• Member Since 12th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Brony2893


Retired, but I still check in.

E
Source

Every year around Hearth's Warming eve, Lyra the unicorn dreams about a mysterious figure in a red suit, and every year she goes alone to the place in her dreams, waiting for the stranger to come along. And every year, he's never once been there to greet her.

Will this Hearth's Warming Eve be different than the previous ones, the year her dreams literally come true? Or will she be left alone in the snow once more?





Edited by Darastrix.
Pre-read by Azu.
One-Shot story inspired the the image. All image credit goes to the artist. Cover was used with permission.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 55 )

(No spoilers, you can read this beforehand if you so wish)

Funny story, I first saw this picture, got the idea for the fic, and wrote the ENTIRE thing in less than 24 hours.
I know many people don't like the whole "Lyra obsessed with humans" thing, but I tried to give her a little back story on it instead of having her just automatically be crazy, although I gladly made her relatively sane:scootangel:




So yeah, not too much to say reallydl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Celestia.png

Upvote if you liked it, and comments are always welcome:twilightsmile:
Favorite it if you want to, but I made this with no intention of a follow-up or a prequel. It is strictly a one-shot. But, you know... you can still favorite.. i-if you want to...:fluttershyouch:


Once more, I would like to finish by thanking my editor and my pre-reader for getting to this on such short notice. Seriously, you guys rock:yay:

1922016
Hnnnnnnnnnggg!!!! MY FEELS!
Aside from quite a few grammatical and spelling errors it was a cute story :raritywink:.

1925380
Gewd, gewd, let the feels ffffllllooowwwww through you:trollestia:

On a more serious note I realized I spelled "Heartstrings" wrong:twilightsheepish::twilightblush::facehoof: and a few other things. Anything that's glaringly obvious before I post this?

1926770
Go through it again with the intentions of finding grammatical errors, I did notice quite a few of those. Some areas had extra words, some lacked key words, and some just had the wrong word. :twilightsmile:
So go through it and read it out loud to yourself, that usually helps me find errors.

1926959
Alright, I'll get to it after I finish looking over a friend's work:moustache:

WHAT'S IN TEH BO-O-OX?!:raritydespair:

1928485
I was originally going to have it be [REDACTED] and a [REDACTED] but leaving people to wonder and speculate is just too much fun! :trollestia:

1928672
In all honesty though, I almost included it, but I don't know... something told me just not to//dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Celestia.png

1928684
Well, I do get the feeling that including the object now will ruin the ending.
Keep it a secret.
Or, at least until you reference it in another story.

D'awwww....

This was actually kinda touching... :fluttercry:

Awww, makes me think of that one Peanuts episode where the kid with the blankie stays in the pumpkin patch waiting for "the great pumpkin".

I really like this story cause its cute and it makes me think of the t-shirt my sister got me for Christmasimagethumbnails.milo.com/034/606/967/trimmed/34606365_33205967_trimmed.jpg ,

Also in the back of my brain heard the cutie mark cursaders (mostly Sweetie) singing carols as Bon-Bon carried Lyra back to the house through the crunching snow.
Unfortunatly I am a bit out of practice at ripping code from sources and makeing them work so the music will just have to be linked this way Ask the crusaders, Sweetie Belle

Wow I'm just bursting with how excited I am that I actually inspired a fanfic! :pinkiegasp:
Thanks for giving me credit! Now I'm off to read this story! A friend of mine thought it was pretty good so I'll give you my reaction when I'm done images.wikia.com/mlp/images/f/f8/Twilight_Sparkle_seen_reading_a_book_S3E9.png

1929306
You have a Fimfiction account too?:rainbowhuh:
Awwwwww yeah:rainbowkiss:

I actually decided to get one since I need to start reading some fanfic. Besides this way I might find the good stories easier! Because let's face it not everything that's good is super popular
Who know I might try some writing, probably derpy up all my grammar trying :derpytongue2:images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/30600000/derp-my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-30617970-741-417.png?1357706263850

1929373

let's face it not everything that's good is super popular

I know this all too well lol

It did remind me a lot of peanuts "the great pumpkin". Short but sweet, and very heart warming, haha get it! :unsuresweetie: (ya I'm weird ;P)
But the part with her present being replaced was a good touch. I think it was good to leave it at not knowing what's in the box, I still want to know! But it's better this way.
Overall I'm surprised how much of an idea you got from one noob's painting of Lyra. So take it away twilight!:twilightsmile: denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2077-10838220-20101020am_I_trying_too_hard20approval20face20image20rating20reaction_face20response20sign20twilight_sparkle1.jpg

No really you should post this to Equestria daily. It may be past christmas, but it's still has a very simple enduring feel to it.

