Chapter Two: Forced Relocation, Talking Monsters, and Chaos Abound
// Chapter Two: Forced Relocation, Talking Monsters, and Chaos Abound //------------------------------//
You have no idea how much time has passed, and you have no idea where you are. But before you even open your eyes you can already feel you’re no longer in your apartment and that the injuries you’ve incurred the night before cause you no pain. What you’re able to discern without opening your eyes is that you’re under the thick cotton covers of an incredibly comfortable bed. You could compare the mattress and soft sheets you’re on to a cloud in terms of comfort. You’re tempted to turn onto your stomach and sleep. That is until you feel something weighted sit on your chest. Admittedly you’re a little nervous about opening your eyes so you keep them shut and pretend to sleep.
”What do you think it is?” A girlish voice whispers. You can feel her soft breath as she breathes in your face. The smell of chocolate invades your senses and the feeling of bushy, curly strands of hair tickles your cheeks and forehead. Another feminine voice makes her presence known to your left. Judging by the distance the owner of the second voice is no more than a few feet away.
”I don’t know, poke it with a stick or something.” The second voice suggests. The thought of being poked and prodded didn’t sit too well with you so you start to move. No one is poking you with a stick today. As you try to sit up the person on your chest gaps.
“I think it’s waking up!” she says in glee. You take this time to open your eyes. Whoever moved you must have taken off the first aid you applied to yourself. You look down and see that the bandages you put on yourself last night have been removed. You find it odd, considering injuries like yours would have remained noticeable for at least a week. You blink a few times and rub what would have been your sore jaw as you adjust to the lighting coming from the sun in a nearby window. When you’re alert you can’t help but notice the pair of purple swirling irises staring in to your own from no more than a few inches away. You look down to find a light purple muzzle pressing against your nose. Whatever this thing is, it’s far from being human. A talking, screwy looking thing is on top of your chest and staring right at you. “Hello sleepy head,” She gives you a wide, warm smile. You respond the only way a rational minded human being would. You scream in horror. Your fear seems to affect the thing sitting on you. She in turn screams in your face before leaping off of you and in to the arms of a monster that’s floating next to the bed.
You have no idea what that thing is. From what you can tell it has the body shape of a small horse, though there’s a wide array of differences between the horses you’ve seen and the one screaming and looking at you in abject terror. One thing you notice is that she’s barely half your size in comparison. Her hooves don’t have a dividing point that signals where the leg ends and the hoof begins. It’s almost like you’re staring at a marshmallow-like pony. Another issue is her color. There is more to her than just the light purple coat. Her white and indigo mane and tail have to be mentioned as well, they resemble smoke clouds. Two things seem to pop out from the already crazy looking animal. The double branding of a screw and a ball on her flanks is one. She’s also wearing a white and yellow striped propeller beanie. You haven’t seen one of those since you were a small child. Above all the small muzzle and obvious facial expressions make this little mare seem even further from a normal horse.
As for the one holding the purple horse in its arms, you have no idea what to make of it. All you know is that it’s a conglomeration of various animals and that it’s female. Her head is horse-like, with a deer antler on the right, a goat horn on the left, two long fangs that protrude from her gaping maw, different-sized red and yellow pupils, and a snake tongue. The rest of her body has the right arm of a lion, the left claw of an eagle, the right leg of a lizard, and the left leg of a goat. In addition you notice that when she extends her wings on her back she’s got the right wing of a bat and the left wing of a bird. The entire shape of her body resembles that of a snake. Her white, disheveled mane and a dragon-like snake's tail with a pink tail tuft helps complete her appearance. A chimera if you’ve ever heard of one.
You have no idea how it happened, but now all three of you are screaming. You do so out of fear and you assume their reasons for screaming are the same. You watch as the chimera squeezes the pony in a vice-like grip of a hug.
“Eris is it attacking I can’t tell!?” The horse cries in between her screams.
“Just hit it with something Screwball!” The chimera pushes the horse in the direction of a nearby dresser. You can’t seem to find your voice at this point and promptly stop screaming. Instead you sit in shock as the horse takes flight using the propeller of her beanie. She’s getting something to hit you with so you need to act fast.
”No no no I’m not attacking don’t get that club there.” You bring the covers up over your head when you see the over-sized wooden club in the horse’s front hooves. You really want to ask how this horse is holding a club when she doesn’t have any hands, but you lack the time to.
“Lies!” The little horse shouts. She flies back over to you club in hoof. So this is how you die? You shut your eyes and await the inevitable. Instead of feeling wood smash into your skull you feel something wet and slimy slap the top of your head through the covers.
