Jackie Trade's life in Manehattan is causing her no end of financial trouble. Tough economy, no job opportunities and frankly, she's getting a little sick of the place. A new job presents itself in the strangest of ways and she ends up moving to a new city for a new life. But when she becomes friends with her employer's daughter and starts to develop feelings for her, Jackie is afraid for her job. Is the situation really as bad as she thinks?
Update: Now featuring side stories. These can be little tidbits that dive deeper into certain parts of the story, go into detail for an support character or just end up being something wacky.
Warning: OC shipping between two mares, Jackie Trade and Timid Dreamer.
Chapters (5)
Oh my goodness! This is great! Really well written and nice and LONG!
I liked it but I had to thumb it down
1902164 Mind telling the author why?
It seems interesting! I only read a little bit of the beginning so far (only because I'm on a break at work). I'll be sure to favorite it so I can finish it later on!
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> w < Thank you for the interest. It's not as long as one of the later chapters, but it's getting there.
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I'm glad you liked it, but I'd like to know why you felt it deserved a down vote.
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Thanks for sticking with it. Hopefully I'll be able to make the next few chapters better than this one. <w <
1904585 I just don't like all oc shipping stories
1905079
I guess that makes sense, being entitled to your opinion and all. May I ask why? Like, do you feel it requires a canon character to be involved in a major way, or you just don't like OC's in general?
Thanks for the watch, btw, but my next 5 chapters are still gonna be focused on these two ponies.
I cannot wait for more. Good writing and I like the ponies so far, so continue onward.
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Thank you for the interest! Don't worry, I will. Plenty more in store. :3
Nice update. I wonder if the emergency thing with the Everfree forest is a foreshadowing.
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It might be. : P
I'm glad you liked it, even a little bit. It means I'm finally doing something right.
Hello Leetle pony I am jahcky Trade, new worker here, pleased to make your acquaintance vhat is your name"
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O_O ???
I hate you!
You might be wondering why. Because I have been looking for a story like this for a long time. Add this to other groups, The Fillyfoolers or the shipping group.
3130452
For a second there, I thought you were actually mad at me, then I read it again. xD I never thought about adding them there, for some reason.
Applejack/Jackie Trade: A hardworking earth pony capable of kicking some asses.
?
Fluttershy/Timid Dancer: A bit introverted pegasus whom is not very good at flying and prefers to walk.
Coincidence? Most likely.
3131693
Heh, I get that sometimes, but luckily, Jackie and Timid are more than that. xD It's Dreamer, btw. : P
Thanks for the fave! Can I ask if you have any issues with the fic? : 3
3134891 xD, sorry, don't know why I wrote dancer, and yes, they are similar, but very different at the same time, it's easier to see that in chapter 4.
this story.
The only issues are that I didn't read this before and that there should be more chaps(Not asking for next chap, take your time).
Now, talking seriously, I have enjoyed everything, there are a few grammar mistakes, (saw 3 in chapter 4, but the story was so good that forgot where those were.)
I wonder what happened with Timid Brother, will he appear out from nowhere and Jackie will have to leave the house? Will Timid confront Jackie about her feelings towards her, making Jackie run away and enter the Everfree Forest?
I don't know why, but I have the feeling that Timid's parents already know that Jackie likes Timid and are okay with that.
Also... What is Timid cutie mark? what is her special talent? I don't think we have heard anything about that, and the image doesn't show that she has one. If it's important, don't say anything, if I overview that part, tell me.
I really
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8D Yaaaay~ Sorry, got a little giddy at your large comment.
Ahem... Anyway, I'll look over chapter 4 again. Can't believe I missed some grammar mistakes. And about Timid's cutie mark? Well, you just pointed out an easily fixable but very frustrating gap in the story.
Yeah, Timid doesn't have a cutie mark yet. But for some strange reason, I never make a single remark from either point of view about that, like how Jackie should've noticed it. How the hell did I do that?? I'll fix that as well. I do mention it in a later chapter, but I never addressed it in the beginning like I should have.
I actually have the next three chapters written out, but they need major polishing before I post. They'll be along soon. :3
Thank you for sticking with it. <3 I'm really glad you like the story.
3137444 Oh, so she doesn't have one. I just imagined a funny moment were the cutie mark crusaders are trying to convince Timid to join their group, Timid tries to refuse at first, but is hard to say no to the little filly's sad faces. So she tag with them for an afternoon, going around town in the Cutie mark red cart. Maybe they already tried to convince Timid?
