1. When It's Love
“So then Lyra was like: Pinkie, I think I might be in love with Bon Bon.”
Twilight nodded, using her magic to lift a party streamer into place. At the same time, Pinkie Pie was rushing to get the last of the baked goods ready for the party the two mares were setting up. Normally, Pinkie would just set up the party with the help of her trusty party cannon, but the Cake Twins had somehow gotten into the closet where it was stored. By the time Pinkie had gotten there, it had been reduced to a pile of scraps. Twilight had been glad to help, especially considering who the party was for.
“So what happened next?” Twilight asked, continuing the conversation.
“Well, I didn’t really know what to think, Twilight. I mean, I’m not really a love councilor or anything. That’s Rarity’s thing.”
“That’s true.”
“So I just said the first thing that came into my head,” said Pinkie as she mixed up another batch of muffins.
“You didn’t sing her a song, did you?” joked the purple unicorn.
Pinkie laughed. “No, not at a party, silly; she wouldn’t be able to hear. No, I just said: Do whatever you think is right. That was a toughie, though. I mean, how are you supposed to know when to cross that line? Bon Bon and her were bestest buddies and she didn’t want to ruin her friendship. I can see how hard that would be.”
Twilight’s ears perked up at this. “You do?”
“Well, yeah. How are you supposed to choose between love and friendship if you don’t know how it’ll turn out?”
“Yeah,” said Twilight nervously. She looked up and Pinkie, who was too busy with her pastries to shoot her a look. If she had, she would’ve seen a very nervous unicorn. Trying to keep her breathing under control, she finished hanging up the one streamer and started the next.
“Hey Twilight, I’m going to get some more flour,” said the mare, walking into the storeroom.
“Okay,” replied Twilight. She waited until Pinkie closed the door behind her, and then let out a sigh of relief. Being in the same room with Pinkie wouldn’t normally make Twilight as nervous as she was now, but then again, all the talk about relationships wasn’t helping. Twilight knew that the mind didn’t always think rationally when romance was involved, but she still couldn’t tell if Pinkie was really dropping subtle hints or if it was just paranoia. Sighing, she floated another streamer over and put it up, letting her thoughts wander.
It wasn’t as if she was deeply in love with Pinkie. Twilight classified it as a crush, although she knew little of the technical terminologies of romance. Just a crush, plain and simple; not something she ever planned on acting on.
It had all started that day that Twilight had first found out about Pinkie’s twitches and how they somehow had the ability to transcend time and predict obscure events. She’d hooked Pinkie up to a machine, done research, and had a delivery truck full of supplies dumped on her head, but she’d never been able to explain how it was possible. For some reason, those events had brought out a romantic interest. She remembered reading somewhere that romance often starts for strange reasons, and it was apparently true.
It had been a long time since that day, though, and Twilight had buried those feelings under friendship reports, epic quests, and all the other parts of her life. In fact, she’d forgotten about them before she and Pinkie had started up that conversation. Lyra and Bon Bon’s situation shared striking similarities to her own. She didn’t know what to do. She could just bury her feelings like before, but for the first time, she didn’t feel like doing it. She wanted to tell Pinkie how she felt, and even though it was unlikely that the ever-happy mare would ever reject her as a friend, the prospect still frightened her.
“What in Equestria am I supposed to do?”
=-=-=-=-=
Meanwhile, Pinkie was in the supply room alone. But she wasn’t getting flour.
“Oh, I hope Twilight didn’t notice how nervous I was. I bet she did, didn’t she? Oh, what am I going to do?”
Pinkie Pie’s feelings were very similar to Twilight’s, but different in that they were newer. And Pinkie hadn’t had any time to bury those feelings, feelings that had come up when the two were in the Crystal Empire. Pinkie hadn’t thought of Twilight in any romantic light before that day. She hadn’t really ever felt that way about anyone, actually. But seeing the normally plain-looking mare transformed into a gorgeous, shining definition of equine beauty had changed her feelings drastically. Ever since she’d seen the studious mare in her crystal pony form, she couldn’t get her out of her mind. And now she was with her, alone, talking about romance.
“Ugh, I just can’t figure it out! I mean, if I do tell her, it might work out and that would be great. But what if she doesn’t want to be my friend anymore? And even if she is, she wouldn’t think about me the same way.”
“But if I don’t tell her, then I have to keep all these feelings inside,” desperately, she turned to her pet alligator for advice. “Gummy, what do you think I should do?”
The lizard just sat there, gumming on an orange he’d found. Somehow, Pinkie interpreted this as an answer.
“You think I need to get back out there and go for it? That’s a great idea! I should be more confident!” Striding back out the counter, her confidence lasted all of one second after she saw Twilight.
“Pinkie?”
“Uh, yeah Twilight?”
“I thought you said you were getting some flour.”
