The Veil

I only wanted to see her again. I only wanted to end the pain of her passing. Was caring for her such a terrible crime? The endless silence of the void tells me yes. It's the reward I reap for loving her more than my own life. Always to look, never to touch.

Written in 47 minutes for reasons I'll explain when I'm allowed. Thanks so much to NickNack for his help in editing, and to SageBrush for the wonderful artwork!

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 12 )

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Doxkid

Doxkid #1 · Jan 12th, 2013 · · ·

Amazing work once again.

Spark of Inspiration

Spark of Inspiration #2 · Jan 12th, 2013 · · ·

After a thorough read-through, I can safely say that this is much better than I thought it would be. Granted, it's not perfect, but it's still an interesting read.

The only thing I can say wasn't that good was the pacing toward the end. It just seemed to go really quickly once we reached the dramatic reveal. Still, the rest was well done.
-SoI

Azusa

Azusa #3 · Jan 12th, 2013 · · ·

Eh, this one's kinda meh compared to My Maker and A Rose Reverie. I think the main problem is that it doesn't feel like it has a real climax. That's not to say that I think you should've ended the story with Rarity finding a way out of her curse, far from it. But the way it is now, it just sort of... ends.

Also you said Twiight’s once, when it should be Twilight’s.

KMCA

KMCA #4 · Jan 12th, 2013 · · ·

That's got to be the ultimate torture for some people. Pinkie would be driven mad by it

Twilicorn

Twilicorn #5 · Jan 13th, 2013 · · ·

She pores over a book, so involved that her nose practically touches the pages.

Should be pours.

Besides that, I have to agree. This seems like... well, like it just stops, instead of ending. She should have found a way out, maybe. Or Twilight could have realized what happened, or Celestia. Instead, it just stops, a bit rushed at that.

Fury of the Tempest