Fallout Equestria: Taking Life By The Horns

by Pokonic

You Know, There's A Real Chance That She's The Main Antagonist

I didn't know when I woke up in the bed, really, but I did know that I didn't want to get up. My back ached badly and my head was throbbing, and as it was I wasn't sure what I would awaken to, considering the last thing I saw.

Moving my head to the right and letting myself open a single bleary eye, I saw that I was back in the same bedroom Blueberry and I hunkered down in, and that, among other things, the pony in the bed to my right was snug in the blankets, face-up and snoozing quietly.

If the light coming from the window in the center of the wall was any indication, it was something close to morning. Letting myself smile a little, I let my head sink back into the pillow it was rightfully resting on and laid there for some time, not really wanting to get up because, to be frank, the bed might have been the softest thing I had ever had the pleasure to sleep on.

I kept doing this until I felt a odd pressure on my left horn, as if something was adding weight to it. Hoping I didn't get it caught on one of the pillows on the bed, I opened my eyes just to see if that was the case.

Two big brown eyes filled my line of vision entirely.

I suddenly became aware of the something small breathing, and the smell of burnt sugar.

"Heya mister Watchful." Candy Cane whispered halfway into my ear, "I didn't want to wake you, so I just waited for you to wake up. There's breakfast downstairs."

I probably would have been excused if I had a heart attack right then and there, because Discord damn that little filly if she wasn't trying to make me have one, but I took a deep breath through my nose and spoke as softly as I could considering how I woke up.

"Candy Cane, why are you standing on my horn, and how long have you been there?"

The little brown filly blinked. "Well, I was trying to stay on the pillow, but you were moving a bit, and I really just wondered if you would notice." She paused. "I'v been waiting for you since the sun came up, I think."

I moved a bit to the side, all but forcing her to get her little legs off my horns and making her plop down on one of the fluffier pillows.

"Candy Cane," I grumbled, shooing her away with a free hand as I started to move of the bed, "don't to that again."

"Okay." she said, not taking her eyes off me as I moved across the room.

"How do you know there's breakfast, Candy Cane?" I said tiredly as I made my way over to my gathered belongings on the floor, confirming that they had not been tampered with overnight.

"Oh, miss Dawn said that she made some for us, but that it would've been rude if I ate without you and Blueberry. So I was just waiting."

I was pleasantly surprised, if in a somewhat subdued manner. While I now perfectly understood that Golden Dawn had a very good reason to wear as much as equinely possible, she did seem the sort who would try to avoid the topic at hand by any means possible, up to including what seemed to be a genuine meal.

"Candy Cane, are either of the nice mare's home?" I said hopefully.

The little filly shook her head. "No, miss Dawn said that she and miss Nightcore would be gone for most of the day, in that big radio building, and that she would be over soon. She didn't want you to have any need to go over there, so she made breakfast"

I frowned. I needed to talk to Nightcore, that wasn't a option. She seemed to have a deep understanding of the area and I needed information about the apparently horrible place I was traveling to.

Furthermore, I had the feeling I needed to apologize to her for something.

"Mister Watchful, are you okay? Your staring into space really funny." Candy Cane quipped before looking at the door. "Can we eat now? I am really hungry."

I suddenly had a thought, and it wasn't one I wanted to have again. "Candy Cane, did you see Golden Dawn without her...coverings?"

The filly shook her head up and down excitedly, eyes wide. "Uh huh! She didn't want me to see her, but I told her not to be scared, and she showed me anyway! Didn't she look cool with those bunch of little clickity-clack-y things on her mouth like a big radr-"

I directed a hand over to the general direction of Blueberry to quiet the little filly down. "Now, Candy Cane, Blueberry doesn't need to know that you saw what she looks like under her clothing. Golden Dawn and Nightcore are all very nice ponies and we don't want to lose them as friends. Now, Golden Dawn is very sensitive and would probably not like it if Blueberry learned about it without her knowing first."

