Double Down
Twilight had taken a rather wordy route during her explanation of the recent events that had lead to her current predicament. Somewhere along the way, the two unicorns had downed one pot of tea and were hard at work on a second. Naturally, with Rarity being a well mannered host, a plate of gourmet wafers and small sandwiches had been devoured as well, adding to the layer of crumbs upon the plates.
“Alright, I think I’ve got this all figured out.” Rarity spoke with confidence for the first time since Twilight’s explanation began. “Everything between you, Rainbow Dash, and Luna is a massive misunderstanding.”
Twilight nodded. “Correct.”
Rarity tapped a hoof to her chin. “Well, that’s simple enough, but it still doesn’t address the problem of whom you are going to date.”
“Yes it does!” Twilight countered. “I’m not dating either of them.”
“Hmm...”
“What?”
Rarity’s expression shifted slyly. “Oh, I was just thinking about how much detail you went into when describing those kisses.” As she had expected, Twilight’s face was trying its best to mimic Big Macintosh’s coat.
“T-there’s nothing to discuss about that!” Despite her protest, Rarity’s confident expression didn’t falter. The fashionista seemed determined to play matchmaker. This was the seventh time she’d brought up those kisses and Twilight’s embarrassment hadn’t diminished in the slightest. Twilight began to regret her decision to come to Rarity for romantic advice. It was clear as day that all those fictional romance stories had damaged the part of her brain that contained common sense regarding how relationships actually worked. It was as if nothing she said could convince Rarity that she wasn’t interested in dating at least one of the two ponies currently convinced they had won her affection. Seriously! One small misunderstanding didn’t mean that she was suddenly in love!
“Forgive me if I don’t believe you, darling. In my experience, one does not dwell so extensively on a single kiss if it had no effect one’s feelings.” A small sigh from Rarity was all Twilight needed to know where her friend’s mind had wandered. She dared not contemplate what dark and indecent acts that Rarity was fantasizing over. If this conversation had done anything for Twilight, it had certainly given her the strength she needed to make a very difficult decision.
As soon as she returned home, Twilight was revoking Rarity's library card. It may have been too late to undo some of the permanent damage, but she could at least stop her friend from delving deeper into the abyss known as erotic fiction. Perhaps, someday, Rarity might recover and be able to lead a life involving normal, realistic romance.
“I’m just a very detail oriented pony,” Twilight retorted with a newfound resolve. It was time to put a stop to this dead end conversation and start discussing real solutions.
Rarity’s gaze hardened to an incredulous glare. “Twilight, your descriptions of those details were closer to poetry than an unbiased recounting of a meaningless event.”
Twilight fidgeted nervously. “I was just practicing my use of purple prose.”
Rarity’s gaze did not falter.
Twilight screamed in frustration. “What the hay is so wrong about enjoying a stupid kiss?”
Rarity granted Twilight a temporary reprieve from her steely glare, closing her eyes for a moment as she savored another sip of her tea. Once the deliciously relaxing draught had been delicately removed from her cup, she resumed her firm gaze. “Nothing is wrong with enjoying a kiss. I’m simply asking if your enjoyment is the starting point of some deeper feelings.”
“I don’t know!” Twilight screamed. Suddenly, the lavender unicorn slumped; her shoulders and head drooped as though she’d suffered some great disappointment. “I... don’t know.” she repeated weakly.
With that, Rarity released her harsh gaze, allowing a warm smile to overtake her expression. “There, that wasn’t so hard to admit, now was it?”
Twilight didn’t respond.
Rarity’s lips slipped from a smile to a slight pout. “Oh, come now, darling, you just said yourself there’s nothing wrong with enjoying a kiss.”
Twilight responded with a nicker.
Rarity’s voice adopted a sing-song tone. “You keep being childish like that and I won’t tell you how to resolve this dilemma.”
Finally, Twilight looked up. “Alright, let’s hear your amazing plan.”
Rarity could practically hear the implied eye roll, but it mattered not if Twilight was snarky. She had Twilight’s attention, and that was what mattered. “Since both Rainbow Dash and Luna are coming over at the same time, you should just have a nice date with both of them. While you’ve got them both in the same room, you can explain the whole situation to them and ask them to respect your feelings; whatever you decide they are by then.”
Twilight sat silently, allowing various scenarios to play out in her mind. “That... that actually sounds like a decent plan.”
“I’m glad you approve.”
“But that still leaves the problem of setting up a date.”
Rarity chuckled confidently. “Oh, you can just leave all the planning to me.” She punctuated her declaration with a wink. “I’ll even cook for you.”
Finally, Twilight felt a sense of relief. “That sounds great. If Spike’s testimony is anything to go by, I’m sure anything you make will be delicious.” Twilight suddenly froze as a realization struck. She hadn’t considered what Spike would be doing during the date. Between Luna’s lusty demeanor and Rainbow’s strange desire for physical contact, there was a very good possibility that events could occur that would be completely inappropriate for Spike to witness. “What about Spike?” she posited, “I don’t want him to be hanging around during all this. He’s too young to be around Luna!”
“A very good point, one that I must agree with. If Luna is going to be as... forward as she was during your previous encounters, then we absolutely must keep Spike out of eyeshot.” Rarity pursed her lips as a duet of “Hmms,” filled the air. After a brief moment of thought, genius struck. “Oh, I know what we can do.”
Twilight snapped from her pondering to give Rarity her full attention.
“We’ll just arrange for Spikey-Wikey to spend the day with Sweetie and her friends. They can spend the whole day together and then have a nice sleepover at their little club house.”
Twilight nodded enthusiastically. “That’s a great idea!”
