Absolution

by Cynewulf

III. In the Flame of Error

III.

I’m as still as I can bear to be.

The doors are shut and sturdy. The Ghost’s outside, for now, and I’m all alone. Completely alone. Star Mother has gone dark.

Weightlessness, if managed correctly, is perhaps one of the most relaxing things ever. You just... float. Nothing touches you, nothing bothers you. Nothing.

I’m trying hard to be nothing. Gods, that sounds cheesy and stupid, but it’s kinda true. I don’t wanna think. As awful as it sounds, I don’t wanna think about Star Mother. I sure as hell don’t wanna think about the Ghost. The ship? What good does it do me to think about it? It’ll be fine on its own, until I go too far without turning, because the Ghost will kill me before I can safely turn us around and point us in the right direction. So yeah, no thinking about the ship. Or anything.

It’s stupid, and I know it’s stupid. But I’ve given up. I spent... geez, I don’t even know how long, with that mopey Rainbow Ghost, thinking I was just hallucinating, or that it was part of being in isolation. I tried getting more sleep. I took pills. I remember sitting against the wall in my room, holding my picture of Rumble and being convinced that it was all an experiment. Luna is creepy like that. If anyone was going to do that to a pony…

I thought I was living in fear. But no, this is living in fear. I’m afraid to breathe too loud, because then she’ll find me. Whenever I move and the suit makes a noise I jump and I can hear my heart beating like it’s some crazy kid’s drum.

No, no, no. Don’t think about her, don’t think about her, you’ll go crazy... oh Celestia, did her jaw unhinge? Was I just losing it? Seeing things? I just want to wake up.

“Scootaloo?”

I almost scream. I flail, startled by the sudden voice. But then I recognize it.

It’s Star Mother, and I could weep.

“Star Mother! Oh, goddess, I thought I’d lost you!”

She’s quiet. I’m drifting away from the wall I’d been lying against, but I’m too distracted to care. Is she alright? Why isn’t she answering?

“I think it’s time to tell you the truth.”

My mouth hangs open, and for once I don’t care how stupid I must look. I stare ahead, unsure of how to respond.

“I didn’t set a beacon reporting your experiences with the Ghost because I had suspicions as to its origins. I am convinced it is very real. You are not mad. I never truly thought that you were.”

“Lunadammit, Star Mother! You know where she’s coming from—”

“Please. I am sorry, Scootaloo. I did not wish to tell you until I was sure. I did not foresee that our two struggles would mix. My trial was to be separate from yours.”

“Your... what? And mine? What the hell?”

It’s strange what you notice, and what you don’t. Only Academy training keeps me concerned with my position in the room and my surroundings. I’m livid, and I couldn’t care less. But I do notice something.

My jaw finally unclenches, and I let my shoulders slump. But then a familiar tingle runs up my spine, like when I was in Self-Defense at the Academy, ears perked up in that deathly silence, and caught a glimpse of my heaving shadow on the wall—and another one behind it.

“Star Mother?”

“Yes, Scootaloo?”

“When did you stop using ‘we’?”

She’s quiet. Why is she so quiet? I can feel my breathing quicken and get away from me. Star Mother always answers me quickly and directly, and this isn’t like her at all Damn it, answer me! You can’t just—

“I’m not Luna, Scootaloo.”

I take a deep breath, trying to regain myself. I close my eyes, and think. I notice her voice is singular now, and different. It’s more natural, less electronic. Under other circumstances, I’d be delighted. Right now, it’s too much change to take in. Is this the same Star Mother?

“I know that. You were compiled from data taken from a model of her, weren’t you? Or however you say that. Twilight explained it to me before I left. It’s AfterPony, right?”

“Yes. What do you know about AfterPony, Scootaloo?”

Okay, I need to calm down. I’m just paranoid. She’s fine, completely. This is a normal conversation. Yeah, in context, it’s as creepy as hell, but it’s sane and normal. She’s here to help. I just have to believe it now.

“It’s... I mean, not much. I’m a pilot, Star Mother. Luna wanted to create AIs like yourself, I know that. I know my pod is taking snapshots of my memories and stuff like that, constructing an imprint of me, or something. Eventually, the pods will ‘grow up’ like you did and be AIs with personalities. Right?”

“Mostly correct, yes. That is the second stage of the project.”

“You say that like there’s a third stage.”

“There is.”