“What?” The horse seems to be in a state of disbelief. You open your eyes to find that the horse is holding an over-sized mackerel instead of a club. Before you can investigate the matter the sound of ominous laughter resounds throughout the room. You, the horse, and the chimera look around the room in hopes of finding the source. When your gaze turns to the right of your bed you find that the area is starting to twist and warp around. It’s as if something were messing with the very fabric of space. Slowly but surely a set of hands pierce through space and force it open to reveal a second chimera. He appeared to look just like the first, though this one was more masculine in appearance. It lacked the long hair and it had a goat’s beard in its stead.Though there are many things that seem familiar to you about this creature. That smile, the long, white beard, the single fang protruding from his maw, those ugly eyes, and of course the laughter. Your mind alludes to images of the stranger that came to you just yesterday. Discord, he said his name was Discord. As his laughter finally starts to die down he wipes a tear from his eye before looking over you with a smile. As he examines you the mare that was about to assault you pouts.
“Aw, I was gonna hit him, Daddy. Why’d you do that?” she asks before turning her gaze to the mackerel in her hooves. It isn’t strange enough that you’re in some unknown place, nor is it sufficient that you’re in the same room as two living chimeras and a cartoonish looking horse. It seems as though it has to be made worse by knowing that this little creature is the daughter of a chimera.
“Because I cannot have you harming our new friend here,” Discord points to you as he speaks. The little mare looks from you, then back to her father before shrugging. When she tosses her mackerel at the nearby wall you didn’t expect the fish to explode. You shout out of surprise before covering your ears with your hands, unfortunately, the ringing that comes after the little incident remains. That was the final straw. The conglomeration of new sites, sounds, and sensations causes you to curl into a small ball on your bed. You shiver as the reality of your situation dawns on you. You have no idea where you are and you have no idea if there’s a way back for you. Your life may not have been the best, but you understood it. You could comprehend the world around you in all its splendor and grime. Here you’re completely new and the concepts thrown at you are entirely foreign.
“Why is he shivering like that?” the female chimera asks. She makes an attempt to float around you in hopes of looking at you, but you cover your eyes and the shaking gets worse. When her eagle talon pokes your side you flinch and yelp.
“Because my dear daughter, this human has never seen anything like us before. He will need some time to adjust.” Discord explains before looking at his lion’s paw as if he were wearing a watch. Ten seconds pass before he claps his hands together. “Okay adjustment time is done. Anonymous stop shaking like a leaf, man up.” Discord snaps his talons as if they were fingers. As a result a cloud of purple smoke is forced into existence, when it clears Discord is seen holding a clear glass of chocolate milk. He mimics the motion with his lion’s limb and soon he’s holding two glasses of the same liquid.
You take this the time to look up just as he’s bringing the second glass into existence. It does nothing to help comfort you. You already knew some of the things Discord was capable of, but creating something from nothing might as well make him a God where you come from. Speaking of which just where are you anyway? Judging by the bright color of your room, and the seemingly odd color scheme that the three creatures in the room have, you can’t be on Earth. You break out of your ball and look over yourself.
You’re still wearing the same red hooded jacket, blue jeans, and shoes. But the hue seems to be a bit brighter, same could be said of the white cotton blanket that was covering you. As you’re about to get a good look around the room the sun races over the horizon and the moon takes its place in the sky. The sudden change from night to day makes you sick to your stomach. You contemplate asking one of the creatures to turn on the light but they’ve already done so. You hear an audible click before the room you’re in is bathed in a combination of purple and green light.
“Drink, it’ll help you relax.” He extends the drink in his eagle talons and you reluctantly take it. The glass is cold and smooth to the touch. As you move the liquid around in the glass by turning the glass you look from it to Discord suspiciously. He may sound concerned, but it’s not convincing you that he actually cares. You should have known better than to be anywhere near strangers like him and now he’s offering you something to drink. What if he’s given you a potent drug and you’re feeling the effects of it? You could be experiencing a very powerful hallucination at this moment. These colorful creatures and items around you could be the byproduct of that.
“Why should I trust you, you’ve taken me to some weird place against my will!” You look of suspicion quickly becomes one of anger as you glare up at the creature that’s forced you to this unknown dwelling. Your fear of the unknown is quickly turning into contempt, these animals may look strange but you’re starting to get used to the concept pretty quickly. Comparing them to cartoonish characters helps alleviate the primal terror. Discord’s calming smile remains.
