've posted this. Thanks for being constructive, and I can't even begin to tell you how much I appreciate my first fic being in someones top list!
Whelp, Twilight's officially gone off the deep end. At least her insanity is more believable then those "book on dark magic corrupts her" stories.
2328768 I think the name for twilight's behavior fall under the category of, "Cold Fury"
I'm honestly surprised that Discord wants to help Twilight, and even more that she accepted his offer. I mean, especially with the whole "death isn't chaotic, it's stagnant", "reformation" thing, and the fact that Twilight's friends and family will be in danger.
But the rest of the story is rather well written, so I'll write it off. I mean, let's be honest here.
Celly versus Twi, Celly versus Twi, everybody wants to see it happen, Celly versus Twi!
Welcome, Miss Sparkle....
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This is the chapter that earned this stories place in my Favorite, favorites library. For stories you just want to favorite twice.
That means I love this story enough to put it next to Fallout: Equestria, Which just so happens to be my favorite piece of literature ever. And That means I fucking love this story. I know my opinion doesn't really mean too much, but I figured you'd like it anyways.
Why the fuck did Luna strangle Twilight for telling the truth!?
I really feel for Celestia. Being a ruler means that she has to ensure the safety of her people, no matter what the personal sacrifices may be. She is willing to sacrifice her integrity and even the creatures she loves to protect her precious ponies. She had no choice and would have been condemned either way.
Also with Discord I can also understand her decision. With his incredible power the danger of him still being evil is just too great. She did what she had to. Could she have been more honest? Sure but the deed was already done.
I have some doubts about if Luna would not have done it if she knew it would kill Spike. I think she would still have done it because she know what's at stake. Saying that actually made the situation worse because it reinforced the idea that there was another choice. Twilight needs to realize that the monster was the only one at fault here.
Eh, at this point being a good pony isn't going to get revenge on Celestia for fucking your life over. Hell, why not just go to the restricted section and find necromancy books? Fuck Celestia and her natural order, you do what you want Twilight.
On this what. Like 5th time I've read this I just want to make sure I have things right. Celestia and Luna are immortal. Celestia arriving would stop calamity. Whom should have appeared underneath the castle in a giant hollow chasm cave system. Celestina's shield made it go to ponyville. She sacrificed Spike via lies of omission. And admitted that discord may not have been at fault for the griffon ambassador disaster. After jumping the gun and emotionally manipulating everyone including. Discord. to turn Discord to stone. Because a Griffon got pissy. If Calamity had appeared beneath Canterlot then Celestia and Luna could have teleported there as soon as some cantrip alarm sensing interdemensional portals coming to existence. (They knew before the portal finished opening. A.k.a. several minutes at least long enough to set up barricades and evacuate everyone.) Celestia should have set her shield to funnel calamity under her castle where she and Luna could sit in waiting to immediately toss him back. With no casualties. Because they're immortal. What I'm saying is Celestia did really bad and was stupid. She could have at least told spike he would die anyway. Then it would have been his decision. And he would have sacrificed himself and been that much cooler and heroic. But no. She stole his ability to choose. And lied. Even when she should have picked up that Twilight knew she was lying. She was found out and still lied. Even in pleading for forgiveness she lied. So yeah go Twilight show the world that Celestia is a. Dumb. Lying. Sack. Of. Shit.
Oh, I now understand the cover art, I guess. Spoile~ers.
The funny thing is that Celestia probably has the same mind set when she makes her decisions.