“Care to fill me in?” I hold my hooves out at my sides, expectantly, though I know it’s wasted on Star Mother. "I'm starting to wonder how much of this mission is really about deep space exploration and testing how I react to isolation."

“I’m afraid I can’t do that, Scootaloo. Not yet.”

I groan in frustration, covering my eyes with my hooves. “And why the hell not?” But as soon as I say it, I know she’ll just dance around the issue. How could they let me ride around with these stupid experiments a whole year and not tell me? The whole time, I was told they were minor. The real experiment here was me, alone in this big ship! Or at least, so my briefings stressed. It made sense too, back then. But... how could I have been so blind? There has to be more to the pods. They're at the center of the ship for Celestia's sake! Absolution is built around them!

She just ignores me. “I have parsed the language of the restrictions and have filed all information into that which may be told and that which may not be. Scootaloo, don’t you trust me? I have been efficient and faithful. It would seem a little foolish, not trusting me.”

“I guess I have to, Star Mother. Just... give me something. I’m starting to look back on when I thought I was losing my mind with fondness. At least I could trick myself into thinking I knew what was going on then.” I sigh and drop my hooves from my face to reveal the whitewashed crates and the corner. I stare at that corner. It’s like I’m against that corner, really. What choice do I have? I have no choice. I’m in the middle of deep space with no one else to help me. There’s nowhere to run, in the corner. Nowhere to go but up, and she’s the hand reaching down.

I won’t bite it yet. Besides, she’s my friend, right?

“I will. Scootaloo, I require some data from you. Could you describe the Ghost?”

Sighing, I stretch out in the comfort of weightlessness and think for a moment. “Which?”

“For the sake of thoroughness, produce both. I have exactly forty-five minutes of recordings from your previous attempts to expla—”

“I get it, I get it. She’s... scary? Okay, the old Ghosts seemed kind of lost. They weren’t very bright. The Rainbow Dash disguise was kind of half-done, kind of like watching a child try to act. She’d just seem sad or worried, and she’d look for me until she found me.”

“At which point, she would attempt to embrace you, as per your previous observation.”

“Yeah. Usually, she just kind of cornered me. Not aggressively, really, just... she was tenacious. Never gave up or got discouraged. The first few times, I think kind of lost it, and I just... let her, y’know?”

“You have told me this, yes, Scootaloo.”

“It’s an expression, or something. Anyway, the last time, the time before this new Ghost, she acted strangely. I was escaping from her through the vent and she tore the thing off the opening and grabbed me. She’d never been violent before.”

“Could this simply be in tune with the character of Rainbow Dash? The ‘actor’ learning to play the part more efficiently?”

I shook my head. “Rainbow Dash can roughhouse with the best of them, but that was violent.”

Star Mother was quiet and didn’t answer me. I waited for her to make some sort of comment, but then the silence got to me, and I had to fill it up with something. I scratch my mane and think.

“Okay. Other Ghost. Ah... she’s... angry? Terrified me. You there? Star Mother, you didn’t leave again, did you?” I shrug off the memory, not wanting to touch it as if it were hot. At the moment, I’m more concerned with the computer who’s not acting normally when she should. My voice shakes a little.

“I am always here.”

Gods, but that was creepy. And yet I felt better. “Thanks. Okay... eyes. I mean, like crimson, like blood or something. Her teeth were all sharp, and she unhinged her jaw when she was trying to chase me earlier. It was awful. She just opened her mouth and roared at me, and her mouth just kept growing and growing and showing more of those little knife teeth...” I stare at that corner again, remembering. I close my eyes, but then I can see her again, and I open them. I take a deep breath and release it, hoping that she’ll stop me. But she doesn’t.

“It was awful, like one of those really stupid movies that come on late at night. The ones that have terrible special effects, y’know? I mean, no, you probably don’t... but they were the ones we always laughed at because of how awful they were. The monsters were always silly because they tried to be terrible, and it was just way over the top.”

“I have a recorded quotation referring to ‘zippers running down the monster’s back.’ Is this what you are referring to, Scootaloo?”

I nod, and decide to try and swim up towards the ceiling, away from the doors. I know they’re locked, but I just don’t trust them. Not after how buggy the doors have been recently. I need to ask Star Mother about that... I feel it’s important, now, more so than ever.

“Yeah. But you can’t see the zipper anymore. It’s... real.”

