• Member Since 5th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Cynewulf


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T

Caramel finally finishes his gift for Twilight just as she finishes the work that has kept her shut in for so long. He presents a final offering: one last painting, to complete the trilogy of depictions of her.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 61 )

Commence read.

In the end, the painting was not the true offering.

I don't think you could've found a more perfect cover image, Cynewulf. If you'll pardon me, I'm just going to sit and stare at it for a few minutes.

Truth be told, he felt awful, like he could feel every beat of his heart in his veins, like he hadn’t slept at all.

I like this part.

He liked how easy the dark was on his eyes.

So do I.
The original title... Oh man, that gave me chills. Good job on this one. I like it, I like it a lot!

1899805
I do concur. It is an enthralling work of art.

I am very, very impressed with this story. Without giving away storyline, I'll just say that you, nailed the characterizations of Twilight and Caramel. The pacing was wonderful, and even though I went into this story with an idea of what it would be about, the buildup and payoff were expertly executed. I tip my hat to you, sir.

Never go into a lady's basement after painting odd paintings. Got it.

Your stories are a carefully crafted formula, but it's a formula you reuse a lot. They're interesting subjects, and this one was one of the better ones (the romantic interests of the protagonists aren't a mystery the story tries to solve), but I can't help but wonder when your characters start to blend into the same one?

Good work today sir

1899933 That's probably true.

1899805 I found that picture a looong time ago. I knew one day I'd be able to use it.


1899920 That is always sound advice/

1899920 Best advice I've heard all day. :eeyup:

PPS

Part of the inspiration for this came from an Ambrose Bierce story called Incident at... well crap. Some bridge of another.

Perhaps you were thinking of An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge?

Lush and darkly gorgeous, much like its cover art. Nicely done! The final reveal wasn't a complete surprise, if the hints told the story, and that's not always a bad thing. Sometimes you know early what the destination will bring yet it's still that journey that's more important.

1901057 Yes! The Original Dallas Ending where you're all pissed at the end. :P Thankya

1901153 I meant it to be more of a surprise... but I just couldn't make it work as well. I think it would be better if it were a bit more obscure. :3 I got carried away with my pictures and bloody phylacteries

what the fuck
how did the story turn into vampires
did i miss something...


good read though

1902071 You did. There are many clues! :3

First, the Paintings. Carnivore and Rosebud are both full of red, red wine, knives, seduction... vampire things. Him being weak from being drained, for it's an unnatural tiredness. His creepy enthrallment with Twilight, too!

1902085
i thought she was dead lol
WHAT A TWIST

WoW M\F = autoupvote :pinkiehappy:

I saw the cover and said "damn, its a Twilight vampire story" xD then i saw the other Twilight reference, had to resist closing this and went to listen to some music for a bit. :rainbowlaugh:

Still a good one. So she was bewitched by a dark book she found huh.

Work of art. :pinkiesad2:

1902568 Best part? Wasn't intentional. Pre-readers pointed it out to me.


Besides Twilight is 4 books. :P

1903402

Shh, you dont need to know the number of books to see something as a reference to that. (but yeah i knew, my friend loves the series and has all the books , plus the extra ones or something like that) :pinkiecrazy:

Best part? Hmmm the fact that even if it was a vampire Twilight story the focus is on the "servant" Caramel. :pinkiehappy:

Also since it implies that the painting is a trade for a story, we could assume that the "ending" is actually the ending of Twilights story huh :rainbowlaugh: (not likely unless she knew what he would have named his painting and what he did name it, but shhhh no tears only dreams... )

1903903 Renfield is the most hilariously disturbing thing ever. :3

1903907

Added a last sentence while you were typing your reply, but its not that important anyway.

And yeah in some way it is, but Caramel wasnt the antagonist. Just a poor lost boy. :twilightsmile:

1903915 The story!


It's vague. Remember the memory of the big black grimoire book thing that flashed by, and the note? I figured you could read it as a lie!


Or what I meant: she's been working on the "story", using his blood to keep her magic strong. She reads it aloud at last as he lies dying on the bed. The work is complete. She needed all of him to finish it.

i like, very well set up, nice pacing, good emotives, great description, and yeah no more words for it 10 of 10

1955872 It really is, it really is. The original version was going to be about 10-15K longer and explain the Vampirism and it was Inceptiony


Thank god I cut it

liked it. poor sap's dead now. probably.

