Chapter 7
Applejack kicked her hooves, trying to grasp onto something in the open air, but to no avail. She was falling straight to the lake below, and with every passing second, she saw her doom. The shock of falling stopped her from initially screaming, the air whipping past her nose made it hard to breath to begin screaming. All she could think was, "DO SOMETHING," but there were no factors in her favor.
Suddenly, there were hooves around her, and her descent began to slow. "I got you, Applejack!" said the familiar raspy voice.
Rainbow Dash held on as tight as she could while she flapped her wings to stop their descent. Her wings were so tired, but the adrenaline was the only thing keeping her muscles from giving up on her when she needed them. Rainbow Dash loved adrenaline, but not quite as much when her loved ones were in danger. Still, she was having trouble adjusting her wings as she needed to swoop up over the water, and she found herself trying to stop the descent altogether - much more difficult to do. But her wings just weren't responding right.
The water got closer.
"We're gunna hit!" Applejack screamed.
"No..." She flapped hard, "We're..." pulled the orange mare up closer to her. "NOT!" Rainbow Dash flapped with a ferocity she had not had since she trained to perform a sonic rainboom from a standing position.
Inches above the water, and Applejack was clinging onto Rainbow Dash for dear life. But they had stopped.
Rainbow Dash sighed with relief, flapping her wings to hover in place. "See? We're just --- GAH!" A giant fish jumped out of the water and smacked into the ponies. A moment later, they splashed into the water.
Applejack breached the water's surface, dazed and confused, a moment before Rainbow Dash followed. They looked at each other for a moment. Then Rainbow started laughing. Applejack splashed her with water. "Rainbow!"
"What?" Rainbow Dash said, giggling while she treaded water. "How was I supposed to know a fish would jump out RIGHT then? If anything, blame Fluttershy! She's the one who likes these things..."
"You dropped me!" Applejack said, also treading water. Her wet hat flopped over her eyes.
"I didn't drop you!" Rainbow Dash said, frowning.
"Then what do ya call this?!" Applejack said, waving her hooves in the air, accidentally hitting a fish that had jumped out of the water at the wrong time.
"That was...forgetting...that we were on a cloud..." Rainbow Dash blushed. "I'm sorry! You turned, so I turned, and...I was distracted, okay?"
"You were distracted?!" Applejack yelled, lifting up the lip of her hat to look at Rainbow Dash. "Ah nearly died!"
"No, you didn't," Rainbow Dash said, splashing Applejack, still with a huge smile on her face. "And you got distracted, too! You started moving to the side."
"Well!" Applejack said, her face turning red. "Ah'm not usually on a cloud."
"And I don't usually have an earth pony on a cloud. I didn't even know that was really possible until you, soo..." she couldn't stop smiling, even with Applejack glaring at her. "Oh, come on, you're fine."
"Ah'm all wet!"
Rainbow Dash was about to answer that, but instead she fell into a bout of giggles. "AJ! Don't you think that's moving things a bit fast?" She grinned wide, waiting for the moment the orange mare understood what she meant. First, Applejack looked confused. Then she could see her working out what that could have meant. Then shock and embarrassment, looking at Rainbow Dash like she could kill her. That just made Rainbow Dash laugh more.
"Y-you can stop laughin' at me," Applejack said, putting the lip of the soggy hat back over her eyes.
Rainbow Dash swam close to Applejack, raised the hat, and smiled to her. "I'm not laughing at you. I'm just....happy." They looked at each other. Applejack smiled bashfully. Rainbow Dash swam closer to her, treading water just in front of her. She leaned in.
Then a fish smacked her in the side of the head.
Applejack guffawed as Rainbow Dash frowned, "Let's get out of here before we get a concussion."
Applejack and Rainbow Dash swam to the nearest shore of the lake - no small task for such a big lake. Along the way, they splashed each other, and had little races. Rainbow Dash even swam under the water and emerged to spit water into Applejack's face, making the orange pony chase after her. By the time they reached the shore, they were both tired, but laughing.
Rainbow Dash collapsed onto the shore, panting and giggling, utterly exhausted from all the flying she had to do, and having to swim with her sore muscles.
Applejack lay down next to her, just as beat. But she found that she, too, was really happy. Hearing Rainbow Dash laugh and giggle like a school girl with a crush made her happy. Seeing the carefree smile on her face, without a hint of worry, made her so glad that they had that moment in the clouds. Back on earth, her fears crept back into her, and years of conditioning made her wonder again if she was doing the right thing - what would make her parents proud.
But, oh, that smile Rainbow Dash gave to her. She didn't ever want to see her without that smile again.
Rainbow Dash looked up at Applejack. She scooted closer to her, leaning against her. There was a hint of concern on her face. "So..." She said. "You're still...okay with all this?"
Applejack put a foreleg around her, kissed her on the cheek. "Long as you don't drop me again."