“Oh, well I didn’t really need it because … uh, you know … reasons!”
“Okay,” said Twilight skeptically, hiding her anxiousness behind a shield of sarcasm. She was sure she could see Pinkie Pie’s nervousness. She was fidgeting more than normal, her pupils were dilated, and she was wearing a very artificial-seeming grin. But again, Twilight didn’t want to discount her own paranoia as the reason. But either way, Twilight didn’t want to make this awkward for them both, and tried to salvage their former conversation.
“So, Pinkie, you were telling me about Lyra and Bon Bon before, right?”
Pinkie gulped. “Right. Well, Lyra decided to take my advice. She never told me exactly what happened, but she basically walked up to Bon Bon and told her she had feelings for her.”
“And how did that end up?” Twilight asked, genuinely curious.
“Well, I found them making out outside. They both thanked me for helping Lyra, even though I didn’t really do much. They’re still thanking me, and it’s been a week now. It’s kinda funny,” Pinkie chuckled nervously.
Twilight nodded calmly while her brain went into hyperdrive. She could’ve sworn Pinkie was just as nervous as she was.
Meanwhile, the mare in question walked around the counter and out into the main room, surveying the decorations Twilight had put up. She sighed.
“If she liked me, she would’ve made a move already,” Pinkie whispered to herself.
“What was that, Pinkie?” Asked Twilight, following right behind her.
The mare froze. She hadn’t thought Twilight would be able to hear her with her back turned. “I … uh …”
For the first time since she’d arrived, Twilight was hopeful. “You said something about somepony making a move, right? What’s that about?”
Now’s your chance, the pastry chef thought to herself. Go for it.
“Well, you know, Lyra and Bon Bon.”
“What about them?”
Come on, don’t lose this chance. You’ll probably never have anything like this again.
“Well, I was just thinking about Lyra, and how brave it was of her to just tell Bon Bon her feelings. I mean, if I was in love with somepony, I know I wouldn’t be able to do that.”
Twilight’s eyes widened, and not unlike Pinkie, a little voice in her head was cheering her on.
Paranoia be damned. What else could that possibly mean? She’s in to you; go get her. You can do it!
“Yeah, I probably wouldn’t be able to either.”
No, don’t do that! What are you thinking? She just gave it to you on a silver platter!
Pinkie turned around to look at Twilight. Maybe she’d given up too soon. The possibility that Twilight had feelings for her was leaving her speechless, which wasn’t something that happened too often to the normally energetic mare. She wanted to say it, but she just couldn’t say it. It could be a candlelit room with romantic music playing in the background, and she still probably wouldn’t be able to say it.
“I … uh-“
“Pinkie Pie! Twilight! What’s up!”
Startled, the two mares quickly backed away from each other. They’d been practically muzzle to muzzle without realizing it.
“Oh, hey Spike,” said Twilight, greeting the new arrival.
“Yeah, hi,” Pinkie added.
Spike shot them a quick smile before noticing the decorations and sugary sweets that adorned the walls and tables of Sugarcube Corner.
“Who’s the party for?” he asked.
Momentarily forgetting the mare next to her, Twilight answered. “… It was for you, Spike.”
“Really?”
Now that she had something else to focus on, Pinkie felt much less nervous. “Yep. You did such a good job with the crystal heart and all, so we decided to throw you a surprise party.”
Spike blushed. “Aw, you guys didn’t have to do that. It was nothing!”
Smiling, Twilight went over and gave Spike a warm hug, saying: “No, it wasn’t nothing, Spike. You were really brave.”
“Well, thanks,” he said, a look of concern spreading across his face. “Wait, I ruined the surprise, didn’t I?”
“Spike, its fine. It didn’t really need to be a surprise party.”
“Oh, good, ‘cause I don’t want to feel like I ruined anything.”
Twilight and Pinkie Pie laughed that one off, even though it wasn’t that funny. In their minds, Spike had ruined something, and even though both knew deep down they wouldn’t have done anything, they were eager for an excuse to blame it on rather than themselves.
Meanwhile, Spike was oblivious to the romantic tension that he’d just broken. Surveying the decorations and food with glee, he said: “So, when’s the party starting, then?”
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Interesting.
Continue! Godspeed!
(jk)
I have no future as a love counselor, I am quite certain.
But I am also sure, as Twi seems to be, that love often happens under the strangest circumstances.
That cover pic, I love it!
Good writing, but I think you need to change the formatting. Definitely put an empty line between each paragraph and maybe indent the first line of each paragraph. So like this or like this. Either of those looks better than what you have now, imo.
Edit: Much better!
I can't complain about your actual writing though, heh. Good characters, etc. Seems interesting so far.
1891537
oh crap I forgot to do that. Whoops.