“As you’ve seen Anonymous, I am capable of quite a lot,” he wiggles his talons, “I could have killed you in your sleep many times. I have the ability to bend reality to my will through thought alone.” His smile widens as his explanation continues. “If I truly willed it you would cease to exist, yet I don’t. If I had intentions of destroying you I would have. You’re too useful to me to have your life thrown away like mere trash.” The abilities he lists off does little to ebb away at the intimidation you still feel from Discord, but he does raise good points. If, assuming this is real, he could have ended you at any point he wanted. He still can, he said you were useful. What is he going to do to you if you end up becoming useless? You’ve heard of what happens to those who outlive their usefulness. The thought of being vaporized in fire for the amusement of these creatures shakes you to your core. You still manage to maintain at least some sort of calm demeanor despite your imagination running wild.
You cautiously look over your chocolate milk, reluctant to take a drink. Discord sighs before crossing his arms. As his smile slowly starts to fade you can’t help but feel that he’s waiting on you, and his patience is starting to wear thin.
“You know what, screw it.” With the mindset of not caring just how far you go down this rabbit hole you close your eyes, turn up the glass, and drink its contents, though the taste that hits your tongue is anything but chocolate milk. In fact, you could say you’re drinking glass rather than the milk itself. You open your eyes to see that your suspicions are correct. Your eyes widen in shock as you slowly drink the last of the glass leaving the solidified chocolate milk in your hands.
Your stomach lurches from the foreign item settling within it. You could vomit up everything you’ve drank right now. You dry heave for a few moments before your stomach settles, you’ve never consumed glass before and having it suddenly slide down your throat in the form of a liquid is unsettling to say the least. In your disgust and anger you throw the solidified milk at the wall. You gasp when the milk explodes into multi colored pieces of confetti.
Maybe having the mindset of not caring wasn’t a very wise one, it was a brief, albeit large mistake. As you reflect upon the actions you’ve just went through you feel your body’s internal temperature start to heat up. It’s a gradual process; at first you hardly notice it. It starts from the center of your stomach and slowly but surely the heat works its way through your veins slowly growing hotter. The warmth never goes into the extremes, if anything it feels like you’ve just consumed some hot coco on a cold winter’s night. Instead of feeling fear for this sensation, you feel relaxed. The thought of being in a new place and being around these chimeras doesn’t seem as bad as it did a few minutes prior. Whatever was in that glass has put a lazy smile upon your face. Discord’s smile has returned when he sees your mood change.
“There we go,” Discord says with relief before taking a seat at the foot of your bed, “let’s start off slow shall we? We have a lot to discuss; first of all I believe proper introductions are in order,” The female chimera takes a seat next to Discord.
“Eris,” she extends her lion’s paw, “Sup?” You reluctantly take her paw in a handshake. When she casts a devious smirk you immediately regret doing so. Eris shows off her immense strength by shaking your hand hard enough to get your entire body moving. You’re sent into the air only to be slammed stomach first onto the bed. The area around you is a blur as she continues her little bout of torment upon you, laughing merrily all the while. You do the only thing you can do in this situation: scream. The amount of force being exerted on your body could be compared to a roller coaster. You can feel your stomach lurch with each sudden stop on the bed. Discord, being the merciful creature he is, has his daughter provide you with relief.
“That’s not very nice dear. Let the human go,” Discord reaches out and stops her lion’s paw from continuing its horrid motions. It’s too bad he didn’t stop her when you were on the bed. When she releases you, you let out a small yelp of fright before falling a short distance to the bed below. When you recover and sit up you find that the light purple horse is sitting on the bed just a few inches from you. She stares at you much like she did when you first awoke. At least you aren’t as fearful as you were before or else the close proximity would have you screaming again.
“Hi alien! My name’s Screwball!” The purple horse waves excitedly, her goofy grin combined with her demeanor does well to keep you at ease. Despite the fact that she’s able to bend her body to resemble a human’s stature you find nothing to fear from her now. It’s hard to believe that she was just about to hit you with a club for entertainment purposes. That glass Discord had you drink seems to work wonders for your nerves. When it comes time for you to say your name, you introduce yourself as if you were talking to a pair of humans.
“I’m Anonymous,” that’s the best intro you could come up with. Nothing fancy, no need for any sort of handshake, just a name and a smile to go with it. As soon as you finish Screwball grabs hold of your right hand with her hooves. You raise a brow as Screwball raises your hand to eye level. She purses her lips and narrows her eyes while running a hoof along the tips of your fingers. She then moves on to prodding your fingers so they’re forced to bend. When she repeats this small pattern two more times she speaks.
