I'm just some guy from Texas who likes My Little Pony.
Twilight Sparkle investigates a series of increasingly strange events, which leads her to learn the truth behind secrets she didn't even know existed.
(One of my weirder ideas, that I took way far. This one is strange guys, don't judge me.)
(Oh and that sad tag barely fits, just FYI)
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well that was interesting
Interesting... from what the Pinkie Pie avatar (for I assume that's just the way the locked region is trying to communicate with her), there is a lot more going on than just a destabilisation of the program. Could it be that the system has become so complex... that it is becoming sentient?
I hope that you decide to continue this universe to show Twilight finding out precisely what exactly has been wrought by chaos equations running in a polymorphic system for unknown trillions of cycles.
1862176
I plan to keep this multiverse going for a while, but you may not see it until its too late.
I do not know if I should, or should not try to fully understand the complete thoughts of the programming sections. However, this may become an interesting series will keep on the watch for more updates and ect.
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The code is just kinda something I have done since I was a kid, pretending I was in a Matrix style thing and had debug access. It doesn't have more than a few minutes thought put into per any given line.
As far as the series I have been cooking up, you just wait, it is intense. My next story will be Rainbow focused, and it promises to be a lot of fun.
Did the beginning get cut off? I see it starting at "d to the side. “You know it's Monday right?"
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Oops, don't know how that happened, let me fix that.
Now all three chapters are in chapter 1, but it's readable that way, so I won't complain.
I have a very large complaint, but it's also a very vague complaint, so I feel kind of guilty about bringing it up. There's something off about this story's pacing, and I don't know what. Even in the apparent "breath-catching" parts (e.g. Twilight flipping pancakes) feel somehow breakneck.
(Maybe it's an issue with description? Or maybe it's as simple as the lack of visual spacing between events widely separated by time, e.g. Twilight walking to Canterlot without a scene break? No, there has to be something more to it, and it bugs me that I can't figure out what.)
There's more to criticize and credit, but that one thing overshadows the others so much that it's hard to make them out. I'll just leave you with one more bit of advice: work on making your sentences flow more naturally. Take the first two sentences, for instance--a simple fix would be "Twilight and Spike were organizing the library for the third time that week." You'll need to figure out how to adapt that to your own style, of course, but as currently written, it feels odd and stilted (particularly with the construction "having a day", which is just plain weird.)
I hope I wasn't too overly critical on this one--I like the idea; I just have issues with the execution!
P.S. Something I just thought of--are you a non-native speaker? If so, you're actually doing pretty well--I've read plenty of writers on this site with far worse language issues than you. (And if not, sorry for bringing it up.)
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I have noticed that I have a tendency to do the very breakneck. Sometimes on purpose, sometimes not. I think it is because most of my life I have been in love with the horror genre, and thus pull from it very heavily, even on non horror stories.
I try to make my descriptions quite vague, lest the big finish be spoiled, I have a lot of trouble keeping the balance between vague and specific.
Actually I'm native, but I'm also Texan, lol, were might you be from? I had a similar discussion with a Canadian on one of my other stories, and it turned out to be a difference in the way we speak all the time.
For instance, I have had it said to me before, "We're taking a day for the rain" or something to that effect.
I think I have finally fixed that stupid chapter one, jeez I have never had this much trouble before.
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I'm from California, so I suppose it could be a dialect issue.
(On horror: much of the genre relies on slowly, slooowly building tension, until something finally happens after two hundred pages of the characters faffing about. I find that a bit excessive, but it's still worth stopping to smell the decaying flesh sometimes.)
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Perhaps I wasn't clear, I actually was referring to the horror genre in movies. As ironic as this is, I rarely ever actually read. Despite the quick rate I can read at, and despite the fact that I fancy myself a writer, I don't usually find anything that peaks my interest. So I spend most of my time playing video games or watching movies, and horror is my favorite genre. As a matter of fact, I can't recall ever reading a horror book, usually only fantasy books catch my attention.
Sorry I'm so confusing, I should have realized you would have thought that I meant books.
Pretty good bud. Loved the cross over.
This is awesome.
This is better thought out than The Matrix, and more optimistic to boot, and well written.
Really interesting ending. I hope they can save Siya.
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The ending is a reference to my other work Discord's Resignation. I plan to connect several of my works together in the end. I'm glad to hear you are liking it.
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Well that is a string of compliments if I have ever heard one. Thank you so much. I'm really happy to see people enjoying my stories. I have been in a bit of a slump, but seeing these comments make me want to start up again. Maybe soon.