What are you doing wasting time reading a bio? Go read good stories. Isn't that what you're here for?
Rainbow Dash has a day off and gets her hooves on the latest novel about Daring Do. Daring Do gets a lead on an amazing relic from an unexpected source. But things are not what they seem, and her old rival is racing to get the same prize. If she isn't careful she won't be able to stop evil from getting a powerful artifact. She might not even make it out alive!
Special thanks to n1de for the cover art. http://n1de.deviantart.com/
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You have a fair amount of grammatical and spelling errors. For instance:
“we don’t have much time
We needs to be capitalized
She yawned, I can’t rest now
It's really odd to see mental dialog immediately preceding spoken dialog
called the Dragon’s Spine, the treasures
The comma should be a semicolon
Also, was this inspired by Captain Jack's compass?
1879643
I appreciate the help
, I've had some trouble with editors and I ended up having to edit things myself (always a big risk). I hope nothing was so bad it became unintelligible or seriously detracted from the action.
Nope, this isn't Captain Jack's compass. I had actually forgotten about that till you mentioned it.
WoW 30k words and only one comment >.> I will be adding to my read later list.
Read and enjoyed, you should get this story reviewed on ponychan or mlpchan.
They'll help you work out any kinks and this story deserves better.
1995844
I really appreciate that. I have an editor now but maybe some additional help form ponychan or mlpchan would be a good idea.
Hsve a music.
Have another music.
For Gold Bar's betrayal.
Not bad for a first chapter. But I just wanted to let you know that I expected much worse. Why? Because you use the word "Study" three times in as many sentences--the first three sentences to boot! It seemed kind of amateurish, but I'm glad I kept reading. It's good to read first paragraphs a couple of times before you post something because I mistake there and really turn some one off a story, since you haven't had time to develop "credibility" with the reader yet.
2638703
You're absolutely right. It's my first attempt at an adventure story. It's a little rough around the edges but I did put my heart into it. I hope you enjoy it even when I make a few novice mistakes. I'm still writing; now I'm going to go check on my opening paragraphs to make sure the story can "sink its teeth in."
This was really the first chapter of this story where you really captured the excitement I expect out of Daring Do. Really enjoyed it and I look forward to the thrilling conclusion. That being said, I've found the framing with Rainbow Dash to be mostly unnecessary and thus those scenes were more annoying than not. I'll see if you pull out anything fantastic there, but my advice so far would just be to let the Daring Do stand on its own.
Huh, that was pretty fun. Although the blatant sequel hook was almost hilarious in its vague cheese.
I stand by my opinion that filtering the story through Rainbow Dash served no purpose and it would certainly have been better with less. You really payed off on the whole "We have an airship there must be a battle on it." and I thought the ending with the compass of desire worked out nicely. I will admit that I was mildly confused as to why they thought the acid used for melting paper would a compass though. It's I good device I mean, but that sort of lock really only works because paper is easy to destroy. (And more often than not they have to use special paper.) BUT! Since Equestria is not the real world I would have accepted the premise if you hadn't made a point last chapter about it being used to destroy papers. I might have used the word "Contents" maybe specifying "More often then not some secret document long sense rotted away." that was the implication is that it would destroy whatever was inside regardless of type.
Also was the sequel hook in the "real world" or in the Novel? It wasn't clear.
I enjoyed the read and I hope you write more adventure at some point.
2679874
The "sequel hook," is in the 'real world.' I don't want to say too much about it and get your hopes up for a sequel. I've considered using it for another story but the response to this story was... underwhelming. So the reference would be lost on new readers. Let's just consider it a fun reference to Raiders of the Lost Ark and leave it at that.
I enjoyed reading this.
3667101
Thanks, but honestly this is one of my earliest works and it's a little rough around the edges. If you like my writing style, try reading "Better Left Buried," it's a more refined story.
Or you could watch for my next story which should be released... SOON! *crosses fingers*
3669369
You're welcome and I see and actually I had this story bookmarked for a long time and I got around to reading it yesterday since I'm on a Daring Do reading spree right now
hmm alright I'll watch ya.
It might take me a long time to read your other fics since I have a ton of stories bookmarked ...
Holy crap it took me a long time to finally get around to reading this. For one of your first works, gotta say, I liked it! Plenty of grammatical errors, but if you had written this more recently, I know you wouldn't have made them (and I would've caught any leftovers
).
By the way, is that ending a reference to Noah Wyle's "Librarian" series (the movies, I mean)?
This was a good first chapter. I wonder if Daring will encounter any dragons in that mountain range.
I wonder how Daring is going to get out of this.
The scenes with Rainbow were quite funny and this is an exciting chapter. I am also totally unsurprised by Gold Bar's betrayal given his sentence about contracters early on.
This was a great ending and I greatly enjoyed the story.