Fallout Equestria: Taking Life By The Horns

by Pokonic

Alas, The Dance Number Had To Be Cut For Time

"Com'on now, the war's just a fact of life now, like death and spontaneous musicals!"

"He's right you know! In fact, if you act quickly, as part of a limited time one of a kind deal, we can supply you insurance coverage that takes care of all three!"

---

I kept my head down as low as I could, because I didn't need to be told that ponies with guns big and accurate enough to snipe at a random stallion a few floors above ground level could shoot me from about the same angle. Candy Cane sat very still behind the bed, and Blueberry somehow managed to get Self Defense out of her bag from the other end of the room with her magic and was baring it beside her.

Gabriel, on the other hand, had picked up his gun and was leaning to the right of the shattered window, and looked like the only one who had a clue about what to do.

The sounds of gunfire below were not letting up, and the tell-tail sound of the tank rolling down the street facing the hotel was only getting louder,so I gestured forcefully over at the griffon, catching his attention.

"Where's the safest place here, Gabriel?"

He took a moment to process what I was saying, but going by the way his head snapped over towards the window, it was clear we weren't his biggest priority.

"The roof, unless there's-"

Blueberry waved her hoof in the air, to cut Gabriel off.

I repressed the urge to curse at her, as there was a filly in the room.

"Unless what." Blueberry said tonelessly.

"The roof is still the best place up here, if the elevators are shut down now. There's three snipers and a big turret." he spoke hastily, as if he was now reconsidering what was the biggest threat to his life at the moment.

"The elevators can be shut down?" Blueberry asked, raising a eyebrow.

"Yeah, at the first sign of trouble, a pony on the top floor can throw a switch so armed invaders can't use them as a way to get around. There are only two staircases on the first floor that go up, and they have chokepoints."

"So the guards here are taking positions near the stairs, then?"

Gabriel shrugged as well as he could cradling a gun. "I guess. Don't know."

"Where is that armory place Temperance was talking about, then?" Blueberry said, voice a little less rushed then I expected her to be, especially with the red bits I could see that were stuck in her coat.

Gabriel looked almost insulted. "That's what you want to talk about! There's a freaking battle going on outside, and you want to know where the loot is!"

Blueberry reared back slightly and looked utterly enraged, but before she managed to say anything she jerked back her head low and a good chunk of the wall exploded directly behind her.

"Shit!" she yelped, her expression of rage quickly became one of horror and surprise as she scooted away from the window and closer to me.

"That's a bad word!" Candy Cane piped up cheerfully from under the bed.

Blueberry put a hoof over her mouth, looking a little embarrassed, and looked at me like I was the one with a plan.

Sighing, I placed a hand over my forehead, feeling a little scared, and looked at Gabriel thoughtfully.

"Gabriel, can you keep Candy Cane safe?"

He was peaking out the shattered window when I said that, but he tensed up when he turned to face me. He looked slightly confused.

"What?" he said, before shaking his head. "I mean, I was planning on heading towards the top of the building, where there isn't three dozen ponies with guns and a big metal box shooting at me."

"Well, that's it." I replied, "Blueberry, do you want to help the ponies here?"

She was looking at me like I had gone utterly insane. "Watchful, you hear that sound?"

Blueberry paused pointedly, so that the sounds of ponies yelling downstairs and in front of the building could be heard, along with the metallic noise of the tank and the sounds of gunfire.

"Oh, wait, that's the sound of a army of ponies armed with military weapons and combat armor with a mechanized anti-infantry vehicle!" she said, voice high-pitched and mocking, " And guess what? We aren't on their side and there's a dead important pony in the room!"

I pointed at the body of Temperance. "At the moment. If we could be blamed for this, I would think we could go over to the side that looks-"

Blueberry swore so quickly I didn't actually make out what she said.

"Are you kidding me! We arn't switching sides! Fuck, Watchful, what..." she paused, bringing a hoof to her forehead like it was suddenly heavier, "You can't be serious! We arn't going to go to whatever side looks the most likely to win like cheap mercs!"

Besides Blueberry looking furious, even Gabriel was starting to give me a look of distrust. But, as far as I could tell, I had a plan that could work.

"We wouldn't be. We would be pretending to switch sides."

I heard something click, but it wasn't from the gunfire coming from below. It came from a gun that was, unfortunately, now pointed directly at my head.

Gabriel didn't look especially frightened by the current turn of events anymore. His beak was curled into a grimace and he was now half-sitting on his hind legs now, as he was using both his talons to hold his rifle.