Rainbow Dash frowned. "That wasn't on purpose!" She raised her wings and shook out her feathers. "I'm never going to get you onto a cloud again, am I?"
"Nope," Applejack said. Rainbow glared at her. Applejack just touched her nose to Rainbow's. "Sorry. Sugarcube." She smiled when she felt Rainbow Dash shudder.
-=-=-=-=-=-
Rainbow was fighting sleep. All the flying had taken a toll on her body, but she didn't want to fall asleep. She was afraid it was all a dream - it all seemed surreal. But Applejack was insisting she get some sleep.
"I'm not tired, really," she said, holding close to Applejack. Her coat was still damp from the water, but Rainbow didn't mind. She wanted to stay close to Applejack. She had never felt closer, and wanted to drink in the feeling as long as possible. "We can talk some more."
"You're tired," Applejack said, leaning down and nuzzling Rainbow Dash on the neck.
"Make out?"
Applejack blushed, looking to the side, before back to Rainbow Dash. "We'll have plenty of time for that."
"Why not get a head start?"
"You're exhausted," Applejack said, stroking Rainbow Dash's mane. "We don't wanna miss the festival tomorrow."
Rainbow Dash frowned. "Then..."
"Yeah, Sugarcube?"
"Can you...Geez, it's embarrassing to even be asking this. Can you...kiss me?" Applejack smiled, but looked at her like she wanted an explanation. "It's just...if this is a dream, I might as well end it on a good note."
Applejack nudged Rainbow Dash to her side, leaned down. They looked into each other's eyes, smiled, brought their lips closer. Then Applejack pressed her lips to Rainbow Dash's. The Pegasus felt the tingle throughout her body, felt the other mare's lips explore hers. Delighted in the feel of her coat against hers, even if both of them were damp. When Applejack pulled away, Rainbow Dash reached up and pulled her down again. They giggled as they kissed each other again. Every time Applejack tried to end the kissing session, the pegasus pulled her back down, and the kissing would resume, climbing in intensity.
"No," Applejack said between a laugh before Rainbow Dash won out for another kiss. When their lips separated, she shook her head. "Ah'm tired, too. Come on, now, Dash, we gotta go to sleep."
"Nooo," Rainbow Dash moaned as Applejack laid her head down. Rainbow followed suit to look into her eyes. "I don't want this night to end. It's going to all go away. I know it."
"No, it won't, Sugarcube. Ah'll still be here in the mornin'." Applejack could see Rainbow Dash's eyes were heavy, trying hard not to fall asleep. Applejack just held her close. "Don't worry, Rainbow. Ah ain't goin' nowhere."
When Rainbow Dash woke up the next day surrounded by Applejack's golden mane, she knew the pony would never lie to her.
-=-=-=-=-
Late into the afternoon, with the sun on it's way towards the horizon, and the two ponies were on their way to the festival area. There was a crowd of ponies already on their way, and the area had just been opened to allow ponies on the beach. Rainbow Dash still had no desire to mingle with the other ponies after what had happened the night she got drunk - even if she didn't know exactly what it was. Instead, she and Applejack sat on a cliff that overlooked the ocean.
Applejack looked down at the water crashing onto the rocks. "Ah don't think Ah've ever been to the ocean before," she said.
"It's kinda nice, huh?"
"The water doesn't end," Applejack said, looking out to the horizon.
"Well, it has to end somewhere," Rainbow Dash said, knocking a rock into the waves crashing below. Applejack looked at Rainbow Dash when she sat down next to her. "Are you nervous?"
"A bit," said the orange mare. "You?"
"What for?" Rainbow Dash frowned, looking out into the water.
Applejack could have said a million things to Rainbow about how important this would be, how emotional this whole trip had been, how much everything affected her and she didn't realize. But they were both emotionally and physically exhausted. Instead, she just leaned against the Pegasus, catching the mare by surprise. "Ah, don't know, Dash. Just one a those things..."
Rainbow wrapped a wing around Applejack. Then she smiled to herself because she was allowed to do that, now.
There was a commotion on the beach where the ponies had gathered. After a moment, the ponies began to bow. Then a few royal guards walked forward, followed by Princess Celestia, with Princess Luna dwarfed at her side. Ponies got up and scattered until they were peppered across the beach.
"Should we...?" Applejack asked, but Rainbow Dash was already shaking her head, looking intently at the Princesses. She was about to question Rainbow, when Princess Luna began to speak in a loud booming voice. "Well," Applejack whispered to Rainbow. "Guess that voice is good for somethin'..."
Princess Luna gave a long, cumbersome speech about the history of the festival in question, the fragility of life, and the importance yet devastation of death. Rainbow Dash was rolling her eyes and sighing through most of the speech.
The Princess was about to go into a written speech she had prepared on a parchment that rolled out as long as one of Twilight's to-do list, but Princess Celestia stopped her.