“Now that that is settled, you should get going.” Rarity promptly ushered Twilight towards the door. “I’ve got lots of planning to do and I’m certain you’ll want to tidy up the library in preparation. Now don’t worry, I’ll meet you in the morning on the day of the event so we’ll have plenty of time to get everything ready.”
Twilight spun around and embraced her friend in a hug. “Thank you so much, Rarity. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Probably have an aneurysm,” Rarity mumbled under her breath.
“Did you say something?”
“Not at all, darling.” Rarity swiftly put on a smile as the embrace ended. Finally, she managed to shuffle Twilight outside.
“Twilight, if you keep pacing like that you’ll wear a hole in the floor.”
The lavender unicorn came to a halt. “Yes, but I was able to fix that the last time it happened with a simple spell.”
Rarity shook her head in disappointment. “Twilight, please, you really should just calm down. Your dates will be here soon and you don’t want to have worked up a sweat before they even arrive,” she pleaded.
Twilight opened her mouth, ready to explain exactly how pacing around was the only thing keeping her calm at the moment, when a sudden flash of light interrupted her. Princess Luna arrived in the main floor of the Golden Oaks Library. She took the moments of silence after her arrival to briefly inspect the place.
The table in the center of the room had been cleared since her last visit and was now playing host to a traditional dinner motif. A pale yellow cloth covered the table, upon which sat three sets of dinnerware. Everything appeared to be in its proper place, according to formal etiquette. A decidedly eye catching candelabrum sat in the center of the table; three candles were burning.
Luna became suddenly aware of the light, airy scent of a lilac intermingling with the pulpy smell of literature. Had there been a hint of brewing tea, she might have mistaken the smell for that of her sister’s room. Her eyes eventually settled on the two unicorns in the room. One was expected; her Twilight Sparkle. The other, however, was a surprise.
Luna regarded Rarity with curiosity. She was uncertain as to the purpose of Rarity’s presence and decided that such would make a fine topic of discussion. “Good evening, Miss Rarity. To what do we owe the pleasure of thy presence?”
The pearly-white unicorn chuckled at the sudden attention. “Oh, well, I’m here to take care of all the little details of the date.”
Her curiosity satisfied, Luna smiled and turned her attention to the object of her affection. “Tis a pleasure to see thee, Twilight Sparkle. As per thy request, we have come bearing offerings more befitting of thy station.”
Twilight forced a smile onto her lips. “Oh, that’s...” she paused briefly, struggling to find the proper word, “wonderful.” It was not her exact feelings on the subject, but it would have to do.
Luna nodded. “Excellent. Allow us to begin with a poem written in thy honor.” Luna cleared her throat:
“Staring off into the night with my wishful mind
Glaring through the dimly lit abyss fills me with hope
Glowing down from the heavens like a cool breeze
I am warmed by a single thought
A memory of our tomorrow guides me past this ice
And through the sunny fields
I see you now in plain sight, but you move away as I come nearer
Oh starry messenger why must you run
Why do you cloak yourself in the distance even as I stand before you
I was once told that true happiness lies beyond our grasp
suspended in the heavens where it sleeps eternally guarded
by a beautiful Starry Gateway that few can hope to reach
Oh lovely messenger if you know the way there
please take me with you on the long, painful, joy filled journey called love
I see you now in plain sight, will you now move closer
Beauteous starry messenger please guide me with your light
Abandon that cloak you once wore so proudly
Will you come to me and make this hope neverlasting
With your all-knowing touch you may make my wish come true
Please take me with you on the long, painful, joy filled journey called love
I was once told that true happiness lies beyond our grasp
suspended in the heavens where it sleeps eternally guarded
by a beautiful Starry Gateway that few can hope to reach
You wondrous gleaming messenger who fills my every hour
Together we can reach true happiness
We have reached that Starry Gateway”
Twilight was speechless, her mouth hung agape. As the moments grew longer, Luna could feel the doubt creeping in as the ice around her heart grew thicker. Luna lowered her head. “D-didst thou not like it?” Luna’s question seemed to startle the lavender unicorn. The princess took a brief moment to glance at Rarity, hoping to find a more positive reaction. Alas, it was not the case. The pearly unicorn was so upset with her attempt at poetry that she was crying. Luna’s heart sank and her eyes closed.
“Luna...” Twilight broke the silence, “that was... beautiful.”
The princess’ eyes popped open. She raised her gaze to meet Twilight’s. “There is no need for falsities between us, Twilight Sparkle. Thy silence was telling enough.”
Twilight balked at Luna’s response. “What? No, I was just surprised... well, speechless actually,” she protested. A small blush warmed her face. “I honestly wasn't expecting something so amazing. Usually when somepony recites poetry during courtship it’s just some cheesy lines with an A-B-A-B rhyme scheme.”
Luna saw the smile growing on Twilight’s face. Between that and the ever deepening blush of her cheeks, Luna could feel her hope returning. “Then, thou truly enjoyed it?” Luna felt an unexpected quavering in her voice.
The Princess of the Night watched Twilight approach her. The lavender unicorn looked up; their eyes met. For a second, there was a peaceful silence. Luna stared deep into the violet eyes, losing herself in that look of honest determination.
Twilight broke the silence. “Yes, I did. Not to mention, it is the most romantic and most beautiful thing anypony has ever said to me.”
Hope reignited.
“Thank you, Luna.”
Confidence returned.
“I’m curious though,” Twilight continued, “that poem was written with modern grammar. Did somepony else write it?”
