EXPLOSIONS???

by Opticlaudimix

DRUNK SCIENCE

Iron Will put a hand to his forehead. "Dude. You're an idiot. How do you even get away with this stuff..."

"I DIDN'T GET AWAY, I KILLED MYSELF."

After the events of the previous night, Mr. Torgue called over his two newfound friends to lounge in his room and hear the spectacular tales of his late night antics. Mr. Torgue's room was actually quite small, perfect for three people, and completely devoid of furniture, aside from a lone digistruct beacon in the corner. The entire room was composed of a white, cushion-like substance that could mend itself into any shape or form, suspiciously similar to the pegasi's clouds.

"I dunno about you, but now I wanna throw a party for all those super nice bat ponies! I've never really got to meet them before," noted Pinkie Pie.

"I KNOW RIGHT? THEY WERE JUST SO COOL! WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT THAT THE COMBINATION OF PONY AND BAT WOULD CREATE SOMETHING THAT CAN STILL BE MOTHERF*CKING ADORABLE, YET SO MENACING AT THE SAME TIME!" Mr. Torgue chugged down the entirety of a nearby cider bottle and threw it against a wall, shattering the bottle into multiple blue pixels. "ANYWAYS, NOW I'M JUST WAITING ON THE BAT PONIES TO F*CK UP THE PRINCESS'S BATHROOM. UNTIL THEN, I'M GOING TO FIND SOMETHING ELSE WE CAN DO."

Iron Will chuckled as he grabbed another bottle of cider from the digistruct beacon. "Just don't say anything like that to their face unless you want your throat ripped out."

Mr. Torgue raised his eyebrows. "THEY BITE YOU IN THE THROAT AND NOT IN THE NECK? I APPROVE! YOU KNOW, MY WORLD USUALLY PORTRAYS VAMPIRES AND OR BAT THINGIES AS INCREDIBLY MOODY BITCHES THAT SOMEHOW GET ALL THE LADIES. THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY F*CKING SENSE AT ALL TO ME! WHAT KIND OF INTELLIGENT FEMALE ORGANISM GETS INFATUATED BY SOME OLD ASS BROODY DUDE THAT GOES AFTER BARELY ADULT GIRLS? THAT'S JUST F*CKING CREEPY. WHY THE HELL ARE THE PONIES HERE LIKE, INFINITELY MORE MANLY THAN MOST WUSSES BACK HOME? I OUGHTA GO BACK AND BEAT THE HELL OUTTA EVERYONE BACK INTO SHAPE!"

Iron Will shrugged as he popped his bottle's cap. "If you say so."

"You know Mr. Torgue, you always talk about your home and what's in it, but you never tell anypony about your friends! I wanna hear about them! Maybe I could even bring them over here for you!" Pinkie exclaimed.

Iron Will slightly choked on his cider. "Oh Celestia I do NOT want to know what your friends are like if they're anything like you."

Mr. Torgue scratched his chin, trying to think of anyone that he actually considered a friend. Since he spent most of his time in isolation, Mr. Torgue didn't really interact with anyone else in a manner that he would call a legitimate friendship. His social interactions usually involved shouting at people through a microphone. With no one coming to mind, he decided to just talk about people that he liked.

"WELL, THERE WERE THESE SIX VAULT HUNTERS THAT I THINK ARE PRETTY BADASS. THEY BASICALLY WENT AROUND DESTROYING AND LOOTING SH*T UNTIL THEY KILLED THE CEO OF ONE OF MY MAIN COMPETITORS IN THE WEAPONS MANUFACTURER CIRCLES. SOMEHOW THAT DIDN'T IMPROVE MY SALES AT ALL THOUGH, WHICH GREATLY CONFUSES ME!"

"So what did you all do together?" chirped Pinkie.

"IT WASN'T REALLY A–*BUUURRP*–QUESTION OF WHAT DID WE ALL DO TOGETHER, BUT MORE LIKE WHAT DID THEY ALL DO TOGETHER WHILE I DEMANDED THEY DO SH*T AS I PROVIDE LIVE COMMENTARY."

"So what did they all do together?" chirped Pinkie in the exact same tone.

Mr. Torgue materialized another bottle of cider and popped the cap. "WELL, THE SHORT ANSWER IS THAT THEY MURDERED LOTS OF THINGS AND LOOTED LOTS OF GUNS IN THE NAME OF... I CAN'T REMEMBER, SOMETHING ABOUT PROTECTING A SANCTUARY OR SOME SH*T, I DON'T F*CKING KNOW. I ONLY CROSSED PATHS WITH THEM BECAUSE AS THEIR TITLE IMPLIES, THEY HUNTED DOWN VAULTS AND I HOSTED A TOURNAMENT ABOVE A VAULT, WHICH COULD ONLY BE OPENED ONCE THE CHAMPION OF PANDORA SPILLS THE BLOOD OF THE ULTIMATE COWARD."

Iron will held up a hand. "Woah woah woah, take a step back there. What the hay is a vault, and who are these vault hunters?"

"BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I HAVE NO F*CKING IDEA ACTUALLY. ALL I KNOW IS THAT THE VAULTS CONTAIN COOL ASS SH*T INSIDE CAUSE THEY'RE VAULTS. NO ONE KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT HOW THEY ALL GOT THERE, BUT PEOPLE STILL HUNTED THEM DOWN BECAUSE THE PROSPECT OF OBTAINING GOD KNOWS WHAT IS F*CKING AWESOME. YOU CAN PROBABLY MAKE AN EDUCATED GUESS AS TO WHAT A VAULT HUNTER IS."

"Waaaaaaait a minute. That sounds suspiciously similar to the plot of Borderlands 2... Well, that actually makes a lot of sense," Pinkie noted.

