• Published 17th Jan 2012
  • 1,979 Views, 106 Comments

The Donors - GoesKaboom

The truth about Pumpkin and Pound Cake's parentage.

  • ...

The Delinquency of Minors

Chapter Seventeen: The Delinquency of Minors

“Guys! Guys! Hey, guys!” Keylogger hissed, poking his head out of the basement. “Get over here! I need to talk to you!”

Saffron and Dark Star looked at each other questioningly but did as the Earth pony colt asked. “What's up, dude?” Dark Star asked. “Did you finish whatever it was that you had to do?”

“Yeah, and you'll never guess what I found out! This is crazy, you won't believe it!”

“Are you going to tell us, then?” Saffron asked.

“I was getting to that!” Keylogger retorted. “You guys remember what Mr. Formaldehyde was talking about in biology class last month?”

“Uh... how ponies used to have to dissect frogs for biology when he was growing up, but that Princess Celestia outlawed those experiments ten years ago?” the unicorn guessed.

“What? No! You weirdo, that's not what I meant at all!” Keylogger exclaimed. “Remember what he said about genetics? How that different kinds of ponies can mate and have foals with zebras and donkeys, and sometimes other things can have offspring?”

“Uh, sure, I guess,” Dark Star replied. “But what does that have to do with anything?”

“If you would stop interrupting me for three bucking seconds, I'd be able to tell you!” the Earth pony colt snapped.

“Hey, you asked!” the unicorn retorted.

“It was a rhetorical question, numbnuts!”

“Who are you calling numbnuts, numbnuts?”

“GUYS!” Saffron yelled, the camel quickly losing her patience with her friends. “You fighting over which is the numbnuts is getting us nowhere! I don't even know what that's supposed to mean!”

“Sorry,” both colts apologized. Keylogger quickly picked up where he left off. “Anyway, as I was trying to say, this place we had to hack into to do the job? It's this place called the Equine Reproductive Project. Apparently they study how we get baby ponies.”

Dark Star was lost. “But... don't we already know how we get baby ponies? I mean, when a mare and a stallion love each other very much...”

“Well, no, everypony knows where foals come from. This is more, uh, theoretical, I guess. Like what happens if you cross different types of ponies, or a pony and a zebra, or if two ponies can't have foals... it's like... genetics or something. Yeah, they're studying genetics.”

“I do not understand... that is not a good thing?” Saffron asked. “I know back in Saddle Arabia they were doing something similar, to make sure cows are healthy before they give birth, so the calf will be healthy too. I know Equestria is better with medicine, but still, it is dangerous, yes?”

“It's not exactly a bad thing.... it's just that in order to do that, they need, uh, donations. Mr. Moneybags provided one of those donations, and according to what I found, so did Lavender Blast's dad!”

“What, so they donated money or something?” Dark Star was completely baffled as to why his friend was freaking out about this. Ponies donated money to causes they found worthy all the time. Why was this any different?

“No, not money!” Keylogger practically shrieked. “They donated their genetic material!”

“Keylogger, speak plain Equestrian!” The Earth pony colt huffed.

“I was trying to be polite and subtle, but fine. Dark Star, it's a sperm bank.” The unicorn burst out laughing, while the camel just looked confused.

“I... don't know what that means,” Saffron apologized. That only made Dark Star laugh even harder, and Keylogger resisted the urge to face-hoof.

“Will you shut up?” he snapped at the other pony before turning to Saffron. “Uh, you know how to make a baby, you have to have the female's... uh, you know, what's inside of her? And that you also need the male's... stuff? Oh Celestia I wish I spoke Bactrian, this would be so much less awkward. Well, the Equestrian word for the males stuff is, uh, sperm, and sometimes ponies will donate it to make more ponies with.” The colt was blushing a ferocious fuchsia color underneath his blue coat, powerfully enough that it was clearly obvious. It took a little while for Saffron to parse what Keylogger had just explained, but before long, she was blushing furiously as well, muttering under her breath in an embarrassed mixture of Bactrian and Equestrian.

