Under Every Lamppost

by SwiperTheFox

Dishes (Patter's Escape)

Patter's Story – Part I

One of the greatest and most important moments of my life started with me washing dishes. That's right. I don't recall what exactly went through my mind as I splashed from pan to pan. Probably hating myself, as usual... That sounds close enough.

So, I brought this one big glass bowl down with a frustrated clink onto the pile of washcloths. I didn't want to break it, mind you. I wouldn't dream of that-- especially given that my face had barely recovered from seeing sweet Mrs. Cake go into her fabled 'death stare' just an hour ago from that chipped plate. I didn't want the glass bowl to enjoy my washing it any more than I did, though.

That fateful day was-- I don't know-- maybe a few months ago. I guess? Oh, Praise Luna, don't expect me to remember dates or addresses or all that jazz without a few extra apple ciders or something else in me.

I picked up the washcloths and the attacked the stupid glass thing. Pinkie Pie banged away at her piano somewhere out a few feet outside of the kitchen walls. As much as I loved it at first, I have to say that it was pretty difficult to work when I couldn't even hear myself think half the time. I leaned down and stared at my reflection in the now spotless-- to be honest, 'relatively less spotty' would be better-- bowl. I snorted. Some greenish blob appeared behind the reflection as I stared.

"Oh, for CRYING OUT LOUD TOMMY!" I yelled. I paused, and I sighed for a second. Then, I spun around.

My nephew bounced up and down with an insanity that would put Pinkie to shame. "Patter!" Tommy hollered. And he did another bounce. "Patter, Patter, Patter, Patter, Patter, Patter, Patter, Patter, Patter, Patter, Patter, Patter!"

I grabbed his sides and then jiggled him a bit. His coarse, dark green mane fluttered about my hooves, and then I swatted it away. "Look, seriously," I said, "Breathe. For once." He stopped, and then he threw his head down. He sucked in air. I wondered how long it was since that sweetie pie had a vegetable as well as if he had the sugar piped right down his throat.

"Listen to me," he called out, and he gazed up at my face, "I've got big news." I swung my hooves around over his head. Don't ask me why; I just felt like lording my superior bus-boy position over his inferior errand-boy position. "Big, big news." I couldn't really think of what to say. "Big."

"Yeah, fine," I groused. Somewhere behind me, Pinkie smashed down upon the piano with a triumphant 'clang'.

"Lynne is coming, and he's going to see you," Tommy said, and he broke into his sweet young colt face without even thinking. He clearly thought that this would be earth-shattering news to me.

"Who... is that... again?" I asked. I glanced back at the pile of dishes behind me. My heart flip-flopped between wanting to jump back and try to speed through them as soon as possible on the one hoof... or finding any excuse-- no matter how filmsy-- to get away from them on the other hoof.

"You know," Tommy replied, and he nudged me with his right hoof, "That... that... one stallion. From the 'Three Lovers'. He's going to try and form a sort of 'supergroup'." The colt looked so blasted satisfied as he said that last word. He leaned back, and the window's light just seemed to dance all over his bright green skin.

"How super-fantastic and super-smart of him," I muttered.

"Hey, now," the colt said, and he put on a somewhat smarmy tone to his voice, "You know him. He's the one from that little fight you went through last week." My nephew tapped me on the shoulder-- a little harder this time. "Plus that little expedition that Twilight went through the week before that."

"Yeah," I responded. The image of a gigantic builder pony with a chest that took a punch like a steel beam flashed through my mind. I flashed back to that same stallion reaching down a calloused hoof to pick me back up-- he had even brushed the blood off of my shoulder with the tenderness of a parent too. "Yeah, Lynne..." My nephew smiled. "Class act..."

I suddenly also remembered seeing that same stallion walking almost hoof in hoof with Twilight. I recalled how Lynne described singing group after singing group down the side streets and how he talked with her about almost literally everything. From the price of apples to the new mayor of Hoofington, they had went on and on. Those two had minds like whole libraries.

Tommy went back to bouncing. He then began, "He's the one with the hots for Pink--"

"Look! Just..." I said, searching for words. I heard somepony walking over, and I knew they'd be sure to verbally or maybe even physically whack me around for slacking off.

"Lynne's outside right now!" Tommy hollered.

"Oh, that's..." I began, but I suddenly felt a presence in the doorway to my right. I froze. My nephew did too.

I heard nothing but a grunt. But I knew that grunt. I held up my hands, and then I turned around slowly. I made a nervous smile. My eyes traced up that bright golden body and locked at the top of that silly orange and white hat. I couldn't bear to look him in his condesdening little eyes.

"Enjoying yourself?" Mr. Cake mouthed. He stepped a little bit forward into the kitchen side room. He nudged his hoof over on the side of the counter besides the stack of dirty dish after dirty dish. Tommy remained frozen besides me. He considered Mr. Cake-- in large part because of my griping to him day after day-- to be something elemental to be afraid of like a cockatrice or a ursa minor.

