Help Me! My Parents Are Bronies!

by Enfield

Am I Dead Or Am I Drunk?

"Ah'm so pleased to see ya again Babs," a distant and muffled voice said.

"Who?" Douglas asked sleepily, "Ah feck don't tell me that those little kids from down the street are at my house."

Douglas rolled over and almost stuck the front sights into his eye, he bolted awake after that. Clutching his eye and hissing in pain Douglas tried to focus on the voices.

"It's really neat to see you again Babs, how's it going in Manehatten?" another voice asked.

"I've gotten a few more members for the club," a third voice said, Douglas inched closer to the opening in the ceiling, "We've gone from three to six members in just two days."

"Wow! That's great!" a forth voice said.

"I know, we've got a lot more blank flanks in Manehatten," the third voice said.

"Hey, who been messin' with the door?" the first voice said.

"What's up?" the second voice asked.

"It's unlocked."

"Ah crap I forgot about that," Douglas thought.

"Wait, what if there's something in there?" the forth voice asked fearfully.

"Come on Sweets, I don't think that there's anything in there," the second voice said.

"And if there is, we can take it!" the third voice said.

"Yeah!" they all said together.

Douglas watched as the door opened and four shadows low to the ground entered, Douglas had to focus a little because of the sudden change in light.

"Holy feck," he whispered. The four shadows where little horses, each one with a different and unusual appearance. Douglas examined each one and noted what they looked like. One was a light yellow color with a red mane and tail, the creature had a large red bow in it's mane which Douglas thought was a bit unusual. The second was a bright orange with a messy purple mane and tail, this horse had something on its sides but Douglas couldn't tell what it was. The third was a dull shade of brown with a very flat mane that covered the side of its head and a short and ragged tail, both of which were pink colored. The forth was white with a very curly mane and tail, but what made Douglas even more confused was how it was colored; it was a light pink and purple and the colors were almost blended into one another.

"Hey! Somepony stole my map!" the bright orange filly said. Douglas had come to the conclusion that the little horses were fillies because of their size and the sounds of their voices. Douglas was beginning to question what was going on. Talking horses. Where was he?

"Yeah, I'd bet all my bits that it was those two troublemakers," the orange filly said.

"Why can't they leave us alone?" the white filly asked.

"How long have you been dealing with those guys?" the brown filly asked.

"Too long," the yellow filly said, "Ah'm so mad right now I could just buck something."

And with that the filly kicked the wall with its back legs making the whole tree house shake. Douglas lost his balance on the edge of the hole in the ceiling and fell out face first, he landed with a nasty crunch and he lay there for a second as the four fillies stared at him.

"Ow! That feckin' hurt!" Douglas said as he pushed himself up. He looked up and saw the four fillies staring at him.

"It can talk," the white filly whispered.

"Of course I can bloody talk," Douglas said sarcastically, "I can do a little jig as well but I'm not going to."

"Ah knew that there was something in here!" the orange filly exclaimed.

"Let's get it!" the brown filly said.

"Shite," Douglas breathed as the four slowly converged on him. He crawled backwards and his hand came to rest on his air rifle, he grabbed it and fired a burst of pellets over the fillies heads, making them duck. They stared at him for a few minutes, scared about the strange object that he had in his hands.

"W-w-what is that?" the white filly asked.

"Ah, no longer trying to see if you're better than me in a scrap?" Douglas asked.

"Hey! You leave my friends alone you...thing," the brown filly said. Douglas cocked his head to one side and then chuckled.

"You're a feisty one, aren't ya? I like that."

"You're not here to hurt us are you?"

"Hurt you? No, not unless you want to hurt me."

"How come you can talk?" the bright orange filly asked.

"I've always been able to talk," Douglas replied as he stood up, the four fillies backed away.

"So, you won't hurt us?" the yellow filly asked Douglas.

"No, but I want to know this; how come you can talk? All of you."

"Same as you, we've been able to talk for years," the white filly said.

"No way you can talk," Douglas said as he picked up the white filly.

"Hey! Put me down!" she protested.