By this point, Dark Star had finally stopped laughing and was instead looking at his two friends with a contemplative expression on his face. “So you're saying this Moneybags guy donated to this sperm bank? So what?”

“I don't give a flying hoof about Moneybags,” Keylogger responded. “But I just found out that Lavender Blast's dad did too.”


“AND that the same ponies that chose Moneybags to be the father of their foal ALSO chose Lavender Blast's dad as a father! Do you know what this means?”

“Oh...” Understanding dawned in Saffron's eyes. “Lavender Blast might have a sibling!”


“Oh yeah? And how did you deduce that, Sherlock Pones?”

“Sherlock Pones? Really?” Keylogger rolled his eyes. “And yes, I know that the pony involved is Lavender's dad because it had his address on it. Lavender once mentioned that she doesn't have any siblings, so it couldn't be an older brother or something.” The Earth pony colt nodded. “Yeah, so I've got to tell Lavender about this. She deserves to know about it!”

“I dunno, Keylogger,” the unicorn said dubiously. “It's really not our business. Maybe we should just let it be. I mean, that guy you did the work for will get all that stuff and he'll decide if he wants to tell the other stallion involved. I mean, technically you weren't supposed to be in that database at all. How are you going to explain how you have sensitive information about Lavender Blast's family?”

“Since when are you the police?” Keylogger dismissed. “You've never cared about that sort of thing before.”

“I know. It's just that this whole thing is different. This isn't breaking into the school's system to change our grades or downloading movies and video games, Keylogger. This is about other ponies' lives, and I don't think we should be messing with this. It's not right, and it's dangerous.”

Keylogger, however, ignored his friend's reservation. “Whatever. You two do what you want,” he said, sliding the printouts into his the folder his mother had prepared for Moneybags. “I'm going to do what I know is right.” He snorted irately. “See you guys at school tomorrow.”

“I think we've been kicked out,” Saffron whispered. Dark Star nodded.

“See you, I guess,” he said hesitantly, before leaving the computer cafe. Saffron shrugged, looking at the door the unicorn had just exited, then turned her attention to Keylogger.

“I will support you, but Dark Star does have a point,” the camel warned. “I hope you know what you are doing. I do not want to see you hurt.” With that, she left as well, leaving a fuming Keylogger behind.

“Nopony understands!” the colt grumbled under his breath. “Nocamel either! Why do they not get how important this is? Maybe Lavender Blast has a sibling! She has a right to know! I'll have to tell her, it's the right thing to do! I'm doing it because it's the right thing to do!”

Making up his mind, Keylogger dashed back down to the basement and printed off another copy of the information about the pegasus stallion he believed to be Lavender Blast's father. Stuffing the paper into his saddle-bag, he picked up the folder with the other documents and took it into the kitchen, setting it down next to his mother. Hexadecimal looked up and smiled.

“Oh good! You got it! Excellent! Money bags will be here in an hour or two to pick it up. You'll have to tell him all about what you found!”

“Actually, mama, I've... got to do something. I'm, uh, going over to Dark Star's place. We're going to work on a project for school. Yeah.” The colt looked at the floor, desperately hoping that his mother wouldn't see through his (fairly obvious) lie.

“Why can't you do it here?” Hexadecimal asked, frowning.

“Because, uh, we don't want to get in the way of any customers,” Keylogger said quickly, aware that his excuse sounded terribly unbelievable. Three foals using one computer was unlikely to have any sort of effect whatsoever on the customers, assuming anypony even came in. Hexadecimal knew her son was up to something, but ultimately just shrugged.

“I suppose it's alright. Just don't stay out too late, it's a school night.”

“Yes mama,” Keylogger said quickly, before dashing out the door.

“Why are we hiding behind Keylogger's house?” Saffron asked, rolling her eyes at the way Dark Star lurked behind a trash can. “We will get all smelly.”

“Keylogger is going to do something stupid, I just know it,” the unicorn colt replied. “If we hide here we can keep an eye on him and stop him before he does something he'll regret!”

“And the best way to do that is to hide in the trash?” the camel asked dubiously. “What if Mrs. Hexadecimal comes to empty the bin and finds you here? How will you explain?” Dark Star snorted.