As usual for me, I did the absolute worst thing for the situation. I made a gigantic, goofy smile. Could it have been instinct? "Well, sir, I..." I began.

"Your services are no longer required," Mr. Cake said. He gave those words as much emotion and as much intellectual force as reading off a shopping list.

Now, what I should have said was nothing. What I did say was... still nothing. Rather than say something, I ripped off my stupid Sugarcube Corner hat. I held it in front of me like some kind of parasprite, and then I dropped it right on the floor. I let out a set on angry growls as I leaned over. I smashed the hat with my front hooves.

I barely paid attention to what Mr. Cake said. I know that he hollered something about how my probation meant that all employment was 'at will' and how I could be axed at any moment even for no reason at all. I also know that he muttered over and over again about how he hated having to waste his time with "hopeless delinquents" such as yours truly.

"Hopeless delinquent" was a nice turn of phrase, and I mentally thanked him. As I charged out of the kitchen, I moaned to myself that it would make a nice band name. I also moaned-- but this time loudly enough for him to hear-- that I'd seriously consider getting a tattoo of that phrase on my left flank next to my cutie mark.

Or... I said something to that affect. I'll be honest. I'm sure that I quivered and cried a little back then-- as much as I want to play 'tough colt' now. I can't trust my own memory. I've been told that that's pretty common for those abused as foals.

Anyways, I grabbed my stuff out of my locker and trotted towards the door. My nephew was somewhere in toto. I told myself to thank Strawberry Dawn for getting me the job in the first place-- even if it went right to rabbit droppings in just three weeks. I stepped out in front of the mirror besides Sugarcube Corner's side entrance. I spotted Tommy behind me.

For whatever reason, I chuckled at how we looked like exact copies of each other. I traced down our manes with my tired eyes, and I couldn't help from seeing a giant stalk of broccoli besides a baby stalk. I then sighed.

"So... what exactly did you tell Lynne again," I asked. Tommy smiled and made a little pseudo-salute.

"That... you... actually..." the colt build up for emphasis, "WRITE. SONGS."

"And... that," I muttered. I couldn't really think clearly. As much as I hated my time in Sugarcube Corner, a job was a job. I would sure as goodness miss my friends there as well.

"THAT YOU'RE A GENIUS!" Tommy yelled, and he rubbed along my right side. He clung to me like a foal to a teddy bear. I looked back into the mirror. I licked the edge of my right hoof, and then I fancied up my hair a bit. I walked out to the Ponyville main street.

I looked over towards that blasted piano in front of the bakery. A foal that I didn't recognize from anywhere lied down atop the end of it as if it was a bed. He dripped his orangish-red mane down onto the C-keys. He then slid himself down. He chanted something light and happy to my ears.

I walked over. I suddenly found two gigantic bluish-brown hooves stretching around my sides. I made a loud 'eep'. Those hooves could probably slice me in two depending on who they were connected to.

"Just a moment, just a moment," Lynne muttered as he spun around. He sped past me and then walked up to the keys. He made a deep breath, and then he sat onto the bench. I moved forward over to them unconsiously.

"Hi," the foal said. The two of them had happiness radiate from them. The foal's cheeks almosted seemed to pinch themselves.

"Hi," I muttered.

"Ruby Raindrops meet Pitter Patter," Lynne declared. He knew then that this would be some kind of tremendous moment. He knew that we'd look back at this introduction and crack big smiles while we had girls dancing all around us. For my part, I just stared for a little while.

"Hello," I replied. I tried to sound more cordial. I'm sure I failed.

"This angel... he sings like a colt!" Lynne yelled. He paused. He then wiggled about with his front hooves. "I mean... you know what I mean." He thrust his hooves upon the keys. "Just..." He tapped out a simple arpeggio. "Feast your eyes and ears on..."

"Ahhhhh, aaaaaaah, ahhhhhhhhhh..." Ruby began. He sat up straight upon the piano and cooed out a nonsensical little tone.

"Bum, bum, bum... a bum..." Lynne sang as well. I felt more than a little skeptical. At the same time, I knew that their tenor and baritone just melded naturally together. It felt like I tasted chocolate poured on peanut butter in my ears.

The two of them went on with this odd little jam session. Little groovy sensations moved up from the bottom of my hooves through my sides. I tapped along to the beat. I smiled. My head bobbed up and down. Finally, Ruby burst out with this loud wail. In one sense, it sounded rather painful, and I glanced around to see if there was any glass breaking.

Yet it just... I don't know. That raw, needy tone just crawled down my ears and went straight for my heart. Some ponies develop talent. Some of them just have it drip right out of their hooves. I knew that Ruby had to be the latter. I wasn't sure about Lynne, but I honestly couldn't have cared less at that moment.

I took a deep breath. Then, I plotted myself down at the other side of the piano bench. Lynne grinned from ear to ear, and then he smoothly slinked off from the other side. The stallion nodded at me to get started.

"Watch... THIS."