Her voice was crisp and booming, but it was little match for the roar of the ocean. Still, her speech was short, and with little flourish. From what Applejack could understand, there was some comparison to life as the passing days. Then Celestia, turned to the ocean. The sun was just about to dip below the horizon. With the glow of her horn, she ushered out the sun, while Princess Luna's horn glowed to raise the moon into the sky. The star from the year before still shined bright in the sky.
Princess Celestia whispered something in Princess Luna's ear. The sister nodded and walked forward. She spoke again with a softer tone, but still loud enough that both Rainbow Dash and Applejack could hear. Her voice was more heartfelt this time.
"We all have something in common," she said. "We have all lost someone who we care deeply about." Rainbow Dash twitched an ear at hearing this, but said nothing. "Some of us were lucky to have had a chance to say goodbye. Some had that chance stolen from us. Some of us may not have been speaking to our departed loved ones, some of us felt as though we lost a part of ourselves when we lost them. Loss is never the same, but it is always similar in that it is never easy."
Her horn started to glow as she continued. "Tonight, we add a star to the night sky. Let it remind us that loved ones are never gone, but still a part in our hearts. They helped to shape who we are, lead us to who we will become, as the stars every year lead us. May they help us to find our way."
The Princess turned to the ocean. A large wave threatened to knock her over, but it parted around her hooves as her eyes turned white. A star began to form in the sky. There were gasps from the crowd, then sounds of admiration as the bright flash began to swirl and become the star the ponies would follow the next year.
Rainbow Dash watched the star form, hypnotized by the growing light. Thinking about the words of the Princess, her mind wandered back to her mother.
When she was a child, every time she showed her a new trick, tried to show off her love of speed, and her mother brushing her off.
When she got into flight camp, how she wished her mom would have celebrated with her - But she remembered all too well how she was considered an embarrassment for being kicked out.
How she called for her mom when she was sick, but got her grandmother instead.
How she would be so happy when her mom came home, only to have her mother give her a pat on the head, before discussing something with her grandparents.
So many memories like that. And yet it took years for her to finally stop trying.
Why?
Then there were the memories she forced herself to block out. The memories that had always given her hope. The memories that made her love her mother unconditionally.
Like those few times her mother would sit with her at night and read her favorite story to her.
How even though she was so angry she was left behind when her parents went to see the Wonderbolts, she did get a souvenir once - a Wonderbolt doll she still had on display in her room.
The way her mother used to sing in the morning as she made her own breakfast.
Her mother was beautiful, poised, and determined. She knew what she wanted, moved with grace to get it, and made it very difficult for anypony to hate her for getting what she wanted - including Rainbow Dash. It took Rainbow a long time to be okay with making mistakes because her mother didn't seem to have time for mistakes.
But that was wrong. She made the worst mistake by ignoring her own daughter for years.
So many different moments, mingled together in the recesses of her mind. She hadn't thought about such things in a long time. It was all very confusing, and despite trying, she couldn't block them out, anymore. Perhaps it was because she had been so emotionally raw for the past few weeks, or that she finally resolved how she felt about Applejack, but the memories refused to let her go now.
Flawed, negligent, often unsmiling. Too busy with herself to notice her daughter. But Rainbow Dash was one of the few ponies who saw such intimate moments, like her morning singing. That had to mean something. Right?
Maybe she should have gone to the funeral...
Applejack was lost in her own train of thought as the star formed and began to steady it's appearance in the night sky. The ceremony was very beautiful, she had to admit. But after everything she had worried about and had been through to get there, she felt very empty. She was hoping to get something out of it. Whether it be a voice in her head, a stray feeling or sensation she could attribute to her parents, some sign that her parents were still around, still listening. She just wanted something.
But it seemed the premise of her journey was all for naught. As touching and cathartic as lighting a lantern was, she wondered if any part of the festival after that was worth it. All she was doing was watching a star being placed in the sky. As she told Rainbow Dash the night before, she was trying to keep her parents alive somehow. But they were gone. And that thought was rather depressing.
Her concentration broke when she heard a chocking sound to her left. Applejack looked at Rainbow Dash, who's head was down low. At first Applejack thought she was laughing or something, and was about to scold her. Then she saw the tears falling to the ground.
"Oh, Rainbow," Applejack said, pulling the Pegasus towards her. Rainbow was shaking, trying to hold back her emotions. But when Applejack pulled her head up to the crook of her neck, the tears started to flow. "It's alright, Sugarcube. It's alright."
"You were right, Applejack," she said between sobs. "I've done it all wrong. I should have done something for her."
"T'aint what Ah said, Rainbow. Ah said you were mournin' wrong cause you weren't dealing with it," Applejack nuzzled her. "Now, you're dealin' with it."
The ocean drowned out the sounds of Rainbow's sobs to any other pony, but Applejack could hear the anguish in her voice, could feel her body being racked with sobs. Rainbow Dash managed to say, "I don't know why I'm crying..."