Luna nodded. “Oh, yes, we had our sister re-pen our poem with modern structure. We assumed thou would find it more appealing.” She continued to gaze deeply into Twilight’s eyes. The longer she stared, the closer they seemed to be. Before long the princess found her nose pressing against Twilight’s. The unicorn’s reddened cheeks mixed with the warmth of her breath to create an alluring invitation that Luna was in no mood to pass up.
A slight tilt of her head had their lips meet. Luna’s tongue teasingly brushed across Twilight’s lips. The unicorn parted her lips expectantly, but Luna had a different game in mind. Luna flicked the tip of Twilight’s tongue with her own before retreating back to her own mouth. She repeated the action several times, teasing, daring the unicorn to follow her dance.
A knock on the door interrupted the moment. Disappointingly, Twilight broke away. “I’m coming,” the unicorn called out as she trotted to the door. Luna’s tongue ran across her lips. Her goal was close in hoof, and it tasted very sweet. Once Twilight dealt with the minor interruption, she would have the studious little unicorn all to herself for the evening. A smile grew on Luna’s face. She always did garner an extra sense of excitement when she didn’t have to share with her sister. She mentally scoffed at Celestia’s decision not to pursue Twilight Sparkle. It was certainly her loss, Luna thought.
No sooner had the door opened then Rainbow Dash entered the room.
“Hey, Twilight,” Rainbow snuck in a quick nuzzle as she entered, “are you ready for a totally awesome night?”
“She is,” Luna scoffed, drawing the pegasus’ attention. “And our enjoyment shall commence once thou art gone. Finish thy business swiftly, we have important matters to attend to.”
Rainbow Dash narrowed her eyes at the princess. “I think you got that backwards, Princess. See, I’m here for my date with Twilight, and you’re interrupting our time together.”
Such impudence! It was as if this mare felt she had a say in the matter. Luna responded with a glare of her own. “A quaint notion, but this is our scheduled appointment for courting Twilight Sparkle. We suggest thou not interfere any further.”
The pegasus answered with a most brazen display of defiance, she wrapped one wing around Twilight. “Sorry to inform you, Princess, but Twilight’s already going out with me.”
Luna’s horn glowed with power. Enveloping the lavender unicorn in her magical grip, she extricated Twilight from the deluded pegasus’ embrace and planted the unicorn next to her. To make her point even clearer, Luna folded one of her wings around Twilight. “Do not make false claims in our presence!”
“Actually,” Twilight interjected, garnering the attention of both the pegasus and the princess, “I planned for both of you to be here so that you could–” Twilight continued before she was suddenly interrupted by Rarity.
“Twilight, darling, I could really use some assistance in the kitchen if we are to get this little soirè started on time,” the white unicorn added with a broad smile.
Luna felt Twilight slip out from under her wing. The unicorn craned her neck around to look at her. “I’ll be just a moment. It seems I need to help Rarity with something.” Twilight then ushered her fellow unicorn into the kitchen.
Luna calmly took a place at the table, choosing not to dignify the pegasus’ presence with her gaze. “Begone,” she stated harshly.
“In case you missed it, Twilight invited me to be here.”
Luna closed her eyes and tilted her head upward. She had no intention of entertaining a competitor’s presence. Twilight was her’s to woo and this pegasus, no matter how accomplished, had no place interfering with her. “A foolish mistake we are willing to forgive. Twilight Sparkle has captured our attention, much as we assume she has captured thine. Understand that her displays of power, her acts of kindness to us, and her striking form are but the catalysts that have caused our heart to swell with desire for her company and intimacy. Thou art her friend, Rainbow Dash. T’would be best for all if thou remained as such.”
A lowly growl, gruff and unrefined, emanated from across the table. Though she would rather not acknowledge such pitiful competition, there was the off chance that the pegasus might dare lash out at her in anger. Luna opened her eyes, but did not lower her head.
“Why are you being such a jerk about this? What makes you think you have the right to tell me my feelings for Twilight aren’t worth pursuing?” Rainbow Dash snapped.
Luna sharpened her gaze as she slowly lowered her head to stare straight back at the defiant pegasus. The edges of her mouth curled into a grin. Luna spoke in a harsh, yet measured tone. “Because, there is not a single pleasure in this world thou can offer her that I cannot do better.”
Rainbow tensed visibly, her body trembled ever-so-slightly. Luna was certain that her intentions were clear, but for some inexplicable reason, the pegasus just continued to stare right back at her. She could see a clear determination in those magenta eyes. In that moment, Luna knew without a doubt that this pegasus, no... that Rainbow Dash was going to be an obstacle in her path.
“You just said ‘I’,” Rainbow replied, a sense of disbelief pervaded her voice.
Luna blinked. For once in her life, she honestly had no idea how to respond. Her mouth opened slightly. When no words came, she closed it.
“Does that mean that all your ‘we this’ and ‘thou that’ aren’t some kind of speech impediment?”
“Speech impediment?!” Luna slammed a hoof on the floor. “We do not have any difficulties with our speech!”
“Then why don’t you talk like a normal pony?”
Luna made a show of stretching her wings. “We are not a normal pony and will not pretend to be such.”
Rainbow smirked. “Celestia talks normally.”
“We are not our sister,” Luna snapped.
Rainbow sighed. “Yeah, but what’s the point in saying ‘thou’ or ‘thee’ instead of just saying ‘you’?”
“Thou, thee, thy, and thine, carry specific connotations and are used to address a singular entity. Ye, you, your, and yours are intended to address multiple entities as well as for addressing–”
“But nopony uses those anymore,” the pegasus interrupted.
“They should.”
“But if nopony understands all those little details, then what’s the point? Haven’t you ever thought that speaking more like Celestia might be a good thing?”