"Well that IS his game, or–wait... it stars him, it's not his... Hold on. Who exactly made Borderlands?"

"WAIT IT'S NOT CALLED BURGERLANDS?"

Pinkie pulled a copy of the game out of her mane. "Says here it was made by Gearbox Software."

Iron will raised an eyebrow. "Who's Gearbox Software?"

"No silly, that's the name of the development team, not a pony," Pinkie giggled.

Mr. Torgue finished his bottle and once again chucked it against the wall. "WELL THEN GIVE US SOME INFORMATION ABOUT GEARBOX SOFTWARE. WHO ARE THEY? WHY DID THEY MAKE BORDERLANDS? HOW DO THEY KNOW ABOUT ME? CAUSE I SURE AS HELL HAVE NEVER HEARD ABOUT THEM."

Pinkie scrunched her face in thought. "I'm not actually super sure about that. They might just be a product of the cross dimensional bleeding that comes as a result of my universe traversing, but I don't know the super duper complicated science behind it. I'm sure Mr. Torgue could explain for us though."

Mr. Torgue stared at the pony. "PINKIE WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW."

"Or not." Pinkie shrugged.

Iron WIll looked flabbergasted. "Woah woah woah what? Say all that again Pinkie."

"I'm not actually super sure about that. They might just be a product of the cross dimensional bleeding that comes as a result of my universe traversing, but I don't know the super duper complicated science behind it. I'm sure Mr. Torgue could explain for us though," Pinkie quickly recited.

"...Still have no idea what you mean by that. Am I too drunk for this?" Iron WIll looked around at the scattered, empty bottles around him. "Eh, not too bad."

"IF I HAD TO GUESS IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH WHY I EXIST IN THIS WORLD-DIMENSION-PLANE OF EXISTENCE WHATEVER THE F*CK YOU WANNA CALL IT. MAGIC UNICORNS AND SH*T."

"Well duh, but to my understanding, whenever I go to different worlds weird stuff like this can happen where things just kind of exist for no reason," said Pinkie.

Mr. Torgue suddenly snapped his fingers. "WAIT A F*CKING MINUTE. REMEMBER THAT TIME THINGY I MADE A WHILE BACK TO BULLSH*T MY WAY TO SUCCESS YESTERDAY? WELL, TECHNICALLY THREE DAYS AGO FOR ME BUT ANYWAYS, I WANNA SEE THE READINGS ON THAT THING IF I PUT IT NEXT TO PINKIE."

"Okie dokie lokie!" Pinkie grinned. "I was never able to get an explanation from Twilight even though she's a real smart cookie, but that might be because she never believes me about smart pony things."

Mr. Torgue got up and punched a nearby wall, causing a floating screen to project from it. He tapped it a few times before a giant stopwatch spectacularly erupted from the digistruct beacon, landing on the floor with a loud thud. The device shined brilliantly, its surface almost too ethereal to exist.

"Woah." Iron Will's eyes widened as he gazed into glass, the watch's seemingly limitless hands pointing into infinity. "What in Equestria am I looking at right now?"

"THE FOURTH DIMENSION BITCH. OR FIFTH...? F*CK IT, HOWEVER MANY DIMENSIONS IT TAKES TO BE ABLE TO TAKE A STEP AND SHATTER TIME. ALSO, DON'T STARE AT THE HANDS FOR TOO LONG CAUSE TRUST ME, IT WILL NEVER MAKE SENSE HOW THEY'RE POINTING PAST THE FLOOR AND ROOF AND THROUGH ALL OF US... HOLY F*CK ONE OF THEM IS GOING INTO SPACE!"

Pinkie simply raised her brow in confusion. "Dunno what you guys are seeing. Just looks like a big pretty clock to me."

"HOW THE F*CK DOES THAT LOOK LIKE A CLOCK TO YOU???" Mr. Torgue vehemently pointed a finger at the contraption. "THERE'S NOT EVEN ANY DIALS ON THE DAMN THING! IT'S NOT A CLOCK IT'S A STOPWATCH YOU CRAZY PINK HORSE. YOU CAN SEE IT MEASURE THE BEGINNING OF EVERY POSSIBLE SECOND IN THE THIRD DIMENSION WITH EACH HAND MEASURING A DIFFERENT SECOND OF OUR CURRENT TIMELINE."

"Okay okay! Geez louise, Mister 'I like to shout scientific stuff at the top of my lungs'. I'm just saying that it looks like a normal time thingy to me."

"WHAT?!?!" Mr. Torgue grabbed Pinkie's head and shoved it incredibly close to the stopwatch, somehow stretching her neck with cartoony zaniness. "WHAT DOES THIS LOOK LIKE TO YOU?"

Pinkie's eyes stretched out and hit the glass surface. "Looks like a clock with a ton of pointy things telling the time in a bunch of different places!"

Mr. Torgue turned towards the minotaur. "HOLY SH*T IRON WILL, I THINK WE'VE JUST DISCOVERED THE SECRET TO PINKIE'S INANE JESUS POWERS! SHE'S CLEARLY ON PSYCHEDELICS."

"... How did you come to that conclusion?" Iron Will asked as he casually chugged more cider.

"No silly! I just don't exist in the third dimension like everypony else!" Pinkie giggled. "You're such a goofy butt Mr. Torgue! You're also stuck perceiving the world as a conglomeration of two dimensional planes!"

"WHAT?!?!" Mr. Torgue turned Pinkie to face him, pointing a finger at her snout. "HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY PROUD EXISTENCE AS A THREE DIMENSIONAL BEING! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT PERCEIVING THE WORLD IN THREE DIMENSIONS MAKES SCIENCE SH*T A WHOLE LOT EASIER, AND IS WHY I'M SEEN AS A GENIUS INSTEAD OF AS COMIC RELIEF."

Iron Will snorted under his breath at the last statement.