"I'm just gonna find out how you can talk, you might be robots or cyborgs. There has to be a switch on your neck or a battery panel on you stomach."

Douglas held the filly with one arm as he prodded her stomach and felt around her neck with his free hand.

"S-s-stoppp ittt," the filly giggled, "That t-t-t-tickles!"

"You must a cyborg if you can feel that," Douglas said, he then saw something hidden in the mane of the filly, "Hello what's this?"

"That's my horn," the filly said. Douglas moved the mane back so he could get a better look.

"So is it a sort of plug or something?"

"No, it's for spells. Well, for unicorns who can do magic."

Douglas froze and looked at the filly.

"Hold on, did you say 'unicorns' and 'magic'?"

The filly nodded. Douglas set the filly down and felt his neck for his pulse. He could feel his heartbeat so he ruled out that he was dead.

"Unicorns and magic?" he said, "Where the bloody feck am I?"

"You don't know where you are?" the bright orange filly asked.

"All I've gathered is that I'm in a tree house with talking horses and a fecking unicorn."

"Hey, I'm not a horse. I'm a pegasus!"

The filly then showed Douglas that she had wings. Douglas knelt down nest to the filly and started feeling for a hinge of sorts.

"Whoever built you was a bloody genius," he said as he felt around the filly's wings. The filly gave a sigh of what sounded like relief and leaned into Douglas.

"That feels so good," she said.

"What?"

"Keep rubbing my wings, that feels so nice."

"Um, no. That's kind of weird."

"Aw, please?"

"You don't even know me."

"He's right Scoots," the yellow filly said, "We should at least tell it our names."

"Hey, I'm a 'he' and I have a name. But you tell me you names first."

"Ah'm Apple Bloom," the yellow filly said.

"My name's Babs Seed," the brown filly said.

"I'm Scootaloo," the pegasus said.

"And I'm Sweetie Belle," the unicorn said. Douglas was taken aback by their names.

"I'm, uh...Douglas. Douglas O'Riley."

"Nice to meet ya Douglas!" Apple Bloom said as he held out her hoof, Douglas slowly took it and shook, unsure about what was going on.

"What's up with what your coat? It's all dirty." Scootaloo said, referring to Douglas' camo jacket.

"It's meant to look like this."

"What about the thing on your face?" Babs asked. She then blew her mane out of her eyes.

"My ski mask?" Douglas said as he rolled it up onto his head, "I almost forgot about that."

"What's that weird thing that you have?" Sweetie Belle asked as she looked at the air rifle.

"It's just an air rifle," Douglas said, "It's a little weird on how loud it is."

"Ah know, it almost made me as deaf as Granny Smith," Apple Bloom said. The fillies giggled but Douglas scratched his head in confusion. He had no idea what was going on nor who Apple Bloom was referring to. Better still was what was up with their names. He chose to ignore it in case he offended the fillies, they could be his only ticket home.

"Hey!" Babs said, "I've got an idea. Why don't we keep him?"

"As a pet?" Scootaloo asked.

"Yeah," Apple Bloom said, "He can help us out Crusading. You are a blank flank aren't you?"

"What's that?" Douglas asked.

"Where can we keep him?" Scootaloo asked.

"Ah know, we can keep him in the barn!" Apple Bloom said.

"We should ask Applejack first," Sweetie Belle said.

"Sweetie's right, how are we gonna explain that we have a pet thing in the barn if we don't?" Babs said.

"I'm a human," Douglas said.

"Come on Douglas," Apple Bloom said, "We gotta go see Applejack!"

"Who that? Is that the name of the fecking apple thing that keeps fighting the cinnamon stick?" Douglas said.

"What?" Scootaloo asked.

"Just a cereal brand, that doesn't even taste like fecking apples!"

Several minutes and about a hundred questions later, Douglas and the fillies arrived at a large farmhouse. Apple Bloom took the lead and entered the house.

"Applejack? Bic Mac? Granny Smith?"

"Who?" Douglas asked.

"Mah family," Apple Bloom said, "They should be around here somewhere."