Looking a little dejected, I realized that, out of anyone in this building, Candy Cane probably wanted to stay close to Blueberry, even if she was completely unqualified to watch over her.

"Candy Cane, please understand I am not trying to be mean. I understand that you might like miss Dawn, but you can't talk about what you saw to anyone beside's me or Dawn. Go on downstairs and eat breakfast, I will be down in a minute along with Blueberry."

At that, the little filly brightened up considerably, and in a few moment's scuttled out of the room on her short little legs to the staircase. After she left, I let out a breath I was holding.

The little filly creeped me out. It wasn't just the fact that she woke me up so suddenly, but also she seemed to have no reaction to Dawn's...particular features other than childish glee. Perhaps I should have expected no different from the filly who lived in a room with two corpses and a bat-pony for company, but I could do nothing to make her any less creepy, and I had bigger worries at the moment.

"Blueberry, wake up." I said, poking her in the shoulder. Or at least I hoped it was her shoulder, it could have been her neck for all I knew.

"Ugnf." the lump under the sheets groaned.

"Blueberry, there's food."

Suddenly, the little blue pony out of the covers threw them off the bed, presumably with magical assistance, and took quick fleeting glimpses of the room. After a few moments of confusion, she looked directly at me and scowled.

"Not funny, Watchful, you owe me for that, I really am hungry." she said glumly, giving me a hard stare. It might have been a effective one if her mane wasn't covering half her face.

"Blueberry, I am not being mean. There's breakfast downstairs."

Blueberry mouthed last three words I just said silently and gave me a look like I was crazy. "Your kidding, right? Breakfast? They made breakfast? Let me guess, it's like a giant buffet down there?"

---

"Omigoddsstisisgood." Blueberry tried to say over a mouthful of syrup-soaked pancakes before giving up and swallowing. "Watchful, remind me to never say a bad thing about these wonderful ponies ever again. Praise these ponies. Praise these wonderful lesbians."

"Okay." I said, spooning up a small amount of red lumpy berries that were almost shaped like little hollow cones and putting it on my own stack of pancakes. "All hail Discord, bringer of bountiful gayness."

Candy Cane said nothing, too busy apparently attempting to double her own body weight in one sitting, which normally I would have objected to but, at the moment, I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop.

Blueberry thought she was making some sort of giant exaggeration when she said that our hostess made a buffet for us. That was actually closer to the truth that she could have thought, really.

The parlor room's central table was covered in all sorts of foods that I would have thought would have been a meal unto themselves. There was several stacks of big fluffy bread-things that Blueberry called pancakes near a large towering bottle of maple syrup, and another plate was topped with several hearty slices of a sort of yellow cheese that was soft and almost buttery. Off to the side, a few dozen sheets of a strange salty-smelling plant that Blueberry identified as seaweed was seemingly prepared in a way that almost perfectly mimicked bacon, complete with soft fatty bits and harder, chewier bits that had good texture. There was also two large bowls stacked with small berries, both somewhat lumpy but while one was filled with dark colored berries, the other was filled with the light red one's I found tasty enough to add to my plate.

That was another thing; there was a stack of plates on a small wooden stool nearby, complete with little forks and knives and little napkins. I didn't know there were any napkins left that were not improvised.

To be honest, this was not my sort of fair. I preferred meat, and I didn't especially like sweet things anyway, and so I stuck with the cheese and fruit. However, my two pony companions seemed to inhale the sugar-dripping fruits and breads like they had never eaten before in their lives.

"Blueberry, don't you think you should slow down? I mean, you have eaten a lot already." I said a few minutes of eating my fill, laying my dirtied plate on the stool.

She gave me a look that was clearly meant to tell me to be quiet. "Watchful, I'm a big mare, I know when I get full."