"Meh. Three dimensions is lame. It's just having less of everything if you ask me," Pinkie replied.

"WELL F*CK IT, REGARDLESS OF PINKIE'S OPINION ON THE THIRD DIMENSION, I BROUGHT THIS THING OUT FOR ONE REASON AND ONE REASON ONLY, SO LET'S SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE PLACE AN ADORABLE PINK PONY ON TOP OF IT."

"Yay, I'm adorable!" Pinkie squeaked as Mr. Torgue placed her on the stopwatch.

Mr. Torgue pushed more buttons on the same floating screen by the wall, watching in interest as a number of bars, text, and labels flooded the screen. All of them seemed to be fluctuating normally, almost as if Pinkie wasn't even standing on the device.

"HOW THE F*CK–" He glanced over to make sure Pinkie was still standing there. "PINKIE, I'M PRETTY SURE THAT YOU DON'T ACTUALLY EXIST ACCORDING TO MY CALCULATIONS."

Pinkie began to rapidly pat herself. "Hmm... Pretty sure I'm real as real can be!"

"Don't know why you think anything is going to come out of doing science with Pinkie." Iron Will lazily took another swig from his cider bottle. "Iron Will is not even surprised about this at all."

"WELL THE POINT OF SCIENCE IS TO MAKE SOMETHING COME OUT OF THIS. YOU CAN MAKE JUST AS MANY INFERENCES ABOUT SOMETHING YOU LACK KNOWLEDGE OF AS SOMETHING THAT YOU POSSESS KNOWLEDGE OF!" Mr. Torgue mashed more buttons on the screen. "ALRIGHT, THE FIRST STEP TO FIGURING THIS SH*T OUT: PINKIE, TAKE ONE STEP BACK."

"Define one step back."

Mr. Torgue glared at Pinkie. "OH FOR F*CK'S SAKE, A STEP BACK IN THE THIRD DIMENSION THAT I CAN PERCEIVE."

"Aaand done," Pinkie complied.

"F*CK. OKAY, TAKE TWO STEPS FOWARD."

"Done, and done!"

Mr. Torgue pressed his head to the screen, causing his forehead to merge past it. "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SH*T??? GO PRANCE AROUND THE WHOLE THING THEN."

"Kind of a tight space to prance around in," Pinkie pointed out.

Iron Will made a twirly motion with his finger. "I think he just needs you to move around on it a lot."

"YEAH DO WHAT HE SAID."

"Alrighty then!" Pinkie started to move about in place, cheerfully humming before coming to an abrupt stop. "Anything yet?"

"NOPE!" Mr. Torgue rapidly typed something onto the screen before minimizing it. "F*CK IT, I GUESS MY TIME MACHINE CAN'T READ TRANSDIMENSIONAL BEINGS THEN, OH WELL."

"Awwww..." Pinkie drooped her ears as she lowered her head. She then suddenly burst upright again. "Whelp, what science-y thing should we do next?"

"I'M NOT EXACTLY SURE, SINCE I HAVE NO BASIS OF WHICH TO ANALYZE DIMENSIONS PAST MY OWN, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO APPROACH THIS INCREDIBLY COMPLEX PROBLEM."

"Wanna see what everypony in town is doing right now then?" Pinkie suggested.

"Uuugh, pretty sure we're all wayyy too messed up right now to even get up and start walking around in public," Iron Will groaned.

"WELL I NEED TO BE DOING SOMETHING THAT ISN'T THE TASK I'M CURRENTLY WORKING ON IN ORDER TO STIMULATE MY CREATIVE BRAIN JUICES BECAUSE TRYING TO PUT A TIMER ON BEING CREATIVE OR OTHERWISE ANY FORM OF FORCED CREATIVITY IS JUST ASKING FOR A SH*TTY RESULT, SO LET'S GO F*CK AROUND IN PONYVILLE!"

Iron Will flopped onto the ground "I really don't wanna get up."

"HEY!" Mr. Torgue grabbed Iron Will and pulled him upright. "WE'RE NOT GOING TO BE WALKING TO TOWN BECAUSE THAT WOULD TAKE LIKE THIRTY MINUTES GIVEN THE SIZE OF MY SKYSCRAPER-HOUSE, SO LET'S JUST BLOW OURSELVES UP AND SPAWN IN, SINCE THAT WOULD ALSO SPAWN IN NOT DRUNK VERSIONS OF US. F*CK CONVENTIONAL NORMS THAT STATE ONE SHOULD AVOID DRINKING IN THE MORNING, THAT TYPE OF THINKING IS FOR WUSSES."

"Oh yeah, right. Keep forgetting about that."

"Sounds good to me!" Pinkie walked off the stopwatch as she franticly gazed about the room. "Now to just find a bazooka..."

"I DON'T JUST KEEP EXPLOSIVES LYING AROUND IN MY ROOM! WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM, CRAZY?!" Mr. Torgue brought up the wall screen again. "LEMME JUST SPAWN IN SOME BOOM-BOOM KABLOOEY STUFF AND WE'LL BE GOOD TO... WAIT WHAT THE F*CK. HOLD ON. PINKIE, GO BACK TO THE TIME MACHINE AND THEN BACK TO WHERE YOU ARE NOW."

"Huh? What's new all of a sudden?" Iron Will asked.

"I LEFT THE TIME MACHINE WINDOW OPEN SO WHEN I BROUGHT MY COMPUTER BACK UP I SAW COMPLETELY DIFFERENT READINGS THAT ACKNOWLEDGES PINKIE'S MASS AND THAT SHE TAKES UP SPACE."

"Hooray! The computer thinks I'm real now!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"WELL BEFORE IT DIDN'T, SO GO BACK TO WHERE YOU WERE BEFORE SO I CAN SEE WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING HERE."