"Applejack, Big Mac and Granny Smith," Douglas though, "They're named after cereal, cheeseburger and an apple. Hmmm, I could go for a cheeseburger right now."

Apple Bloom stuck her head around a corner and started talking.

"Bic Mac, have you seen Applejack?"

"In the kitchen," came the reply. Apple Bloom motioned for Douglas and her friends to follow, as they passed the room where Apple Bloom was talking into, Douglas gave the red stallion inside it a friendly wave. The stallion didn't even look up. Douglas then followed Apple Bloom into the kitchen where a light orange horse was washing dishes. Douglas was beginning to feel uneasy.

"Hey Applejack, can we get another pet?"

"Ain't Winona enough?" the orange mare said, not turning around. Douglas slid his mask over his face, an evil idea forming in his head.

"But you've gotta let us!" Scootaloo said, "It's so cool."

"What is?"

"Aren't you going to see it?" Sweetie Belle asked. The orange mare didn't even address her. Douglas crept up on the unsuspecting horse and held the barrel of the air rifle over her head. He gave a mischievous glance to the fillies and then fired. The sound of the shot echoed through the house.

"What the hay?!" the mare shouted as she dove under the sink. She kept hidden in the cupboard until she worked up the courage to see what had made the noise. She looked up and saw Douglas as he lifted up his mask and waved at her.

"Hope I didn't scare ya too much," Douglas said. The mare didn't respond, she span around and gave Douglas a powerful kick to his groin. Douglas swayed and then fell to the floor.

"Right in my feckin' tackle!"

"Big Mac!" Get in here!"

Douglas felt himself being lifted up by the back of his jacket by a strong force but he was in too much pain to fight back.

"Applejack! Don't hurt him." Apple Bloom said.

"What was that he did?" the mare said. Douglas now concluded that she was truly Applejack.

"Sod that," Douglas groaned, "You've now gone and turned me into a bloody woman."

"Answer mah question, freak," Applejack said, "What caused that noise?"

"Put me down and I'll cooperate."

Applejack gave a nod and Douglas fell to the floor, one hand still over his crown jewels.

"Now then, since you've shown your hospitality, what did you want to know?"

"This thing," Applejack said as she held up the air rifle.

"My air rifle, you weren't paying attention and I couldn't resist."

"He greeted us in the same way," Babs stated.

"By using this thing?" Applejack asked.

"It's one of my many greetings," Douglas said.

"Can we keep him?" Apple Bloom said, changing the subject instantly.

"We promise to take care of him," Sweetie Belle said.

"I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself," Douglas said. Applejack tapped her chin.

"Ah think we need to see Twilight about this," she said.

"Aww, why?" Scootaloo asked.

"Because ah think that we should find out what he is first."

"I'm a bloody human, ever seen us before?" Douglas asked.

"No, and that's why Twilight has to see you. She might have an idea about what to do with you," Applejack said.

"I don't like the sound of that," Douglas said.

Applejack picked a cowboy hat off the table and placed it on her head.

"Bic Mac, you come with us in case he tries anything funny."

"Eeyup," the red stallion said.

"Sound's like you don't have a very expansive vocabulary," Douglas said. Bic Mac tilted his head to one side and then smiled.

"Nope."

"Feckin hell," Douglas thought in dismay, "He's got the brain of a housefly."

Applejack led the way followed by the fillies and then Douglas and Big Mac. Applejack stopped briefly and then turned to Douglas.

"Ah'm not sure if any of us said this before so ah'd better say it. Welcome to Ponyville."

Comments

[Colt in the Moon]

My name's Riley and proud Irishman!

[NightmareKnight]

Hm, shows promise. Will track for now.

[trondason]

So, even though Douglas likes the show, he doesn't know who the CMC, or the Apple family, or even Twilight are? Plus he isn't reacting at all to the CMC wanting to keep him as a pet, and seems to have completely forgotten about his family still in the forest. For now I'm going to chalk all this up to the concussion he got from the wreak being VERY bad, but he better straighten out pretty soon.

[Old Diggy]

He's not even responding to the fact that their acting like he's an animal and trying to keep him as a pet.