2060577 Oh, Caramel is very dead.

2060588 like, door nail dead, or like, Cancer dead, or that book that caught on fire that one time dead?

2060594 totes dead, like

Samuel Jackson getting eaten by that shark in Deep Ocean Blue dead

2060821 he was the black one that gave an epic speech, then got bitten in half, right? or was that a different movie?

Owlcreek bridge? Is that the story you were thinking of? I can't say I see the similarities, though the writing does faintly remind me of it... Meh, probably just the difference in the subject matter clouding my perception. Still, good story. I figured out halfway through that she was (eating? killing?) him, but still... the reveal at the end was just awesome.

2062336

how do you not know who Samuel L. Jackson is? He's Samuel L. Jackson, dammit! You know, "I have had it with these mother fucking snakes on this mother fucking plane" Samuel L. Jackson?

2156402 Yes! Owlcreek!

The whole reveal, mainly. The whole "Oh, lol, nope, he dies horribly" at the end.

Glad you enjoyed it!

2156595

mmm... Nah, that's not the same. You lead up to it, throwing out clues and hints, telling us something bad is coming. Owlcreak's first sign that something is wrong is the line "and then the rope snapped taut." Not to say this method is bad, but it's just not the same thing- which is good! If I'd read this and it had ended like that, I'd have gone "Wow, way to pony-fy owlcreek bridge." As it is, the comparison,(though the writting style is somewhat similiar!) didn't pop into my head until after you commented on it.

2156644 Valid, and kind of agreed, actually.

It was more the original idea, which was different. Thinking about it, I guess the original clouds my reading of as it is now.

2156654

heh, that can happen. I've been forced to abandon projects because they reminded me too much of older ones that I didn't like anymore.

... not too say I have a great record with completing things anyway... (one completed one shot, four unpublished, one hiatus, one that probably should be hiatus even though there's like two thousand words left...)

God the way you speak fits with that avatar perfectly. In my head that was "valid. *sips wine* and kind of agreed..."

I might be slightly insane.

2156675 Ah but I was born to be a lady.

Sipping tea.

Yes. Is it not plain?

*sip*

As long as it's not Merlot. Yes.

2156690

The great bearded lady!

*shrug* personally, I'm not much for alcohol, aaaaand this conversation has veered wildly, wildly off course. Like, there's the original topic, there's the grand canyon, there's a cactus patch, and we're over here, running full speed towards a ditch. I do believe that if we wish to continue this silly chat, PMs would be more suitable than... filling this entire comment thread. more than 10% of the comments on this story are now this conversation. that's probably a bad thing :twilightblush:

2156402 I've never watched that movie for one, and it has been at least... 2 years since I last watched the movie (likely a MAJOR understatement) and yeah.

I'm bit confused, Caramel offered himself; allowing Twilight to drink his blood but did he die at end? Or still alive, was just a simple offering of himself to show how much he loves her?

2393985 It is a weird ending.

Both. He has been offering himself over and over all along. And this time he just couldn't take and he died. He gave all he could until he could give no more.

2394004 How did exactly Twilight feel/felt after Caramel have died in her hooves? I'm curious

2394046 Good question. In the original idea? Remorseful, but not overmuch. She got more so overtime, as the original idea was... long. And weird?

I think part of her, deep down, is horrified and feels beyond awful. Pain unto death. But I think the majority of her is a real vampire. Cold. I think she feels some slight pity, some tiny remorse. Perhaps a touch of sadness that is not deep but at least is still there.

2394061 Final question, this is little bit stretched of question if I say so myself.

Will you consider writing a one-shot sequel to this? I'm curious of the consequences that she faces and what kind of feeling that Twilight is dealing with in in-depth; especially of what her mentor (Celestia), her "brother" (Spike) and rest of her friends feel about Twilight after learning that she was responsible for Caramel's death.

2394068

...

I ain't thought about it.

But now I am.

I might. Lemme think 'bout it, write somethin' down

2394076

...

Cool! Ill await on your decision on whether if you write that sequel or not, this story stands good by it's own.

In least I can take away from this story, even if she was one who caused Caramel's death; I'm sure she loved him back somewhere in depth of her.

Cheers!

2394083 Oh, she did at first, for sure. I mean, the first painting, I think, was before she somehow became... that. When they were cute and couply and happy

I thought it was a little like Stephen's King Duma Key :P . At first, later it became completely different but who cares, the story is still awesome.

2756990 Still need to read that one.

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