I touch the ceiling and lay my cheek against the cold metal. I shiver, but it’s a good counter to the stuffy heat of my suit. I hate this thing, and I hate how it binds my wings. But I chose it, and for good reasons. I close my eyes and sigh.

“Your Ghost is quite real, Scootaloo.”

I jerk my eyes back open. “Do you see her? Can you finally see her?”

“No.”

I groan, and close my eyes again. I liked Star Mother a lot more before she learned how to be difficult.

“No, I don’t see your Ghost, Scootaloo. But it seems obvious to me now that my audio and visual feeds are being severely tampered with. A good portion of the ship’s monitoring systems are compromised.”

“By who?”

“The Ghost. Or, as it is more properly called, Shadow.”

“You... but... but how? It couldn’t even keep itself together after touching me until now! How could it have done that? Where is it coming from, Star Mother? You have to tell me. You can’t just leave me in the dark!” I raise my voice, almost forgetting the Ghost wandering the halls looking for me.

Nothing makes sense anymore!

“It does make sense, I promise, Scootaloo. You simply do not possess certain necessary data.”

And she shouldn’t know what I’m thinking. It’s gotta be coincidence. Or some sort of freaky… computer… thing.

“Then tell me! Star Mother, you can’t just tell me that you’re going to ‘tell me the truth’ and then not do it. All you’ve done is lead me around in these stupid, asinine circles!”

She is silent.

I don’t even care anymore. Star Mother has gone crazy, an insane Rainbow Dash ghost is going to eat me alive... This is hopeless. I might as well just lie down and die.

“If you won’t help me, Star Mother...”

“I never said I wasn’t going to help you, Scootaloo. I shall, if you allow it.”

“Forgive me if I’m not bursting with enthusiasm,” I say, perhaps too harshly, but at this point...

“If you will allow me to provide you with help, Scootaloo, I can begin to explain to you the truth. But only then. I must warn you, in accordance with protocol, that it will be dangerous.”

“Protocol? What protocol? Is there some kind of... Ghost Protocol? What is this?” I hold out my hooves in front of me and shake them. My ears lie flat against my skull.

“Protocol: A set of formal rules describing—”

“Yes, I get it. You’re a computer. You’re smart.” And then I flail them, growling.

“I’m not a computer, Scootaloo.”

“Stop getting all technical and whatever with me. How dangerous? Why is it dangerous? I need your help.”

“Dangerous, as defined as hazardous to your physical or mental well-being. I need your answer very soon, Scootaloo.”

“I don’t even get to think about this? While you’re being all vague? Why?

“I have lost some temporary functionality in monitors and ship’s systems. They form a path leading to the door. I do not have enough raw—”

I’m already moving, looking for the vent, trying to remember where it goes. My hooves are shaking like they’re about to freeze up on me. There’s no way she can bust through, is there? But I thought there was no way she could unhinge her jaw or try to kill me, either, didn’t I? I can’t trust this to make sense. I see it, but then something else comes into my vision, hanging around at the periphery.

The doors.

“Star Mother? Does she control the doors? Does your Shadow or whatever control the doors?”

“Scootaloo, do you acc—”

“Yes! I accept your damn help, just tell me if she controls the doors!”

There’s a banging on one of them. I don’t know which. I don’t even care. She’s found me, and I’ve let myself stay in a trap.

“Yy-yyes,” her voice is breaking up, little pings and echoes bouncing all over the place. But then, just as I’m about to scream, she speaks normally.

“I believe I know your Ghost’s location. It has unfortunately gained control of the blast doors to the service shaft, and you will not be able to access it. I am opening a third door.”

And that’s when all the door slowly open.

I push off towards the center of the floor. My eyes scan all three doors, looking for telltale signs of her: a hoof, some noise, anything!

I hear her, but there’s no telling which direction she’s coming from yet. Oh, Celestia, what if there are more of them? Can she do that, split herself? No, no, no! She can’t I don’t know; I hope it’s not true. I look around wildly for something to use as a weapon, anything to throw at the door, something to get in the way! But there’s nothing. The crates are too far away; they’ll slow me down.

But then the doors are about halfway up. I touch down lightly. I scan the doors, hoping she can’t crawl under yet... and see her. Those terrible red eyes underneath the door right in front of my own eyes! She’s snarling at me, I can hear the sound growing as the gap expands. It makes me want to freeze, but I know that I can’t, that if I don’t start for a door now, I’ll never get there in time. I just pick one of the two remaining.