What do you mean again?

1929602
tl;dr they failed my other stories for BS reasons... but what the buck, why not//dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Celestia.png

Well at least they tell you whey you failed when you send in fanfic.
I don't even know why I've only gotten on 2 draw friends.
Besides if you make it on EQD think about all the page views!:rainbowkiss:

1929666
think about all the page views!
think about all the page views!
think about all the page views!
think about all the page views!
think about all the page views!
think about all the page views!
think about all the page views!
think about all the page views!
think about all the page views!
think about all the page views!
think about all the page views!
think about all the page views!
think about all the page views!
think about all the page views!
think about all the page views!
cdn.derpiboo.ru/media/BAhbB1sHOgZmSSJmMjAxMy8wMS8wNy8xNV80Nl8wNl8zMTZfMjA1Mzg0X19VTk9QVF9fc2FmZV9mbHV0dGVyc2h5X2FuaW1hdGVkX2FydGlzdF9qZXBzb19saWNraW5nX2xpcHMuZ2lmLmdpZgY6BkVUWwg6BnA6D3Jlc2l6ZV9naWZJIgwyNTB4MjUwBjsGVA/205384__fluttershy_animated_suggestive_blushing_close-up_artist-jepso_licking-lips.gif.gif

Regardless of the time it's posted, it is a very nice story.

very good. liked it. thought my only thought is what was in that box.:applejackunsure:

You make wonderful romance-genre oneshots. You know that, right. :pinkiesmile::fluttercry::heart:
This story needs more likes, hopefully your more recent featured story will lead to this getting more views.

You've fulfilled the quota of making two stories I've really enjoyed.
You are hereby granted one new follower :pinkiehappy:

I just finished it. You did some really solid work with this one. I think it a shame that you have written so many excellent stories, but they just don't attract much attention. I am on a time crunch at the moment, so this won't be as long or as deep as my review of To Love A Goddess.

Before I say anything else, decide on a name for the blue unicorn. Call her either Minuette or Colgate and stick with it. Not everypony is aware that she can go by more than one name, and Colgate is the more popular option.


Now, the pacing is, as I expected, fabulous. I've come to expect that from you. Each and every scene takes the perfect amount of time and reads either as quickly or as slowly as it ought to. I won't drag with this, because it would be redundant.

The characterization was handled quite nicely. You do have a good amount of leeway here, considering that none of these characters have canon personalities. I've never personally understood or really liked how Lyra was supposedly obsessed with humans. Well, you managed to make me care about a voiceless, pastel green, cartoon horse, so I guess you did something right. You explained where the obsession came from, as well as showed its effects on her personal life. You managed to turn a fandom running gag and make into something that actually wielded emotional torque. Even more impressive is that you remembered to show how Lyra's neurosis affects those around her, particularly those she cares most deeply about. You did convey a feeling that there is genuine affection and conflict between Lyra and Bon Bon. Lyra has her obsession to overcome, which alienates her from others and actively hurts her career, in addition to almost killing her. Bon Bon deeply cares about Lyra, but is not sure how to handle her. You very effectively conveyed how they feel, which made me feel genuine pity for Lyra, as well as real suspense while Bon Bon was searching for her. Considering that most fanfic makes me either go meh, or wish to drink myself stupid, this is quite an achievement.

The cast was kept down to the bare minimum, which kept the story tightly focused on the main character. I have absolutely zero complaints here.

You did have some issues with spelling and grammar. They were few and minor. Your syntax and diction are otherwise quite good. I never found myself wondering what you were trying to say, or facepalming at awkward verbiage.