The pegasus’ words struck a chord in Luna’s mind.“We assumed thou would find it more appealing.” Her own words, naught but a few minutes prior, had expressed that very sentiment to Twilight Sparkle. On some level, she already knew... Rainbow Dash was right. As Luna sighed, she could feel her body relaxing. Some of her tension, the part that always carried her royal poise and posture had vanished as a hint of uncertainty settled into her heart. She had just been bested in a battle of wit by her competition. She had underestimated Rainbow Dash.
Then, in that moment of doubt, realization dawned. Perhaps this was what Twilight Sparkle found appealing. This simplicity that Rainbow Dash seemed to personify. That had to be it! Why else would Celestia’s protege choose to cloister herself in Ponyville instead of in Canterlot Castle, by Celestia’s side? In that moment, it all became clear. Twilight didn’t want to be surrounded by pomp and royal luxury, she desired simpler pleasures!
Oh, what a fortuitous discovery! Luna felt a new surge of confidence coursing through her. Rainbow Dash had not bested her at all. No, the fool had unwittingly revealed her only advantage and now Luna could use that knowledge to firmly secure Twilight Sparkle as her paramour and confidante.
The kitchen door closed behind Twilight. The lavender unicorn turned to aim a fierce glare at her friend-of-questionable-allegiance. “Rarity, I was just about to explain the situation to them. What could possibly be so important that you had to interrupt me?”
The fashionista calmly set to work on finishing her dinner preparations. “Darling, I think you need to take a step back and actually examine the situation at hoof.”
The glare softened.
Rarity continued as she expertly manipulated various implements with her magic, “Twilight, from what I’ve seen so far, you don’t seem the slightest bit interested in rejecting Princess Luna’s advances.”
Twilight found herself distracted by Rarity’s display of concentration. Not only was she tending a boiling pot of delectably aromatic liquid, but the elegant chef was simultaneously dicing vegetables without watching, and holding a conversation. Twilight shook her head.
Properly focused, Twilight responded. “But she just kissed me without any warning.”
“No offense, darling, but her intentions couldn’t be more obvious unless she was shouting them at you.”
Rarity wasn’t looking at her, but Twilight knew an eye roll when she didn’t see it. “Well, what was I supposed to do?”
The knife halted in place as Rarity leveled an incredulous gaze at Twilight. “For starters, you could try not kissing her back. That tends to get the message across.” The knife resumed its duties as Rarity returned her focus to her preparations. She continued to dole out her wisdom with a distinctive snarkiness that could only be called sarcasm. “And once you’re comfortable with that lesson, we can move on a more advanced method of not-encouraging-romantic-advances: saying no.”
Twilight immediately snapped back. "Oh, yes, of course. Because after hearing something like that, you totally would have made Luna take her advances elsewhere." The comment drew Rarity’s attention, but Twilight wasn’t done yet. She assumed a mock dramatic pose and continued her rebuttal with her best impression of Rarity. "Oh Luna, while your incredibly romantic and beautiful poem was the most amazing thing anypony has ever said to me, I am afraid I am going to have to ask you not to kiss me."
The knife stopped chopping. “I believe you are missing the point of this little discussion.” The amount of venom being held back was palpable. Twilight wisely decided to drop the sarcasm.
As Twilight responded, there was a clear sense of panic beginning to seep back into her voice. "I was overwhelmed!” Twilight paused briefly, catching herself before she went into a complete freak out. She continued with a calm, but still slightly stressed tone. “Rarity, I don't know about any of this. I am not a gorgeous and graceful fashion designer. I have never had other ponies vie for my affection. I never thought anything like this could ever happen. She is a Princess! How do I deal with that?!"
“Are you being threatened, or otherwise coerced into accepting her romantic advances?”
Twilight blushed. “Well, her kisses are very coercive.”
Rarity sighed before turning back to her cooking. "In any case, Twilight, this doesn't change the fact that it looks to me as though you are about to lead Rainbow Dash on a merry chase after something Luna has already claimed, even if you don't know it yet."
Twilight didn’t respond right away. “Well, maybe… It’s not exactly like I’m in love with Luna.”
Rarity simply replied with an incredulous stare.
Twilight’s eyes darted to the side to avoid her friend’s gaze. “Okay, I’ll admit I might be open to the idea of becoming romantically involved with her.”
Much to Twilight’s chagrin, Rarity simply continued staring. A mere glance at Rarity’s gaze was enough to make Twilight’s composure crack. The lavender mare began to blush. “And that she’s very good at being enticing.”
“And?”
Once again, it was the simplicity of Rarity’s reply that Twilight just couldn’t withstand. She snapped. “Fine! She’s attractive! There, you happy now!?”
Rarity’s stare softened, but there was still a shade of seriousness across her expression. “I’m relieved that you’re finally being honest about your feelings, even if you don’t understand them very well.”
Twilight sighed heavily. Rarity had certainly made a valid point. The situation was far more complicated than she had expected. “Well, this is a pretty unusual situation. It’s not like I can just read up on how to deal with a flirty princess.”
Rarity let out a small chuckle and glanced at Twilight while wearing a wry grin. “You must not browse the romance section of the library very often, then.”
“What was that?”
Rarity merely chuckled once more, before a loud crash from the dining room drew both their attention. They each glanced worriedly at each other, and then dashed back towards their guests.
The scene before them did nothing to assuage their worry. Rainbow Dash had her hooves up on the table while the remains of a plate were littered about on the floor. Both Rainbow and Luna had their wings flared.
