Chapter 1: Lone Wolf
The Hunter’s Heart.
Chapter 1: Lone Wolf.
Cross Hair, a grey unicorn stallion was running faster than he’s ever run before in his life. As he cut through the strange forest he looked back to see if the Timber wolves were still after him, he ducked into a nearby cave to catch his breath.
Okay, note to self; do not try to take down a Timber wolf pack. Cross set his saddle bags down and trotted over to a small puddle and began to look himself over, his right eye was covered by an eye patch with a cross hair symbol on it. He wore the eye patch ever since ‘the accident’, it happened when he was a colt. He dipped his brown river hat in the puddle and flopped it back onto his head allowing the cold water to drip down over his head and onto his face, he let out a moan of relief as the water trickled off his head and on to his back, washing of the dirt and grime that had collected on him. He shook his grey coat dry and checked to see if the coast was clear, he put his saddle bags onto his back and continued onward. He came to a thicket, he pulled out his serrated knife and began to carve his way through, as he got to the other side he came to a clearing.
Thank Celestia, a clearing in this crazy forest, better call Ace and- he was cut off by the sounds of several growls coming from the thicket, he looked around to see bright yellow eyes glaring at him. He got to his hooves and started to observe his surroundings, he noticed that the grass had been trampled flat and that it was riddled with bones of small animals strewn around the place. He closed his eyes and started to chuckle to himself. Of coarse.....It’s their bucking den. the wolves began to walk in a circular formation, until a larger wolf stepped forward and stared at the stallion with blood lust in his eyes.
Cross stared right back at the wolf. “So..you’re the Alpha huh?” the beat started to growl at the other wolves, they soon backed off and returned to the thicket. Cross stared back at the large beast with a cocky smile he then had a thought. Wow, this is like that scene from ‘The Black’ with Liam Neighson. the wolf was beginning to become annoyed with his prey, the wolf took a few steps closer to the stallion. Cross could smell the beast’s breath and see the drool dripping from the wolfs mouth. Cross opened his bag and withdrew his serrated blade and put it in his mouth, he glared back at the beast, it’s eyes locked on to the stallion. Well no-pony lives forever. ALLONS-Y!
Cross charged at the wolf with the knife in his mouth, the wolf did the same. Cross could feel the beast’s claws digging into him and tearing his coat. Cross started stab the beast with his knife, the wolf let out a cry of agony, it dropped the stallion and circled around for another attack. Cross was ready this time he let out a blast from his horn that connected with the wolf’s head. It let out a cry of pain, it then swiped the stallion across his face. Cross brought his hooves to his face in pain, he looked over at the Timber wolf that started to charge again. Cross stood still and aimed for the wolf’s head again. The blast connected with the wolfs head and fell to the ground. Cross limped over to the wolf’s body and saw that it was just unconscious. He threw his hat back on top of his head and started to bleed profusely. He made his way back into the forest, he was breathing heavily, his vision was starting to blur. He could feel his hooves starting to give under his weight. He fell to the ground and could feel darkness starting to take him. “I....guess....this.......is it.” as he closed his eye, he swore he heard the sound of hoof-steps.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cross’s eye snapped open to find that he was staring at a wooden roof, he sat up to see that he was laying in a very comfortable bed, the room had a very rustic and homely feel to it. Cross put a hoof on his face and felt that his eye-patch was still there, as he tried to get up he felt a harsh pain coarse through his body. He looked down to see that his mid section was covered in bandages, he also felt some on his face. The door suddenly opened to reveal a yellow pegasus with a flowing pink mane and cyan eyes, she gave a quick squeal of surprise when she saw the stallion sitting up, she quickly hurried over to his side.
“Oh thank goodness you’re awake! I was so worried!” she said in a concerned tone. “How are you feeling?”
“I feel fine......all things considering.” he said as he looked down at the bandages. “I don’t mean to be rude miss, but who are you and where am I?” the yellow mare shrank back and avoided eye contact.
“I’m Fluttershy.” she said in a barely audible volume.
“Fluttershy? Did I hear that right?” the mare nodded. “Well, that answers one question, but what happened?”
“I found you a few days ago in the Everfree Forest, when I saw your condition I couldn’t leave you like that. So I brought you to my home and patched you up. You’re not mad are you?” she said in a timid voice.
“Of coarse I’m not mad why would I......Wait a how many days have I been here?”
“Counting today? Six.”
“WHAT!” he screamed. Fluttershy cringed back in fear at the stallions’ yelling. “Sorry about that Fluttershy, didn’t mean to shout.”
