• Published 10th Jan 2013
  • 4,587 Views, 673 Comments

Buck My Life - JasontheDemon



Yes, I am a brony... the rare kind that DOESN'T WANT TO BE STUCK IN EQUESTRIA! This story is one about me, my life, and my overwhelming desire to return back to where I belong. But the longer I stay, the more my resolve weakens.

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My Kingdom Come...

My Kingdom Come...

I found myself floating in a black void with no warmth or cold. It felt like I was just kind of floating in some water. There was a sensation of flowing movement but it was slight and seemed to compensate for each push and pull to put me right back in the same spot. It was quite odd but then again when is being dead not a little bit strange? I had no idea what was going to happen next or even if something else was going to happen. For all I knew this could just be where I was stuck from now on, although that would be a very anticlimactic afterlife to say the least. I believed that I did the right thing but I was still heartbroken over losing Twilight. Why did she try to rescue me? Why did she have to try to be the hero? I already missed her and wanted to hear her voice one last time, even if it meant listening to her lecture me on treating Spike better, I just didn’t care anymore.


In hindsight, what happened was a complete tragedy. Twilight was dead, Discord was banished to the far reaches of space never to return... and me? I was drifting through purgatory or something after sacrificing my life, and for what? To save Celestia's rear end from another disaster? I couldn’t be too mad at her though, she did what she could to try and keep her kingdom safe and happy (and honestly she did a much better job than our worlds leaders). I just wish I could have gone back in time and stopped myself from trusting that draconequus bastard. I was a fool for believing him... it was like I was too stupid to know I was selling my soul to the devil.


Why was it that I couldn’t just be happy with where I was? Why did I have to be angry at those who only wanted to be my friends? Why didn’t I just count myself lucky to be with them? Celestia was right... I was lonely but I was too stubborn to accept it. She was actually right about many things now that I thought about it. She was right about Twilight caring about me, she was right about my connection to my emotions still being intact and dying to get out... and she was right about how I refused to give into them. They were never lost, I was just holding them back with a huge wall of my personal bullcrap. It seemed that Celestia actually knew more about me than I knew about myself, and I only saw her as a careless ruler who thought the lives of those around her were unimportant due to her position. I was such a jerk to everyone...


At that moment I did something I had never really done before... I prayed. I didn’t know who I was praying to or why I resorted to it. I just felt like I had done so much wrong and I wanted a second chance to make things right that I was ready to do anything. I wanted to apologize for everything I had done. I wanted to let Pinkie know I was her friend even if I acted like I couldn’t stand to be around her. I wanted to console Fluttershy since I banished Discord, I wanted to thank Rarity for all her help and kindness because I know I didn’t show her nearly enough. I wanted to tell Rainbow Dash to keep an eye on Gilda now that I was gone. I wanted to give Applejack a few more pointers to help her on the farm since she had a family to take care of. Heck, I even wanted to say sorry for calling Spike ‘mailbox’. Most of all though... I wanted to apologize to Princess Celestia for not trusting her when I should have.


Suddenly I felt an intense pain go from my chest and quickly surge through the rest of my body. I felt myself rise a little bit and then the pain struck again. I didn’t know what it was but it was enough to blur my thoughts and make it hard to focus. The next thing I know, it feels like I’m holding my breath, I gasp for air and see a bright light with the angel from before. As my vision begins to come into focus, I squint, noticing that the angel looks very familiar.

Then it hits me, “Celestia...?”, I say noticing that my voice sounds raspy and drained of energy.


My vision comes completely into focus and I can see her smiling warmly at me, “Welcome back to the land of the living. You had us scared there for a while...” I look around and see that I’m back in the Canterlot castle recovery room, just like before when I woke up from my fight with Discord's summoned dragon. “You know you shouldn’t be so reckless, but I suppose that’s who you are deep down and I can’t change that.”


I look down and thought back to why I was so reckless in the first place, “You shouldn’t have saved me... I don’t deserve to live anymore. Not after what I did.”


Celestia stomped her foot and quickly stood, looking down at me as she said, “Silence! You did far more than what I believed was possible for anypony in your position! You not only broke yourself free from Discords hold over you, you also took it upon yourself to right your wrongs and stop him, saving all of Equestria in the process!”. Celestia took a deep breath and calmed herself before continuing, “Do you recall when you asked me if I believed in fate? Well I thought long and hard about it and I have come to an answer... I do believe in fate. I also believe that you were brought here for a reason greater than even Discord could have realized. I do not yet know of your true purpose in this world but I know your journey does not end here... there are too many that still care for you.”


“Who could possibly care about me after this?” I asked, a tone of sadness and regret clear in my words..


“Well believe it or not, everypony you have come in contact with. I wasn’t even the one to revive you... that honor belongs to Rainbow Dash. She will try to avoid the truth and say she was merely trying to desecrate your body, but she shocked you with a thunder cloud twice and that is what kept you alive. All five of the other elements were there at your side and they all had tears in their eyes. I felt that they were needed but by the time I informed them on what happened and brought to the citadel of chaos... the battle was already over.”