Blueberry didn't say anything, kept her pistol pointed at him, and held her magic steady. I wasn't sure if he would be fast enough to dodge her shots, but I knew it wouldn't matter if my brains joined Temperance's in making the floor more colorful then it needed to be.

"You know, it's funny." Gabriel spoke up, gun tight in his grip. "I thought you were a good guy. Saw a bunch of bullets curve around you, and said to myself 'Wow, good thing this guy like's me'. Saw the giant fish thing eat those mares, and said to myself 'Good thing I'm on his good side'. Told you to head to Nightcore's for shelter, and said to myself 'Hope those three get there okay'."

He breathed, wincing lightly when a mare down below let out a horrid screech of pain.

"And here you are, suggesting that we use the corpse of one of the few ponies in this entire city that I liked as a bargaining chip."

I saw a talon slowly wrap around the trigger.

"So, who are you working for, anyway? There's only a few ponies who would hire a minotaur, so I'm just going to guess that you've been hired by a guy in the Purebreds. Was it Troubadour? Doughnut Steel? Rimewind?"

Gabriel paused, before shaking his head. His eyes widened slightly.

"Shit, it's Nightcore, isn't it? You'v been hired by Nightcore to screw things up in the city so Boffenspark can't control the factions in the Purebreds. This is all just one big fucking set up, isn't it? One town that was almost in Purebred control get's destroyed by mercenaries, while you end up killing a mare who might have made the other's unite against her. Then you end up in the city, and t-"

I interrupted him by punching the wall next to me. I left a dent in it, but it was drywall so it wasn't nearly as impressive as it could have been.

"Are you stupid? If I don't even know who half the ponies you just mentioned are. I have nothing to do with this, and you know it. Neither does Blueberry, who, if I have to remind you, just saved you'r life. Don't be a idiot, Gabriel. Point the gun away from me and focus on the ponies actually trying to kill us all. Didn't you just say something about not talking about stupid things? You can accuse me of things I haven't done later."

Blueberry was quiet, not seemingly ready to speak up, while Gabriel just stood there, gun pointed at my head.

I let myself relax when he lowered it, sighing lightly.

"We need to talk after this, yeah." he mumbled, before giving a eye at his armor. "What was you're idea, with..."

He didn't seem to have the heart to call Temperance's corpse by his name, but he motioned at it with the tip of his gun anyway.

"Do you think those ponies on the roof could kill some ponies if they are distracted?"

Gabriel shrugged. "I guess."

Blueberry shook her head at me, and looked a little peeved. "If you are thinking about talking with whoever's in charge down there long enough to keep the leaders distracted enough to snipe them, you'r being foalish, Watchful. This isn't a band of raiders; this is some sort of professional strike force."

Gabriel blinked, turning to Blueberry sharply. "You know these guys?"

"No. But we saw infantry carrier move through Braymont a week ago. It was at Watershed too, but it didn't have armed ponies with it then."

Gabriel didn't say anything, but he just rolled his eyes and turned to me. "Great. That's just...great." he said sarcastically. "So they traveled from that far down south to get up to here and no one has any clue why they are here."

He paused sharply, bringing his gun closer to his chest, and it took me a moment to realize why.

The sound of gunfire below was gone, and the sounds of big machine outside along with it.

Then, an unfamiliar male voice rang out in the air, unnaturally loud and coming from outside the building.

"Ponies of Sunnyside Hotel! Surrender your caps and belongings downstairs, and those who do will be allowed to flee unharmed!"

The room was quiet for a few moments.

"Welp, I'm going to the roof." Gabriel said smoothly, placing his gun down and picking up his yellow-on-black armor as he did. "See you guy's in hell."

"Would you mind if Candy Cane goes with you?" I asked, once again, before clarifying. "To the roof, not pony hell."

He looked at the filly half-hiding under the bed, and then at me. Said filly was still looking at him wide-eyed, which might have been cuter if she didn't have bits of Temperance on her face.

"Uh, sure." he said hesitantly, scratching the back of his feathered head with a talon. Candy Cane, in response, made some sort of high-pitched squeeing noise.

After watching the little filly wiggle out from under the bed and over to the quite possibly intimidated griffon, I turned to Blueberry, who was currently trying to get debris out of her mane.

"I'm going up there too, I guess." she said lightly, putting her gun closer to her side. "Gabriel, if things get hairy, could you carry me and Candy Cane out of here?"

"I'm not a taxi." he grumbled, eyeing both her and the filly who was now standing close to the unflappable griffon. "I'm not even here to fight."

Candy Cane suddenly pouted. Gabriel averted his eyes from her for a few seconds before giving Blueberry a exasperated look.

"Fine, I'll carry you out. But I want comp."

