• Member Since 22nd Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Oct 12th, 2014


I am a Mexican-American, thus the name. Represent!. Fj brony.

Comments ( 9 )

Not trying to be mean, but the grammar was horrid in this. Kind of got in the way of the story. Not a bad idea for one, it just becomes really confusing when you can't hardly read it.

seems to be hastily written, plot holes, cut corners and spelling errors everywhere.

138299>>138287 I am a terrible writer, but i have ideas i want to put out there.


In that case, would you want some tips?

138383 Something good to do then is have someone help you and/or edit it before publishing it. I'd be happy to help, if you want.

I'm sorry but I couldn't get far into the story before I had to stop. I didn't enjoy the suddenness with which the plot was introduced, but mostly the grammar and overall language/style deterred me. It reads almost more like a script for a play or something than a short story or chapter book. If you like it that way, go for it. The overall idea could be pretty good, just perhaps fix the capitalization and run-on sentences and such.

139546 unfortunately thats the only way i know how to write
138810 I had no one to help out in that department
138550 i'd like help instead of tips


I suppose it depends on what you form you expect the "help" to take rather than "tips". The moment I read your point about being a horrid writer I took a part of the story and started writing out notes unpacking the mechanics of prose writing in fiction (though not so much the grammar, anyone can find that out if they have a reliable style guide; though I can find an online one if you want). That's one thing I can help with. I can also explain how story structure might work depending on what you're aiming for. I can also offer more concrete feedback on your writing such as where the plot is going.

"unfortunately thats the only way i know how to write"

Well it is possible to learn how to write a different way, though I do understand if doing so seems impenetrable at first.

143383 This was just an idea i had, i don't intend to make this a full time project, I have to many things on my plate right now, but i needed to get this story out of my system....

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