The next day, Ah was finishin' up work with Applejack, then the rest a' the Mane Six came to see me.
"I wish I was there to see you fly Mater." said Rarity. Ah could see my flying trick had received fans.
"Were you scared Mater?" asked Fluttershy.
"Na ah enjoined it. The Cutie Mark Crusaders ever enjoyed it. Ah said.
"Where'd you get the rockets? asked Rainbow.
"A friend of mine give them to me, along with the parachute. Ah was on a spy mission with him, and while Ah was with them ah saw many Lemon cars. Like Gremlins, Pacers, Hugo, and Trunkoves." Ah answered.
"What are Gremlins and Pacers?" asked Pinkie.
"The Gremlin and Pacer are cars that don't work right and were built very poorly. They use the term lemon for those cars." Answered Twilight. "I've read all about these cars in my guide to cars encyclopedia of cars." Twilight added.
"Twilight Sparkle!" said a stern voice.
"(GASP) It's Princess Celestia! Mater hide! cried Twilight. Ah didn't know what was going on but ah drove straight to a huge bush and hid behind it. then through the leaves ah saw a huge flying unicorn. But ah saw she was wearing a crown, a golden necklace, and golden shoes. Now this was very different, Ah was amazed at this rare sight. Then Twilight spoke to the huge unicorn.
"Hello Princess, what brings you here? Twilight said nervously.
"Well Twilight Sparkle, I was looking over my kingdom from my balcony and I saw something strange flying in the sky over Ponyville. This thing wasn't a pegasus or anything I've seen. So I came here to see if you knew anything about it." answered the Princess. Twilight's heart sank, the Princess saw me. Ah was getting very scared, what if she saw me? What would she do?
Then Twilight spoke again, "Uh no we haven't seen it but we'll keep an eye out."
"Oh also, how would you react if you saw a talking tow truck here?" Twilight then asked. The Princess was confused why her student asked her this, she pondered very hard, she wasn't sure about a tow truck being in one of her towns.
She then answered, "That would depend, I'd be mad if it was a bad tow truck wanting to hurt my subjects, but I'm not sure what if the tow truck was nice. But if you see a tow truck, don't get too close just in case. But if you see it's not doing anything bad and it's just a visitor then there's nothing to worry about, but let me know if you see a tow truck." Ah was very worried now, if the Princess did see me. What if she would think Ah'm evil? But ah knew ah had to sneak away, so ah quietly tip-tired to another bush and when ah continued to another. CRACK! Ah drove on a twig!
"What was that?" said the Princess. Ah knew she'd find me for sure so ah gunned it in reverse. Ah was just a few feet from the other side of the farm when ah looked forward and saw the princess was flying toward me! But she was going slowly, and the other ponies were following. Ah put the petal to the metal now.
"Wow! He's still driving backwards and he ain't crashin'!" said Applejack softly.
"He must be the world's best backwards driver!" exclaimed Twilight. Seeing that the Princess would see me ah turned around and turned on my rockets and took off. The Princess couldn't keep up with me, then ah came to a big pond and ah held my breath and jumped in. The Princess landed at the side and looked around and saw nothin'.
She was know very confused she turned around and said to Twilight. "So as you know, if you see a tow truck or anything related to what I saw yesterday please let me know."
"Yes Princess." Twilight replied. then the Princess flew back ta the castle. Ah threw my tow cable up outta the water and hooked on a strong tree.
Ah lifted myself out of the water and when ah was on the land again ah coughed the water out a' ma mouth and said, "Is she gone?"
"Yes, yer safe for now sugarcube." Answered Applejack. Rainbow spun around me and dried me off. Ah was very scared now. Ah didn't know what ta do. Ah shakily drove slowly back to the farm and when ah was there I was still scared.
"It's okay Mater, we'll figure something out. said Fluttershy. Ah felt better now, but ah was still worried.
This is not gonna be a great story anytime soon, 'cos you're a kid of some sort and you just haven't written or read enough.
BUT, you're a nice kid- so now you've got an upthumb, because there are plenty of ponies on this site with much worse attitudes even when they can sometimes write better, and you are not the one who deserves the zero to ten up/downthumb ratio.
Good luck and may you find some of the other nice folks, and continue to work patiently on fixing the writing mistakes! That is what everypony does if they're any good- they just start at a higher level and keep going. If you enjoy stories (especially reading them) you'll get there, too.
1870325thanks for the comment
1870329
And now you've got a 'like' even if it's not QUITE the same as a 'liked the story'- and I bet there's gonna be SOMEPONY on the site who likes the story, too.
...because I know this site.
Now, keep working on those mistakes until you're bored, and then write something else that starts with fewer problems!
1870076
Oh, I have seen a Cars/Pony crossover. Uhhh... literally.
That cocky sports car character was once seen, um, 'crossing over' Rarity. I think that one was rated sex AND gore, and lordy, did it need it. Compared to that, this story is a lot truer to what My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic is all about. So I'm all the more glad I gave the poor thing a 'like'.
1870353thanks
Remember, comma at the end if the quote is followed by said [insert name] (unless you're using a ! or a ?. Also, you'll want to put a comma before Mater, lemme show you why.
Now, unless the speaker is a cannibalistic person who is having grandmama's guts for dinner, you don't want to be using the first version.
Either it's national 'don't use the word "the", day', or we've got a typo.
I see what you did there, good job.
Okay, so I think that you ought to run everything through MS Word before posting it here. Also, did I tell you to take your gosh darned time, or was that someone else? If it was someone else, then take your time. Your like/dislike ratio won't get any better if you keep posting stuff with minimal effort. I personally always make sure that my chapters are spotless before I go posting them here, whether that means taking another week or so or not.
Good writing requires patience. Go over your stories, read them ALOUD as reading them in your head will auto-correct anything that you see is wrong, trust me. It's happened to me plenty of times where I'd read over a chapter of mine in my head and find nothing, then go over it again out loud and make a bunch of major changes to it as I found errors.
Oh, and if you don't have MS Word, then get Google Chrome and write everything in a Google Drive document, it won't get as much as Word will, but it'll still get plenty.
I apologize for any mistakes I've made or will make in future reviews within the next two hours, it's late here and I'm tired.
I am seeing improvement from previous chapters, however it looked like you forgot to add the ending quotation marks a few times, something that could be avoided with some editing work on your part.