“No I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”
“What do you have to be sorry for? You saved my life, I would’ve become somethings lunch if it wasn’t for you.” he said with a smile.
“Oh, it’s really nothing. But what were you doing out there anyway?”
“I was just passing through, until I accidentally stumbled into a Timber Wolf den.” he said with a guilty smile.
“What!” she said as she lifted a hoof over her mouth.
“And then the Alpha male challenged me, I won.”
“Where is the Alpha now?” she asked in a concerned voice.
“Don’t know, I knocked it out before I passed out. It’s probably still out there walking around.” he said as he tired to get up again, another wave of pain washed over him again. The yellow mare then rushed to his side.
“Please stay in bed, you still haven’t recovered your strength yet.” she said with pleading eyes. Cross looked at the mare and gave a heavy sigh.
“Alright fine. I will and don’t worry, I’ll pay you back for this. I promise.”
“Oh you don’t have to do that, kindness is it’s own reward.” she said with a smile. Cross’s stomach let out a loud grumble.
“Heh-heh, sorry. I guess I haven’t eaten in a few days.”
“That’s alright it’s around dinner time anyway, I’ll be right back with some soup.” she said as she trotted out of the room with a smile on her face. Cross laid back in the bed and stared up at the ceiling.
Wow, am I lucky she found me.
No kidding, plus she’s cute.
Let’s not get ahead of ourselves now, we don’t want to take advantage of her hospitality.
True, but what about when you’re better?
Let’s just focus on recovering right now and then I’ll worry about her love life Deal?
Deal.
The door opened again to show Fluttershy balancing two bowls of soup on her back, she trotted over to him and he took it from her with a smile on his face. As Fluttershy turned around to get herself a chair she tripped, sending her and the bowl of soup flying. Before she could hit the ground she felt herself being held by a magical aura, she looked over to see Cross’s horn glowing, she felt herself being stood back up on her hooves and the bowl of soup being place on her back, with the piping hot liquid still in the bowl.
“Th-thank you.” she said with a grin.
“No problem, it’d stink if my hostess got burned.” he then saw a small white rabbit glaring at him with daggers in his eyes. Fluttershy noticed the small rabbit and hurried over to it.
“Angel be nice. He’s our guest.” as the bunny trotted away he made the ‘I’m watching you’ sign with his paws. “Angel can be a bit fussy, but he’s really sweet once you get to know him.” the two continued to eat until Cross realized something, Fluttershy’e eyes shrank at his action. “What you don’t like the soup? That’s okay I can just-”
“No it’s not the soup, the soup is amazing. I just feel bad.”
“Why?”
“Here you are giving me food, shelter, healing me and I haven’t even told you my name.”
“Oh that’s alright you don’t-” she was cut off by him raising a hoof.
“No, it’s common courtesy to give your name before asking for some-pony else’s. I’m Cross Hair, but you can call me Cross.” he said with a smile.
“Nice to meet you Cross I-” she was cut off by letting out a low pitched yawn.
Okay, now that may have just been the cutest sound I’ve ever heard.
“You okay Fluttershy?”
“Yeah I’m just tired, I haven’t slept recently.”
“How long is ‘recently?’” he asked as he cocked an eyebrow.
“Ummm.........three days.” she said in a timid voice.
“What! Fluttershy that’s not healthy, you need your rest.”
“But what if you-”
“Fluttershy you need to sleep, I’ll be fine. Why don’t you got to your bed and take a nice long-” Fluttershy’s suddenly adverted her gaze, something clicked in the back of Cross’s mind. “This is your bed, isn’t it?” the yellow mare nodded and Cross face hoofed. “So you’ve been sleeping on the floor?”
“No, I have a couch downstairs, it’s really comfortable. Don’t worry I sleep on it when I’m to tired to come up here or have a guest.” she gave him a reassuring smile, Cross looked at her feeling guilty.
“Well okay...but as soon as I’m mobile I’ll take the couch. Deal?”
“Deal, let me just put these in the sink, I’ll check your heart beat and then I’ll go to sleep.”
“Okay, her you go.” he levitated the empty soup bowl over to her, as she exited the room she gave him a quick smile, as soon as she was gone Cross put his hooves over his eyes.
Ugh this mare is killing me with kindness! She’s healing me, feeding me and letting me sleep in her own bed for Faust’s sake!
Well at least she’s nice.
True a little TOO nice, what’s her angle?