"Can do!" Pinkie briskly paced back and forth between the stopwatch and her corner of the room, loudly humming all the way.

Mr. Torgue continued to intently glare at the floating screen. "HOW THE F*CK DOES THE MACHINE PICK HER UP WHEN SHE STANDS IN SEEMINGLY RANDOM POINTS THROUGHOUT THE ROOM? THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE TO ME!!!"

Pinkie paused her pacing. "Well that's probably because I'm technically not where you see me cause I'm not a 3D pony."

"WAIT WHAT. THEN WHERE ARE YOU ACTUALLY STANDING RIGHT NOW?"

"There, there, there, there, down there, up here, and there! Though, that probably doesn't make any sense to you since there's no way you'd understand how I'm in all those places but you see me here. Also, I guess I'm technically not actually standing too, it's more like slithering while floating and sliding at the same time!" Pinkie tapped her chin in thought. "That still doesn't really sound right. There needs to be more words that accurately describe how this works."

"I DOUBT THAT THE DUDES WHO MAKE WORDS WOULD KNOW HOW TO PUT THIS IN WORDS SINCE THAT SH*T DOESN'T EXIST YET."

"So you're basically telling us you're floating in the air as a bunch of different pieces? Sounds normal for you I guess." Iron Will chuckled.

"Eh, kinda a crude way of looking at it, but I guess so." Pinkie began moving a hoof back and forth, the front of it disappearing and reappearing in another corner of the room. "But it's not really a bunch of pieces of me cause they're all still connected, so I'd say those are extensions of me that just makes me everywhere as a whole."

"HOLD ON, LET ME TRY SOMETHING." Mr Torgue walked around the room while staring at Pinkie, raising and lowering his head in various different angles in a quizzical manner. "HOLY SH*T. PINKIE, STAY RIGHT THERE. IRON WILL, GET OVER HERE, YOU GOTTA CHECK THIS OUT!"

Iron Will slowly got up and stumbled over to where Mr. Torgue was standing. "What am I looking for here?"

"OKAY, LOWER YOUR HEAD JUST A LITTLE BIT... OKAY GOOD. NOW, MOVE IT SLIGHTLY TO THE RIGHT AND THEN BACK, KEEP LOOKING STRAIGHT AHEAD."

"Okay..." Iron Will squinted as he focused in order to maintain his balance. "So what exactly is–OH MY CELESTIA." The minotaur continued to repeat this motion as he continued to look forward. "That is awesome!"

"What do you guys see over there?" Pinkie asked.

"WHEN WE PUT OUR HEADS AT THIS EXACT POSITION, AND THEN MOVE IT BACK AND FORTH, YOU START TO DISAPPEAR AND REAPPEAR! IT'S REALLY F*CKING BIZARRE."

"Woooaaah," Iron Will blankly moaned as he moved his head back and forth.

"Neat-o! Well, for you guys I think. Seems pretty normal to me."

Mr. Torgue shoved Iron Will out of the way so he could get a look. "PINKIE, JUST LET US REVEL IN OUR THREE-DIMENSIONAL OBLIVIOUSNESS, JESUS CHRIST."

"Oh! Oh! I bet this would look like I'm walking through a portal!" Pinkie began rapidly taking steps back and forth, her front half seemingly walking in and out of a nearby wall, each time making a different facial expression.

"I'D SAY IT JUST LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE A SPOOKY GHOST PONY, WALKING THROUGH WALLS AND SH*T."

Pinkie fully walked through the wall, pulling her tail out with a twang. "I did go and do that one time for Nightmare Night but I ended up scaring everypony so bad that they almost canceled the night, so now I try and tone back the jumping... moving...?" Pinkie paused in thought. "Gosh, there needs to be a term for this, cause everypony just keeps calling it 'pinkie being pinkie', but I can't use that term because I am Pinkie! Oh! Oh! I know! It's just me being me!"

"DAMN RIGHT IT'S YOU BEING YOU, BADASS! I APPROVE OF THIS INCREDIBLY CONCISE AND USEFUL TERMINOLOGY THAT I WILL NOW UTILIZE IN THE FUTURE INSTEAD OF MAKING CRAZY PINK PONY DRUG JOKES."

Iron Will fell over again with a loud thud, struggling to stand back up. "Hey are we still going to town?"

"NOT YET." Mr. Torgue went back to the floating screen. "WITH THIS NEW REVELATION, I NEED TO LOOK AT THESE READINGS AND MAKE AN EDUCATED ASSUMPTION AS TO HOW THE F*CK THIS WHOLE SCENARIO WORKS."

"Kay then. Don't mind me." Iron Will promptly passed out onto the floor.

Mr. Torgue stared at the prone minotaur. "JESUS F*CKING CHEESE-ITS HOW MANY CIDERS DID THAT DUDE SMASH?! WHAT A CHAMP."

Pinkie shrugged. "I dunno, I stopped keeping track after like a dozen or so, and that was a while ago."

"WHAT THE F*CK IRON WILL, I WAS NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO THIS. IS THIS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU KNOW THERE'S NO–*BEEELCH*–REPERCUSSIONS TO YOUR IRRESPONSIBLE DRINKING??" Mr. Torgue grabbed a nearby bottle and topped it off. "TONE IT DOWN YOU BELLIGERENT DRUNK."

Pinkie raised an eyebrow. "Why does he need to tone it down when he doesn't need to care? Just have fun with it! He can't die!"

"BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO SEE IRON WILL DEVELOP CRIPPLING ALCOHOLISM. THAT'S HOW YOU STOP BEING PRODUCTIVE, AND BEING PRODUCTIVE IS BADASS, UNLESS YOU'RE NOT TRYING TO BE PRODUCTIVE IN WHICH CASE THAT'S COOL BUT JUST ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU'RE NOT DOING JACK SH*T."