Feeling a little embarrassed that I even asked her that, I turned my head to Candy Cane, who, to my despair, had a pile of pancakes almost as tall as she was on her plate and that wasn't counting the amount of the cheese she somehow had wedged in at the end of her plate. I wasn't exactly joking when I mentioned her eating habits, considering she was on her first plate when Blueberry and I came downstairs and she was currently on her third. I couldn't tell, as she was seated on one of the big chairs like the two adults in the room, but I was sure that her belly was sticking out at the sides. Perhaps it was natural for ponies to be a little pudgy, but this was a bit much.

"Candy Cane, I wouldn't eat like that, or you might look like Blueberry in a few years." I said lightheartedly, bringing out the big guns to try and make the little filly to stop.

Blueberry gave me a utterly murderous look, one that only faded slightly when she heard Candy Cane giggling girlishly. I still noticed that the filly was still somehow balancing her knife and fork in her hooves and carving another bite of pancakes.

"Hey, I'm just stout." Blueberry complained, giving me a little annoyed look. "You minotaur's have it easy, you are all lean and musclebound like griffons. Ponies have to try and look decent from all angles."

I raised a eyebrow. "Really, this is what we are going to talk about right now?"

She had to stifle a stray bit of laughter at that.

"Okay, well, if you ask me, all ponies tend to be on the chubby side unless shown otherwise. Like Nightcore." I said bluntly.

Blueberry gave that some thought. "Okay, so ponies tend to carry a bit of fat on them. So what? And really, Nightcore's not a good example of the average mare. I mean, she's a little, well, well rounded, but I think would that's a healthier weight than most of the one's out in the wasteland." she took a spare moment to take a bite of cheese. "Also, heck, I understand why, with all this good food her marefriend makes, goodness know's I would eat as much as she can." A few moment's later, Blueberry's face turned a bright purple. "I guess it helps...accent her clothing too."

I was doubtful that that was the case; I was more concerned that I was seemingly was missing out on something about ponies wearing small amount of clothing in their homes. Regardless, Candy Cane pointed at the icebox, which was not actually moved from it's old position from the day before, and Blueberry undid the top on the thing and soon she was eagerly guzzling on a soda.

"Anyway," I decided to continue from where the conversation died on Blueberry's end, " I am not sure that your point is really a issue, Blueberry. Like you said, most ponies don't seem to have much extra weight with them, and where I grew up the only one's with any extra meat on their bones where the cows, and, well, if we are really going to go into cross-species standards of what count's as attractive, it fit's them well. All goes to the hips and...stuff."

Blueberry gave a quick glance at Candy Cane, who was demolishing another stack of pancakes, before shrugging slightly and looking at me once again. "What do you mean 'stuff'? Like udder's?" she said a little teasingly so I knew she wasn't being serious.

"No, not really, like," I started to feel a little embarrassed but such was my life, "breasts."

Blueberry gave me a strange look. "Wait, so all those minotaur's with the weird bullet-shaped chests..." Her words trailed off, and, for whatever reason, she raised a hoof and looked at her belly, and then at me, and then, face bright red, started giggling so hard I was afraid she was going to knock her plate off the chair she was sitting on.

I looked at Candy Cane for a moment, who was just staring at me, wide eyed and slightly shocked like I just said something weird or something, and I just sighed and took up another big spoonful of the red berries and put them in my hand.

"Blueberry, what's so funny?" I asked, not understanding what set both of the little ponies on either side of me off into giggling fits."

"Watchful," Blueberry said, "never change. Never, ever, change."

"Fine." I said gruffly, leaning back into the chair, half annoyed and half wanting to join in with the laughing.

A few minutes later, I gave in.

---

Noon came and passed by quickly, but there really wasn't any way to tell considering how weak the sunlight was anyway. Blueberry located the kitchen and discovered that it had running water, which made her convinced that we were in some sort of time-displaced house and that we were actually in wartime Equestria or something, which was a little hard to disprove, actually, going by the nigh-perfect conditions of nearly everything inside the house. Candy Cane, true to my fears, seemed to have issues getting her stomach off the ground, giving her the appearance of the world's youngest expecting mother, but Blueberry just giggled at my worries and said it will resolve itself quickly.