Applejack held her closer. "Don't you worry 'bout that. Just let it all out." She kissed the top of her head. "It's gunna be okay." She remembered she still had her hat on, took it off, and placed it over Rainbow's face. She knew Rainbow Dash hated the thought that anypony else would see such raw emotion from her.
If there was anything else to the ceremony, Applejack didn't pay attention. She focused on holding Rainbow, rocking her back and forth, until her tears finally stopped.
-=-=--=-=-=-
"I can't believe how much I've cried in the last week," Rainbow Dash said, walking without paying much attention where she was going. Applejack kept having to steer her in the right direction. "I almost never cry. What's up with that?"
"Been rough on ya, lately," Applejack said, pulling Rainbow Dash close to her when she was heading into a group of earth ponies. "Don't help you're so tired from yesterday. How're your hooves doin'?"
"Better," she, shrugging, looking forward at nothing in particular. Her eyes were puffy and red. "Is it bad that I want to sleep right now even though we just woke up a few hours ago."
"We'll get some sleep soon, Rainbow. Ah promise."
"What are we doing here?" Rainbow Dash asked, looking around and finally realizing they were in the final night's festival. "I could care less about being here."
"Ah know," Applejack said. "But if we're gunna make the journey home, we need a map and some supplies, right?"
"Can't we just take the train or something? There has to be a depot around here somewhere."
"And if there ain't? We gotta be prepared." As they were talking about this, they didn't realize they had passed right under Princess Luna's nose. They would have completely passed her if the Princess didn't yell, "STOP!", causing the two to jump.
"Applejack!" The Princess said, taking the pony up and hugging her.
"P-princess Luna!" Applejack was placed back down by the grinning Princess. Applejack managed to recover before saying, "Ah-Ah'm sorry, Princess! Didn't see ya there..."
"Oh, worry not, my friend. Oh! Rainbow Dash!" The Pegasus' jaw dropped. She barely had any interaction with the Princess aside from Nightmare Night. But since she was in the wedding, it probably made sense the Princess knew who she was. "I did not expect to see either of you here. Are the others here, or are you here for a loved one?"
"Oh," Applejack and Rainbow Dash looked at each other. "Yeah. It's just us."
"I see. My, this is a most somber of nights, is it not? Were you there for the lighting?"
"Yeah," Rainbow said, looking to Applejack for help.
"We didn't want to be with the crowds," Applejack explained.
"That is understandable. Well! You simply must speak with my sister!" Rainbow Dash and Applejack immediately started protesting, but Princess Luna was already waving over Princess Celestia, and their protests died off, along with their comfort level.
The last thing they wanted that night was to talk to any princess with the way they felt. But there she was, the ruler of all Equestria, making her way over to them, flanked by two guards.
Applejack recognized one of the guards from the night Rainbow Dash was kicked out of the festival grounds. She frowned and stood protectively between Rainbow and the guards. Rainbow, of course, had no recollection of being kicked out, but Applejack was still angry with how roughly she was treated.
Applejack saw a flicker of recognition on the guards face, and thought for a moment he was going to say something when the Princess spoke. "Applejack! Rainbow Dash! I didn't expect to see any of Twilight's friends here." At that, Applejack saw the guard's eyes widen. She gave the guard one last look as the Princess nodded her head to dismiss the guards. "I wasn't aware. I'm sorry for your loss."
"Oh, no," Applejack said, "It happened so long ago. Twilight just thought it would be helpful."
Rainbow Dash shifted uncomfortably. "And..." she started to say. She once again found herself looking to Applejack for help. "Well, maybe we're here for me, too..."
The Princess nodded, not asking her anymore questions. "I'm afraid I don't simply initiate the ceremony. Every year, it seems I have someone new to commemorate."
"Every year?" Rainbow Dash asked. "How do you manage that?" Applejack smacked Rainbow Dash so hard, she actually said, "Ow! That hurt!"
The Princess chuckled. "Well, I do know a lot of ponies in Equestria. Many students, past and present. Sometimes my guards. Sometimes old friends who I've out-aged. When you live to be well over 1,000 years, you'll find you lose almost everypony you ever get close to."
"Everypony?" Rainbow Dash asked, shocked. "How do you stand that?" Applejack gave her a look. "What? I'm serious! I can't even deal with this, and I wasn't even close to her!"
"It's difficult, yes," The Princess responded.
Rainbow Dash pressed on, "If I were you, I would just stop caring about other ponies."
"Rainbow!" Applejack said, putting a hoof to her face.
But the princess just chuckled. "I've tried that, as well. But to stop caring, I would have to stop leading. And in the end, I love the citizens of Equestria too much to risk not caring." She paused for a moment, looking to her younger sister for a moment, before looking back to Rainbow Dash. "You'll find that even if it's painful when everything ends, it's worth it to keep caring and loving. After all, when you have somepony there, it helps to heal your heartache."
