• Published 2nd Jan 2013
  • 6,463 Views, 502 Comments

Try Not To Die! - Regidar



Moira Brown finds herself in Equestria after a mishap with some alien technology.

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Karma Police

Thanks to EricKilla for editing and proofreading this chapter!


The chariot glided to a halt on onto the Town Center. The two guards who had been pulling it whinnied as they dug their hooves into the dirt to bring it to a complete stop.

“That was fun!” Moira exclaimed. Cloud Strider had had an entirely different experience, but he was currently trying to forget that.

“Well, I’m glad you thought so,” Twilight muttered under her breath. An avid researcher herself, Moira’s constant babbling and general Pinkie Pie-ness had grated on her nerves.

“I can’t wait to get acquainted with the town!” Moira turned in a semicircle, observing her surroundings. The vivid colors that Equestria possessed seemed to be somewhat amplified in this setting. Various ponies were out wandering, going about their business. None of them had noticed the strange alien in their presence just yet.

“I think that I should probably get you into the library first before we have any sort of... undesirable reactions to you.” Twilight said, taking a glimpse around. “I’ll see if I can cast an illusion spell on you...”

Twilight screwed up her eyes, and shot a bolt of magical energy at Moira. The woman felt a slight tingling sensation as she was enveloped in the magic.

“Hm, I don’t appear any different...” Moira said as she observed herself. Twilight chuckled at this.

“That’s because you’re not native to this dimension, at least that’s what I assume from Celestia having pulled you out of wherever she did.” Twilight flicked her ear absent-mindedly. “It happened when we were attacked by wolf-squids a few months ago.”

“Wolf-squids...” Moira tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Interesting! I may have to do some studies on those creatures, they sound magnificent!”

Twilight’s smile grew ever-so-slightly. “I do have some notes in the library, if you want to look at them...”

Moira squealed, which startled the royal guards who had brought them here. “I’d love to see them! I hear squids were related to crabs, so I can use some of your notes to see if there are any parallels to Mirelurks!”

Twilight giggled, and lead the giddy human over to the Golden Oaks Library. The door swung open to reveal a veritable paradise for Moira. Rows upon rows of unspoiled and unburned books. The human’s jaw dropped as she ogled at the huge array of knowledge before her.

“Oh my... I’ve never seen so many pure, unspoiled books in front of me all at once!” Moira walked in, and ran her fingers over the spines of the many leather-bound tomes. “In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many unspoiled books, period!”

“I’m glad you like it!” Twilight said with a hint of smugness to her voice. Moira selected a book at random and read the title aloud.

“A Journey to White Wolf Mountain...” She brushed a few ants from the cover, and smiled. Twilight cringed at the ants, and opened her mouth to holler.

“Spike! There were ants in the ‘A’ Section!”

“Zachy was always terrified of ants...”

The unicorn raised an eyebrow. “Why is that?”

“Well, not always... after he went to Greyditch, he came back covered in burns and screaming about how so man named ‘Doctor Lesko’ had ruined his life. He was very high on psycho and jet... after that, he wouldn't even so much as LOOK at ant meat...”

A small thud was heard from upstairs, and a scampering of claws resounded through the treehouse. Moira turned to see the closest thing to a human that had crossed her path so far on her journey running towards them.

He was reptilian, but was standing upright with like a hominid. He possessed a green underbelly, but the rest of his scales were purple. Upon his cheeks were frills, also green. Large green frills also ran down from the top of his head to the tip of his tail, getting progressively smaller as they went further down.

The creature spoke. “Yes, Tw- Um, why is that book floating?”

“Oh, the illusion charm must still be up,” Twilight said with a shake of her head. “Hold on a sec, Spike.”

Twilight focused her magic on Moira, and in an instant, she was visible again. Spike fell back in shock at seeing the new creature, seemingly incapable of comprehending what was before him.

“Twilight... what IS that thing?”