I still don't know what that means.

To make a long story short, I had to take the far heavier Candy Cane upstairs after she slipped into a food coma of sorts and put her to bed, which might have been a cute moment if she wasn't so heavy; and afterwords I helped Blueberry explore the house.

Well, exploring wasn't the right word. There was only only door that was unlocked on the main floor, and it was pretty clear what was behind it.

---

"Blueberry, this has to be some sort of new low." I said, pleading slightly. I didn't even like being in the hallway we were in. It had almost no lighting and it was rather small for me, and every time I moved the wood creaked. I hated it.

Blueberry just gave me a wistful, almost plain look. "Look, Watchful, it's the only way to make sure. If they are hiding anything, it's behind this door."

"Blueberry, this is their house, and right behind that door is their bedroom. I doubt this is standard guest protocol."

"Bah, Watchful, you'r no fun. These ponies probably have all the juicy secret's behind the locked doors. We won't even touch anything, just peak around."

I sighed. "What if there's defenses behind that door, Blueberry? Or even something like a recorder. Remember, this is the mare who operated the local radio station by herself." I let that sink in. "And I refuse to touch anything. This completely violates there privacy, Blueberry."

Blueberry's look turned downcast. "Look, I know this isn't right, but we have to make sure."

I was close to pushing open the door, but I stalled. "Blueberry, what if they learn that we even went in here?"

She shrugged. "I guess we deal with that if it comes around. If they have any weapons, I would bet they would be in here anyway."

To try and get this silly, stupid, pointless thing over with, I gently opened the double doors at the end of the hall.

Oh, it looked like the place that would belong to a mare named 'Nightcore', all right.

It was hard to tell if the light was on or not, because the light bulb's that glowed overhead were, for whatever reason, tinted a pale pink, which made the whole room's dark color's even more extreme. The walls were black and velvety, and the floor was the carpeted with the same base material the walls were covered with. The large bed with dark opaque sheets hanging over it was black and probably extremely soft. The ambient temperature in the room was quite a bit warmer than the rest of the house, perhaps because of everything being darker in color or even because of a lack of air-conditioning. To the right of the room was what seemed to be a walk-in closet, while to the left of the bed was a small desk covered in knick-nacks.

"Blueberry, we should just turn back now. See? Nothing here. Nothing strange. Let's go back to our room, it's at least close to dark, Dawn has to be coming back soon." I said glumly.

She just aimlessly stood there, near the center of the room, taking in every bit of it.

"Okay," she said, a little bit of defeat tinging her voice,"you win. They are just two mares, one of which has access to a mass information relay and the other covers every bit of her body, and just live together in this huge house with a seemingly unlimited amount of bits for a food budget."

At that, however, she moves to the left side of the room, seemingly tempted to enter the closet. "But I have to admit, half the stuff in here could pass for raider gear." she said, sounding rightfully embarrassed. "And the other half, er, Watchful, you probably shouldn't look at."

I snorted dismissively at her antics before I spotted what seemed to be a black (of course) refrigerator set into the wall near the bed, one that I only noticed because of how it reflected the light. Opening it, there was just a single item, a dark bottle with a white label. Taking it out of it very carefully, as to not stir up it's contents, I turned to Blueberry and motioned to the bottle with my free hand.

"Hey Blueberry, what's Horshy Syrup?"

Blueberry gave me one of the most purely startled looks she has ever given me, and started to crack up.

"W-watchful, let's just leave now. I understand it now; we have found the most perfect couple in all of the Wasteland. They are rich, intelligent, personally skilled, and, most importantly...!"

She paused to let out a high-pitched bout of laughter that made me wonder if she had simply gone mad.

"...Okay, you won, they're harmless, let's just go to bed." she finally finished, almost sounding tired from just how much she was laughing.

