The year 1,849,500, and I was still going strong, apparently. The good news is that since, according to the librarian, I wasn't even in Equestria anymore, I had no fear about running into myself. Oh, the consequences of that occurrence would be tremendously devastating! There is no doubt in my mind that one glance, I would not recognize myself. I am a pretty attractive and well-known unicorn.
Speaking of which, if my conversation with her was cognitive, I would know the exact year of my death by the shrine. So I casually returned within sight of the Library, and immediately jumped ahead another decade (1,849,510) to see if anything changed (and also to avoid further contact with the librarian). Nothing changed.
That's odd I said to myself.
I kept jumping decade by decade for another five minutes, expecting to see a shrine in my honor. But none came.
1,849,520...1,849,530...1,849,540...1,849,550.
And still, the Library looked no different. So, I figured I accelerate my search.
1,849,550...1,849,560...1,849,570...1,849,580.
I took another peak inside the Library; it was unoccupied. In fact, it was completely barren. Empty. Hollow.
Still no shrine. I did the math in my head. I'm three hundred and twenty-nine years old. That...that couldn't be right. So, what else to do than to speed up my search? Back to the future I went.
1,849,580...1,849,600...1,849,700...1,849,800.
I knew I would be dead now. There is no way I could possibly still be living, right? Wrong. The Library was still vacant as ever, but it was no shrine. Maybe the librarian I talked to forgot? Nah, that couldn't be it: she's probably long gone anyway, but even if she weren't, I'm Twilight Sparkle: I doubt Equestria could ever forget about me. Maybe I just hadn't gone far enough.
1,849,800...1,850,000...1,850,200...
There was the shrine.
The Library was converted into a shiny palacial sanctuary. Everything was made of linoleum and shimmered like Rarity's eyes did whenever she cried. Everything sparkled and illuminated a powerful aura of peace.
Yup, I was finally dead.
Good thing, too, because I was starting to feel tired of casting so many time-travel spells.
I entered the empty building. Immediately greeting me was a large, golden statue of me. There was my same mane, my same coat, my same cutie mark, my same giant eyes, my same perky ears, my same horn. It was definitely me, just bigger in proportion.
I looked down to the plaque, which revealed the answer to my concern of how it took so long for me to die. It read:
TWILIGHT ACORNA SPARKLE
1,849,251 - 1,850,127 (Age 876)
Loving wife and mother, who shall always be remembered
That was a long time. How in Equestria did I live that long?
So many questions...and I would say so little time, but, I must be frank about the situation: as a temporal phenomenon, I had as much time as I wanted...assuming I could keep casting time-travel spells.
But I wondered: how did I live so long if that me didn't travel through time?
Clearly, going forward through time was no longer an option. In fact, my temporal palette stopped at the year 1,850,127. The only way for me to find out would be to explore the eight hundred and seventy-six years of my life.
So, Dr. Zimmermare...that's where I went.
Hmm
876 years! That's Insane, From Earth!
Having reached the in-progress point...
Concept: still interested, not convinced you're making as good of use of it as i had hoped, but still interested
Dialog: Sometimes weak. Twilight's dialog with Zimmermare works well, but a lot of the recollected dialog doesn't. Some dialog is not particularly well-motivated or doesn't feel natural.
Plot: Leaving aside the jumping forward through time basis, which is still mostly concept.
-Equestria just falling apart feels poorly motivated. I would have hoped for the start of an explanation by now.
-Unfortunately it feels like Twilight is frequently holding the idiot ball. When she finds civilization once again, why doesn't she ask where the nearest library is and *check a history book*? I mean, she's a librarian, this should be second-nature. The trip to ponyville is premature.
Characterization: Mostly okay, except as already noted.
Technical: Already pointed out some issues. Could use an editing pass. Also, tense switching is bad for you, choose one and stay with it. (Honestly, I'd recommend rewriting everything to 1st person Twilight, your strongest writing is in that mode. I'd even tell the whole thing with future Twilight as narrator while talking to Zimmermare, even if we don't realize that's when the telling is happening until the chapter Zimmermare is introduced in).
Style: Frequently pedestrian, but also lively and sometimes humorous. Details are sparse in a way that doesn't feel so much an intentional style choice as the sign of a novice writer.
Overall: The premise is really great, but I'm feeling disappointed about how you're handling it. Not enough to rage and turn my desk over, i did read the whole thing because i want to know where its going, but the weaknesses are definitely distracting. Cannot recommend enough that you find a skilled beta reader who will be honest and patient with you, it will definitely improve your writing and this story.
2108269 If you don't like it, don't read it. We all know this story is just building you up for several hours in awe and anticipated resolution before breaking your heart and crushing it into tiny bits and pieces. I already wrote the ending, and cried doing it.
Also, about the narration: everything until the last...remark (since it's not necessarily prose) of the last chapter is dialogue, being told by Twilight to Dr. Zimmermare until the story catches up with her. Still, she is telling the story. The third-person parts are paraphrased, thus the need for the third-party narrator. 90% of the story is first-person, even after we enter Interval III, meet Dr. Zimmermare, and Twilight finally finishes her long and dreary story. It's like Odysseus in the Odyssey. Only Counterclockwise is not a poem, nor Greek. Twilight is part of Equestria's most wanted, though.
I'd be spoling if I were to say anything more.
2108346 Who are you? Sethisto?