• Member Since 25th Aug, 2011
  • offline last seen March 11th

Parchment_Scroll


E

A purple lightning bolt strikes in the middle of Whitetail Woods out of a cloudless sky. For Twilight Sparkle and friends, this isn't the first time such an event heralded a new pony visiting Ponyville.

For Warehouse agents Pete Lattimer and Claudia Donovan, however, this is an entirely new experience.

Note: Retitle stolen from CharginChuck's suggestion in the comments of Chapter 1. It's punnier.
Note: On hiatus until such time as it becomes feasible to rework the existing chapters and continue.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 60 )

♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪

I knew it was only a matter of time before someone did a Warehouse 13 crossover. Can't wait to see more.

(BTW, I would have titled it Marehouse 13, but that's just me.)

4415
Good gravy, how could I have missed that pun? Also, yeah, I'm surprised it hasn't been done already, but there's nothing either here or at FanFiction.net. And Sethisto was all "that's it, we've crossed over everything now".

Never read/seen/played/whatever Warehouse 13, but this will be interesting anyway.:raritystarry:

5143
Warehouse 101
an introduction to Warehouse 13, by Parchment Scroll

"Seen" is the operative verb. Warehouse 13 is a SyFy channel original series in which a secret government agency stores dangerous, powerful artifacts in a secret warehouse in the American southwest. Artifacts come about in a number of ways, but the two relevant to this story are:

1) "Mad" science: Responsible for the Tesla gun and Farnsworth communicators used by Warehouse agents. Claudia's a bit of a mad scientist herself, having personally created a smaller (but no less potent) version of the Tesla gun -- which is what Pete shot himself with -- and that's not even the first thing she did along those lines.
2) Large amounts of emotion: When a lot of people form an emotional response to an event (or object), artifacts can be created out of objects associated with that event.

There's a variant of 2 that really counts as a third way, which is a single person's massive emotional trauma. It was referenced in this story (Beatrix Potter's tea service forces its user to live out their worst nightmares) and will be referenced again, but (SPOILERS)the artifact in question has the brony phenomenon to blame for it.

Also, artifacts, no matter how beneficial they may be, tend to have major negative side-effects. Don't worry, this story will not get grimdark. In fact, the negative side-effect has already been mentioned in the story! :pinkiehappy:

So I see you used my title idea after all.

I'll be expecting my royalty check any day now. :ajsmug:

Hm. Maybe I should check out whatever this is a crossover with. :)

Hm. Maybe I should check out whatever this is a crossover with. :)6793
Uh, that came out wrong. I know what it is a crossover with. I meant I should check it out.:twilightoops:

Of course Pete is a brony.
That makes complete sense.

As a fan of warehouse 13...you got the agents spot on. Well done and I like the touch that the mane 6 are at least partially aware that they're stuck in a TV show...or at least that they're being watched.

And where can I find that artifact the agents found?

well you have my attention let's see if you can keep it

So what are their cutie marks? I'm thinking Pete's would be a cookie, but what about Claudia?

And for that matter, what would Artie's be? (I am hoping beyond hope that Artie gets turned into a pony too at some point.)

...AAAAAGH!!! :raritydespair:

:facehoof: Maybe I should actually WATCH Warehouse 13 or something before I read this but... OH MY GAWD WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!

Okay, from what I can piece together...These two agents are like the Men in Black but with magical artifacts instead of aliens and Friendship is Magic apparently is a show in their...show. And there's an FiM toy in a thrift store somewhere that's been zapping children to Equestria for some time now. And now these agents have to track it down and stop it before any more children go missing. Also The one called Pete is a brony. But because Pete is apparently the idiot of the pair he accidentally set the artifact off and now they're stuck in Equestria.

Meanwhile, on the Equestria side of things, they've been treating the children rather well and been treating them like tourists. And this has been going on for a while now and nopony really seems to care. I suspect that somewhere there's an orphanage full of human-children-made-ponies.

Anyway... this is what I can figure out from the story so far and all I can say is... WOW! IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO HAVE SEEN ALL THIS AND BEEN INTRODUCED TO THIS PREMISE GRADUALLY AND CONSISTENTLY RATHER THAN BEING THROWN INTO IT LIKE A BANANA PEEL INTO A DUMPSTER! :flutterrage:

So aside from skipping out on a good THIRD of the story, we also seem to be purposefully skipping certain important parts, like, say, the agents first meeting the ponies, or what the rest of the town thinks of these "tourists" or what the Princesses are doing about this, or what's going on back on Earth. From a fundamental standpoint this story simply is so... shakily done (to put it nicely).