Putting the syrup in it's rightful place in the wall, I waved Blueberry off. "Give me a moment, there's just one last thing I want to check first."

Blueberry tilted her head in confusion. "What, I thought I just told you, you were right."

I nodded. "I just want to check that dresser. I will be up in a few moment's, don't worry."

Blueberry's smile turned into a forced upturning of the lips that mimicked a smile all but in nature. "Okay, just don't spend to much time obsessing over it. I'm going to check on Candy Cane."

With that, she was out of the room, a little displeased, I made my way to the desk to the left of the bed. Really, it was a mess, a few books here and there, a few scattered news clippings about a pony named "Savage Love", some jewelry that I had no intention on touching, a spare candle here and there, things I would have expected to see on a desk. There was also, to my mild surprise, a record player haphazardly placed on the end of the desk, and, with simple curiosity, I flipped the manual switch and put the needle on it.

I hate a moral coward, one who lacks a marely spark
I just detest a mare afraid to go home in the dark
I always spend my evening where there's stallions, wine, and song
but like a mare, I always bring my little wife along!

Even if the singer was clearly male and the record was old and in poor condition, it was a rather amusing little song that wasn't too loud, so I left it on as I looked over the rest of the things on the desk. It all seemed to be a few things that would very much be noticed if I so much as touched them.

However, my eyes did spot three small things on the desk that attracted my attention; a trio of small pictures, each only a few inch's wide. Humming the tune of the song, I picked up the one closest to me and held it up close to the light.

It was clearly a very old photo, nearly entirely grey, but I did make out what it depicted. It was a foal dressed up in something extremely frilly and probably extremely expensive if the gems on the dress was any indication. I couldn't make out any real details of the pony in the picture itself, only that her light colored hair was curled into thick ringlets.

The next photo was far more clear in what it showed but that just made it that more shocking. Indeed, I was glad Blueberry didn't go near it, for it was a photo of Nightcore and a unclothed Golden Dawn sitting on a beach, doing that odd neck snuggle thing ponies did. Indeed, it seemed to be a picture of them of them kissing, but to a casual observer it would have been hard to tell because of Golden Dawns...mouth parts. I half wondered who the photographer for this picture was, and if he was drunk enough to take the picture without looking away from it.

Quickly putting it down right where I picked it up, I took up the final one and looked at it carefully. Then I blinked, thought I was seeing things, and looked over it again. Nightcore was in the center of it, in some sort of large unadorned room, slightly younger and perhaps a little thinner than she was currently. However, what got my attention was the bored looking mare to her left, who was immortalized on the greyish print as forever rolling her eyes and raising a hoof at the camera in some sort of defiant manner.

The mare was dark of coat, a unicorn, and had a trio of flaming fleshless heads on her rump.

I stared at the photo, quickly understanding that I knew the pony on it, and I didn't like her at all.

Nightcore knew Charnel well enough to have a photo of the two of them next to one of a precious moment with her marefriend and what might have been a relic of her childhood. When I recalled that Dawn did mention Nightcore's cousin coming over earlier, along with something about a trip into Tauronto, I suddenly felt very stupid.

"This is proof that someone down there hates me." I muttered to myself after carefully placing the picture back where they originally rested. At that moment, the cheerful music decided to finish with it's song, ending with a screetch.

Seeing that as a sort of cosmic "get out" sign sent to me by something I wasn't about to question, because I was in a place I wasn't supposed to be, I quickly made out of the room and, as efficiently as possible, headed for the second floor, where true safety awaited me in the form of a blue unicorn and a sleeping foal.

At least, that's what I expected.

Yes, Blueberry was asleep and so was Candy Cane, presumably. but my priorities shifted as soon as I spotted a very unexpected guest waiting for me.

It was hanging down from the ceiling from it's tail, leathery wings curled up around it like a blanket and teeth bared in a smile.

"Hey, wassup man?" the bat pony said in the most casual tone possible when one was hanging upside down in the middle of your room uninvited.