Blueberry shrugged. "Fine. So, Watchful, you going through with you're idea?"

Her question startled me slightly, and I eyed the corpse on the floor.

"No." I admitted, "I have no weapons, and bringing Temperance's body with me wouldn't go well here."

"So, you're headed for the roof." Blueberry continued, sounding relieved, "I didn't see anything connecting this building with another one, but the building isn't surrounded any you could probably sneak out if-"

"I'm going downstairs, to see the ponies doing this. I wish to talk to them."

My words made her pause.

"Oh."

She looked up at me, eyes widening just slightly. Her mouth curled up at the sides.

"You are being stupid." she said bluntly.

I looked at her, frowning. I did, in fact, have a plan; considering that the ponies stopped shooting at us when I announced that I was part of the Watchers, I would simply do so again and hope that, seeing that I didn't have anything, they would let me be. But I didn't say that, as I didn't know if she remembered what happened in Watershed and I didn't want to put off Gabriel. So I didn't say what I could have said to make her more relieved and continued to hold information for my benefit.

"Blueberry, even if the roof is the safest place here, what if the ponies downstairs beat back the guards and take over this place? I would be stuck on the roof; I don't think Gabriel could carry me off it."

She looked over at the griffon, who didn't even consider the option. "I'm not a pack mule."

"Miss Batsy said that's speciest!" Candy Cane piped up cheerfully.

The griffon looked down at the little filly close to his feet, baffled.

"Imaginary friend." Blueberry quipped.

"Miss Batsy isn't imaginary!" Candy Cane half-shouted back at Blueberry, who flinched lightly in return.

"Look, I'm going downstairs." I finally, said, feeling like if I stayed in the room long enough I would never leave. "Gabriel, where are the stairs?"

"Two hallway's down, left of the elevator." he said affably.

Blueberry looked up at me, and while she didn't look like she wanted to kill me, her mood was somewhere in that spectrum.

"Don't die."

I sighed.

"I won't."

She moved over to her bag, and levitated out the white comb that was in it. She held it out for me, with magic.

"Here, take t-"

"Everypony who wishes to live is to go downstairs by the main walkway, without weapons or other arms! The cease-fire will stop being in effect in fifteen minutes!"

"-this." Blueberry finished, only slightly startled by the loud voice calling from outside. "If you really need to get through. If you escape, we'll meet up somewhere close by."

I nodded after taking the comb, and I left the room as briskly as I could.

I had a distinctly bad feeling about this.

---

Once, when I was very young, I asked my father what it felt like to be the biggest person in the room.

His response was brief, but it's stayed with me for quite some time; "You'll know some day."

It seemed a bit of a joke back then, and it was probably intended to be a joke, but standing behind a gathering of what had to be at least forty ponies crammed into a single room, I realized that being the biggest person in the room was a rather nerve-wracking experience.

I didn't have anyone's back to hide behind, for one thing.

From my spot in the rightmost hall, I could see that the ponies in the lobby were mostly gathered in the center, surrounded by a group of five ponies wearing blue-grey armor, with one stallion bearing a megaphone and a simple leather jacket seemingly in charge. None of the prisoners looked especially too bad off; one even had what looked like little crystals hanging off her ear, attached to two metal nubs that were stuck in her ear lobes, but they all looked appropriately scared.

There was also a surprisingly large amount of foals in the group, probably one for every three adults, and I couldn't help but wonder if the security of their positions allowed the ponies here more leeway into the number of children they had. While it took me a few good minutes to get downstairs, the shear amount of ponies in the room startled me. I could only wonder if they were gathered elsewhere on the first floor, as I didn't pass any on my way downstairs.

Withing the gathered townponies, neither Karen nor Shooter was in the crowd, and I dreaded if their corpses were outside. I spotted the stallion with the odd hair and the front desk pony in the gathering, but the guard pony who was standing in the room when I went in was still where he was standing before, slumped down on the wall and missing most of his head.

I adverted my eyes so I didn't have to look at the corpse, shuddered slightly, and took a few steps into the room, hoping I wouldn't be shot to death.

The responses I saw from the ponies at my arrival were curious. The armed ponies circling the helpless individuals in the center of the room took immediate notice of me, as did the pony in the coat. The townsponies, on the other hand, seemed more shocked then surprised, but they quickly quieted down. Presumably, they thought I was working with the invaders, or at least wasn't on their side.

"Brahmin head, outside, now!" the stallion in the coat said forcefully, motioning over to the shattered remains of the entryway. "Claws on the back of your head and horns upward! Any sharp movements and you get you're knees blown off!"