"You can still be productive while you're drunk, you'll just be a bit more inefficient," Pinkie replied.

Mr. Torgue reached down and pulled Iron Will up by the horns. "DOES THIS LOOK PRODUCTIVE AT ALL TO YOU???"

A glob of drool slowly oozed its way out of the inebriated minotaur's mouth.

"HOLY F*CK HE IS GONE." He quickly tossed Iron Will's body aside, a line of drool flowing through the air.

"Yeah but Iron Will is BLACKOUT DRUNK. I was thinking more like drunk enough to still do labor thingies that don't require being smarty-smart," Pinkie said.

"BUT IF YOU'RE MOVING AROUND THEN YOU'LL PUKE EVERYWHERE AND THAT SH*T'S NASTY. I'M PRETTY GODDAMN SURE THAT YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY F*CKING USELESS WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK," Mr. Torgue countered.

"But aren't we both super duper drunk right now while doing drunk science?"

"PROBABLY," Mr. Torgue shouted as he chugged another bottle. "BUT F*CK YOU I'M SPECIAL. WAIT A SECOND, YOU'RE NOT DRUNK AT ALL WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

Pinkie grinned mischievously. "You don't know that..."

A single cider bottle suddenly fell out of Pinkie's mane, rattling and rolling across the floor. The two of them blankly stared at the bottle as it made its journey towards Iron Will's collapsed form, stopping with a clink.

Pinkie's eyes slowly made their way towards Mr. Torgue with the same blank expression. "There's definitely more, and I probably need more space."

A loud rattling noise came from her mane before dozens of bottles started pouring out, littering the entire floor with empty cider bottles as they noisily clattered about.

The two of them stared at the pile of bottles for brief moment.

"WHAT THE F*CK."

Pinkie shuddered, withholding her blank expression. "I need sooooo much booze in order to get drunk that it's basically impossible for me to get wasted at parties."

"HOLY SH*T PINKIE YOU'RE FADING AWAY AND SPAZZING THE F*CK OUT RIGHT NOW."

"Maybe it's for the better that I don't get drunk very much," Pinkie giggled.

Mr. Torgue brought up the floating screen once more. "THIS IS F*CKING CRAZY! YOU'RE SUCH AN ANOMALY IN SPACE-TIME THAT YOU'RE EITHER PHASING IN AND OUT OF REALITY OR YOU'RE TRAVELING BETWEEN DIMENSIONS AT AN UNFATHOMABLE SPEED!"

"Hooray..?" Pinkie half exclaimed.

Mr. Torgue suddenly snapped his head towards the pink pony. "WAIT. EPIPHANY. REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE TALKING ABOUT HOW STUFF JUST KINDA EXISTS WHENEVER YOU DO YOUR CROSS-DIMENSIONAL BLEEDING BULLSH*T?"

"Yeah! But you didn't know what the f*ck I was talking about," Pinkie bleeped.

"HOW THE F*CK DID YOU JUST... NEVER MIND F*CK IT. YOU REMEMBER HOW YOU SAID THAT YOU EXIST IN ALL SORTS OF PLACES IN OUR SPACE? WELL, I WAS JUST THINKING, MAYBE YOU EXIST IN MORE PLANES THAN THE DIFFERENT UNIVERSES THEMSELVES ARE MADE OF, THUS, ALLOWING YOU TO TRAVEL ACROSS WHATEVER EXCESS DIMENSIONS THAT DO EXIST SO THAT YOU CAN REACH REALMS OF EXISTENCE BEYOND OUR CURRENT DIMENSIONS. WHEN THAT HAPPENS, YOU BRING WITH YOU CERTAIN ELEMENTS OF THE UNIVERSE YOU WERE IN BEFORE WITHOUT REALIZING IT SINCE YOU ENCOMPASS SO MUCH SPACE, CAUSING THAT CROSS-DIMENSIONAL BLEEDING EFFECT THINGY YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT. THEREFORE, IN ORDER FOR YOU TO EXIST IN A DIFFERENT UNIVERSE, THAT UNIVERSE MUST ACQUIESCE YOUR INTRUDING SPACE TO EXIST WITHIN ITS TIMELINE, CAUSING THE FABRICS OF SPACE TO BE WARPED IN ORDER TO MAINTAIN ITS NATURAL PROGRESSION OF SPACE-TIME. DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE OR AM I JUST TALKING OUT OF MY ASS?"

Pinkie stared at the wall behind Mr. Torgue. "I wasn't listening to any of that."

Mr. Torgue slammed his fist into the floor. "GODF*CKING DAMNIT PINKIE BE MORE RESPECTFUL TO OTHERS DURING A CONVERSATION."

"But I'm drunk," Pinkie retorted.

"YOU RAISE AN EXCELLENT POINT. REGARDLESS, IF MY THEORY IS CORRECT, THEN WE SHOULD SEE A MULTITUDE OF ELEMENTS FROM MY OWN WORLD EXIST FOR SOME REASON IN THIS WORLD, AS WELL AS ANY OTHER WORLDS THAT HAVE BEEN CONNECTED BY YOU FROM OTHER WORLDS THAT ARE CONNECTED TO MY OWN WORLD!"

"Yippee-dee diddly..." Pinkie goofily grinned.

Mr. Torgue's readings of his time machine suddenly crashed, an error message popping up on the screen.

"WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?! HOLY BALLS DID YOU JUST BREAK MY TIME MACHINE OR MY COMPUTER?" Mr. Torgue frantically begin typing on the screen before minimizing it into the wall. "I THINK MY COMPUTER STRAIGHT UP CAN'T EVEN HANDLE YOU RIGHT NOW."

"...Did I mention that I've been constantly drinking while we've been in this room?"

