• Member Since 20th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Nov 16th, 2019

redpyramid1


T

After a freak earthquake, blinding lights, and some zero gravity a young man finds himself in Equestria. however due to his shyness he has a hard time speaking to anypony. So, most think he's just some new species of animal.

Oh, and did I forget to mention that he's know as the EverFree's Alpha by some of the inhabitants of the EverFree forest... just checking.

I'm not good at summery's, sorry.

Chapters (10)
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Comments ( 93 )

I Love It :heart: Keep the chapters coming :twilightsmile:

this is going to fun

this is good dont stop please

This is beautiful, this is attractive, this is seductive, I DEMAND MORE WORDS ON MY SCREEN!!

It's spelled "whoa", I think, fairly sure, ah well, lets see where this goes shall we?

Also I noticed quite a few grammar mistakes, you should get an editor soon, then the story should really take off.

Yep, definitely need an editor, the most common problem I see is that you forget to capitalise the start of new sentences quite often.

Seems good though, other than the grammar and spelling it's looking great.

You must write MOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAR. I-If its not too much trouble

I believe it's spelled whoa, or woah. I think woe means you want to impress someone. Also, a ton of grammar, spelling, and capitalization mistakes. You need a pre-reader, or you need to look over the story yourself before you submit, and edit them yourself.

i like this. keep it up:pinkiehappy:

you might be going a little too fast. but other than that slow down, add some descriptions, make more belivible pony dialoge(sorry its not that great) and keep going:pinkiehappy:

love it . keep it . UP:rainbowwild:

"what's that boy? timmys traped in a well?" is what i thought about the angel part

apples he has his priorities straight

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for the pony dialogue: I always though Fluttershy had a hard time with all sapient creatures. And not animals. Maybe I'm wrong on that.

It's been a while since I've seen an episode.

Also I did feel I was going fast, I'll work on that.

I'd prefer Alicorn because it's canon, but Unicorn because less OP. Either way is good with me.

soo good yet so short

She is a alicorn now so for canon shake make her a alicorn.

you have a good story I just wish it was longer and alicorn/unicorn it just depends on what time this story takes place

alicorn and great update

It's a great concept, but it's lacking. I'm sorry to say that I'll be unfavoriting your story.

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Sorry to hear that, can you tell me what it;s lacking please.

2279056 Well for one, grammar, spelling, and capitalization. You need a pre-reader or you need to edit these mistakes yourself before you submit the story. Next is details. You have to sorry moving in a straight stone line. It's he does this, he does that. Very little detail.

:moustache:unicorn i have spoken!

Alicorn sounds good to me, be interesting to see what he thought of both wings and horn. Still, maybe make him a bit less shy please? Otherwise there is not really any dialog which explains anything.

Unicorn, also, did Colt will manage to speak to her in the next chapter? I will like to see her reaction when she find out she found a friend even shiner than her

I would say unicorn, but make alternate universe or before the coronation. We don't even know what will happen with the alicorn thing till s4, so I ilke keeping it safe.

If you can pull off alicorn without making it OP, do it. Otherwise unicorn is good. In other news, this story is excellent!

Keep it simple and have her be the unicorn we all know. We still won't know much about Twilicorn before S4, and how things have changed because of that.

Keep up the good work Private! :flutterrage:

I would help out with editing, due to my free time, but I tend to get distracted. However, if you really need an editor, just send me a message or something, and I can help out.

This happens after the coronation, right? I'd say alicorn.

next chapter colt should say just on word, like yes or hello or uh...

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Colt will eventually talk. I think within 2-3 Chapters. give or take. This story isn't very well planned out, but I did wright down what I was going to put in next chapter. So it should come quickly.

yay its longer and also i want to know what happens next so its all good exept not alot of character development with colt with him not talking and all for ref. read let the silence sing it might help if not is an good story

Cliffhangers make me :raritycry:

no no hes expressing that he is filled with woe at whats happening to him lol

:fluttershysad:upload more now if thats okay with you

:moustache:this is a sexy story

Colt speak at last, but i kinda like him being a mute or is it just me. :fluttercry:
Great story by the way. :moustache:

good job keep on it:pinkiehappy:

An update!!! :pinkiehappy:

awesome chapter :rainbowdetermined2:

Thought yelling :P puts a smile to my face

I demand.....MOAR!!:flutterrage: cant wait for the next chapter.

This storyhas not updated in a while... :fluttercry: when's the next chapter going to come out

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Sorry my Internet was down. I fixed it though, and I just need to move my pc to a better location and I should be good to go

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