“Hmm, you have digits.” You have a strong urge to come back with a wise crack. It really took her a full minute to realize you have fingers when both Discord and Eris have talons that resemble them. Before you speak you bite your tongue. If you said something rude you might make Screwball upset. That in turn might make Discord mad. The last thing you’d want is to anger the creature who brought you here in the first place. Instead you nod in agreement. This somehow acts as a go-ahead for Screwball to continue her little examination. She lifts your arms up, sniffs you, licks your cheek, then using her propeller beanie she floats around you in order to examine you from all angles.
“Screwball, stop playing around with the human. You don’t know where he’s been,” Eris sighs before shaking her head.
“You can’t tell me what to do! You’re not my Mom!” Screwball retorts angrily before shooting Eris an angry glare. She grabs your hand again and starts rapidly tapping on your index finger with her hoof as if it were a button. While she prods your finger she sticks her tongue out at Eris. If you didn’t know any better you’d have to say that these two are related.
“You’re so annoying,” Eris rubs her temples as if to rid herself of a headache.
“Love you too sis,” says Screwball, as she finally lets go of your hand, giving your poor finger a break. That small comment helps you to put two and two together. At this point you have no idea if Screwball is adopted and you didn’t feel that it was your place to ask. God forbid you open up old wounds with an innocent question. While Discord gets on to the next order of business Screwball takes to flying around the room.
“Okay, now that introductions are out of the way I assume you’d like to know where you are and why I brought you here.” You nod.
“Yeah, first of all, where is here?” you ask as give Discord your full attention. Discord clasps his hands together.
“Where is here, indeed. Some used to call this land Equestria. That is, until I made a few changes. Now no one knows what to call this place. As far as the planet is concerned, you’re no longer on Earth, you’re on Terra.” You were right to believe that you were no longer on your home world. Discord’s magic seems to know no limits, if he could bring himself and you across the universe to this planet who knows what else he can do that he hasn’t mentioned yet. There’s even the possibility that he brought you across dimensions rather than space. He shrugs before pointing to the nearby window. “I’m sure you’ve noticed the sun and moon,” As soon as he finishes the moon dips below the horizon only to have the sun appear in the sky at a random spot. You close your eyes due to the bright light being given off by the sun. Eris takes the liberty of turning off the light
“Yeah kind of,” you rub your eyes, “So you control those as well,” he nods. You sigh, taking in all of this information. His explanation only cause more questions to arise in its place. You were right to assume that he’s an incredibly powerful creature. It’s like he’s rubbing it in almost.
“That’s just the tip of the iceberg. You’ll soon find just how far, and how powerful, my influence is.” His voice turns sinister and he taps his claws together menacingly.
“I’m going to find out the full extent of that aren’t I?” You are not looking forward to just what Discord means.
“Oh no, not right now, it’ll be gradual. If I let you in on my genius all at once you wouldn’t be able to comprehend it!” As far as Discord is concerned he’s done more than enough to act egotistical. Were you in his position you probably would be as well. You take to reclining back on the head board.
“You say genius, I say utter confusion. What are you anyway?” you look Discord over while putting your hands behind your head for cushion. Discord opens his mouth to explain but Eris interjects. As she speaks Discord looks on with annoyance.
“Draconequus,” You have no idea what that is, in fact as soon as she told you the name of their species your mind draws a blank.
“Dra— what’s it now?” Eris seems more than happy to elaborate.
“Draconequus. Basically we’re creatures made up of a bunch of different animals. We’re the ‘Embodiment of Chaos!’ You chuckle when Eris is able to mimic Discord’s tone of voice for her little explanation.
“Yes thank you Eris for your valued input,” Discord pushes her back to where she was sitting, “ANYWAY, I brought you here for a reason and I’m sure you’d love to know why that is.” You nod, signaling him to continue, “I brought you here for a very simple reason Anonymous, and that reason is to make friends,” Discord finishes with a smile. So his grand scheme for you turns out to be nothing more than something simple?
“Wait you kidnapped me, brought me to some new world or whatever, just so I could make friends? I fail to see the reason behind this.” You’re not buying that for a second. If he honestly thinks you’ll believe that he’s got another thing coming.
“Kidnapped is a strong word Anonymous. I prefer to use the term “forced relocation,”” Discord says with a laugh, that’s when Screwball decides to fly over to you. She leans in and whispers into your ear.