The ending deserves special mention, considering that it really is quite a twist. I certainly did not expect that to happen. You even through in a really trollish cliffhanger. However, it is not clear as to what really happened, because there was a significant amount of time where Lyra was alone and unconscious.

Again, I do need to praise how your stories are first and foremost, about the characters. You don't rely on any sort of gimmicks like fanservice, clop, or pandering to sell the story. That's admirable!

I do with that I could find definite things to complain about, because then I could offer you advice for improvement instead of giving you the literary equivalent of a blowjob. I've now read two of your stories and I think that they're both very well done. Objectively, I can hardly find anything wrong with them. The pacing is impeccable, the characterizations are brilliant, the syntax is superb, the formatting is good, and the mechanics are decent. I ought to be able to call all your work great. But that's just it; your work is exceptional, but it's not great. I would say that it is very enjoyable and engaging to read, but I would not call it memorable. There aren't any parts that really stick out and leave an impression on one's memory. In three months' time, I can envision myself remembering you as the guy with the the really good romance oneshot fanfics, but I most likely will not be feeling the desire to come back so I can read them again. I got through To Love A Goddess a mere six hours ago, but my brain is already filing it away as "nice but insignificant". In contrast to this, I first read Older Mares back in September, which was about four months ago. I still remember it and go back to read it. It made an impression on me. So did Secret Of My Excess, which was actually the first pony fanfic I ever read. I read it in August. Most of the things that The Descendant has written have stuck in my memory. I still go back to his stories such as On Pins And Needles. I have pretty good memory of those fics and they have stuck with me. I'll need to look at more of your stuff before I can determine exactly what about it makes it only good but not great.

Nevertheless, this is still a damn fine oneshot. Even though Lyra X Bon Bon ain't really on my shipping radar, and I'm merely ambivalent about them, I still like what you did here. I judge oneshots more harshly than I do series. Your writing is objectively very good, and is quite enjoyable to read. However, I can't help but feel that in both this story, and in To Love A goddess, that there is just something missing that keeps them from attaining greatness. They're like sugar- sweet and nice, but they don't stick with you or impart any lasting impact. I will read and review more of your work so that I can try to diagnose what is holding your stories back. Could you please tell me what you consider to be your best work and what your readership considers to be your best work so I could have a look at them? I give this story 4/5 flutteryays.
:yay::yay::yay::yay:

2055062
What *I* consider my best work...
Erm...
I'd honestly say either this or To Love a Goddess.

My readership clearly shows To Love a Goddess to me the most popular:rainbowlaugh:

My others require quite a bit of attention...:trixieshiftleft:

2055300

I see... Well, now would be the time to pimp your stuff because a lot of people are looking at you.

2056374
Yeah, if I knew how much of a success TLaG would have been, I'd have buffed them up a bit. I never expected all of that attention:twilightblush:

2057014
Is it odd that this is the first LyraBon-centered fic I've ever read? :unsuresweetie:
I've read fics which featured the pairing but never one which was centered exclusively on LB before reading this one.

Not to mention, for some odd reason, I :heart: this just as much as TLaG

2098829
Thank you, it means a lot:raritywink:
And I'm glad you enjoyed my LyraxBon ship.
To be 100% honest, I've never read one before when I made this.

Was the reason you didint put a what's in the box part in because there was another box inside?

1922016
Taken me a while to get round to actually reading this one, but it was definitely worth it. I'm not a fan of Lyra being pure crazy, and this gives her a sense of just being a little odd, rather than actually crazy. :twilightsmile:

2145860

Damn LOL.

Nice story too, Brony2893. Sad there had to be a chilling cliffhanger. But still nice. :twilightsmile:

2265746 glad u liked my stupid box picture:scootangel: and this was an awesome story:pinkiehappy:

You....You.... I love you dude.
I officially ship Lyra and Bon Bon, Thanks to you.
You always make the best fics! :pinkiehappy:

2308140
I will not stop complementing you.
YOU ARE AMAZING!!!

SANTA ALWAYS FUCKING DELIVERS

2719747
:rainbowderp:
Somebody actually commented on this old relic?

Lyra, Bon Bon, Romance… The last Lyra fic I read DID wind up on my favorites, but I’ve never been a fan, especially of the human-love aspect. Let’s see where this goes, though.