1891511
Thanks. Took me a while to find it. I like to use show stills instead of fan art. I just like it better for some reason
1891507
Neither do I. Rarity does though, but that's in the next chapter
1891305>>1891291
Thanks.
1891567
You are welcome.
This is a good story. Keep it up.
1891589
Thanks. The next part will be up either today or tomorrow, and it's better than this one.
Your welcome and okay.
Well, this seems pretty good. I really like it! Can't wait to see more...
There were a couple of typos/errors I found, though.
I think you meant to put 'pink mare.'
I think you meant to put 'It' rather than 'I.'
'Corner' should be capitalized, since it's a proper noun in this case.
I think you meant to put 'Pinkie felt much...' 'Pinkie much' doesn't really make sense, seeing as how it doesn't have a verb.
Well, most of that stuff is just the little things, and aren't that big of a deal. I really like it so far, and can't wait to see a new chapter! *Thumbs up and faves*
Damn it, Spike!
1891943
Yeah, I know, right?
1891791
Thanks for this. I didn't go over this as thoroughly as I usually do, so I missed a few things. I'll make these corrections when part 2 comes out.
1891943 I think you damn it Twilight and Pinkie Pie! Seriously just confess already!
Or in other words Get On With It!
THEY'RE UTTERLY HOPELESS! GLARGH!
Anyway, this is pretty good. Overall, I don't have any complaints with it, and I liked it. One thing I will say is, I found Pinkie's character kind of off, but it is hard to write her into a ship fic, because you have to give her a more serious side. The grammar little stupid nitpicks I found were covered by BlueDragonIsAwesome, so there's that.
KEEP WRITING YOU WONDERFUL PERSON!
*upvote*
- Church
Pretty good start! I'm loving this!
1893037
It'll take the whole next chapter, believe me. They're both pretty awkward about this. Romance is awkward, or so I've heard. Never had any romance myself, though.
1893460
That was my main problem. Pinkie is actually pretty good when she's already in a relationship, but in a fic where a relationship is starting, she's going to be at least a little OOC unless the fic is a comedy. But then again, people tend to be more serious when romance comes around, so I figure ponies would too, even pinkie pie. Thanks for the praise too!
1893782
You have a point there. I usually try to avoid doing that sort of direct thing, and I'm also usually a big fan of long, descrptive paragraphs with no dailouge. But I wanted to keep the fic brief, so I decided to just get right to the point. And I promise the second part is written better. This first part is not nearly my best style-wise, although I did a pretty good job where plot is concerned.
1893858
1894131 Normally I'd understand their reluctance if they were figuring out their feelings but at this point they both know they want to the other but are too shy to confess. It's just annoying really, I know in real life romance can and probably often does work out that way but that odens't make it any less annoying.
1894224
Oh, come on! This chapter's only, what, 2000 words. It's really not that bad. Realism is underrated in fan fiction, and I always try to make my fics as realistic as possible. I just like them better that way.
1894241 I'm just saying it's a little bit different having tow ponies unwilling to confess when they both know how they feel, if either of them were in doubt this proably wouldn't seem as annoying.
I myslef actually kind of like this uncertainy and can't wait to see where it goes.
1894252
I'm in the business of different. Different is good. It may not make the feature box most of the time, but it's more worth writing.
Also, glad you like the uncertainty. That's what I'm trying to do, after all.
Woah woah wait wait...what's this doing in the one shot folder on the twi-pie group? Anyways it's great to see another well written twinkie ship come along, to me it seems like this ship is being written less and less. I just hope you can keep this ship afloat!
Cheerio!
1894317
You know, I'm really thinking about it. I mean, this is going to have another chapter, so I guess it's not a one-shot, really. But this has been a lot of fun to write, and I'm considering making a fun-length fic out of this. But at the moment, I'm treating it like a one-shot. If i continue it, I'll juts pull it out of all the one-shot folders and keep writing.
1900541
Thanks. New chapter is coming out in a few minutes.
Nicely done! Good pacing and the slow build of tension works quite well!
A TwiPie! Count me in!
As for the starts of each of their crushes, for Twi, the reflection that love can start strangely felt right if rushed (don't worry, I get that this was supposed to be a quick oneshot) and for Pinkie, well, Twilight did look really pretty when she was all crystal-y .
Couple things I saw:
Ah, the most subtle of LUS. Pinkie would be more appropriate to use here. Also, I think it might depend on how you want it to read, but "Hey Twilight" and its ilk should probably have a direct address comma at least most of the time.
Same sentence structure. Simply cut the "But" from the second one and that problem is solved. Also, in the phrase "her own" the "own" can be omitted and it retains its meaning. After all, who else's paranoia would she be discounting.
On to chapter 2!
Re-reading this, and I lol'ed at the "despite being a Colts fan" part
Seriously, Twinkie is amazing (second best pairing behind Rarilight). I'm so happy you wrote this for me!