“Yes... but at what cost? Was the life I took really justified? Am I really worthy to live after that?” I asked looking at her, hoping that she could somehow help me see some light (since she was the one who rose the sun and all).


She looked at me with deep confusion. “I thought you were aware that Discord was still alive.”


Was she serious? Twilight was dead and she was pulling the whole clueless routine?! She decided to do this now?! “I WASN’T TALKING ABOUT THAT BASTARD!” I snapped, furious at her disrespect of her dead student.


Her eyes widened slightly in what appeared to be more confusion with a hint of fear. “Then who are you speaking of?!”


“You know damn well who! I’m talking about-”


I was interrupted at that moment by an opening door. The one who walked through it blew my mind. At first I thought I was hallucinating. It just didn’t seem possible.


“I’m back with the tea, I hope you like Earl Gre-” She looked at me and I looked back at her. The platter holding the tea fell, but was quickly caught by Celestia's magic. we just sat there for a moment, staring at each other as if we would vanish if we were to look away for even a second.


“Twilight?!” I shouted in total shock.


“You’re awake?!”, she shouted back.


“You’re ALIVE!?!”


I looked at Celestia and gestured towards Twilight as if to ask ‘Are you seeing this?’. She nodded and asked a question of her own, “What made you think she was dead?”


“What do you mean ‘what made me think she was dead’?! I checked her pulse with my own...” I looked at my hoof and immediately felt like an idiot for not realizing it before. I wouldn’t be able to feel anyones pulse through my hoof since it wasn’t even close to being as sensitive a human hand (at least not where I used them).


Celestia chuckled lightly, “Well, that’s... an interesting way of checking for life. I assumed that you knew that she was alive because of that diamond shield you constructed. If you hadn’t created it she would have been dead from the debris.”


“Wait, so he not only defeated Discord, but also saved me? Wow, and I thought I was the overachiever in this relationship!” Twilight said giggling and smiling. I was glad to hear her laugh again, but I didn’t like what she said... relationship. I wasn’t afraid of being with her, I just didn’t feel that I was right for her. Not yet at least. I was going to need to speak with them to clear a few things up.


“Twilight? Celestia? We need to talk about a few things...” I said quietly, exuding a feeling of sombreness. They listened intently and I continued, “First of all, I can’t be with you right now Twilight, and before you say anything, no... this isn’t because of you. I hurt you... badly, and I can’t yet forgive myself. One day I might, but not now. I am dangerous, that much is certain, so for the time being I wish to distance myself from you until I am certain that I no longer will cause harm.”


Twilight gasped and asked with fright in her voice, “Does this mean you’re going back to Earth?!”


A small sly smile grew on my face, “I was thinking that would be best...”. Tears began to well up in Twilights eyes. I was just waiting for her to get to the point where she was at the verge of crying so I could hit her with some good news. “But if I did that then who would protect Equestria? You?! Please, you guys would be helpless without me... so I suppose I will just have to stay.” I said shrugging and folding my arms as if I was upset about it.


Twilight responded to the news exactly how I thought she would. She leapt onto me and hugged me with her eyes still wet from tears that were now shed out of happiness. The strange thing was that it felt different from every other hug I received. Instead of being awkward and uncomfortable, it was warm and calming. I know this is going to sound weird coming from me, but it made me feel... good. It was like an ‘everything will be alright’ kind of feeling, which was something I hadn’t felt since I was like eight years old.


“I see that you have begun to accept love into your heart. It feels wonderful, doesn’t it?” Celestia said with a kind smile.


I nodded and replied, “Yeah it feels great, however I can’t accept it yet. I always thought I knew more than enough and there was nothing left that I needed from this place, but I now see how wrong I was. There is much more that I need to learn... and that's why I have come up with a solution to both our problems.”


Celestia tilted her head in intrigue. “Oh, is that so?”


“You need a guardian for Equestria since I banished Discord, and I need a way to redeem myself and learn more from this world, right? Well I believe I am more than capable of filling the position” I said raising an eyebrow to show I was being cocky. “I do come with a few guidelines though. First off, I want to stay in Ponyville so that I may remain close to Twilight and the others as much as possible. I wish to be their primary protector, which brings me to my second rule. I don’t want them to participate in any more dangerous missions if it can be helped. I technically will replace them though I do not wish to be as well known. Think of me as your undercover, secret service, agent of justice... um, thing. Third, I want you to treat me as you would with one of your guards, so no special treatment. And lastly, I want you to change my name back to Jason... I'm just not feeling the whole 'Dusk' vibe anymore if you know what I mean.”


I held out my hoof and waited for her to accept my terms. “You drive a hard bargain, but also a reasonable one. We have a deal.”


As we shook hooves Twilight yelled out, “PRINCESS! You can’t be seriously agreeing to this! He doesn’t deserve it! He, h-he...”


I placed my hoof on her lips before she started crying again. “Listen, I know you may think this is crazy but I will never be able to forgive myself for what I did until I do this. What matters to me has never been my own safety, it has been the safety of those who I am close to. Thats why I have to do this... I have to keep everyone safe in order to be happy, and here I can actually do it. I can make a difference.