It took me a moment to realize that the stallion was talking about my hands, but I wasn't going to argue the fine details of my physiology with the pony who was also in charge of a bunch of ponies who had large guns pointed at me. As I passed the ponies, the lead stallion and another armed pony followed me, and I was uncomfortably aware that I had a gun pointed at my back.

Outside the hotel, it was cold and grey, but that wasn't new. What was new was the large vehicle parked off to the side of the entrance of the hotel, making a off putting clink-whir every so often. It shook in place slightly, seemingly because of the mess of machinery on it's back, and it had two large guns almost as tall as I was on extended in the air, big wide-barreled thing's that started in a big mess of wiring and tubing. But I didn't get a good look at it, as I had to keep moving until I was at the metal spade-like front end of the tank-thing, because I didn't want to get shot.

What I saw at front of the vehicle confused me for a few seconds, because I saw two almost identical light yellow mares sitting on a bright red couch, one reading a newspaper and another holding a remote controller in her hooves. When I realized that I was, in fact, looking at two almost identical mares sitting on a red couch mounted on top of a tank-wagon thing, I just sighed internally.

After the stallion motioned me to stop moving, he tapped on the chassis of the machine, making a sharp thumping noise that barely overtook the ambient sounds of the mechanical mess on the back end of the vehicle.

In response, the mare with the newspaper, without looking up, prodded the mare with the remote with one of her back legs, which made her look up from the little black box.

She looked rather lanky, as far as pony's went. Her hair, like the mare next to her, was bright red, and the only difference between the two was a thin green strip through her own mane, right down the middle.

She also was looking at me like I was the most interesting thing in the universe, and without taking her eyes off me she blindly waved the newspaper out of the other mare's grasp. The other mare, in response, grunted out a complacent before putting the paper in her lap and giving me an almost baleful look.

"Rollcall, what's the big deal?" the mare with the purely red mane asked sourly. The mare next to her just let out a dirty snigger.

The stallion standing next to me shrugged slightly in response, like he had been asked what time it was. "You said something 'bout keeping an eye out for weird things yesterday."

"I'm not weird." I mumbled.

The mare with the purely bright red hair rolled her eyes, and motioned towards me. "Come on, Rollcall, I was talking about Reavers and crap. If I wanted everything that wasn't a pony brought to me I would get sick of looking at beaks all day. Oi, stand up and get your hands off your head."

It took me a few moments to figure out she was talking to me, but I did what I was told. When I did, she visibly relaxed.

"Rollcall, finish frisking those twits inside. We don't have time to stay here for much longer, you know that."

The stallion shook his head, letting out a low groan, like a parent dealing with an unruly child. "We just got here-"

"And that doesn't matter!" the other mare spoke up, sounding noticeably lighter in voice then her presumable twin.

Rollcall didn't say anything as he turned around, but he looked like he was trying to stomp the ground into submission on his way back to the hotel. I almost felt sorry for the stallion.

"So, I guess you don't know what's going on here?"

I looked at the cheery mare to the left, and frowned.

"I have no idea."

The more serious-looking mare gave her cheery copy a harsh glare before looking at me with a slightly softer look.

"I'm Shiv, and this brat," she pointed at the mare to her right, "is Shank. And we are the-"

"-Shiv Shank sisters, traveling mercenaries without compare!" her sibling blurted out, seemingly taking joy in interrupting her sibling.

I shook my head slightly. Pony parent's needed to take more time to consider what they named their children. I half-wondered if I would meet a 'Bloodthirst Murdershriek' before the day ended.

Shiv, despite her name, seemed somewhat sane, and gave her apparently younger sibling another glare before focusing back on me.

"We're hire-on's for that stallion, Rollcall. This place is a hub of slaver activity, but I don't like it when good ponies who are in the wrong places at the wrong times get shot up because they don't know where they are. I'm going to take a guess and you don't owe anypony in there anything, right?"

I didn't like the way she said that, but I was slightly surprised at their stated mission, so I didn't state my wariness.

"My name is Ever Watchful, and I just arrived in the city today. I am not actually working for these ponies. My..." I paused for a moment, taking note that Shiv looked rather pleased at my words, "companion and a filly we are looking after are currently inside. We just arrived within the hour."

"Aw, that's sweet." Shank said lightly, eye's fluttering as she leaned closer to me,

Feeling that she grossly misinterpreted what I said, I shook my head vigorously. "No, no, it's another pony's foal."

Shank just shrugged. "Well, okay. Adoption isn't anything to sneeze at."

Dismay started to creep into my voice. "No, me and the mare are not romantically involved."

The limber mare made a pouty face. "Aw, there's nothing worse then a crush. Poor thing."