A haughty grin was plastered on Luna’s visage. The alicorn shouted, but made sure to use her indoor volume. "Oh, if thy love for her runs as deep as thou claims, then pray tell, what hast thou done to show her thy affections?"
Rainbow Dash visibly wilted. She snapped back, but there was no strength in her voice. "Well, I kissed her!"
Luna raised a single, confident brow. "Just once?"
"Y-yeah..." Whatever was left of Rainbow’s normal confidence seemed to have finally vanished. The pegasus pulled back from her aggressive perch on the table, her gaze only strong enough to meet the floor.
Luna loosed a confident laugh. "Well, then it would seem our love for Twilight is more than twice as deep as thine. We have kissed her more than once, brought her gifts, and have made Our feelings and intentions very clear."
A slight gasp from near the kitchen caught Rainbow’s attention. Her eyes met with Twilight’s. Something about the idea of her friend, no, the one she loved, seeing her look utterly defeated did not sit well. Rainbow Dash wasn’t a quitter!
Luna wasn’t about to lose either. The appearance of her love only strengthened her resolve. “Honestly, Rainbow Dash, thou should retire from this race. It is quite clear that thou hast no initiative, no drive to win. One who cannot even find the courage to show proper affection to the one they love could never dream of competing with royalty!”
Rainbow grit her teeth. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. With a single, slow exhalation, all doubt was expelled from her body. Rainbow Dash opened her eyes and turned to face Twilight. With more confidence than either Twilight or Rarity had ever seen from her, Rainbow marched right up to Twilight and leveled her gaze. "Twilight, I love you. Maybe I don't have all that money and junk like the Princess does. Maybe I can't shower you with gifts or write you a poem. And I know I don't have some kind of fancy pedigree, or royal blood, or titles. Maybe the Princess really is so far above me that no sane pony would ever try to compete with her.” Rainbow paused to shake her head. There was no room for such doubts in her mind. She continued with her trademarked grin. “But hey, when did I ever let something silly like overwhelming odds try to stop me. I'm awesome. I'm radical!” — Her wings flared out — “And I will stop at nothing to make you the. Happiest. Mare. In all of Equestria. That's a promise." Rainbow Dash quickly closed the distance to Twilight and sealed her promise with a kiss.
Surprising no one, Twilight was caught off guard. The speech was certainly impressive, but that wasn’t what truly stole her breath away. This wasn’t the same amateurish kiss that Rainbow had given before, this was a completely different feeling. Passion gave way to pleasure as Twilight melted into the embrace.
When the embrace finally ended, Twilight was far too busy trying to sort out the sudden rush of emotions to even formulate a reply. Despite this, her brain insisted on trying anyway; all that came out was, “ Mmmm.”
Thankfully, for Twilight, and Rainbow, Rarity had noticed the rising tide of anger on the Moon Princess’ face. Rarity spoke first. “Now, now, let’s not start a fight, Princess.”
“Insolence!” Luna shouted. “How dare you–”
Rainbow Dash cut her off before she could even gather her momentum. “What’s wrong? Not getting scared, are you?”
The remark seemed to strike a chord in the Moon Princess. Her entire body relaxed, returning to a regal posture as though her anger had never even existed. “Very well.” — Luna narrowed her eyes, focusing her attention solely on Rainbow Dash — “It seems thou art not as insignificant an opponent as We had originally thought. It is clear that this matter will not be settled with mere words. We propose a competition; the winner claims Twilight Sparkle’s affection.”
Rainbow Dash replied instantly. “Are you sure you want to make your loss so official?”
Rarity was quick to interject. “If I might be so bold, Your Highness, I believe I have an idea for a suitable competition.”
Luna answered as she continued to glare at her opponent. “Very well, speak thy mind.”
Rarity cleared her throat. "Dates! You must must date her! Um, yes, you must each take her on a series of dates. Say, three dates each, and you each take turns.” Rarity hesitated for just a moment. "Aaaaaaaand, um,” — she glances at Twilight — “yes, three dates, and once the final outing is complete, Twilight will grace her chosen beau with a kiss. How does that sound?"
Both competitors nod. A wry smile slipped onto Luna’s face, causing Rarity to assign one last stipulation. She leveled a stern gaze at Luna. "This also means there is to be no kissing Twilight before both competitors have taken Twilight on the final date. Twilight is still very, inexperienced, with matters of the heart, and it is far too easy to confuse the love of the heart with the love of the body. I will not allow either of you to attempt to sway her with such physical seduction during this. It would be both unfair and unscrupulous, and if either of you do such a thing, you will be immediately disqualified. Are we clear?"
Rainbow Dash was quick to confirm her agreement; Luna hesitated. The princess of the moon found the unrelenting glare aimed at her to be very reminiscent of the look she had received the single time she had attempted to take a bite of one of her sister’s cakes.
When Luna did not make her agreement known after a long silence, Rarity decided to force a response from her. "Pinkie promise. Both of you."
Luna counted her blessings that the strange ritual Rainbow Dash had performed had managed to steal her attention away from the white mare’s parental glare. It was clear enough that she was expected to perform the same ritual, though she had no clue what she was doing. Luna mimicked what she had seen her competitor do in the hopes that it would appease Twilight’s unexpected guardian.
Finally, Rarity was satisfied. She released her glare; Luna visibly relaxed. Rarity decided to keep rolling with the momentum she had gained. “Now then, since Princess Luna was, technically, the first one to express her feelings for Twilight, I believe she should be the one to take Twilight on the first date. Let’s say, in two days the date shall take place at nine in the evening.” Rarity turned to Luna, this time with a smile. “You may make whatever arrangements you see fit for the date, but it must take place here in Ponyville.”