I'm sorry... this just... no. This fic is no. It's skipping over way too many important things, and it doesn't even seem to be doing it by accident. It's like you don't want us to read your story. That's really what it comes across as. You don't WANT us to read your story, so you're not going to write most of it.

Wait. Wait wait wait... :rainbowderp:

You're the author of Fastest Fall in Equestria?!! :rainbowhuh:
That fic is GOLD!! That story is great!!

What's going on here? How did... What... I... :derpyderp2:
Okay, wait a minute. You've shown that you know how to write a REALLY good Human in Equestria story. A DAMN good one. Perhaps the best one I've seen in eons... One that I've been waiting for updates on with bated breath...

How does this story here come about? :applejackconfused:
Is it a style choice? Is this how things tend to work in the actual show? Sorta an "In Medias Res" start-in-the-middle thing before hopping back? Or... what?

Come on, man, you an do WAY better than this. I've seen it! I can attest to it! :trixieshiftright:

7081
7086

The idea here was to start off quickly. The confusion is a result of my throwing out three different expository dialogue sections before deciding to cover the artifact itself in the next section of the story. I'm trying to structure this more like Warehouse 13 than My Little Pony, and one of the things about Warehouse 13 is that the artifact itself is usually a mystery until the end of the episode, since Warehouse agents have the ability to neutralize artifacts pretty handily in most cases.

Consequently, we're missing information here because the one agent who would have that information, Pete, has been hit with a Tesla gun, which both stuns and disrupts short-term memory. He's not really stupid, but he does tend to see the fun side of artifacts whenever possible. When they're not deadly.

Another problem is that I ended up cutting a huge chunk of expository dialogue for a few reasons:
1) It was slow and boring.
2) When Pete and Claudia get going, there really is no stopping them short of a crisis.
3) It wasn't fun to write.

I ended up cutting the introduction at the same time because of laziness. I figured the "getting to know you" part (still to come) was more important than learning each others' names.

6890
I figured for Claudia, it would be a computer monitor with binary code on it.

im a werehouse 13 fan and a brony
and this is amasing: :yay:
i cant wait to read arty's responce when he sees them as ponies via farnsworth :rainbowkiss:

So uh, what was the original title?

Also, considering the fact that in the show they've already been transported into a comic book(watch the webisodes) and a video game(yes i'm counting it even if it was just in their heads.) this doesn't seem to farfetched.

15618
A) Stable 13 -- which felt like a Fallout: Equestria reference, and made me frown every time I thought about it. :derpytongue2:
II) It was the comic-book webisode that inspired this story (which I haven't given up on, though I may end up rewriting some of this), and the video game episode that helped me figure out how they would react to Equestria. :pinkiehappy:

In any case, now that I have some time, I shall be working on these stories again.

Will we see this updating soon?

I did really enjoy both chapters, and I can't wait for more! :twilightsmile:

Hehe
Love warehouse 13 and MLP:FiM

Looking forward to reading more of this story :)

TRACKING.
I haven't read it yet, but Warehouse 13 is in my top 5 favourite tv shows ever.

Ok, I read it. You seem to have the characters down pat. Wait, wait, wait.

Pinkie Sense vs Vibes. This has to happen.

41343 Want any help? I'm crazy good at tossing around paragraphs of dialogue and scenery with just a few words. Lets me give yo an example with whatever somepony replies to this comment with, ja? That way, I can show you my spur-of-the-momentness. :twilightsmile:
I love helping people with their fics!

*Pokes story with a stick*

Come on, man. This is the story that INTRODUCED me to Warehouse 13! Don't die on me now! :raritycry:

The Warehouse13 show reminds me of that one warehouse at the end of that Indiana Jones movie. (I forget which one.:derpytongue2:) I wander if it has an extra portal gun in there somewhere...probably. images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110416001944/half-life/en/images/1/10/ASCDT_cave.jpg "Where the hell did we put that spare portal gun? What do you mean they gave it to the government?!?!? Get it back by force if you have to! I don't care if they find out about our mantis men. They funded that project for god's sake and now they think they can screw over CAVE JOHNSON!?!?! Also Caroline have those idiots down in goverment relations fired. Replace them with monkeys."

5208 So, it's kinda like X-Files?

203105
I wouldn't be surprised if the warehouse in Raiders of the Lost Ark inspired Warehouse 13. There are definitely some comparisons that can be made. Although, thinking of Pete Lattimer as "Top. Men." kind of makes me giggle.

255152
Kind of. Imagine X-Files only there is absolutely no doubt that something bizarre is happening. There is no "rational explanation." The question is more along the lines of "just what exactly is the artifact and how does it cause the effect?" Not "how" in pseudo-science explanations, but "how" as in "what is the trigger mechanism?"