Rainbow Dash and Applejack looked at each other and smiled.
"Well," Princess Celestia said, looking to the other end of the festival. "I'm afraid I have to continue with my rounds. You two take care of each other, alright?"
Applejack nodded. "Yes, Princess."
"Oh," the Princess said, stopping in her tracks. "And if you would like a ride back to Ponyville, I'm sure I can arrange something for you."
"Why, that's mighty nice of you, Princess!" Applejack said. She was about to accept, considering how tired she knew Rainbow was.
"But," Rainbow Dash continued. "I think we want some time to ourselves for now." Rainbow Dash looked to Applejack, who looked over at her with a questioning look on her face. Then she blushed.
Princess Celestia looked between the two ponies, before smiling a knowing smile. "Of course. Have a good night!" She then walked towards another group of ponies, the guards once again going to her side.
Rainbow Dash leaned in close to Applejack, smiling coyly. "The Princess commands."
"Rainbow!" Applejack said, blushing deeply. Rainbow Dash laughed softly.
Suddenly, the two felt like they were being watched. They both turned around at the same time. Princess Luna was staring at them, head tilted to the side. "I'm afraid I don't understand," she said. "Explain this joke to me."
"Uh..." was all Rainbow Dash could say.
-=-=-=-=-=-
After a very awkward exchange with the Princess, Applejack and Rainbow Dash set out to try and find new supplies for the journey home. Applejack was granted a map and some new saddlebags by Princess Celestia, which she was more than grateful for, and filled them with foods and canteens of water. The nearest train station was about a day's walk away, and then they would just sit back and enjoy the journey home while resting their hooves.
"You don't wanna pack these?" Applejack asked, pointing out a familiar treat to Rainbow.
"Nah. I'm fine," Rainbow Dash said, smiling to Applejack.
"Alright, then! Ah think we got everything." They helped each other to fasten their saddlebags and decided to take a walk on the beach under the light of the moon. "We could sleep the rest of the night, go walkin' durin' the day. You sure your hooves will hold out?"
"They're fine," Rainbow Dash said, though she was still limping. The sand didn't help at all, but the company was so great, Rainbow didn't want to ruin the moment. "You know, we don't have to go RIGHT away."
"'Course we do," Applejack said, smiling to Rainbow. "Got a lot of work to catch up to on the farm."
"Right," Rainbow Dash said. "And I'll probably have a whole bunch of weather jobs waiting for me when I get back. We'll both be pretty busy. We're tired, we're sore, and we just started something. You know we're not going to be alone when we get home..."
Applejack looked over to Rainbow Dash, considering what she was saying. "It WOULD be mighty hard findin' a place to be alone on the farm."
"And you can't exactly come to my place," Rainbow said. "Unless we get Twilight to use that spell you guys used when you visited Cloudsdale."
"Ah don't think Ah'm gunna be goin' back on a cloud after what happened..."
"Oh, come on, AJ! That was so hot. Tell me it wasn't hot!"
"Ya know what wasn't hot?" Applejack asked. "The water we landed in."
"Well, yeah, it wasn't a hot spring..."
The two stopped walking. They looked to each other, smiling, before they both started laughing, leaning against each other to hold themselves up.
"Oh, Rainbow," said the earth pony, wiping a tear from her eyes. "You're really somethin', you know that?"
"I know," Rainbow said, holding her head up with pride. Applejack gave her a look. "Well? What do you think? I'm sure there's...oh, I don't know, an inn or something at that town with the train station. Just you and me...getting to know each other?"
"We know each other fi--," Applejack thought about that, then blushed. "Oh!" She was quiet for a moment. "Well, Ah guess they can survive on the farm a few more days without me..."
They smiled at each other before walking on.
"...so you're really not going to let me take you on a cloud, aga--"
"No!"
"But I thought it would be...you know, fun," Rainbow Dash said, her ears falling back on her head.
"Is sex all you think about, Dash?" Applejack asked, raising an eyebrow.
Rainbow Dash glared at her. "I didn't mean that kind of fun! Though, that WOULD be interesting...No, I meant you could see Ponyville how I see it. We could hang out over sweet apple acres if you wanted to! Or, you know...we could spend some time just talking there. I mean, if you're REALLY worried about it, we can ask Twilight about that spell. Hey! And maybe we could have a picnic up there! Watch the sunset."
Applejack smiled to Rainbow Dash. "Are you askin' me out on a date, Rainbow?"
The Pegasus jerked her head back. She hadn't thought of it that way. "Well, yeah, I guess when you're in a relationship, you don't just 'date' instead of 'hang out', huh? But we don't have to call it that! I mean, I just want to spend some time with you." She faced Applejack with concern. "Is...that okay?"