Luna nodded respectfully to Rarity. “Very well. We shall accept this challenge. We shall retrieve Twilight Sparkle from this location at the agreed upon time.” Luna turned to flash a pleasant smile at her love. “We look forward to our next meeting, Twilight Sparkle.” With that sentiment aired, Luna’s horn lit up with power and she disappeared in a flash of light.
Rainbow promptly turned to Rarity with a huge grin on her face. “So, we’re not gonna let all that food you made go to waste, right?”
Rarity brought a hoof to her face. Rainbow Dash was going to need a lot of help.
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IT LIVES!
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REJOICE!
praise Faust it's an update!
Something tells me this going to be a rather intense competition. I wouldn't be surprised at all if it came to blows
It'll be funny if the endgame of this was a LunaDash ship.
~Skeeter The Lurker
3494755
Blows? With such reasonable individuals as Rainbow and Luna involved? Please...what a notion!
Rarity would flay them alive.
Yay! Update
3494768
Nah, Rarity steals both of them in the end
Whoooooo!!! Update!!
And yeah, hilarity will ensure
It's.... alive... Thank god, I thought I would have to start poking it with a stick.
Rooting for Twidash (never was a fan of TwixPrincess)
We'll see where you take this, good sir.
wait the are in the romance section of the library?
3494768 I have to admit that thought crossed my mind as well.
3495025
I mean, you gotta admit... He's got the perfect setup for a 'rivals in love fall in love' deal going on.
~Skeeter The Lurker
I kinda want twilight to end up with both of them...it will not likely happen but I want everyone to be happy...yeah I am a softie
*Logs in, sees a favorites notification, thinks it's for "Princess Twilight Takes a Walk".*
*Sees "Twilight's Bird Feeder" at the top of his favorites list*
YES! YES! YES!
Is it money you want? I'm sure I'm can find a virgin...somewhere but I'm sitting here giggling uncontrollably waiting for a new update! Call me greedy and impatient but I need to know what happens next!
3495212
I love the little lines like Luna's "Begone." and Rainbow's line at the end. This story has been nothing but well-done entertainment.
So glad you're back.
Oh Twilight... you've gotta stop letting everypony else dictate your romantic life.
3494800 Nah Rarity also gets Twilight, naturally.
YES, it updated
Should be "turned "
I love how Twilight has almost no say in the construction of the competition. I predict that she ends up with Rarity.
Somehow I get the feeling this story is going to end with "And then they all fucked".
I cannot overstate how happy I am that this is continuing!
Clearly, the only possible outcome is all of them shacking up with
When this updated, i seriously forgotten what happened. So i had to like re-read some of the chapters, to refresh my memory
I hope the next one doesn't take too long to upload 
Can't w8 4 next chapter! I am lukin 4ward to it! 
Twi kind of disappered in the end. I mean, she just got treated like a prize there for the two mares to "win" and Rare decided it basically herself that Twi HAS to end up with one of them after those 6 dates and yet Twi didn't protested to either of those moves or anything said about or to her. Was that kiss of RD, those feelings she felt, so strong that her mind had shut down?
3494768
When Rarity called Twilight into the kitchen I expected both of them to walk back into the room to find Luna and Rainbow Dash competing to see who could pleasure Twilight more by demonstrating on each other.
3494768
No, no, no. You've got it all wrong.
It ends up being:
LunaxSpike
RainbowxFancypants
TwilightxLarge Scroll (literally a large scroll)
3494886
That'd be a sight to see.
3497319
...SIDE STORY!
3497371
Pfffttt. The Large Scroll... Gee. I wonder whatever gave you THAT idea...
~Skeeter The Lurker
I am happy to see this come back, and I am very much looking forwards to the final pairings which I think are going to be Twilight with Rarity and Luna with Rainbow.
The Radical Republican vs The Liberal Republican Royalist
3497379
Everybody's thinking it, I'm just saying it.
And besides, I view that as a completely plausible Twilight ship.
3497691
Until she leaves the scroll for a particularly burly tome.
3494768>>3494886>>3495179>>3496096>>3496466>>3496857>>3497319>>3497371>>3497439 Wow! So many predictions, and anything I say on the subject would give too much away. This is going to be a fun ride.
3496308 Fixed, and thanks.
3495734 Mostly because she honestly has no clue where her feelings lie. At the very least, Twilight has seen that Rarity is trying to help her sort things out, so she has at least one person in her corner.
3497094 She may be the "prize", but it is entirely her choice with who wins. The setup Rarity proposed allows both Luna and Rainbow an equal chance to win Twilight's heart.
Twilight is, however, in a rather tough situation. She's just had two ponies confess their love for her, and there's a bit more at stake for her than who she wants to hook up with. Rejecting Rainbow, is guaranteed damage their relationship, while Luna is one of the country's rulers and has already shown herself to have quite the temper. Twilight being the paranoid little pony she is, combined with her confused feelings, leaves her in a poor place for making an important decision. It would make sense for her to both stay out of a direct argument with the two ponies who want her to themselves, and to trust Rarity (the only pony present who is acting in Twilight's interest) to keep things from hitting the fan.
Twilight might have disappeared a bit, but there wasn't much for her to do without having her drastically altering the the setup of the story, and she had some good IC reasons for keeping quiet.
That said, I'll try to be more careful about not putting myself in a corner like that as the story progresses.
3500086
I still see twilight having a complete and total break down at somepoint, and I hope both dash and luna sees it, sorry I have mood swings so let the chaos run free
3499868
Oh man, that burly tome. How could I have forgotten?