“Hey, now that’s not very nice,” Moira said in a bit of a hurt voice.

“Oh, um...” Spike was not prepared for it to talk. “Well...”

“Oh, it doesn’t really matter, I am a bit strange compared to the rest of you!” Moira’s smile returned.

“Spike, this is Moira Brown. She is the owner of the Craterside Supply General Store, and a human. Moira, this is Spike. He is my personal assistant, and a dragon,” Twilight said, introducing the two.

“So that’s what a dragon looks like!” Moira exclaimed excitedly.

“What’s a human?” Spike asked, obviously still very baffled by the whole experience.

“Who?” An owl hooted from its perch.

“Ahem,” Twilight cleared her throat. “Spike, a human is an out of dimension being of that belongs to the war-torn planet of Earth; Moira, Spike is still a baby dragon, so I’ll have to show you some pictures and diagrams of full grown dragons to strengthen your spectrum.” The owl flew down from the perch, and landed gracefully onto Twilight’s back. “Oh, and of course, this is Owlowiscious. He’s my pet owl!”

Moira examined Owlowiscious further. “Hm, so that’s what a real live owl is like. My books described them as less... boxy.”

Owlowiscious gave a small indigent hoot. Moira raised her arm and patted the owl all the same. “But you’re still beautiful!”

Spike was still staring at Moira lopsidedly. “A human, huh?”

The scientist turned to the dragon, her red hair swishing a bit as she did so. “Yup! Homo sapiens if you want to get technical.”

Spike continued to stare on at her in wonderment for a few moments before turning to Twilight. “Um... what is it that you wanted me to do?”

“Oh yes, Spike! I need you to check if there’s an ant nest in the ‘A’ section!”

Spike giggled. “See, it’s funny because ‘ant’ starts with ‘a’...”

Twilight gave Spike a blank look, but Moira joined the giddy dragon in his giggling. Spike smiled and shot a thumb back at the human. “I like her.”

After Spike went off to check the shelves, Twilight approached Moira. “So, what do you want to start studying on first?”

Moira’s grin faltered for a second. “Oh, I don’t know where to start! Dragons seem like a fascinating subject, but I would like to know more on the history of your country. And I can’t even begin to describe on how much I’d like to observe your social structure and native creatures!”

Twilight put a hoof to her chin. “Hmm... tell you what. I’ll get you started on a book about dragon physiology while I draw up a list and schedule for all the things you want to get done!”

The human nodded cheerfully. “Sounds like a plan to me!”

Twilight levitated a quill and inkpot over to herself. Settling on a nice long roll of parchment, she began to mutter to herself as she planned out the next few days.

Moira headed off to the “D” section of the library, and after passing books on Danny J, deserts, Death Colt for Cutie, and drowsiness, she came across a rather large textbook entitled Dragons of Equestria: A Complete Guide.

Settling down on the floor with her back propped to the shelves, Moira prepared to get started when something in her back pocket poked into her skin.

“Ow! What’s this?” Unzipping the pocket, she rustled through it to pull out a small remote control-looking device with a small screen on it. Moira’s grin reached critical levels upon this discovery.

“I still have it! Ooh, I hope it still works...” Moira aimed the device at Twilight, who was now triple-checking her list for grammar errors and spelling mistakes. With a click of the small green button just below the screen, the device made a few beeps and clicks, and a green image appeared on the device. A halo with the number “3986” next to it. Quite a high karma level, but that was only to be expected from an Element of Harmony.

“Oh my... that’s quite a high level!” Moira next aimed the device at Spike, where it too registered a halo, instead with the number “997” next to it.

Twilight, who was far too engrossed in her list making to notice the noises, didn’t react to this. Spike, however, walked over to Moira to see what had caused the commotion.

“What’s that you’ve got there?” The curious dragon asked the red-haired woman.

“Oh, this is my Karma Detector!”

Spike scratched his head. “A ‘Kramer’ Detector?”