“Mrs. Hexadecimal never comes outside unless it is dark out and Mr. Binary is usually asleep now. Nopony will come out here. It's fine, Saffron, stop being such a scaredy-pony. Uh, camel,” he quickly amended. “Is scaredy-camel even a word?”

“I don't know, you're the one whose native language is Equestrian,” Saffron sighed.

“That doesn't mean I know every single word!”

“Then why say it if you do not know?”

“Shut up, not all of us can be bilingual.”

“Actually, I speak three languages. I am also fluent in the Dromedan dialect. I cannot read it well though.”

“Well, excuse me, Ms. Egghead!”

“What is 'egghead?'”

“Oh come on, seriously? You speak three languages but you don't know what 'egghead' means?”

The pair was so busy bickering that they did not notice the slam of the shop door and the hoofbeats hurrying off in the opposite direction.

Keylogger did not often venture into this part of the city. It was a run-down area, and not the sort of place you'd want to be lost in. It wasn't that the Earth pony colt was afraid of the area, or that he was any stranger to poverty and desperation. The section of Manehattan that he'd been born and raised in certainly wasn't wealthy. Manehattan in general was not devoid of crime, and Keylogger could recollect several instances right in his own neighborhood. In the past year alone, the mare that ran the bar a few shops down from his own family's business, Melon Daiquiri, had been assaulted and robbed, Moonshadow, a clerk at the local electronics store, had disappeared, and there had been several home invasions. But all things considered, the residents of Keylogger's neighborhood all looked out for each other. After the attack, the ponies had all banded together to help Melon Daiquiri and even three months later, everypony was still looking for Moonshadow.

No, the part of town that Lavender Blast called home had at one point been prosperous, or at least a great deal wealthier than Keylogger's home. However, due to that, it had been hit incredibly hard by the economic recession that had occurred several years prior. It was also the home of the Manehattan Weather Factory, which a year previously had been the site of a destructive industrial accident. Several ponies were killed in the explosion, and over a hundred others were injured. Due to that combination of factores, this part of the city felt dull, lifeless, and shrouded by despair and desperation. It chilled the colt to the bone, to think that it was possible for an entire neighborhood to lose its soul and life like that.

Eventually, Keylogger turned onto Rainboom Way, the street where Lavender Blast lived. He trotted up to her apartment, and knocked on the door.

He waited. And waited.

After a while, just before he was about to give up and go home, the colt heard unsteady hoofbeats coming up to the door. The latch clicked, and Keylogger suddenly hoped that his mane and tail were presentable. Even if he was about to drop some potentially earth-shattering news on her, Keylogger still wanted to look his best for his crush.

The door slowly swung open, and Keylogger took a deep breath, ready to explain to Lavender what he was doing at her house. Instead of a filly, however, a skeletal-thin pegasus mare stood at the door. The resemblance to Lavender was uncanny, but Keylogger couldn't stop staring for a different reason. The mare was covered from her shoulders to the middle of her chest in painful-looking scars, and what remained of her wings was a tattered mess.

Belatedly, Keylogger remembered that Lavender Blast had been out of school for a month and a half last year, around the time of the weather factory accident. Putting two and two together, he deduced that this badly injured mare was a survivor of the accident, and was likely Lavender's mother. All of a sudden, Keylogger started to rethink his plan. Maybe Dark Star had been right, that this really was none of his business. In his desire to get Lavender Blast's attention, he had ignored the possibility that maybe it would be better if the pegasus filly and her family didn't know about a potential sibling. Would Mrs. Blast (or whatever her name was) see the existence of a potential foal as infidelity? Was it really a good idea to mess around with other ponies' information the way he had?

“Can I... help you?” the mare asked slowly, yanking Keylogger out of his thoughts. Oh. Right. He'd just knocked on this door and the mare was probably wondering what he was there for. Thinking quickly, the colt came up with a cover story, using the name of one of his parents' clients. The name was common enough that it wouldn't attract unwanted attention and he could play it off as simply a case of the wrong address.