Even more cider bottles began flooding into the room, not just from Pinkie's mane, but from every corner as well.

"OK YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS KINDA SCARING THE SH*T OUTTA ME, HOW ABOUT YOU GO KILL YOURSELF AND RESPAWN SO THAT YOU'RE NOT DRUNKENLY ALTERING THE FABRICS OF REALITY.

Pinkie mumbled something as she grabbed Mr. Torgue's POCKET ROCKET and shot herself, the round flying past her face and into the wall, leaving behind a large crater.

"How do I dieeee," Pinkie slurred.

"OH F*CK HOW DO YOU DIE??? THIS IS BAD NEWS BEARS WHAT THE F*CK DO WE DO?!"

"Wheeeeee," Pinkie's apparition mumbled as she rapidly began appearing and reappearing in random places.

"WAIT A SECOND, YOU'RE NOT EVEN IN MY DATABANKS! DON'T KILL YOURSELF I REPEAT, DO NOT COMMIT SUDOKO-SEPPUKU." Mr. Torgue frantically scoured through his databanks, words flying by on his screen. "HOW THE HELL DID YOU EVEN SHOW UP IN THAT FAKE PONYVILLE I MADE FOR THE BADASS SHOW? THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY GODDAMN SENSE!"

"I'm not sure if I've ever died and did the respawn before," Pinkie replied, twitching sporadically.

Mr. Torgue scrunched his brow. "I SWEAR TO GOD I'VE BLOWN YOU UP BEFORE. DO EXPLOSIONS JUST TICKLE YOU OR SOMETHING?"

"I dunno probably."

Mr. Torgue threw his hands up in the air. "F*CK IT, I DON'T KNOW HOW YOUR EXISTENCE WORKS JUST TRY NOT BREAK ANYTHING OR ACCIDENTALLY RIP A HOLE IN SPACE OR SOMETHING."

"Okay." Pinkie promptly collapsed onto the ceiling, a bubble inflating and deflating out of her nose as she began to snore loudly.

"SH*T PINKIE SERIOUSLY?"

Mr. Torgue looked around his cider covered room in amusement, eyeing his two heavily intoxicated friends as they drooled and snored their way through dreamland.

WHELP, GUESS I'M DONE HERE THEN. F*CK I'M BORED. Mr. Torgue thought to himself.

He deftly drew his POCKET ROCKET and blasted himself in the face before dissipating into blue squares.

---

Mr. Torgue found himself materializing outside Vinyl & Octavia's house, the door still blocked by the digistruct station. To the right of the station Mr. Torgue noticed one of the windows of the house replaced with a sliding glass door. Behind the door there was a dark room, filled with neon lights along with a number of ponies lounging about, including Vinyl, who was tampering with a subwoofer by the wall. The room was outfitted with a few couches, pillows, and blankets strewn about, along with a desk in the corner that had all sorts of wires and lights sticking out of it.

Mr. Torgue glared at the sliding glass door before waltzing up to it, tapping its surface aggressively.

"HEY! WHY THE F*CK DO YOU HAVE A GLASS DOOR IN THE FRONT? THAT'S DANGEROUS AS F*CK. WHAT IF SOME JACKASS DECIDES HE OR SHE WANTS TO BREAK INTO YOUR HOUSE AND STEAL ALL YOUR DOPE LOOKING SH*T THAT'S IN PLAIN SIGHT?"

The ponies inside whipped their heads towards the glass door, surprised to see the hulking behemoth pounding at the glass. Fortunately, the glass was incredibly sturdy as well as soundproof. Unfortunately, this meant that the ponies inside had no idea what Mr. Torgue was saying.

Vinyl looked around at the ponies around her. "Did somepony lock the door? It should be open."

As if on cue, the door slid open right there and then.

"AND THE DOOR IS UNLOCKED ARE YOU SH*TTING ME?! THIS IS THE MOST INSECURE, UNSAFE ESTABLISHMENT THAT I'VE SEEN IN A WHILE. I DON'T GIVE A F*CK THAT I'M BEING RUDE AS F*CK FOR INTRUDING UPON THIS HOUSE BECAUSE YOU ALL MIGHT AS WELL BE INVITING ME IN AT THIS POINT."

"Hey watup Mr. Torgue! I sure as hay am inviting you in cuz this house is down to clown 24/7! Except for right now though, we're just chilling since there's nothing to do right now," Vinyl replied.

Mr. Torgue's eye twitched. "NOTHING TO DO??? THOSE ARE WORDS THAT I NEVER EVER WANT TO HEAR FROM ANYBODY EVER! THERE'S ALWAYS SH*T TO DO NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE! YOU COULD ALL BE READING A BOOK, OR PLAYING SPORTS, OR WATCHING TV, OR DOING MATH... JESUS THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS. THERE IS LITERALLY AN INCONCEIVABLE AMOUNT OF CONTENT OUT THERE FOR YOU ALL TO CONSUME THAT WOULD BE F*CKING IMPOSSIBLE TO DO ALL OF IN A LIFESPAN AND HERE YOU ALL ARE CHOOSING TO DO NONE OF IT???"

"Yeah, but constantly doing stuff is kinda exhausting after a while. Kinda undermines the value of the stuff you do if you don't sit back and take in what you just did," Vinyl shrugged.

"DEFINITELY TRUE AS F*CK. NONETHELESS, YOU ALL LOOK BORED AS SH*T. SO HOW ABOUT WE GO DO SOMETHING INSTEAD OF BECOMING ONE WITH THE COUCH AND FLOOR."

A pink, blonde maned mare rolled over on the floor. "But there's not really anything to do anymore! Ever since you came around we don't really have to work at all and we just have so much time on our hooves now that we don't really know what to do with it. I used to be a cherry farmer, but now all I have to do is grow one good cherry, and your machines can turn it into thousands in seconds, all of them perfectly ripe and delicious."

