The Cake twins are on a mission to get their Cutie Marks, and they're out to get the help of some of the coolest ponies in Ponyville. Unfortunately, they also have to deal with the antics of the lamest pony in Ponyville. It's hard to imagine a pony less cool than the party-obsessed pony whose only ambition in life is to someday take over their parents' bakery.
But as when they unexpectedly run into some very famous ponies and learn a bit about their town's history, they learn that there might be more to their old foalsitter than meets the eye.
Chapters (12)
Wow. A complete story, no loose ends, all released at the same time. It mimics the feel and pacing of the Cutie Mark Chronicles episode, but blows it out of the water.
Can't wait for your next story!
lol
Congratulations! Your first fic and it was this good? You, my friend have some untapped potential, just like Sweetie Belle.
One thing though: What happened to Twilight?
I am I just really oblivious and missed something, or I am i just supposed to guess as to why Twilight fell into the river and as a result needed a leg to be amputated?
Other than that though, this was a great story, and I want to see more from you in the future.
Oh, my.
fluttershy?
but i thought i was applejack getting-....
wait...
I'VE BEEN DUPED!!!!
anyways, i be enjoying this so far, the next chapter sounds...interesting
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
you, i like you
okay, so this is now officially the funniest chapter i have ever read in any story (and i've read hitchhikers guide to the galaxy)
kudos to you sir, kudos
First!
and only...
I love this chapter no doubt.
The Pinkie Rainbow Dash story was the highlight of this story along with the aftermath of that event. It is amazing but oddly fitting that the twins do not know how amazing Pinkie is considering that they live with her. Even the most exotic things look mundane if they are around all the time.
Also I may need to reread it but I am guessing the storm that cost Twilight her leg and is the basis for the most if not all the CUtie Mark cCrusader cutie marks is Rainbow Dash's storm thus making a connecting event similar to the sonic rainboom?
To be fair on spitfire, to be fair
You can win lots of awards in the high school science fair, and go all the way to nationals, but that won't get you further than into the class. Once your in, you have to prove yourself again, and not just expect to ride out old accomplishments.
You could even be the president's son. But those things don't matter unless you can prove IN THE BOOTCAMP that your a professional or educated or whatnot.
This is especially true for military careers. You could be a former seal team member rejoining the army, a recruit, or may have once been the best, or the smartest, but if you grow complacent in gun safety, you could still get someone killed with your stupidity. Or, if you can't remember how your gun fits together or how to respond to a particular situation, clearly your not cut out to be a military leader even if you went to a fancy college.
Let's look at the wonderbolt acadamy episode where ld came from: Rainbow Dash is known for her stunts, but what has she proved in the academy? We know she wouldn't immediately crack under verbal pressure, and is very good at in-flight orientation. Meanwhile, Lightning also doesn't crack under verbal pressure, shows to be very adept at in-flight orientation, and also pushes herself to her limits even when no outside benefits present themselves. That last bit is important: It means she'll keep straining to be the best without outside motivations. If you have a great flier who only does her best when his or her career's on the line, your going to wind up with a slacker after he or she makes the job.
and if Spitfire IS a drill-sergeant she can't go against the brass, whether she wanted to or not on there decision.
1940048
STIGGERZZ AND VINYL SCRATCH TO THE RESCUE!!!!!!
ahhh, i love pulling that knock knock joke on peeps
really likin' the story, i'm just annoyed we're drawing ever closer to chapter 12. oh well, all good things must come to an end i guess
1940803 vinyl and i disagree, chapter 4 all the way
*thinks back to the iron-pony competition*
1935490 allow me *ahem*
twilight was out helping everypony get out of the storm, keep stuff from getting smashed etc. etc.
while she was out there, in the darkness she trips on a rock or a tree root or something (you decide)
she stumbles down the river bank, at the same time she smacks her head on a rock (hence the unconciousness)
while she's lying the the river, a tree get's struck by lightning and collapses onto her leg, before floating down the river (the wind made it roll into a deeper part of the river than what she was in)
the resulting damage from the tree-on-leg action was too bad to fix, so the doctors were forced to amputate
yes it's brief, but its be best i can manage at 10:30pm, hope this is helpfull
(this can also be for the benefit of everypony else who might be in the same predicament as JZ1)
1942060
WUB A DUB DUB MOTHERBUCKER
XD this chapter is really funny!
I'm enjoying this so far.
50 rage points awarded to the troll
I noticed there were no comments on this first bit, so I thought I'd add something, having really liked the first two sections of this story (and hopefully the rest).
What stands out the most for me is how well you capture Pinkie's voice and tone and general style of doing things. She is grown up a bit, but still the same. So many of the stories here lean on the humor and 4th wall antics instead of actually writing her with a voice and tone that sound like Pinkie.
And since Pinkie is best pony, you deserve a thumb and a comment.
Fluttershy's characterization
seems a bit off here, I'm not sure I can explain just what it is, but it doesn't ring as true as some of the other characters.
The dialogue as written does pay off hansomely for your epic chapter 4 though.
I really like how Rainbow Dash is about 20% less cool in her introduction when viewed through the eyes of Pumpkin. It really
humanizesponyizes? her. Fun to see her through a POV that doesn't already know all about her better qualities.Nice, but I was expecting a tad more detail after the point where she reaches her rescuee. The buildup was great, but it was over so suddenly.
Needs more Scootabuse.
I really liked this story, much better than many of the stories I've read on here that deal with the future of the mane 6.
Every bit was enjoyable, although I tried to comment when any thought, good or bad, occured to me. This story is definitely worthy of more praise and views.
I'd be hard-pressed to pick any particular weak point of the story, but a few chapters stood out as being particularly good.