Applejack pulled Rainbow Dash close and kissed her on the cheek. "'Course it's okay! And maybe we can try it without the cloud, first." Applejack pawed at the ground once. "Ah think Ah'd like to keep mah hooves on the earth for a bit after that fall."
Rainbow Dash nuzzled her head under Applejack's jaw. "Hey, as long as I can be with you, I'm not complaining. ...Well, okay, maybe a little bit. But I can deal."
The two walked down the beach, side by side. They smiled at each other. Neither of them saw the two shooting stars that passed overhead.
~~Fin~~
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Sequel? Yes no maybe so?
1990358 You know, I was expecting someone to ask for a sequel, just not right away....
That was a nice story.
Now write more clop
1990366 heh, guilty
1990366
Sequel sounds damn nice........
I think you have done a mighty fine job as writing these chapters and uploade them so fast with this quality of writing.
Loved your other stories and Im gonna look for some more in the future.
You've been too good to us with how fast you get new chapters out.
Callisto is writing a sequel? Do want!
1990374 ...do we have to have a talk again, Dbz? -_-
1990628 Thank the contest deadline for how fast I got the chapters out!
And I NEVER SAID I WOULD DO A SEQUEL!!! I only JUST finished the story! Literally!
1990753
I thought as much! I'm just pulling your leg.
Applause Classic
Thats a great story you have talent as a writer
yea
This story was very nice, and you should feel good for writing it.
I read this fic while listening to this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idaCtxXk7bY Very well done and I liked the quick updates.
1990753
No, we don't, I'm just overeager
My 'demanding' should be taken with a grain of salt :)
Sweet ending. I have to say, I'm glad the guard realized who he was messing with in the end. Might make him think twice about being such a dick. And I've gotta say, I like the way your Fiance put it. Cause that was what they did.
All's well that ends well.
Instant classic, what a ride! A perfect ending to a perfect story! All my womanly love! Good Show!
This is now one of my favorite Appledash stories. It had a bit of everything - adventure, world building, meaningful character development, humor, and - of course - snuggling ponies. Great job, especially considering your deadline and everything. Thanks a bunch for a very entertaining read
You know what, I must confess something.
Over the past two years, I've read more fanfics than I can probably ever hope to keep track of. I've read dozens of sad ones, as well, and even striven to write the same. From everything I've both read and written, I can tell that those stories that really touched me, the ones that felt like they were twisting my gut, well, those are the best. And for all the feedback I've both seen on other works, and received on my own, I know that some of those stories, the real deep, touching, gut-wrenching ones, really make some people cry.
But it's never happened to me. Even the stories that I consider the best, those most compelling few, never got me to cry.
I just want you to know, you got me. After all this time, you got me. Right here: "...Like those few times her mother would sit with her at night and read her favorite story to her."
That was it. I cried thanks to this story, and that's an entirely new thing for me.
You're magnificent, you are. There's no words to really accurately sum up how much I love this story. Just never stop doing what you're doing, because you do it so well.
Too....many...comments...to...respond to! Mind overload >_< OKAY!
1990813 Thank you! I feel good for finishing it, that's for sure.
1992395 >_< Well, I mean, they TALKED about it.... >_<
1994935 Oh, thank GOD you think so. I really hate doing endings. I feel like I never do them right, and asked for help on how to end it ^_^; Thank you!
1995063 Awww, thank you for your lovely comments ^_^ I'm so glad so many people liked to confession scene. I worked alot on it, and it was constantly on my mind everytime I wrote a new chapter, making sure I could keep it all consistent.
1999022 Heh, SUBTLE And you need to read the rest of it, now ^_^ Considering how I spent half this trip writing.
2000390 Oh, my goodness, you wrote so much! Thank you!! I was wondering if you were going to read this or not...it IS Appledash, after all =P I'm sorry I made you cry, but also a little proud of myself at the same time ^_^; I did my job! I didn't expect it to make people cry, though..
2000809 And thank you, Jackie ^_~
2003505
Hey, I'll always read your stories! I've just recently gotten a HUGE backlog of reading to work through.
This was a Masterpiece, Callisto. Truly, it was.
I loved this story. :)
Cute, fluffy and absolutely adorable with a hint of mourning.
I like it a lot.
Commence read.
Nicely done.
I ended up reading this in one sitting it was absolutely amazing. /)
I won't lie, it's not easy creating a 100% original AppleDash fic. But you've achieved it. You had a bit of everything that makes AppleDash great, in an original setting with an original plotline. Not to mention hands-down the best confession scene in shipfic history. Even better than the confession/reveal in "The Games We Play".
I tip my hat to you, Callisto. 10/10.