”That’s pretty much the same thing,” you scoff. Screwball frowns before punching your shoulder. It looks like these creatures understand sarcasm.
“Meanie,” She blows raspberries before flying over to Discord. You roll your eyes at her antics. You take this time to pick the conversation back up. You’re sure these small interruptions are playing on his nerves.
“Yeah, forced relocation, let’s go with that. So what’s the catch?” you ask. You could say you’re eager to figure out just what it is you’ll be doing here.
“You’ll just have to get used to your surroundings, other than that I’d love it if you made some friends here. From what I saw you didn’t have a single one back on Earth.” Discord says before flashing you a sly grin. You know there’s more to it than that, there has to be. There’s no way you were brought to this place for the simple act of making friends. You do not just throw someone from their world for something like that. If he won’t tell you the real reason then you’re better off not asking at all. If Discord is going to give you that sort of vague explanation you’re better off not asking anything.
“Uh huh,” Your voice trails off as Discord motions to the window. Before doing so you take this time to look around the room you’re in. You were too distracted by the Draconequus and horse to realize that you’re in a lavish room. It looks fit for someone who is either quite wealthy, or royalty. In fact, judging by the size of this bed you’re on looks like it’d fill up your old room back at the apartment. The rest of the room was quite fancy, the gold trimmed tables, the exquisitely furnished chairs and couches. There was even a crimson custom made rug in the center of the room. The sun on the center of it alone looked like it’d cost more than your city block. Each golden laced stitch was woven to perfection. Everything that wasn’t covered was stark white and clean, almost pristine in condition. The columns around the room acting as support for the ceiling were a bit much though, royalty or not they spared no expense. The sunlight pouring through did nothing more than add a sort of glow to it all, completing the look.
“Go on, stop gawking and take a look,” Discord says as he points to the window yet again. When you finally get to your feet and take a look outside you immediately wish you hadn’t. You see a world unlike your own. Everything outside is bright and colorful, almost too much so, you can feel your eyes strain to take in the vibrant hues. You’re looking out of a spire from some Victorian-esque castle. The spire itself jutted into different directions. You could say the base until about twenty feet below your room was in the shape of a sharp edged lightning bolt. When you find the birds lodged in the spire and castle itself you could see that the consistency of what was used to build it was like glue. The colors of the castle itself seemed to reflect a sort of checkered pattern of various shades of colors. It almost made you sick looking at it. You take a look at the city below to find a road made out of overturned poker cards and various building tops seemed to literally spring and bounce in random directions. The list of the mess you see goes on and on: Raven winged clocks, ballet dancing bovines, spider lizard things, and patches of drizzling pink clouds that dot the otherwise crisp blue sky. You dry heave when you see just what is raining from those clouds. From a distance it looks like they’re showery the city with liquid excretions. Buildings that didn’t appear spring loaded were floating around in sporadic patterns; some even flipped upside down upon their little uncontrolled paths.
“Discord, are you sure you don’t take LSD? I mean seriously look at this place, if you did this there is no way drugs weren’t involved in the making,” You find yourself unable to turn away out of sheer disbelief at the multi colored world.
“No Anonymous, this comes from my imagination,” You do a double take before turning back to him and his daughters. If this is what goes on in his mind then Eris’ interpretation of her species is quite accurate. “Embodiment of Chaos” sounds spot on with this deranged creature.
“Discord, I doubt I’ll be able to traverse this city, let alone anywhere you want me to go in order to make friends. Besides, you said this place was called Equestria right?” You move away from the window and sit back down upon the bed. Discord nods, “So I’ll be around Equestrians, meaning a nation of horses right?” you ask again. That’s when Screwball stops flying around, gets in your face, and glares at you.
“The proper term is pony. Horse is an insult here,” You gulp before your eyes widen. If you went around using that term loosely then the other ponies around here would probably look at you in the same way Screwball is now. She just saved you a lot of trouble.
“Heh, sorry about that, didn’t know.” You say throwing your hands up defensively. Screwball’s anger melts away to be replaced by a smile.
“Okie dokie, just don’t say it again,” and with that she starts flying around the room in circles giggling like mad.
“There is no way I’m related to her,” Eris mutters while watching Screwball fly around.
”Love you too Eris,” Screwball shouts as she continues to fly around the three of you. Her flight path takes a sudden turn in your direction. She takes off like a bullet, at the last moment you yelp before ducking. She goes flying right over you and through the still closed window. Luckily the glass shatters and falls out of the window rather than back into the room. You get to your feet and watch as she flies in to the city. She waves to you and soon she slowly fades from sight.