3500086
In that case wouldn't she meet with other ponies, other ponies than romance-loving-pushy Rarity that is, to talk about those dates and her feelings regarding those lovers of hers? Like Fluttershy, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Princess Celestia, her parents, Spike, Smarty Pants? To calm down her nerves and to get another POV on this situation of hers and her own feelings?
Besides Rarity seems more to act in her own favor/interest to see a cute/adorable love story right before her eyes and a chance to play matchmaker, than acting in Twi's interest who just wants to be left alone and have a stallion as her suitor.^^;
I wouldn't want Twi to stop the whole date-tournament thingie to happen as that is too much fun to not let it happen, but I would have liked to read that Twi hears everything, that her eyes widen, her cheeks blush and that her mouth moves like a goldfish, as she can't think up of anything to stop this lawine of romantic stuff into her life. XD
Kind of like a deer caught in the carlight, watching how before her two drop-dead gorgeous mares are fighting for her and a third is engaging a 3-dates-each-tournament with a clear end (which will kill Twi when she has to do the decision, so yeah, Rare really didn't seem to have tought in Twi's interest as she had seen and should know how nervous and close to panic Twi is regarding this matter :/ ).
But here Twi just dissolved, teleported away, was ignored by everypony and seemed to ignore everypony. At least some more glances of the two to Twi during the talk would have been nice and maybe some more dawww-worthy stuff about Twi having a silly grin on her face as she was still blasted by RD's confession and lovely kiss. <3
Cause as Rare said Luna does have quite a board before RD due her quite aggro style and her sexy kisses (and sexy body, cause lets be honest, RD can be as rad as she wants, Luna still takes the cake when it comes to beauty) and ofc her wealth.
Aw well, guess we might see all that in the next chapter when Twi dreams about living with RD, then with Luna, then that she says "I'm sorry..." and suddenly the world explodes in a nightly storm or a rainboom nuke and then she wakes up screaming and sweating. XDDD
3501392 Note: Seems you edited your post while I was responding. I'm not interested in rewriting a brand new one, so you get the abridged-copy-pasted version.
Sorry, I'm not interested in an argument of nitpicking. If every problem was only ever addressed logically, there wouldn't be any conflict.
I appreciate the criticism, but this story will never, never be any kind of masterpiece. This story has had serious logic gaps from chapter one, I'm quite aware of that. The premise is dumb to the point of absurdism.The plot and ending alone guarantee that a portion of readers will walk away disappointed, because shipping is serious business
. Deciding to continue the story instead of leaving it as a goofy one-shot was a mistake. The plot I chose was a mistake. My first attempt at this chapter was a massive mistake, and I got called out for it. If it weren't for all the people who continued to show interest in seeing this finished, and those who kept asking for updates, I would have just cancelled this months ago and moved on to something I'm more interested in writing. It's honestly unfortunate that I have readers who enjoy this story, and that I just hate the idea of not actually giving them an ending. If I can walk away at the end of this whole thing with a handful of happy readers, I'll be satisfied.
Twilight's silence was an oversight. If it bothers you, sorry, but it isn't getting 'fixed'. As I've said, I'll try to be careful about it going forward, but that's all I can do.
Again, thank you for taking the time to offer criticism. I'm sorry that I can't make better use of it right now.
3501616
Don't worry, i didn't edited anything and neither do I bother much for Twi's silence to be honest, I just thought it was kind of weird that she was so panicking before in the chapter and when it suddenly got "worse" (in her POV that is, in the others it just got better xD) she was "out of it" and didn't played a role anymore. Also I love the premise, the thought of RD eating seeds out of Twi's birdhouse and somehow it all have some amazing romantic marriage meaning is hilarious, a original and due your writing also a great one. XDDD
So no need to apologize, I'm always like that, nitpicking at this and that in fics. I'm glad you decided to finish this up, more power to authors like you! :D
Rainbow's Ode to Twilight (take that Luna)
Just let me hear your words of grace,
Just let me see your radiant face,
Beholding constantly.
I would just call upon your name,
Open to you; I have no shame
Loving you, Twilight Sparkle.
Just let me enter in your heart,
Never from you would I depart,
Loving You constantly.
Twilight, precious one,
Flood me thoroughly;
Take my willing heart
And overcome in me.
Twi I want you to have your way,
Save me from being lonesome’s prey,
I am believing you.
All I can give to you, toward,
Is my whole being, love outpoured;
Twi, I belong to you.
3501815 I've never been much of a rhymer, and I find few people who appreciate free verse. I'd never have bothered with a poem if I hadn't had that ancient thing lying around to tweak. You've got my respect. I can't even write poetry anymore, but I can certainly enjoy it.
I started reading this yesterday and I just wanted you to know that I am enjoying it immensely!
I can tell from the comments below that you think you've made mistakes regarding this story, but I was taken by (very pleasant) surprise at the turns this story has taken and I'd love to see it continue. It's been fun and witty, and Twilight's reaction is really sweet and sincere (especially after she finally makes her admissions to Rarity and herself).
FWIW, Twilight leaving Luna and Dash alone together also felt natural, and amped up the tension for me.
Looking forward to seeing this progress.
3505361 The story was originally just a one shot (chapter 1). It was a logically flawed, but fun to write comedy that was written on a sudden whim, with absolutely no planning or prereading involved. That it was as well received as it was still surprises me. Where I made a mistake was trying to create a larger story that ultimately has nothing to do with the original premise. Chapter 2 is largely a complete ass-pull to try to connect the one shot to something that should have honestly been posted as a separate story. The next mistake was not taking the time properly plan anything out for the continuation. I screwed things up horribly with my first attempt at chapter 4, so much so that nearly everyone who read it hated it. This all took place during a fairly long stretch of time when I was very depressed, though I didn't know it at the time. Since I was literally just riding the high of people's praise as I wrote by the seat of my pants, screwing up like I did and being called out for it (rightly so) was like slamming into an emotional brick wall.