Moira chuckled. “No, silly! A Karma Detector! When you do good things, you get good karma! When you do bad things you lose karma, and particularly bad people have negative Karma. The Pip-Boy 3000 has a built in Karma detector, but it’s only used on a personal level. So, I used parts from broken ones to build one that can detect other people’s karma’s from a decent range!”

Spike nodded his head, pretending he was following where the shop owner was going with this. Moira proceeded to continue with her explanation.

“I’ve managed to utilize their scoring system as well. Small acts of kindness give you five points, and heroic deeds can sometimes earn you up to one thousand!” Moira gave her device a quizzical look. “I’m still not sure how they managed to come up with this technology, but it appears as though some of the chips and boards in here are able to regulate your brain waves and have a built in morality database in which to compare it to.”

Spike licked his lips. “Chips?”

Again, Moira laughed. “Not those kinds of chips! These chips are pieces of circuitry that computers hold pieces of information and electronic discharges on!”

Spike’s eyes became unfocused again, and he nodded as though he understood. Moira looked out the library window. “Look at all the ponies out there... I wonder what their karma levels are...”

The curious scientist pushed herself to her feet, and headed to the door. She pushed it open, blinking a bit in the bright Equestrian Sunlight, and looked all around at the town. A brown pony was talking to a light magenta mare off in the distance. Clicking the Karma Detector at them, it registered a neutral “5” from the brown colt, and a good “175” from the light magenta female.

“Oh my goodness, what is that?” Moira turned around to see a white unicorn with a purple, well-styled mane staring with an odd sort of disgusted curiosity at her. The mare was accompanied by three younglings: A white one which looked like she could be related to the elder, an orange pegasus, and a normal yellow coated one with a pink bow in its red mane. All were female.

“Yeah, what is that thing?” The orange filly’s voice was filled with a sort of brash curiosity. The white one hung back a bit behind the older mare, but the yellow one with the pink bow in her mane trotted up.

“Wow, ya look so odd!” The little filly walked a small circle around Moira, who used the chance she had to get a Karma reading on the foal. It registered as a neutral “25”.

“Oh, and what is that strange contraption you’re holding?” Moira looked up at the older pony, who was not staring with a reserved curiosity at her electronic device.

“Oh this?” Moira said, catching the four ponies all off guard. “It’s my Karma Detector!”

The eldest was the first to recover. “Erm... what does that exactly do?”

Moira gave the four of them the same lecture she gave Spike in the library. The orange pegasus and the yellow filly seemed a bit confused by the talk, but the two white unicorns seemed to have at least some comprehension to what the Karma Detector did.

“I see... would you mind giving me a reading on my karma, darling?” The white one’s whole disposition had changed to one of moderate pleasantness. “I’m Rarity, by the way. This is my sister Sweetie Belle,” she pointed a hoof to the tiny white unicorn foal. “Apple Bloom,” this time she gestured to the little filly with the bow in her mane that was almost the same color as Moira’s hair. “And this is Scootaloo.”

“Hey, how come I’m always last?” The little orange filly protested with a bit of an angry jolt to her voice.

Moira grinned and shook Rarity’s hoof. “I’m Moira Brown! Just a visitor here, I’m afraid, but I’m going to try and make the best of my time out on your lovely world!”

Rarity nodded. “Yes, Ponyville is quite a charming town, if a bit small. But I trust you are still giving the karma reading for us?”

“Oh, of course!” Moira pointed the device at Rarity, who closed her eyes with a dainty cringe as Moira examined her karma levels.

“Hm...” there was a green halo with the number “2069” next to it. “You’ve got a 2069! You’ve been quite an astonishing pony!”

Rarity blushed. “Oh please, I’ve not been that good...”

Moira squinted at the unicorn before her. “Huh, you seem... familiar...”

Rarity’s eyes lit up with little stars. “You’ve heard of my fashion line, perhaps? My dresses? My scarves?”