In this case, the effect is that children are disappearing for varying amounts of time.

I'm still debating whether to (a) continue this story or (b) rewrite the beginning first.

256465
Yeah, I was going to rewrite the first two chapters, but given the serialized nature of fics on this site, I felt disingenuous doing it that way. So instead, I resolved to make the corrections moving forward rather than in the prior chapters.

If y'all want to know about Pete's cutie mark story, see Warehouse 13 episode S3E9: "Shadows", in which [SPOILERS]he relives the relevant parts of that day.

Holy crap, it's alive:pinkiegasp:

I had almost forgotten about this story. I'm glad to see it hasn't been abandoned. Looking forward to more, (and hoping it won't be another 5 months).

256634
I put it aside for a while because I was trying to resolve some of the complaints about lack of introduction to the Warehouse 13 characters. In the end, I decided it would be best to let that information come across in their interaction with the ponies. Hopefully, it'll all work out in the end.

this wont end well...:trollestia:

256641
Learning about characters as the story progresses? PREPOSTEROUS! :V

Pete would be a brony, wouldn't he? . . . that would be the shining moment in the series if they so much as hinted at that.

Still, 1/5 stars for this chapter--Pete's exposition of his cutie mark seems rushed enough to break the flow of the story and annoy me as a reader in terms of exposition: Half Life 2 Episode 3 would actually be released in our lifetimes by those standards. If you're going to take the time to explain Claudia's binary cutie mark which also changes with her thought process, take take the time to explain beyond "he didn't realize he was explaining out loud . . ." Combining that with a sequence of everyone breaking into tears is a cliche that goes beyond infuriating.

Like iceykitsune said, this won't end well. Why do I get the feeling that this prank is going to get Pete into trouble, thereby breaking his Pinkie Promise?

NEW CHAPTER?

brain...melting...fudge...waffles...tesla...handbag...AAAAARGH

READREADREADREADREAD

256880 I agree. It especially seems unlike Claudia to hug Pete like that, let alone burst into tears. I can understand that of Pinkie, but Twilight seems to be too distracted by her panicking, and AJ wouldn't cry at the drop of a hat. Unless, of course, you somehow work in that her parents died in a fire or something, so she can imagine that scene easily. It's a tender moment that sticks - no, thrusts - out like a tree root that shoots out of the ground to grab your ankles. It's a relatively calm but tense moment leading up to the moment, and the seriousness immediately reasserts itself. It is, by all stretches of the imagination, too out of nowhere. Lead into a tender or sorrowful moment. Don't throw us in and then right back out. It's jarring to the reader, messes with the flow of the story, and it just takes you out of the experience. All in all, if we were still using stars, I'd give you 3.5 of 5.

Keep up the good work, and update again real soon! :yay:

:pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp:...You really have no idea how happy you've made me!!!! I had a huge grin plastered on my face reading through all three chapters!
Like this:
img.ponibooru.org/_images/fbbc47d0e207be0d1f86ca8f65951d54/97965%20-%20artist%3Amegasweet%20big_grin%20fluttershy%20reaction_image%20smile.png

post more faster or i may do something we'd all regret

Well, I thought I was the first guy to come up with the idea of posting a Warehouse 13 crossover here. Seriously, I checked Warehouse 13 in the search box, and nothing. I check just the word Warehouse just now, and you come up as number four out of four results.

Bah, I'll read it later. I'm going to work on mine. I've got about one third to half the first chapter done with. I'm interested in seeing how you ponyfied Pete and Claudia. I know how I'm doing it myself.

If I do take anything from your story, I'll be sure to credit you and give a link to yours. I'm already planning it with some stuff I got the idea for from an SG-1 fic. Also, for now the fave is to keep easier track of it. I've got around 71 in read later.

5208
It is worth noting, however, that not all artifacts have said negative effect. I believe the Fransworth falls into that small group, as well as the Tesla, for the most part.

103029
Mind if I steal that idea for my fic?

255871
I want to say that I saw somewhere when it was coming out mention of it being similar to that warehouse in the Indie movie.

Read it, and liked it. It's pretty good so far. I might steal a small part of Pete's mark from what you have, though not much. As for Claudia, her hair is naturally red with a skunk stripe in it that's a different color every episode. Thou I can agree with her main being black since you made her coat maroon.

892543
Go right ahead. I'd like to see how that goes down.

Would it be possible to have Equestrian artifacts.

Artie is gonna be so pissed in the next chapter

Please, for the love of caffeine, continue this!

Login or register to comment