”Well that was a little un-necessary, and rude,” Were it not for your quick reaction time she would have taken off your head and your little venture would have come to an end right then and there.
“Yeah, she can be like that sometimes. A spitting image of me,” Discord swells with pride from his daughter’s antics.
“Dad, she looks nothing like you,” Eris interjects as she shoots her father a deadpan glare. Discord merely shrugs in response.
“She takes after her mother’s looks. Genetics isn’t my strong point.” Eris scoffs before shaking her head.
“Says the Draconequus that made Equestria’s rabbits have legs as long as giraffes?” Eris crosses her arms before floating eye level with Discord.
“How many times do I have to tell you that my logic is infallible?” Discord’s eyes narrow.
“Whatever you say pops, I’m out,” Eris flies towards the door at the far end of the room. Before she leaves she turns back to you, “yeah Dad isn’t going to tell you everything, expect the worst, hope for the best,” with that she opens the door and promptly slams it behind her.
“Well that isn’t very reassuring,” You look back to Discord and see that his smile has turned sinister.
“Oh don’t worry Anonymous, it’s nothing to worry about,” his cackle is followed by lightning and thunder from outside. For once since he knocked you out in your apartment does he seem ominous.
“Yeah, that doesn’t do a damn thing to put me at ease,” You say as you stand up and lean against the wall. Your legs need the stretch.
“That’s not my problem.” Looks like you’ll be in for a load of surprises, “Let’s go ahead and get you started. I’ll be bringing you to a town called Ponyville and you’ll be placed in the care of a unicorn,” So there’s more than that type of pony you got to meet, you wonder what else there could be. If there are normal ponies and unicorns you have a feeling there may be peagsus types as well. “Twilight Sparkle is her name, commit it to memory.” Discord examines his talons as he explains your next course of action. “From there you’ll be introduced into Equestrian society, and when you’re used to the town and its ponies you can start making friends. I suggest you start with Twilight, for obvious reasons,” and with that Discord snaps his talons and the door to the bedroom opens. He points out the door.
“Wait, before I go, why are you having me make friends. This whole thing seems so odd, I don’t know a single thing about this place. I don’t know what to say or not to say. If your daughter didn’t correct me about the horse thing I would have insulted everyone I met. What if I mess something else up?” You place your hands in your pockets and make no move to the door.
“Just wing it Anonymous, you’re good at doing that,” suddenly you feel your feet leave the ground. You look at yourself to find that you’re inside a sort of transparent bubble. You slowly float towards the open door and find a steep drop below. That’s a few stories at least, you were never good with heights and this does nothing more than exacerbate your fear. You curl up into a small ball and start to shiver. You give Discord a pleading look while shaking your head rapidly.
“No-no-no-no-no-no.” your voice quivers.
“Yes-Yes-Yes-Yes-Yes.” Discord gives you a wide, psychotic grin while nodding. His talons make a deafening snap before you plummet to the ground below. You scream as you drop, the area around you becomes blurry and unrecognizable as you pick up speed. You fall for a good thirty seconds before you’re suddenly inside a clear pipe. You’re now forced to go on whatever path this winding pipe will have you go on. You make random twists and turns on this wild ride and your stomach can barely take the abuse as you’re flung around inside your bubble.
Suddenly the pipe has you shooting straight up. You look to see that the pipe extends above the clouds, the zany castle you were in just a minute before is now nothing more than a spec along a unique landscape. You note patches of candy covered land, craggy mountains, a few bodies of water, trees, deserts, the works At least this world is somewhat similar to yours. That’s when you realize you’re going way too high. It won’t be long before you break through the atmosphere at this rate. You look up and see that you’ve come to the end of your little pipe ride. With a loud pop like someone removing a cork from a pressurized bottle you’re launched like a rocket further in to the sky.
You gasp as you move through the stratosphere, now your only source of oxygen is what you have left in your little orb. You silently hope that it doesn’t burst. Unfortunately you’re not able to hope for very long considering you’re still moving at quite a fast rate. This time you seem to be set on a crash course for the moon’s surface. You’ll be nothing more than a bloody stain on its otherwise grainy surface if you keep going at this speed. At first you think you’re going to collide with the crater ridden moon, but before you drift too close to it your crash course takes a sudden turn. Instead of slamming in to the surface of the moon you orbit around it.