Moira scratched the side of her left cheek. “No... No, I recognize you now! You’re from the stained glass in Canterlot! You’re an Element of Harmony!”

“Oh yes, that,” Rarity said with a roll of her eyes. “Well, I was hoping you recognized me for some of my fashion expeditions, but...”

“No wonder you have such a high karma level!”

“Do me next! Do me!” Scootaloo squealed, hopping up and down while her little orange wings buzzed. Moira aimed the Karma Detector at the hopping pegasus.

“You’ve got a nice readout of a ‘20’!”

Scootaloo giggled as Sweetie Belle stepped forward. “Oh, can you read mine next?”

Moira did so, and Sweetie Belle received a readout of “30”. Apple Bloom requested hers, and it was told to her. Soon, the three little fillies were chattering on about their karma scores. Rarity smiled down at them. “Now girls...”

“Yeah, ‘girls’,” came a snotty and rude voice. All of them turned to see a pink filly and a silver one walk towards them.

“Holy crap, what are you?” the pink one said with abject horror directed at Moira.

“Ugh, go away Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon!” Scootaloo’s voice was filled with contempt.

“Yah, we don’ want you ruinin’ our time with Moira!” Apple Bloom said to back up her friend.

“So that’s what this thing is? A ‘Moira’?” Diamond Tiara gave Moira a disdainful look. “And what is that you’re holding.”

“That’s my Karma Detector!” Moira said, the rotten attitude of Diamond Tiara not affecting her in any visible way.

“Yeah, that doesn’t tell me what it does,” the spoiled filly said rather rudely.

“It lets ya know if ya’ve been good ‘r bad, right Moira?” Apple Bloom looked up at Moira for support.

“Well, it’s a bit more complicated than that, but more or less!” Moira nodded, confirming Apple Bloom statement.

“Ok then,” Diamond Tiara said confrontationally. “Read my ‘karma’ then!”

“Yeah!” Her friend, Silver Spoon, said.

“Alright then...” Moira pressed the Karma Detector’s button. It beeped rather loudly, and flashed a pair of devil horns with the number “100” next to it.

“Oh!” Moira shook her head. “Sorry about this, but it looks like you haven’t been the best behaved pony out there. You’ve got a bad karma of 100.”

Diamond Tiara’s mouth hung open. “100?”

Moira nodded cheerfully, while the fillies behind her giggled madly. Even Rarity was holding back a smile.

“Come on, Silver Spoon, let’s get out of here,” Diamond Tiara told her compatriot. “It’s dumb anyway...”

The two rude foals scampered away, and Sweetie Belle broke out laughing, soon to be joined by her other friends. “Wow, Moira! You sure showed them!”

“Oh, I didn’t really do anything,” Moira said modestly. “It’s just the magic of science that showed on through!”

“Well, you certainly put them in their place,” Rarity remarked. Moira smiled brightly.

“Moira, there you are, did anypony see you-” The group turned to look at the new voice, only to see Twilight rushing from the library. “Oh no. Listen, girls, I can explain-”

“Oh Twilight, you don’t need to explain anything!” Rarity told her worried purple friend. “We’ve already become comfortably acquainted with Moira here. She’s quite the scientist.”

Twilight stopped dead her tracks. “What?”

“Yes, she’s quite an interesting... um, well... what is she, exactly?”

“She’s not supposed to have left the library,” Twilight said through her teeth.

“Twilight, do you think you might be overreacting to this? I mean, nopony got hurt, and-”

Twilight grabbed Rarity’ shoulders, her face holding an expression of utmost urgency. “No, Rarity! She is a creature not natural to this dimension, the likes of which nopony has probably ever seen before! I need to approach this situation very delicately, or else-”

“Hi, Twilight! Hi Rarity! Hi Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Apple Bloom,” came a peppy and bouncy voice which did not belong to Moira, but rather a certain pink party pony. “What’re you all up to?”

Twilight facehoofed. “Before something like this happened...”