"Even us pegasi have nothing to do once we found out we can just move the clouds down here to make them more efficiently. The only ponies still doing stuff are pretty much just the unicorns, and even then they don't even have that much to do," a white, cyan maned mare added.

"I've still been doing pretty much the same thing, just chilling and mixing up new sets," Vinyl added. "A lot of ponies show up here though because you put that beacon thing in front of my house, and since they have nothing to do they just kinda end up hanging out here."

She got up and trotted towards her desk in the corner with all of her music equipment. "I usually always leave my room open for ponies to just come and hang out, but ever since you came around and plopped those digi-whatevers all over the place, man, my traffic has been getting crazy! I'd imagine that there's tons of ponies who also just see the glass door and hear the music playing and just decide to walk in when they see everypony inside. My housemate thinks you're a total flankface for just plopping down a beacon right in front of our door, but honestly, it made me install this glass door which is super nice and inviting, plus it's hecka convenient to just be able to walk to my front door if I ever need anything. If you ask me, the benefits are wayyy outweighing the cons."

"WELL THANK GOD I DID THAT CAUSE I WAS BORED AS SH*T SO I SPAWNED MYSELF TO A RANDOM BEACON AND ENDED UP WITH THIS ONE. IT'S SUPER COOL HOW THIS PLACE EXISTS AS A CENTRAL HANGOUT PLACE FOR ALL YOU COLORFUL EQUINES."

"Right??? Stuff like this is why I don't dig city life, it's really hard to just hangout with random ponies and actually get to know them, y'know? Ponyville's just such a chill place to be, though I can totally get why some ponies don't dig the peace and quiet, it can get a little boring. Different strokes for different folks and all that jazz," said Vinyl.

"Speaking of boring, why are you criticizing us for doing nothing when you just said you were bored?" asked the pink mare from before.

Mr. Torgue swiftly raised a finger. "ALLOW ME TO PONTIFICATE. BEING BORED AND SAYING YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO ARE DIFFERENT THINGS WITH DIFFERENT MEANINGS. WHILE THE TWO OF THEM CAN BE CLOSELY RELATED OR BE A CAUSATION OF THE OTHER, THAT DOESN'T NECESSARILY MEAN THAT THEY ARE THE SAME THING. FOR INSTANCE, IF I STARTED BLOWING UP A MOUNTAIN BUT THEN GET BORED OF DOING SO, THAT DOESN'T MEAN I HAVE NOTHING TO DO IT JUST MEANS THAT I AM NO LONGER ENTHUSIASTIC OR MOTIVATED TO BLOW UP THAT MOUNTAIN. WITH THAT SAID, I HAVE JUST RECENTLY BEEN BORED FOR ABOUT FIVE MINUTES BECAUSE PINKIE PIE AND IRON WILL ARE BLACKOUT DRUNK IN MY ROOM. BECAUSE I WAS BORED, I DECIDED TO WANDER INTO TO TOWN AND SOMEHOW ENDED UP HERE, AND I AM NOW NO LONGER BORED. DOES THAT MAKE SENSE TO YOU ALL???"

"Yeah actually, it does," Vinyl giggled. "Man, you got a way with words, you know that? Don't think I've ever met somepony who could make me laugh and think so much at the same time."

"I APPRECIATE YOUR COMPLIMENTS."

"And I appreciate you being here. Always nice to have you around Torgue, even if that sentiment isn't shared by everypony, but this place is a welcoming lounge for everypony," replied Vinyl.

"WELL OF COURSE I'M NOT APPRECIATED BY EVERYBODY BECAUSE EVERYBODY IS ENTITLED TO THEIR OWN F*CKING OPINIONS. I WOULD BE VERY CONCERNED IF I WAS WELCOME WITH OPEN ARMS EVERYWHERE I WENT," Mr. Torgue replied, flailing his arms open.

"Same," Vinyl laughed. "So, whaddya wanna do?"

"WELL THE WAY I SEE IT, YOU PONIES DON'T NEED TO FARM CHERRIES OR WHATEVER THE F*CK TO NOT BE BORED, THERE'S TONS OF THINGS WE COULD GO DO RIGHT NOW! I ALWAYS HAVE A MENTAL LIST OF THINGS I COULD DO BECAUSE I HATE HAVING NOTHING TO DO, WASTING TIME IS INEFFICIENT AS F*CK. WE COULD START A PARTY, WE COULD GO BUNGEE JUMPING, PLAY SOME GAMES, THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS."

"If it were up to me I'd be totally down to start a party right now, but I gotta catch a train towards Canterlot in like two hours for a set this night," said Vinyl.

"WELL F*CK IT THERE WE GO, LET'S ALL GO TO CANTERLOT AND DO STUFF THERE, SHOW ME AROUND AND SH*T."

Vinyl chuckled. "Alright I'm down. Are all of you coming with us?"

"Yeah sure why not."

"Yup"

"Yeah I'm going."

"Yeah, but what are we going to do for the next two hours then?" asked a green, blonde maned stallion.

Mr. Torgue glared at him. "WHY THE F*CK ARE WE GOING TO WAIT FOR TWO HOURS WHEN WE CAN JUST GO THERE NOW?"

The stallion raised an eyebrow in response. "Wait we're going there now? How? Vinyl just said the train doesn't come for another two hours."

"F*CK NO THE TRAIN'S SLOW AS BALLS! WE'RE JUST GOING TO SPAWN IN THERE INSTEAD BECAUSE WE AREN'T ABSOLUTE RETARDS."

"Oh... right."

"Hold on a sec though, aren't there only beacons in Ponyville right now? I remember when Pinkie and Iron Will were going around trying to explain all this stuff to everypony yesterday they mentioned that we could only teleport within Ponyville," Vinyl questioned.