As you do you spot two ponies on its surface. When you pass overhead the two ponies turn their attention to you. From this short distance you’re able to make out that one has a bright white coat and wings while the other is a midnight blue. The two sport both wings and a horn along with flowing manes and tails, how they’re constantly moving when you know that there’s no wind is beyond you. You’re still trying to figure out just how those two are living out on a rock in space. Judging by the moon’s surface there’s no atmosphere, so how are they surviving, in fact what could they be doing to entertain themselves up here there’s nothing on the moon…
“Huzzah! Thou hath lost to our superior intellect!” the midnight blue pony shouts with glee as she crosses out what looks to be the thousandth tic tac toe board.
“That’s what, six hundred and seventy to one?” Judging by the white pony’s tone she’s obviously bored of the game. Hundreds of tic tac toe boards scratched onto the moon's surface surround the two. She groans hopelessly, “I’m going to die of boredom on this rock!”
“Please sister, dost thou hath to protest so much? Besides thou art immortal, Death’s Embrace shalt not claim thee,” With that Luna looks at the stars surrounding them, “Tis enchanting,” Wonderment is clear in her voice as she looks upon the nearly infinite amount of glowing specs dotting the area above them.
“You say that every time you look up Luna, I’m still wondering how you managed to keep your sanity for the thousand years you were up here.” The white pony looks to Luna with confusion when she squints.
“What is it Luna, do you see another comet?” she asks before getting to her hooves.
“No, we hath not the faintest notion as to what that may be,” She looks in the direction Luna is pointing to see you orbiting helplessly along the moon, “sister, dost thou hath an inkling as to why a hairless ape is floating through the cosmos?” As Luna turns to look at her sister she’s answered with a shrug.
“Probably some unfortunate soul that angered Discord,” She turns her gaze back to the surface of the moon. Her hoof digs into the ground as she shapes out another tic tac toe board, “how about another game Luna?” She takes a seat and places an x upon the board.
“Art thou not concerned for this creature’s well-being?” Luna looks to her sister in disbelief.
“Look, if my magic wasn’t sealed away and if I wasn’t stuck here I’d help it out, but it’s out of my hooves, we’ll just have to hope for the best. Now I believe it’s your move.” And with that Luna takes a seat in front of her sister. As they play another game your orbit seems to break when your bubbles comes near the planet’s surface…
The gravitational pull of the planet brings you towards it. You screaming begins anew as you start to pick up speed. When you re-enter the planet’s atmosphere your orb erupts in flames. Fortunately for you, you’re not being burned, this bubble must be indestructible, but the impact will probably kill you. You shout and curse as the ground below slowly gets closer and closer. If you thought you’d hit terminal velocity you were wrong, it’s as if you can’t stop speeding up. The ground is getting bigger by the second; you close your eyes and prepare for the worst. That’s when you feel yourself come to a slow, gradual stop.
“What, huh?” You look to see that the ball you were in has landed softly in front of a tree house. You tear your gaze from it to take in your surroundings. You find that the majority of the buildings around you are like the ones back in that city you saw earlier. Though getting a closer look you can see just how off putting everything is. What you believe to be simple homes have become monstrosities. Before you can take in the sites beyond what you’ve already familiarized yourself with your bubble rolls towards the tree house. You turn in the direction you’re rolling in and see that you’re about to roll into a library of sorts. You marvel at the thought of someone building a library within a tree. Your thoughts come to a sudden stop when the orb hits the door frame. Unfortunately you and your bubble are much too large to fit through together.
You get a quick look at large amount of book shelves within the library before a small opening appears within your bubble. You yelp as you’re launched out of it and into one of the many shelves. Upon impact you cause the tree to shake, that in turn knocks dozens of books out of their cozy little areas. The air leaves your lungs when you hit the wooden floor. Pain seems to soak through every part of your debilitated body. The combination of being thrown around, launched into space, and crashing into solid wood is a terrible combination. In your disoriented state you can do nothing more than lie on your back and wait for your blurring vision to return to normal. In your condition you can’t seem to focus upon anything other than a few hazy objects. Though you can feel that the floor around you is littered with books, you grimace when you realize that you’ve probably made a large mess. You shake your head and groan as the air finally starts to fill your lungs again. You haven’t felt like this since-
“Ow, my everything,” you wince as you struggle to your feet. As you stand and shake off the last bits of haze up you hear Discord call out to you. Luckily the pain starts to fade as your senses come back to you.
“Finally, the man of the hour is here!” You turn to the source to find Discord descending a nearby ladder. The look of excitement upon his face could be compared to a child as he opens his presents on Christmas Day. You look around him to find that this little tree house is not only completely hollow, but there are multiple shelves of books dotting the interior walls. You hear a disheartened sounding girl call from a nearby set of stairs.