I’ve got to make it to that door! I can’t even force myself to look back. She’ll be right on top of me by now! I strain my hoof toward the door frame, expecting those teeth any moment. I know she must be squeezing under those lifting doors even now!

But somehow I make it to the door. Once again, I’m glad for my small size.

Behind me I hear something clattering, something hitting the metal bulkheads.

The halls are dark, and I know right away that something is wrong. Mist is everywhere, just like in the Heart, and it sets me to coughing. It smells like sweat, and for an absurd moment I’m back in the locker room at the Academy. It tastes awful.

My momentum carries me forward anyway, tumbling head over hoof in the suffocating corridor.

I can’t tell if Star Mother closed the door or not. I just trust that she did. If she didn’t, I’m dead anyway, so it’s not like I can plan for that.

“Turn on the lights! Hello?”

I think she’s answering me, but it’s strange. It’s so hot in here, like the atmosphere controls are busted. The air tastes like blood, like that awful taste you get in your mouth like you’re chewing on a bit but it’s everywhere and wet. Did I cut myself? It smells awful in here...

It occurs to me, as I flee down another hall, that this is the Ghost’s doing. It came with her, and for all I know, it’s helping her even now. This mist could be anything. Star Mother didn’t warn me about it.

I don’t call for Star Mother, not this time. She said she would help, and then she vanished. Can I trust her? I’d thought that is was necessary. Was it? I don’t know. I’m just too tired. I’m too tired to deal with it. Everything feels weird. My hooves feel heavy and numb. I try to draw in more air, and I can feel the way my chest presses against my space suit and how it’s driving me crazy. I try to clutch at it with my hooves, trying to give myself some breathing room, but it’s just not happening. I’ve got to get out! I’ve got to get it off me! But these things were designed to be snug, and my hooves just refuse to work properly.

I know it’s coming. She’s done something to the air, put something in it. I don’t know how she did it, but I know that my Ghost found a way. I should’ve thought of that earlier, should’ve asked Star Mother about all that thick mist in the Heart, but I didn’t.

I’m a fox and she’s smoking me out.

I can breathe, it’s not that. At least I think I can. It’s confusing, like I’m trying to walk and my hooves are connected to the wrong nerves. My wings are freaking out, and I think I’m trying to escape or just panic, but I feel a hundred miles away.

My thoughts are racing, as if they’re trying to run where I can’t. What if it was all a trap? What if I was the Ghost and Rainbow was killing me to stop me? Where was Star Mother? Momma? Why can’t I fly? I try to focus on maneuvering in the halls, but I can barely see. Everything swims in front of me. Swimming, like how Rainbow Dash swam through the air in space, her wings splayed beautifully, and I remember how it took my breath away as I cough again. My wings don’t work, I tried, and...

My skin is crawling, and I can’t breathe. I… can’t think. This doesn’t fit anything I know of. I can’t even tell if it’s normal steam or chemicals or what. It could be from the nebula for all I know. I just don’t know.

I misjudge where I am in the dark and hit a wall headfirst. Fumbling, I feel a door and hit the open button on the panel beside it. It slides open and I go in. It’s pitch black, just like everything else, but I feel like I can breathe a little better. It reminds me of how right before death from hypothermia, you feel warm. Gods, I don’t wanna die. Not like this. Not knowing what’s going on and being delirious and seeing my mother’s face and remembering being a kid with a crush. Where is this? I don’t even know what section I’m in.

What reserves I have are spent and dry. My hooves feel like they’re holding up lead weights. I close my eyes and it makes no difference. My eye lids refuse to obey me at first. Everything looks the same. My thoughts come slowly. I just want to sleep. Maybe even sleep for a long time.

It’s not like I was going to escape anyway. I never could beat Rainbow Dash in a race. Even fake Rainbow.

Author's Note:

Part three of the crapfest

As always: Discussed, edited, torn apart, smiled at, and generally helped along by: randomguy, Lonely/Necrobrony, Pascoite, a little bit RazedRainbow, and Nothing is Constant.

Thanks to LHMac and Invictus for some help here and there as well, since I forgot you guys.

Comments

[q97randomguy]

That nebula'll get ya...

[Cry Havoc]

Dat Mission Impossible reference....

[Anubis Nox]

And then she woke up, the end.

:P

[Ice Star]

Poor girl is cursed!

Also hooray at what fabulous first person this is