Equestria is new, freshly-made and young. No life exists, save for God. But he has a problem...
Chapters (1)
reflexrex
Joined 14th Feb, 2012 ·
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C'mon, this is Featured material! MAKE IT TO THE BOX YOU BASTARD.
Alrighty. Bear in mind that this comment has little-to-no relation to whatever rating I award this in the competition
With that in mind...
IT'S REVIEWIN' TIME
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Technical stuff and things
Pretty damn good, I feel. Spelling checks out, and grammar seems fine too. Little niggles like indenting paragraphs and semicolon usage are there, but hardly life-threatening. You somehow managed to avoid Lavender Unicorn syndrome too, despite there only being two characters. Well done
Nothing else I can add, really, so take a pone.
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[Edit from future Plum] It has since been pointed out to me that God switches between Hooves and Hands multiple times. While this could be put down to God being God, it would probably be better if it was fixed, yeah?
The bit with the story and stuff
I really don't know what to say about this. This story somehow manages to be both completely serious and utterly silly at the same time. THAT SHIT AIN'T LOGICAL.
Take "how do you impart hopes and dreams and vivacity and jealousy, all the vibrant splendour of a living being, into inanimate objects?" That's pretty deep, dude. Then you've got God sitting in a hut and crying for a month straight.
I honestly don't know what to think about that.
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Putting all the oddly hilarious happenings to one side, this would fit really well as an origin story. All you'd need to do is swap some of the words out with things like "His wisdom" and stick some phrases like "And the Lord wept" then it really wouldn't look out of place in a religious text.
General Doohickeys
First thing's first. God's name. "Byerley Godolphin"
It's really, really funny. I feel bad for laughing, but that name just sounds so silly I can't help but giggle.
And what's worse is I know why you called him that. Byerley Turk and Godolphin both being famous racehorses, so the name kinda makes sense.
But it doesn't help stop the giggles.
The little bundle of life is an odd one. I don't think it's appearance is described at any point, so I'm alternating between imagining it as a baby bird and baby Applejack. I'm not sure which is cuter.
Overall hoojamaflips
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This story is legitimately brilliant. Denouttaden.
Can't wait to read more.
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(I would've posted more, but I'm struggling to think of anything else I can say about this fic)
~ScreenedPlum, WRITE’s Drunk Demoman
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This was a nice, short little tale. Well done.
Ok. I like this. Was quite the brain scratcher, in my eye.
Will you be doing more of this? Or was it a one shot?
~Skeeter The Lurker
2787490 I'd like to do more of it. Whether I have the time remains to be seen. Tbh, I had a story arc planned out for this whole thing, but who knows what will happen? As I said, much of my time is not my own these days, but I'll try to get some more done when I can ;)