Peace of Mind - Peace of Heart

by RyanPAPP

Awakening

I had that sinking feeling. You know, the one you feel when you're falling. Except, I couldn't tell if I was falling or not. Everywhere I looked it was black. Just black. As I felt the falling sensation grow in the very pit of my stomach, memories slowly and painfully wormed their way into confused mind.

Memories of a better time. A happier time. Memories of me and my sister, playing in the fields behind our old home, going to kindergarten, getting our cutiemarks, you know, the standard childhood stuff. The latest memory I saw was the day she left for the dreaded Academy. At that I began squirming and banging my head, hoping to shake the visions out.

Alas, it didn't work. I gave in and more recent memories started bleeding through my conscious. I remembered opening the mail box and seeing a light blue envelope adorned with flowers. Expecting good news from my loving sister I rushed inside to peer in. But what I found was anything but happy...

The memory was cut off by another strange feeling. It felt like something was creeping up on me from below. The fur on my hind-end stood up and I could feel wind. The next sensation I felt was jarring accompanied by a distinctive "SPLAT!"

I woke up terrified, kicking and screaming. In my rampage I managed to knock over a yet another painful reminder in the form of a photograph on my night stand.

Once the initial wave of adrenaline passed over and was finished, I could recollect myself. I hopped out of bed and into the morning light that shined in through the window. I groggily trotted into the bathroom located right outside our- MY- bedroom. I hopped up on two hooves and turned the faucet on to throw some cold water on my face. Cloudchaser always did that to wake me up.

When I was finished, and only half-awake, I looked up at the mirror. A deep sense of grief and pain jolted up my spine and eventually wedged into my skull. "Oh Celestia..." I mumbled, crying at my reflection. "I look just like her..." At that point I forcefully jerked my head away.

I can't think about her...

That's what I told myself. Part of me took solace in thinking about my sister, but other parts felt pain, regret, and grief. Thinking about her just made me hurt. But, she told me something once...

"Don't Mind That It Hurts"

So that's what I did, I didn't mind that it hurt...

----------------

I ate the few leftover scraps of food from three months ago (as I hadn't done anything since Cloudy's death) and tidied up my bow to head outside. I really don't know why I cared about appearances, my life was already stripped from me. Half of me wanted to find that special somepony to comfort me, but the other half fought back knowing that nopony could replace the gap in my heart that my sister once occupied.

It really was always me and her. When I was three our parents died and we were taken in by our putrid uncle. He abused us, he really did. Each night my sister would snuggle up to me and we'd gaze at the stars while she would tell me stories about our parents.

Anyways, I flew down to the lake underneath our cloud-home to rest. My first instinct was to sit on the dock and gaze at the water, but after I put more thought into it I realized that I'd see my reflection, so I figured that I'd stay inland.

It was a beautiful day, not that I had anypony to enjoy it with. Since I had woken from a nightmare, I was wide-awake at three AM. So by time I got to the lake the sun was just rising. The spectacle of sunrise always entranced Cloudy. The gentle wisps of orange and violet that cracked through the clouds always reminded her of our parents. She said that our father's mane was a dark orange bordered by red and that our mother's was a beautiful balance between grey and violet...

I was doing it again- thinking about her. It was a very nasty habit of mine that still haunts me to this day, and possibly will forever...

Comments

[Rainbow87dash]

Deep