• Member Since 7th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Jun 27th, 2022

TwiwnB


30 years old closet brony from the center of Europe. Just happily doing my thing in my corner of the internet.

T
Source

After she has read inside a book that eating too much suagr can have some serious health consequences, Twilight puts Pinkie Pie on a strict sugar diet.
But it so happens that Pinkie Pie needs the sugar. By chance, Inkie comes to Ponyville to try and help her sister before it's too late. But to find the help she needs, she has to reveal the secret of the Pie's family which is all about Pinkie Pie.

I felt the need to write that story, even if it doesn't cover the whole subject I tried to handle in it, because I, as many others, use it very lightly in so many other stories as well as it is used for comedic purposes in the actual show. I wanted to try and show another face of it with my poor writing abilities.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 14 )

I stopped reading half way through. You narrated most of their story, you are supposed to "show, not tell". Rainbowdash acted very out of character, suddenly turning on her friend like that.

This has the idea to be turned into a featured story. it is indeed a great idea

The liker wuz here :heart:

Your story hath been liked muthufu

Ugh, I hate when this happens. Great premise, ruined by lousy writting. Actually show the conversations, don't just tell us that they happened.

1944204
Poor spelling is hardly the same thing as bad writing. The former is easily fixed by running the story through a spell checker. (Which, to his credit, it seems the author actually did) The latter, however, can only be fixed by extensive editing/rewriting.

:pinkiehappy: This is a very good story, with a plot to match, continue wrting stories like this, and dont let any-pony stand in your way! :twilightsmile::pinkiehappy::raritystarry:

I don't like to see Pinkie Pie as having problems like that, either. It at least ended on a happier note, and I am glad about that.:pinkiesmile:

1943977
1944133
So that is what is meant by "show don't tell". I thought it referred to the use of descriptions.

The thing is (and I guess it feels when reading), I'm very bad with direct dialogue, so I try to use indirect as much as I can, so I'm sure I don't blow it too hard. I already thought I had used too much direct dialogue in this story. For my part, I actually don't like when a story is mostly dialogues. I guess I should change my mind on the subject, there is something I'm doing wrong it seems.
I just need to think about it.

About Rainbow Dash, I obviously just badly described her reaction. My bad, sorry. I wanted to use her to show the fear reaction we have when confronted to real madness.

To be honest, I'm kind of conscient about the lousy writing part. I know I'm not a writer. And at first, I wanted to draw things, that would have been even worse. I only write because I feel the need to, even if I'm bad at it (as I want to learn how to fly, even if I'm sick when I do, already tried).
If someone wants to take the idea and develop it better, I would actually really like to go and read the story.

1944208
I'm too bad of a writer to handle a lot of characters. And I don't really know much about the background of Pinkie Pie's family, but what I saw in the show and some look I had on tumblr. I've spent more hours than I ever should have for ponies, but that's a part I don't know quite yet. Who is Clyde Pie? Her father?

1944858
Thanks. However, I'll try to write better stories than this one. I agree with Kitin on this one. But I just wouldn't have the time to rewrite it all. I've got to jobs and a master going on right now, so I've only got so much hours that I shouldn't have to be honest.

Still, I wonder about that "show don't tell" part. Where does it come from? Why is it so important? Maybe a cultural thing... I actually wrote entire stories without any direct dialogues that I'm pretty proud of (in french, but still).

1945723
I had too. I don't like to write bad ending when it isn't justified.
It's probably the most interesting part that we would see Pinkie Pie differently if she actually had such a background. Even more because there is the whole "Pinkamena" behind it.

1945797 People would probably be a little freaked out, or pity Pinkie Pie, when she just wants to be loved and make her friends, and us, smile. :pinkiesmile: besides Derpy, I think pinkie pie is one of my favorite ponies due to her shear randomness.:pinkiehappy:

1945845
Yes, she would probably have much more of a hard time to make us laugh if we thought that she was actually in pain everytime we look at her.
I see Pinkie Pie as the genius of the main six.

1945999
:twilightblush:, ok, now I get it. The worst is I should have known, I saw a documentary about Pacman a while ago as well as a meme about the Pie sisters having been named after those ghosts.

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