Shiv held her forehead for a few moments, groaned, and moved to slap her sister across the head, missing only by a few hairs.

"Stars and moon, sis, look at him! Fuck'en a pony for him would be like a stallion fuck'en a foal! You wouldn't even need to bend over to suck him off! Shut the fuck up and get with the program!"

I think I had a mild aneurysm just at processing the mental image I was getting.

"Uhm." I said intelligently, before managing to regain control of the muscles on my face so I could speak, "So, when will you're group leave here?"

Shank, who was still giggling at my facial expressions, just waved a hoof in the air. "Depends on if there's any slaves here!"

"Ah." I said, before continuing to what I was really concerned about, "I think I saw you pass through Braymont. And through Watershed."

Both sisters suddenly went still.

"Well, uh, huh." Shank said quickly, adverting her gaze from me.

Her sister, however, spoke far more calmly, which was surprising to me. "We were hired to sweep through Braymont before joining with Rollcall himself. Braymont has known slaver stops and the tribal's let slavers stay in abandoned buildings in exchange for supplies and promises that they won't enter their stocks. Watershed, on the other hoof, let slaving caravans use it's bridge and often kidnapped visitors to sell to the occasional lone buyer. Besides, the Purebred were planning on taking it over and renovating it into a more openly pro-slaver town, which would force a big chunk of ponies in this area to be forced to give money to scum going south."

I took a deep breath, to hide my shock at her words. It seems as if Blueberry and I really were lucky.

"Rollcall must be a good pony, then." I said, even though he had what was probably most of a town of ponies in a small circle, probably to make the executions easier.

Shiv, for some reason, decided to get off the couch and jump on the ground, shaking her head as she did. "I guess. Most of his crew are former slaves. He's a escapee from Stalliongrad. There used to be a stallion called the Tsar down in the place who said he was the lord of the city because he was a unicorn of noble blood. Rollcall led a break out, saved about forty ponies."

Another pony town, this one sounding far off. "He sound's like he would fit in with the Purebreds, then. The Tsar, I mean."

Shiv, by then, was around the back of the vehicle, apparently checking the big mounted guns.

"Yeah, he would've. But there's a lot of nutjob's down in Equestria who think their the decedent's of nobility. It's actually a pretty common thing."

Truly, I was fascinated by these tales of crazy pastel ponies. "Really?"

Shiv let out a little laugh, one that almost fooled me into thinking that she wasn't a mercenary working for the pony who had shot up the town I had planned on staying in for at least a good amount of time and who wasn't checking two guns that could take out large chunks of said building.

"Oh, yeah. It's like there's some sort of mental illness down there that makes unicorn's loopy. There's the Masked Mare's down in New Pegasus, the Honorable Society of Post-Wartime Gentlestallions in Detrot, the Duchy of Hazard in Chicagcolt, heck, there's even a bunch of ponies down south in the Hoof that call themselves the Society. Just Society. Like they're the only ponies around who are civilized, because they live in a big house."

I let myself laugh, finally pushing the idea that they would possibly recognize my voice into the gutter and allowing myself to become a little more relaxed.

"So, what is this thing, anyway?"

Shiv smiled broadly. "We call it the Super Slaughter Shooty Shelly Sniper 6000."

I blinked. Perhaps I had judged her sanity too soon. "Why?"

"That's the name of it!" Shank replied to me, up on the couch, "And it's catchier after you say it a few times."

Shiv smiled hesitantly at her sisters words, before shrugging once and turning back to the two guns. "Yeah. But the name come's from these right here. Two Notus-Class magical anti-aircraft cannons!" she said as she patted the base of one of the huge cylinders fondly, "These two babies only need a bit of magical energy and the runes inside them do the rest. All it takes to keep it running is the occasional pinch of ruby dust and a bit of oil here and there. Me and my sister rigged it up ourselves; we got it off this old zebra robot down near the Hoof."

I suddenly realized that I was looking at yet another pony seemingly obsessed with guns, albeit one who at least seemed pretty mild as far as ponies went.

Looking up at the building, up at the very top of the big steel & glass slab, I understood that I had a plan forming in my head. It was a crazy, utterly mad plan, but if it worked, I could say that I actually managed to convince a group of heavily armed ponies to stand down and stop harassing a group of ponies that I hoped with give me some sort of reward. I gripped the little white comb in my left palm, remembering what I was even doing here anyway.

"Hey, Shiv? Do you think Rollcall would let me borrow his megaphone if I told him there was a griffon on the roof with a innocent filly who needed to get down?"

Comments

[Oubliette]

O god it's the flimflam kids.