Chapters 2, and 10 are about tied for best chapter. And chapter 4 of course.
Chapter 10 probably had very slightly more of an emotional punch, and was improved by being fit into this larger story, but I think Chapter 2 might have been the bigger acomplishment, given that the subject matter is more unique and IMO more difficult to write about well. Chapter 2 is what sold me on reading this story all the way through to the finish, and is definitely the most memorable section.
As to tags, for the character tags, I think using Rainbow Dash and Pinkie instead of the Mane 6 would make more sense, as we barely see any of Rarity, Applejack, and Fluttershy, while Twilight isn't really central to the story. The CMC are obviously the most important characters aside from Pound and Pumpkin, so I think RD, Pinkie, CMC, Other is the correct set of character tags, but obviously that's subjective. I don't think the way you have it is bad or anything.
For the genre tags, I think Slice of Life on its own might be enough. It is certainly that, and it really isn't anything else. The story didn't inspire much sadness in me or explore sadness that much until the very end, I'm not sure it really needs the Sad tag.
Great job
I love how unusually nervous Flutters is getting...its adorable!
Great job on your first outing in a fanfic. This was brillantly written from start to finish
it's a nice attempt,but I think it flanderizes the mane 6 a bit to much
Really dug this one, thumbs up for sure.
1941246
That was a very well-thought out comment. Kudos.
I don't agree with the last paragraph. Lightning dust was reckless and would have seriously injured, perhaps killed, many ponies if it wasn't a show geared towards children.
I will also take this time to comment on the similarity of LD's and SF's hair.
I think Fluttershy as the nervous bride is amazing. Not sure about that last line of dialogue, though. She's not really the type to put her own problems above anyone else's.
To Make A Long Story Short...
But, again, there's a boundary between being nervous and being hostile to attempts to calm you down, and Fluttershy keeps crossing it, which isn't a very Fluttershy thing to do. The problems she really fixates on tend to be ones that affect other ponies or creatures; if she's the only one worrying about something she's more likely to stay quiet about it.
You think you're funny but you're not. :D
The fuck did I just read?
Da fuq? Why does this not have more views & faves?
Man, there is nothing about this chapter that I do not enjoy.
The deep look into Apple Bloom's head, including her perspective on Adults and Big Ponies.
Fluttershy in huge trouble but largely disregarding it because no one was hurt and it's just things and they're just hers.
Fluttermac- not just out of nowhere but with a foundation in previous story elements.
Big Mac is good with words.
Taking the usual trope of "the natural disaster that pulls the community together" and flipping it on its head by reminding us that storms don't just happen in Equestria.
All great.
The previous commenter makes a good point- if all Scootaloo has to do is yell for help once she reaches Twilight, that kind of negates the importance of her getting to that side of the river in the first place. Why couldn't she just yell from her side until someone on the other side heard, and then directed them to help Twilight? I mean, I can believe that she didn't think of that, and felt she had to get across herself, but the implication that it could've been that easy really deflates the sense of tension the reader had earlier as a result of thinking Scoots has to get there herself.
The subject of the first clause should be "Her broken scooter and she", or probably "She and her broken scooter". A good rule for compound noun phrases like this is to write each individual noun as though it were the only one, and then just put them together with the "and". For example, "Her broken scooter rocketed off the small rise" makes sense, so that one's fine. "Her rocketed off the small rise" doesn't, though, so it should be "she", as in "She rocketed off the small rise", which sounds better.
I loved it. You sir write one of the most accurate Pinkie Pies I have ever read.
Also, that knock knock joke is the greatest thing ever.
For putting a very big smile in your face, I'm quite happy to award you this week's installment of my blog's saturday showcase. Ding!
Well now I'm curious about what Rarity learned.
I like that Rainbow Dash is ultimately responsible for another generation of ponies getting their cutie marks, though in a very different way than the episode for which this story is named.
Also you just completely nailed Pinkie Pie here. Her voice, her motivations, everything. This is damn good character drama. I particularly like her reactions when Dash starts saying really terrible stuff- she doesn't freak out or get depressed/repressive or even misunderstand in a cheerful way; she processes what's going on and reacts to it while completely remaining her optimistic, endlessly peppy self. Too many people jump to one of those other reactions the moment things get seriously bad for her, and frankly it comes off as more a caricature of Pinkie Pie than what she's actually like.
1942125 She learned her lesson.
Damn. This is good. I'm not sure what to say about it, honestly. More good character moments.
Best
Chapter
Ever
The characters are spot-on, the plotline sounds fun and interesting, and the writing is solid. I noticed a typo here and there, but nothing major. I look forward to reading more!
A nice interpretation of Sweetie Belle's cutie mark story.
This is amazing, yet I only have one question: why is it under the 'sad' tag?
Fluttershy is best story teller
Damnit I'm loving this story so far, lets hope it stays that way for the rest. Loving this cutie mark story.
If this keeps up I may have to follow you.
I really enjoyed this, but I'm kinda annoyed at the whole RD storm thing. I just don't see that happening. Try to tackle a storm by herself out of frustration, sure. Make one over Ponyville to do so, nah.
Everything else though was handled really well, good job for a first work.
How? How did it take me this long to find your fics? This is brilliant, this is art, this is better than almost anything I've seen from this site and even the show. You sir, are the very definition of incredible.
I don't believe that RD would do something so stupid. Yes his dreams were smashed but she would never do something that would possibly harm Ponyville. And it's RD where we talking about, the bearer of the Element of Loyalty. Yes she does stupid things but I would never believe she would do something this stupid.
But the CMC stories are good, even if Scoot's story is less epic than I expected...
sounds like my brothers stories