You seem to have javascript disabled, or your browser is failing to execute it properly. Much of Fimfiction's functionality requires javascript so we suggest you turn it on!

Guilt Trip

There might be some gramatical errors and sentence placement like

"Hi" he said. "Hi" she responded

Instead of
"Hi" he said
"Hi" she responded.

Anyways, I hope you enjoy.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 2 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 2
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Mentlegen

Mentlegen #1 · Feb 4th, 2012 · · ·

What follows is merely constructive criticism, so please don't go overboard on rage.

You need to sort out your tenses. Even in the first few lines, you mix up past and present tense.
Pacing is a bit off too, you went over the final battle very quickly, as well as initial journey, and discovery of the hut, compared to Twillight's mental breakdown. I'm not saying what you have there is bad, on the contrary, it is very good, it just needs to be expanded a little more.
The last chunk of text could be broken into a few, more manageable paragraphs.

Overall, you certainly have potential and talent, you just need to practice more.

Brony Swag

Brony Swag #2 · Feb 4th, 2012 · · ·

186446
This is what I needed! People are usually too hesitant to give feedback if it's sort of negative.
This was my first fanfic and was more of an experiment than anything. The last battle I cut out some things and ashamed that I can't remember what I put. :P

Well anyways, thank you so much for the feedback!