“When I thought you were dead I felt more pain than I ever thought was possible. It wasn’t physical or even mental pain. It was the kind of pain that I didn’t believe I would ever experience... emotional pain. You gave me my heart back, so I want to return the favor by making sure you never leave me again.”


Twilight went back to squeezing me, but soon stopped and looked at me. “So when are you leaving?”


“I guess it depends on if I’m needed. Is there anything going on?” I asked turning to Celestia.


Celestia cringed a bit, “Well I was going to keep this a secret for a while that way you would have some time to recover and, um... bond, but there is something strange happening in Trottingham right now.”


I shook my head slightly, “I told you to treat me as you would a guard. It hasn’t even been five minutes and you are already trying to break the rules? Tsk-tsk, bad Celestia, you know better than that!”


We all shared a laugh and began wrapping things up. I noticed that my cutie mark was actually gone. Celestia told me it was because it was only made by Discord and now that he was out of the picture so was the mark. I wasn’t complaining though, I didn’t want that sort of power. To have the power of the very universe under your command was too much for one person alone, and it would have been boring if there wasn’t some risk involved with my missions. Celestia gave me back two items that were found among the rubble of the castle. My MP3 player was in good condition but my glasses were mangled and bent. Twilight began to apologize for stepping on them but stopped when I poured a little hot tea on them. I converted the metal in the frames into Nitinol, also known as memory metal. When it reaches a certain heat the metal goes back to its original shape. I changed them as a precaution and it seemed to work to my advantage. When it was time for me to go, Twilight gave me one last hug and told me to never scare her like I did again... to which I replied, ‘I’ll try but I’m not making any promises’.

* * * * * *

So that’s my story. I may not be the hero that everyone wants, but I am not the villain either. I am who I am, nothing more, nothing less. The only two out of the mane six who didn’t currently hate my guts were Fluttershy and Twilight. Rainbow Dash took it very personally, not surprising from the element of loyalty. Pinkie Pie really threw me for a loop with how she could hold a grudge, and the craziest thing was something she whispered in my ear one day... ‘If you ever hurt any of my friends again you are going to wake up in my basement’, scary as hell, right? Rarity was mad but not as much as the others when she saw the condition of my jacket and agreed to fix it, although she still wasn’t ready to forgive me. Applejack was the worst of all from my point of view. She refused to say a single word to me. In my eyes that was worse than Rainbow Dash’s little hit and run schedule that she made for me. Every day at certain times she would purposely ram into me and send me tumbling in the dirt. Even the Cutie Mark Crusaders were forced to stay away from me as much as possible.


Thankfully Gilda, Octavia, and Vinyl Scratch we’re still on my side. I was even able to stay in Gilda’s spare bedroom. She said that she had tried to find somepony that would rent out the room but there were never any takers once they found out that she was, well, a griffin who was previously known to have anger issues. She was thrilled to have me stay with her until she found out how much I was going to be gone. Celestia kept me busy by sending me voice messages through Vlad. It took me awhile to get used to her voice coming out of his mouth.


With each mission came its own dangers and problems. I got hurt more than I cared for but it couldn’t be helped, and I was able to alter my biological healing process so that I could basically heal wounds like Wolverine so that was kinda cool. Everywhere I went, I was a shadow. Nobody knew me and I never let anyone get too close. I wasn’t falling back into my own ways, it was just that I didn’t feel like revealing who was really behind saving town after town... not that anyone ever knew that they were in danger in the first place. Yeah, I did a pretty good job keeping the peace.


After I was done with my appointed task and obtained a souvenir (like a magic pendant from a fallen foe or a vial of altered poison joke extract), I would spend a day just hanging around the place I had defended. I would also give away what I could spare from Celestia's payment. I told her I didn’t want any money because it contradicted the reward of helping others for the sake of helping them, but she gave me about twenty bits per job anyways saying, ‘It was never stated in the rules I layed out’. I only kept about five bits for myself and ‘donated’ the rest to children on the streets or a pony who left their home without enough to pay for something. I made sure they were unaware of where the bits came from by using my magic to slip them in their saddlebags or whatever when they weren't looking, then I would stand back and wait for them to discover them. Seeing them smile and look around as if they would see a guardian angel was probably the best part of the job.


So in conclusion, my name is Jason, I’m 22 years old, I have been told I have a knack for writing as well as art, my greatest passions are games and music, I’m now a pony who is currently living in Equestria, and I will continue to wander this world until I can control my inner demons.

Author's Note:

Final notes: Okay first things first, I would like to inform everyone that has read that this story was based off of the real me. Jason was not a character I made up, he IS me! I made this story as an answer to the hypothetical question 'what if I went to Equestria for real?'. This was my realistic view on the subject and I didn't think it would catch on so I would like to say to everyone who has been reading that I'm glad you enjoyed it. So I guess that's all for now. Keep being awesome.

JasontheDemon

(P.S. I am willing to give my skype address to anyone who has read this, just PM me.)