2047744 Thank you!! ^_^ Errr...what is "The Games We Play"?
It's a really well written fic by AbsoluteAnonymous. I'd recommend reading it, it's amazing work. And that's coming from an AppleDash fan (it's RariJack/PinkieDash/Mare Do Well x Rainbow Dash). Its 22 chapters long and the climax around chapter 20-21is, in my opinion, jaw-dropping.Â
2052786 Oh, yeah, I've heard about that one. I never read it cause at the time I knew it was PinkieDash, and I hated PinkieDash at the time because all I could think about was Cupcakes. >_< Maybe I'll put it in my ever growing queue. Thanks!
gymfangirl.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/feels.gif
I wasn't going to cry...and then that last sentence. So. many. manly. tears.
2082998 Really? The last sentence sent you over the top?
Not the other parts I put soo much work into? Rather, the last sentence that I kinda hated? Really?
2083002 Hmmm...I phrased that poorly. How about I try again? "The entire story was like a giant, never-ending avalanche of feels and the final paragraph or so was like a smaller feel that caused a second avalanche of feels".
2084335Ah ^_^; Thank you!
2095327 At what point do they dissolve into "feels"?
2095811 I took it straight from personal experience. ^_^;
*stands up and slow claps*
That. Is. All.
NOTE: Spoilers
Well damn, that was beautiful, simply beautiful. I even made this account for this site just to share my thoughts. So I hope you are reading this Callisto.
I never read any fanfics before until I stumbled upon this, and after reading the first few paragraphs, I instantly got hooked. Even after exploring and reading other fics, I have to say this is still my favorite.
For one thing, it was one of the best things I have read, and I have read a lot of good novels in my lifetime. Taking the already connectable characters and developing them further and putting them into situations that the show would not allow was presented so well here. I even took great pity on Rainbow Dash with all the emotional pain she went though, and I even seem to forgive all her arrogant moments in the show after reading the plausible back story on how her parents would completely ignore and abandon her. I also felt so sorry for Applejack after reading how much she still misses her parents. And the whole idea of the Star Lighting Festival to remember the dead was pretty nifty.
The best part is how plausible everything is. I felt like I was watching an extended episode in my mind while reading this. Certainly if Rainbow Dash and Applejack had any sort of relationship, I could picture something like this playing out, especially with Applejack being very hesitant about going against her strong family values in order to be with Rainbow. How the characters are portrayed and the way they spoke definitely stayed true to the show. I can really hear AJ's voice in my head when reading her speech (especially with the use of "Ah" instead of "I"). Also, the whole back stories on both their parents definitely made sense to me. I would want nothing more than to see this become a two part episode or something (but we all know that will never happen).
Like many readers before me, this story made me cry at parts as well. Actually, quite a few mix of emotions came out of me while reading this. Seeing Rainbow Dash bring Applejack up to the cloud without her protesting was quite overwhelming. Knowing that the only thing keeping Applejack from falling was to hold onto Rainbow Dash and be close to her, and the whole description of the scene was something of great beauty. The part where they laid on a cloud a second time and made their confessions brought an even more powerful mix of emotions. Seeing Rainbow Dash crying in front of Applejack and Applejack finally expressing her true feelings was the greatest emotional part for me. The whole scene was a huge mix of cuteness, romance, sadness, happiness, relief and joy.
The only annoyance I have with the story is how the moment on the cloud was turned into a very sudden life or death situation followed by an unexpected swim in a cold lake, but I can't really complain (the moment had to end sometime, right?). I did love the moment after that though, seeing Rainbow Dash finally truly happy and gitty after what must have been weeks of sadness and uncertainty was really nice.
There were also a few grammatical hiccups, but nothing really worth noting.
This is really an awesome piece of writing, even reading it a second time was still very enjoyable and did not dampen the emotional effect.
Overall, I think you have a great talent for writing fanfics. Also, you did mention this was submitted under your Callisto account, so I'm guessing you have another account? If you do, I would like to see it and read more from you.
2110326 Hello, Rubes! My god, what a long review!! But I enjoyed reading it! I usually get nervous at such long reviews because they're usually, well, critiques, and I get really anxious when I read them. But this was nice ^_^ Such detail, thank you for writing it!
I'm glad you liked it! Sorry for the grammatical hiccups, as it were, I was writing this on a deadline, and didn't have time for anyone to read it over. I should go over it sometime later...^_^; And I'm glad people like the star lighting festival. I googled festivals to celebrate the dead, since I knew about the Dia de los Muertos, and I figured there had to be more. I based it off the Festival of Lanterns in Japan.
And I really didn't mean to make people cry!! I was trying to avoid being too sad or being angsty, but I guess it HAD to be at times ^_^; And I'm glad the confession scene was that mix. I wanted to take it a lot further (if you've seen the other stories on my account >_< ), but it was a "teen" rated story, sooo yeah ^_~ Applejack HAD to fall off the cloud =P
Actually, that was my sordid sense of humor that made Applejack fall, because I wanted RD to do that near-swearing at the end of the chapter. (Heh, that's the second time today I was admonished for my sense of humor. I gotta start watching it....)
And yes, I have another account, but nothing's really on it, yet, but I'll PM you.