Maybe she knows about the-
No, no-pony knows about that. he stopped thinking when he heard hoof steps outside the door. Fluttershy walked in with a smile on her face, as she drew closer a blush appeared on her face.
“Umm....I need to invade your personal space for a minute.” she said as he blush brightened.
“It’s fine, go ahead.” Fluttershy put her right ear to the stallions muscular chest and started to listen, Cross was praying that she wouldn’t look up at his blush.
“Hmm....you’ve got a pretty strong heart beat.”
“Thanks, I-” he was cut off when he saw that the yellow mare had fallen asleep on his chest. He moved over and levitated the mare onto the bed, making sure not to wake her up. The yellow pegasus then let out a soft snore. Okay I take back what I said earlier. THAT is the cutest sound I’ve ever heard. He levitated over the spare blanket’s in the corner of the room and drew them over the mare. Soon the familiar bliss that is sleep took him.
Stats
Page generated in 0.02 seconds
Total duration
957 users online
301,477 hits today, 2,814,898 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Why is a pony hunting in the first place...?
1908936 I'll explain later on.
1909029
Calling it now, he comes from a tribe of carnivorous ponies and is planning on eating Fluttershy.
Pretty good
Please continue!
1909029 He's a Ghoul Hunter!
brb, reading...
EDIT: Here's some pointers:
You should put commas around names in dialogue. Like this:
Also this:
It's 'course' not 'coarse'
'Coarse' is an antonym to 'fine'
I have to agree with Cross, Fluttershy can be cute 24/7
Looks interesting, I'll definitely have to read it later
Looks great! Can't wait for more!
1909035 LE GASP*
I WOULD NEVER TO THAT TO FLUTTERSHY! Jut the thought of that makes me
You'll see in the next chapter!
Sweet, looking good so far! Well, it's only the first chapter; but nevertheless I am looking forward to future chapters!
Kawai!!!!!!!!!!!!
X9000
Read Bio..first thing i said: SICK NAME!!
A doctor who reference AND a reference from the grey?!
U 
I
1909093 can be? No she is cute 24/7 no questions.
FLUTTERSHY IS CUTE NO MATTER WHAT END OF CONVERSATION
"He's" is a conjunction of "he" and "is," or "has." Use of either here is in the incorrect tense anyway, since he "was" running (past tense).
Use "faster than he had ever run" instead.
Use a comma to clarify that pause between "strange forest" and "he looked."
Also, the end phrase "he ducked into a nearby cave to catch his breath" is a whole sentence in itself, and shouldn't be tacked to the end with a comma.
You'll want a semicolon here, inside the quotation marks.
Also, double-quotes on "the accident." Also acceptable to italicise in fanfics.
Gonna want to split this at "coast was clear."
This is three complete ideas crammed together with commas.
Reword:
As he came to a thicket, he pulled out his serrated blade and began to carve his way through to a clearing on the other side.
Gonna need to chop the sentence at "crazy forest." "Better call Ace and-" is another whole idea.
And again, separate ideas crammed together with commas.
I'm just gonna be totally honest with you, alright?
It'd help your work a lot to have someone proof this with you step-by-step so you learn to catch your own mistakes, and improve your skills through constant correction.
If you have a decent word processor like Microsoft Word, or the freeware LibreOffice/OpenOffice, you are able to see basic grammatical errors highlighted for you.
While I see that the premise is good, and flooded my mind's eye with imagery (good job on this, btw), the grammar just kills it for me.
Please, please find someone to proofread before publishing, or at least give it serious rereading.
A friend of mine has a story with five chapters fully fleshed-out, and yet doesn't plan on releasing them for a long time.
He frequently comes up with a spark of inspiration, and ends up coming back to that chapter and plugging it in.
As a result, the chapters become richer, longer, and more captivating because of the sheer amount of contemplation put into it before they are published.
I'd like to ask the same here; please take some time to mull chapters over inside your head. Rereading your work over and over helps iron out any errors, inconsistencies, and distractions.
For now, I won't read any more of this. (Stopped a couple paragraphs in.
)
I'll come back to it when it's rewritten smoother and error-free. I don't want grammar to ruin the story for me.
Good luck mate. You got potential; let's shine it up, aye?
Got to
LOVE
a good Doctor Who reference!
2070046 good point
None can avoid referencing the wonder that is Doctor Who. He's the reason I started a bowtie collection.
I like it though there are a couple mistakes you should fix, very good story definitely going to my favorites!
.
Since when did the wolf have a knife? That sneaky wolf must've been hiding it behind his back!
https://youtu.be/D2d2WGSoS58