"THAT IS A PROBLEM THAT CAN EASILY BE FIXED. OBSERVE."

Mr. Torgue opened the sliding glass door and walked out, going to the beacon outside the house's front door and pressing a few buttons on the device's screen. The rest of the lounge's occupants watched as Mr. Torgue's skyscraper schlong house shot out something off in the distance, before a faint thud resonated from the Canterlot mountains.

"BOOM. BEACON ON THE MOUNTAIN, LET'S F*CKING GO, COME ON GET OVER HERE GO GO GO! ACTUALLY WAIT WHAT THE F*CK AM I DOING I CAN JUST DO THIS."

He pushed one last button before the entire room's occupants suddenly faded into blue squares.

Author's Note:

Everything written after this line:

"So what did you all do together?" chirped Pinkie.

Was written almost two years after any previous work done on this fic.

Feels weird mayne.

ALSO HOW THE F*CK DID THIS CHAPTER TAKE TWO WHOLE GODDAMN YEARS TO WRITE WHAT THE F*CK AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE.

Comments

[Isumo1489]

I HAVE NO IDEA!! BUT REGUARDLESS I FIND THE REVIVAL OF THIS FIC IS BADASS AND NEEDS TO BE SEEN BY EVERYONE!! ALSO IT HAS BEEN TOO LONG SINCE I BLEW STUFF UP ON PANDORA...THAT ENDS TOMORROW!!!

All that aside, great to see this back up and hope to see more coming from ya...BADASS!!

And just to be clear, I await Borderlands 3 with the highest of bated breath.

[RadicalDishonesty]

These comments have a distressing lack of Mister Minotorgue:

img05.deviantart.net/2e3d/i/2015/031/f/2/mister_minotorgue_by_taharon-d8g6i6w.png

Much better.

[Cobalt_Xavier]

EXPLOSIONS!!!!!

[HellBreaker]

"HOW THE F*CK DID YOU JUST... NEVER MIND F*CK IT. YOU REMEMBER HOW YOU SAID THAT YOU EXIST IN ALL SORTS OF PLACES IN OUR SPACE? WELL, I WAS JUST THINKING, MAYBE YOU EXIST IN MORE PLANES THAN THE DIFFERENT UNIVERSES THEMSELVES ARE MADE OF, THUS, ALLOWING YOU TO TRAVEL ACROSS WHATEVER EXCESS DIMENSIONS THAT DO EXIST SO THAT YOU CAN REACH REALMS OF EXISTENCE BEYOND OUR CURRENT DIMENSIONS. WHEN THAT HAPPENS, YOU BRING WITH YOU CERTAIN ELEMENTS OF THE UNIVERSE YOU WERE IN BEFORE WITHOUT REALIZING IT SINCE YOU ENCOMPASS SO MUCH SPACE, CAUSING THAT CROSS-DIMENSIONAL BLEEDING EFFECT THINGY YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT. THEREFORE, IN ORDER FOR YOU TO EXIST IN A DIFFERENT UNIVERSE, THAT UNIVERSE MUST ACQUIESCE YOUR INTRUDING SPACE TO EXIST WITHIN ITS TIMELINE, CAUSING THE FABRICS OF SPACE TO BE WARPED IN ORDER TO MAINTAIN ITS NATURAL PROGRESSION OF SPACE-TIME. DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE OR AM I JUST TALKING OUT OF MY ASS?"

Pinkie stared at the wall behind Mr. Torgue. "I wasn't listening to any of that."

Mr. Torgue slammed his fist into the floor. "GODF*CKING DAMNIT PINKIE BE MORE RESPECTFUL TO OTHERS DURING A CONVERSATION."

"But I'm drunk," Pinkie retorted.

"YOU RAISE AN EXCELLENT POINT. REGARDLESS, IF MY THEORY IS CORRECT, THEN WE SHOULD SEE A MULTITUDE OF ELEMENTS FROM MY OWN WORLD EXIST FOR SOME REASON IN THIS WORLD, AS WELL AS ANY OTHER WORLDS THAT HAVE BEEN CONNECTED BY YOU FROM OTHER WORLDS THAT ARE CONNECTED TO MY OWN WORLD!"

quickmeme.com/img/58/585e1519432e068fc0accf5afd30a50aae44be994d98536f279bcfbcd127cfe6.jpg
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ_ml_vvTx99vjMn8_LMftZd9OWIVmP-249pZwfLnNctanDAkXThw

"HEY! WHY THE F*CK DO YOU HAVE A GLASS DOOR IN THE FRONT? THAT'S DANGEROUS AS F*CK. WHAT IF SOME JACKASS DECIDES HE OR SHE WANTS TO BREAK INTO YOUR HOUSE AND STEAL ALL YOUR DOPE LOOKING SH*T THAT'S IN PLAIN SIGHT?"

The ponies inside whipped their heads towards the glass door, surprised to see the hulking behemoth pounding at the glass. Fortunately, the glass was incredibly sturdy as well as soundproof. Unfortunately, this meant that the ponies inside had no idea what Mr. Torgue was saying.

Vinyl looked around at the ponies around her. "Did somepony lock the door? It should be open."

As if on cue, the door slid open right there and then.

"AND THE DOOR IS UNLOCKED ARE YOU SH*TTING ME?! THIS IS THE MOST INSECURE, UNSAFE ESTABLISHMENT THAT I'VE SEEN IN A WHILE. I DON'T GIVE A F*CK THAT I'M BEING RUDE AS F*CK FOR INTRUDING UPON THIS HOUSE BECAUSE YOU ALL MIGHT AS WELL BE INVITING ME IN AT THIS POINT."

CAN'T BREATHE

[NotShadowLotus488]

EXPLOSIONS, F*CK YEAH!!!!!!