… “It’s soft glow illuminated” – ‘It’s’ should be ‘Its’.
… “tradition the mint-green unicorn did” – ‘did’ doesn’t sound right, calling what she’s doing a ‘tradition’… consider ‘performed’ as a replacement for ‘did’.
… “away. It didn’t matter though” – Place a comma between ‘matter’ and ‘though’.
… “the list goes on” – Given how the sentence used past-tense words such as ‘was’, ‘goes’ should be ‘went’.
… “Colgate happily remarked.” – Weren’t you calling her Minuette?
… “spend my first Hearth Warming” – ‘Hearth’ should be ‘Hearth’s’.
… “I planned on tonight being special, not boring and annoyed by Lyra’s antics.” – This went from describing the night itself, to describing how Bon Bon believes she’d be spending the night. Consider a revision to keep the statement focused on only one subject.
… “streaks leading how her face” – ‘how’ should be ‘down’.
… “I didn’t mean—“” – The end-quotation mark is backwards. :applejackconfused:
… ““Lyra, I’m really sorr—“” – See above.
… “the new-found warmth” – ‘new-found’ should lose the hyphen, as ‘newfound’ is a word.
… “smiled so hard she nearly cried again” – Okay there’s no error here, but… ‘smiled so hard’? Really? :unsuresweetie:
… “This year Bon Bon would spend it with the one she loved.” – ‘it’ should be ‘Hearth’s Warming Day’, since it hadn’t been established nearly as much in the last several paragraphs to make ‘it’ a reasonable substitution.
… “(unable to quote)” – Bon Bon never CLOSED the door to her home. :twilightsheepish:
… “be right where she always wanted to.” – Place ‘be’ between ‘to’ and the period.
… “into a lying down embrace.” – Place a hyphen between ‘lying’ and ‘down’.
… “Sincerely, S. “” – One of the last moments… but remove the space between the period and the quotation mark.



Okay, this one had a lot of things that impressed me. One was the personality that belonged to both Lyra, and Bon Bon. They didn’t seem one-note in how you chose to handle them, which really carried the story, because THEY carried it so well. Lyra had a dream for several years, and it’s too strong to simply give it up for someone else when you hold onto it for so long. Many authors don’t seem to get this, but you played it splendidly by having Lyra neither give up on the dream, nor become totally focused.

A wonderful display of regret, combined with being chained to one’s undying wish. This leads to Bon Bon, and while I really liked her, she seemed like her tone was rather differing, especially with her “final goodbye of acceptance” to Minuette being described as ‘flat’. I would’ve expected it to have more of a tone of bemusement to it: Like “You’re hopeless, you know that? Goodbye, anyway.” Being what it comes across as what Bon Bon would be saying.

Character of Lyra? Stellar. Character of Bon Bon seemed like it lacked a certain something… like it could have been several different mares and felt sort of similar. Bon Bon was described as being very warm and inviting, but… I don’t know if I’d think that, by the end of this story. I mean, the pony talks so venomously about her marefriend (Who likely works at the store as a favor) behind her back! Seriously, I kinda wanted to smack Bon Bon for her role.

Leads us to the way it played out. The ending was a nice touch, and as I once heard, “SO ‘Pulp Fiction’”. That said, I prefer stories that stick to just one focus, and by the very end? Lyra seemed to forget all about the presence of Bon Bon. Yeah, I commented earlier on her obsession having a role, but she just had her life kinda SAVED by her marefriend, and speaking of Bon Bon, why not express a bit more enthusiasm and sidle up next to Lyra while she was opening it?

The story… It was fantastic, but some parts of it left a significantly bad aftertaste. I loved how it was handled, but some personality factors seemed to just be tossed away by the end of it. :ajsleepy: A shame, because I think this deserves a lot more views than it has. Well done, but it felt sort of… I dunno. I guess this review just ends on a bit of a sour note. :applejackunsure:

Little too much exposition (moving in together mentioned three times, coat colour explicitly mentioned twice for no reason other than to emphasize it's not red, etc.). Not bad but far from great. :duck:

I wonder who is that someone who would show up in her dreams....

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