Thanks for the review! It really made me smile after a frustrating day! Long review deserves long response, right? ^_~
2110592 Believe me when I say that was only about one-third of what I wanted to say. I actually had to cut it short because it was getting late and I had to go to bed. I didn't even begin to describe how much I liked the scene with drunken Rainbow Dash and Twilight, or the scene where Rainbow Dash starts remembering the happy moments of her mother and began to cry with Applejack there comforting her, or the symbolism in the story.
What I really liked about the Star Lighting Festival and what made it "nifty" was the whole journey through night by hoof aspect of it. Also, I knew it had some resemblance to the Day of the Dead celebration in Mexico.
And yes, I did see the other two stories you wrote here. Personally, I try to avoid that kind of stuff, but those other stories are still very good. It would have been interesting to see the confession scene go further, but on the bright side, I can tell my friends about this story without having to feel too ashamed.
I am glad I made you smile. I'm sure it's the least I could do for the author of this amazing story.
2112251 No spoiler alert that time? ^_^; And I'm glad you liked that scene with Twilight. Drunk ponies usually piss people off. And that had to be edited down a bit, too.... Oh, Teen rating. But I liked how it came out! Bah, I'm letting this feed into my ego ^_^;
....
Oh, screw it, I worked really hard on this because of the deadline.
Anyways, heh, thanks again!
Oh my. I just finished reading this one. I'm not into fanfics to be honest, but this one was simply amazing. Thank you for sharing it with us, Mr. Author
ps. it makes me want to draw some nice cover picture for this one. So stay tuned
2121961 Thank you for the nice compliment! And it's Ms. Author. ^_^; But your offer to draw cover art is very sweet, and I can overlook the gender confusion =P ^_^
2122419 Oh, sorry ^^ Ms. Author :)
I'll let you know when I make something good enough.
It's been a long time since I've read an AppleDash this good. An entirely original premise, beautifully executed, too many memorable, emotional scenes to count. In particular, the plot surrounding Dash's family issues was very well developed. You built it up slowly, but still managed to keep it interesting, contrasted it nicely to Applejack's own family problems, weaved it perfectly into the existing journey and ceremony, resolved it elegantly. Applejack's own conflict wasn't quite as interesting, but believably in character. You played on her concerns about her family well, and I never once doubted that it was something she would be worried about, though, you never tied up that particular thread.
A bit telly, unnecessarily focused on the physical at the end, simple, rather drab descriptions throughout. But as a whole, this is a fantastic, beautiful story.
2123418 Yeah, I felt like Applejack's concerns about family wasn't something she could fix in a day after years of believing things to be a certain way. And yeah, I like the physical ^_^; I just had to get it out of my system. Well, okay, I wanted to write a really good kiss scene, and maybe it got away from me, heh. And descriptions is something I wanted to work on with this fic - not my strong suit, I know. And thank you for the review~ ^_^
2123528 This was a really sweet story, and your writing definitely improved since your first (I haven't read your second story yet). My thoughts are pretty much the same as HoofBitingActionOverload's except maybe the last sentence:
Okay, it was a bit telly, but then it's a tough format. Showing through dialog is much easier for me than descriptive non-dialog, so I can't really fault you there. Drab descriptions? They could improve, but to say that they're drab throughout and then call your story fantastic and beautiful (which is true) is a bit confusing. One thing I thought could really use some work, though, was your interaction scenes with the Princesses, which seemed a little less developed and forced than they could have.
Can I offer a reading suggestion? Because I think you might like it... Archonix' And the Stars Shine Forth is an extremely well-written and very moving story concerning Luna (and Celestia) and the nature of their immortality set against the passing lives of mortals they've come into contact with (well, partially that). So far it's also very funny in spots -- Luna is pretty hilarious -- so it's not all doom and gloom. ;)
2126358 When he says "telly", I think he means verbose, which IS something that I do, but honestly, it might just be my style, because I've been told that for years. And yeah, I couldn't make it all dialogue, so thanks for that ^_~ The end - ugh, the end gave me all SORTS of problems that I am acutely aware of. And it's not like I didn't know they would interact with Princess Celestia at the end, but I didn't think about what they would actually talk about until I got there. I was more concerned about the last few lines being corny... >_< Did I mention I'm also bad with endings? ^_^; Anyways, I'll put the story in my "to read" queue, thank you.
212699 It's really easy to be hard on yourself with any artistic expression, I think, but hopefully you aren't too critical of your work. I haven't read through all of the comments here, but from what I've seen they are very positive even if there's some critique to add. To me it's especially impressive that you churned this excellent story out in such a short time, and managed to really grab me emotionally in the process; There were even times when I was so into the story that I completely forgot about anything else.
You're doing beautiful work and I hope to see more of it, soon.
2134810 It's okay..."the feels are so feeling" makes about as much sense as using the word "the feels", but it makes sense otherwise ^_~