I'm doing better now (proper meds and talking with my psych). I've done what I can to try to fix some of the outstanding issues with the original chapters 3 and 4, but it still has shades of its original problems, despite being better overall, and I'm never going to not see those. I've got actual help from some people I trust to actually plan things out this time around and to hopefully deliver a better story than I could have otherwise.
As I said in my other comment you referenced, for whatever reasons, this story has more people who actually enjoy it than I personally think it deserves. One of the biggest reasons I enjoy writing is that I can see something I did actually making people happy. It's very clear that I've got a lot of very kind people enjoying this story who have been more patient with me than was ever necessary. Even if this story isn't what I'd prefer to be working on, I can still enjoy writing it knowing that so many other people are enjoying reading it. And if I'm going to do this, I want to do it right (as well as I can). Leaving this unfinished would be as much a disappointment to myself as it would to all the wonderful people who enjoy this story, despite its flaws.
Thank you very much for your kind words. I appreciate any feedback I can get; it's a big part of what motivates me to keep writing. Just knowing that people care enough to spend time leaving a message, even if it isn't always positive, does more for me than I can properly put into words.
3505626 I'm sure it wasn't easy for you, and it's kind of a relief to me that you're feeling better (I'm kind of just that way). I'm very glad for you that you've found some relief and balance.
About the story: Okay, so the story has a few... issues. Sure it's an absurd premise (flying magical ponies eating from bird feeders and becoming amorous - your typical, average day in Ponyville), and there are, like you said, gaps and flaws, but so what. Some stories are written to educate, some to enlighten, but the primary push for most stories is to entertain regardless of how much of the other two qualities exist in it, and you cleverly and humorously accomplished that very well without getting so absurd as to detract from the story. When I realized that this story had truly morphed into a contest for Twilight, I laughed! I mean, seriously, what an excellent twist. For me – reading mostly through the whole thing in one go – the change was not a "frying pan to the face" kind of abrupt, but more like "I turned a corner on the way home and there was Terry Gilliam signing 'Always look on the bright side of life'" kind of abrupt. But much more subtle. ;)
You know, considering the tension between them, I'm now almost expecting Luna and Rainbow to hook up once Twilight decides not to kiss either of them out of sheer frustration with the situation. Either way, I'm looking forward to what you have planned next.
3508400 When a story gets made from conception of idea to written and published in under four hours, written entirely on a whim because I saw a funny picture, becomes your most viewed, most liked, most commented on story, you'd probably wonder what happened too. Story with literally zero effort involved beats everything I've ever put effort into. Then, to decide to continue the zero effort story with a no-forethought direct continuation into a totally different type of story, only to watch it somehow become even more popular, was beyond confusing. That I made it three whole chapters working that way before faceplanting into failure is nothing short of a miracle. Sure, I can point out what went right, but that will never explain to me how this story ever became popular in the first place.
This story is a harsh reminder to me that luck and circumstance trump talent and effort. As a writer, it holds the distinction of representing my biggest success and my greatest failure, and there was zero honest effort as the reason for both. MLP somehow managed to inspire me to write again after I'd given up on it for nearly six years. The stumble I took with my first try at chapter four very nearly had me give up on writing for the second time in my life. This is not a story that holds happy memories for me. I'm very jaded when it comes to this story. I honestly would have liked to completely forget about it.
Despite all that, I'm right here trying to finish it because none of that means anything if I can find a way to make people smile in the end with this story. My biggest hope at this point is that I can somehow turn this complete fluke of a story into something that isn't a completely disappointing mess.
Again, thank you very much for your support. I know I've always had a nasty stubborn streak when it comes to taking praise, but it's quite nice being able to vent my frustrations occasionally. Sorry you had run head first into that.
Oh, this is getting GOOD!
Happy to see this back, and yeah this situation just got more problematic. Technically Luna made her feelings known first, but at the same time in Dash's mind Twilight declared that she loved Dash with the bird feeder proposal. I guess it is good Dash doesn't ever sit down to think about this situation. Doesn't make much sense for her to compete if Twilight was the one to make the moves on RD. Technically if it was legit and Twilight had actually proposed to RD then Luna would be up the creek with no paddle unless she ignored what Twilight wanted which really kills the chances of a good relationship.
So in short, RD thinks that Luna is trying to take her fiancee away and Luna thinks RD is trying to take her soon to be Royal Consort away. I'm rooting for RD, but this seems doomed unless some form of threesome occurs. Would be funny as hell though if this ended with RD and Luna getting together and Twilight alone.
3501616
I want to say, I finally got a chance to read the new Chapter 4, and I really love it. It's much improved from the earlier Chapter 4. I have no complaints or criticisms for this one. It was entirely a joy to read.
Don't be so harsh on absurdist premises. Taking obviously bad ideas and making them shine impresses people more than taking obviously good ideas and just building them along their formula. One of these requires much more artistic insight than the other. The combination of the unexpected title "Twilight's Bird Feeder" and the rom-com tags might have contributed quite a lot of inquisitive readers. Inquisitive is a well-disposed state of mind for reading fiction.
I don't think you've made as many mistakes as you think you've made. I'm glad you're committed to giving this story a proper ending. It's more than I could do when I got jaded about something I was writing. And speaking as someone who is enjoying the story, I'm eager to see how it ends.