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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Great story. It was short and sweet with the right amount of comedy. Loved it.
Pretty good. One suggestion: the wheeze and gasp need some sort of denotation, such as *wheeze*, to that you know it's an action and not just another word.
Asides that though, I enjoyed it much, and I wish you'd continue it. You have a really good plot premise here if ever you want to make a full story.
1939963 Fixed that up, dunno how it slipped through. As for a full story... previous attempts have shown me that that's not the best idea. I tend to leave readers on a cliff.
Baby Come Back, the coat, playing a song at the window holding the player over her head...classic indeed, well played.
Thought you happy ending was just fine. This was a nice short story to kill a few minutes.
This story is sweet, getting Tavi angry to calm her down is an unorthodox method but sweet in it's own way. Thanks for writing this, I very much enjoyed reading it.
oops, said sweet twice
That was a nice story to break off to. I'm surprised by the feelings you managed to generate within a single page story, one with no background to it as well. I thought your writing techniques were very good and the only thing this story needs is another chapter :D