“Oh. I'm sorry,” he bluffed. “I must have the wrong apartment. I was looking for Crème Caramel. I guess I wrote the apartment number down wrong.”

The mare looked confused. “Crème Caramel? I don't think there's anypony by that name in this building.”

Again, Keylogger had to come up with a quick cover story. “This isn't 134790 Rainbow Way?” he asked, doing his best to school his features into a look of confusion. Thankfully, the mare seemed to buy it, since she laughed a bit.

“You have the building number right, but the wrong street. Rainbow Way is six or seven blocks west. This is RainBOOM Way.”

“Oooh!” Keylogger tried to fake surprise. “That would make sense. Thanks, ma'am!”

“Anytime,” the mare said, watching as the colt scurried way. He was so focused on getting out of there that he didn't even notice a piece of paper fall from his saddle-bag and float gently to the ground. “Hey!” the mare called, as loudly as she could without breaking down into a coughing fit. “You dropped-” but it was too late. The colt was long-gone.

Wincing with the exertion, the mare bent down to retrieve the paper. Ignoring the horrific pain that shot through her body, she opened it up and read what it had to say. Her eyes widened. “But this is-” She never got to finish her thought, her mind blacking out and her body falling over in a dead faint.

“So you're telling me that this is definitely the couple that's going to have my foal?” Moneybags asked, eyeing the printout that Binary and Hexadecimal had given him.

“That's what Keylogger found,” Binary replied. “He did find the right ponies. I checked it myself.”

“Cup and Carrot Cake? Of Ponyville?” the unicorn stallion read. “Where the buck is Ponyville?”

“Don't look at me,” Hexadecimal said, shrugging. “I haven't left Manehattan since my middle-school field trip to Canterlot!”

“Of course,” Moneybags muttered. “Hey, what's this?” he asked, noticing the second printout.

“Beats me,” Binary replied. “Must've been something Keylogger printed out and it got mixed in with your stuff. Sorry about that. It seems like I'm always telling that colt to stop leaving his stuff all over the Discord-damned place. I'll get it, don't worry.”

But the unicorn ignored the Earth pony stallion and instead stared at the extra paper. “Hexadecimal... Binary- did you take a look at this?”

“No,” Hexadecimal replied, at the same time her husband added,

“Should I have?”

“Probably,” Moneybags stated gravely. “Apparently these Ponyville ponies took a second donor. And he's here in Manehattan as well.”

The Earth ponies peered at the document, seeing for themselves what the unicorn was telling them. Both of them looked at each other, back at the paper, at Moneybags, then back to each other.

“Remind me to give that colt an increase in his allowance,” Hexadecimal finally said.

To Be Continued

Author's Comments:

I'm sorry this took so long to get out. I had a combination of factors working against me here- I fell down the stairs and hurt my back, which made sitting, standing, lying down, or really doing anything at all excruciatingly painful. Once I had recovered from that, I had the start of midterm exams and, as usual, got stuck working overtime. I'm already about 1/3 of the way done with the next chapter, so it probably won't take as long to get out as this one did.

Now, for some stuff actually related to this story. I've decided that I'm not going to cut chapters that are unnecessary to the main storyline, but that I will preface them with “Bonus Chapter” so that you can decide whether or not you want to read them. The majority of everyone who responded said they wanted me to keep them, so hopefully that's an acceptable compromise.

Also, someone PM-ed me a question about the ages of Keylogger and his friends. Originally I had planned for them to be around the ages of the Cutie Mark Crusaders (elementary school aged), but I realized they act more like teenagers. It was implied earlier that Keylogger had only recently gotten his cutie mark, and Lavender Blast does not have hers yet, but the Manehattan foals (and camel) are a bit older. Cutie marks in-show appear to be an allegory for puberty/growing up, which (in people) can start at around age eight or nine up to even seventeen years of age. I would assume that the Cutie Mark Crusaders are eight to ten years old, so the Manehattan kids are approximately twelve to fourteen years old- middle-school aged to first-years in high school. Hopefully that was helpful and didn't confuse you even more...