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They may have, but for right now, I'm trying to keep Timid and Jackie separate from the canon cast as much as I possibly can, minus the little 'hey, new to town' interactions. I might have a very small interaction that happens 'off-screen' later on with them, since she does visit the Apple farm often. : P
First off I'd like to say that I am just getting back into fiction so my own writing skills are rusty, so don't for a second think I know anything about anything. xD
Your story and your characters are very interesting to read. Your plot is like something right out of real life, it's what I enjoy about it. The simple pleasures and painful troubles your characters experience make them feel so real to me, even though I've only just met them in your story. Crushes are truly cruel, and I can so relate to your main character in that aspect. The way she feels about Timid, and the way she tries to act silly to cover those feelings is so natural and I am so happy to have found a soft romance story that conveys real emotions and balances happy ones with sad. I do hope there are more happy tidings later? Lol, no spoilers though!
My only complaint is just about your grammar. Or would this be spelling? I mean your structure is great, and the conversation flows coherently with the descriptive inner thoughts and action your ponies make. But you tend to accidentally swap words that are similar, so not quite misspelling words, just mixing words up? Does that come under grammar? I don't know, but for example you'll say "the mare ate here favorite bun" when 'here' should have been her. Not a deal breaker, but I just wanted to give a bit of constructive criticism before gushing more about how much I like your story. It occurs randomly in all four of your chapters, but as I've said it's a small issue and one that can be easily fixed at a later time when you're done or in a break in your story. It was easily ignorable though once I got into what I was reading.
I'm terribly sorry that life has thrown you for a loop right now, I wish you and your family only the best. All I can say is you'll be in my prayers. I desperately want to ask when updates will be made, but I'm simply content knowing that you'll pick this story up again at your own pace. Thank you for linking me to your story, I have greatly enjoyed 'turning the pages' and watching your characters develop a friendship and maybe more? I love romances, but kind of shy away from them because they always get so aggressive and risque, your sweet love tale is a breath of fresh air.
See you around Gaia, Jackie.
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8D <3 yaaaaaay~ Thank you soooooooooo much for the amazing review! Made me almost tear up. xD
Mixing up the words has always been my biggest problem. No matter how many times I look over my story, there's always those little mistakes my brain has been unintentionally trained to miss. <_< Probably my fault, since I'm the only one editing these things.
I'm glad someone can appreciate the slice-of-life genre like I do. It was the one aspect on my mind the most when I was creating the character and, of course, the value I wanted to stick to while writing the story. Timid, as a character, was perfect for Jackie since, in my mind, they have so much in common but they also complete each other. But that's my best friend's genius at work. ^_^
Thanks for the review and thank you for your support during the tough times. Your support really means a lot. <3
There was this message saying that there was an update. I suppose you are still fixing stuff, or it was just an slip. I hope it's the first.
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Yeah, I finally found some time to start working on this again. I just hope I can finish the next chapter before work stress knocks on my door again. . _ .
As for the notice, I accidentally published my next chapter early and promptly took it down. My bad. ; w ;
...I've read only CH1, and this has tons of potential. I don't say that a lot, eh?
The characters developed pretty well, and so did the plot. The were one or two moments where I had to shake my head to remind myself I wasn't in Manehattan.
Other than that, I love the characters. They feel realistic; like they could exist. They're not stupid strong or anything like that.
Or are the seventh element of harmony.
In terms of grammar, practically nothing was off. Only things were a few missing or misplaced periods and commas here and there, and those are easy to fix. Here's one of 'em.
I'm no professional, and my opinions are sometimes off, so if this is... uh... informal, excuse me.
I've got some editing to do, so I'll read the rest tomorrow or so. If I'm not out of time.
Great story!
Potential is evident,
-TCV
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Yay! > w < I'm glad you like it before even finishing the whole thing! It makes me very proud to know that someone likes my work!
As for the whole 'not in Manehattan' thing, did you mean that I made the setting/pace a little inconsistent?
As for the missing punctuation, I tend to do that with words, too, and I ALWAYS miss some of them, no matter how many times I look over it. Probably my fault, since I'm the only one that edits my work. <_<;;
I can't wait to see what you think of the other chapters!
"All sorts of injuries happen on the job I tells ya"
5063249
Welcome back? O - O;
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That and a vocal concern, construction is a dangerous job Jackie don't go risking your life like that to get another chapter written up!
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I'll be careful, I promise. ^_^;
I remember Krass sending this to me earlier for submission to LGBT, I have been looking over it and I may consider adding it once more content is added. Regardless, good fic and well written.
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0 u 0
Ah mah gaw, it means a lot to hear you say that. <3 <3
I have the next three chapters written out, but life has gotten in the way of me typing them up. I'll make sure to get those three up and then present it to you again.
Thank you! > w <
5478597
Good luck, writing is hard.