“Who cares, it’s not as if he can help me stop you,” Discord takes this time to look you over. He presses against your jaw, when you make no utterance of pain he nods.
“Looks like my magic did its job. Good, maybe you’ll make a great first impression.” Your eyes widen in realization. Of course, if he’s capable of moving celestial bodies and teleportation it’d only make sense for him to be able to mend wounds as well. This has to be the nicest thing Discord has done at this point.
“Thanks,” you say with a smile.
“Don’t get used to it. I’m going to stay as far away from this train wreck as possible,” You tilt your head in confusion.
“Wait, train wreck? I thought I was just supposed to make friends,” You take a seat in the floor, being sure not to sit on any books in the process.
“Oh you are, but how long has it been since you spent any time with anyone other than a co-worker?” You open your mouth to speak out in protest at his question only to find that he’s absolutely right. You haven’t really talked to anyone on a friendly level since you started working at the factory. Discord starts to laugh at your expense but stops when a flash of magenta light appears in between you. The sound of something ringing follows it and suddenly a gray pony with a horn appears in the room. From her facial expression it appears as though she and despair go hand in hand. Even her eyes are gray, you look at her mane and tail to find that there’s a streak of gray a bit lighter than the rest of her. Two brandings of one large start surrounded by five smaller stars adjourn her flanks. You start to wonder if all ponies are branded in such a way.
“Anonymous, I’d like to introduce you to the one, the only, Twilight Sparkle!” As Discord gives Twilight her grand entrance confetti and streamers shoot out from the bookshelves while fanfare plays. Neither you nor Twilight seem amused, in fact Twilight seems as if she’s about to burst into tears when she looks around the library floor.
“Great, now I gotta clean up this mess,” she says as she looks around her library. Discord shows no concern over the labor the unicorn is now forced to endure.
“Not my problem,” he turns to you before adding, “have fun Anonymous, not only do I expect you to make friends with Twilight, but I also expect a report on something you’ve learned about friendship.” Well now he’s just throwing you for a loop. Before you have a chance to respond Discord snaps his fingers and blinks out of existence. His laughter echoes throughout the library for a few seconds before fading away. You and Twilight sit/stand across from each other, staring at each other for a few minutes. The two of you occasionally glance over to where Discord was a few moments ago. You decide to be the one to break the ice.
“So how do we do this?” She sighs sadly before looking away dejectedly.
“Do what exactly? Discord’s only doing this to rub failure in my face. Friendship Reports, I can’t believe he has the audacity—” Twilight trails off as her horn begins to glow with a magenta hue. The aura suddenly appearing out of nowhere in combination with the sound of that same ringing causes you to back away to the wall. The light from her horn fades as she looks you over.
“What, it’s just magic. It’s not as if I can really DO anything with it,” she says sadly before looking at the scattered confetti around herself. Her depressed demeanor is starting to play on your nerves. The light begins anew and some of the confetti starts to glow in turn. She seems to give a halfhearted grunt before giving up. She sighs before turning to look at you.
“I can’t even lift colored paper,” and with that she lies on her belly, you see her pout her lips before turning and nudging a piece of confetti, “Stupid paper,” she says to no one in particular. You groan audibly before face palming. She reminded you of a lazy co-worker that only came in to work to sleep off his hours. Within two hours of first meeting him you were ready to toss him into the machinery in order to shut him up; his constant whining and complaining took a huge toll on your nerves. You were not about to hear that it a second time if you could help it. Without thinking more into it you stand and walk over to Twilight. The sound of your footsteps startles her. She turns to face you when you stop right before her. You proceed to kneel before her, and then you start picking up pieces of confetti. She watches you clean the mess with confusion plastered on her features.
“What are you doing?” You were thinking of giving her a sarcastic response, but that would be a terrible way to start. Regardless you can feel your anger start to boil from deep within. There is no way she can really be like this could she?
“Twilight, I’m supposed to be your friend right? What better way to do that than by helping you clean up this mess?” You were hoping she would have gotten it without you having to explain it. Helping her out is a fairly obvious gesture. Twilight gasps as she lets what you asked sink in.
“But we haven’t even properly introduced ourselves! That’s step one!” she gasps again before adding, “and you’re helping me clean but I’m not doing anything, I should make some tea, NO I should write down a checklist of what I need to do for introductions, NO NO WAIT! I need to-,” her voice lowers to mere muttering, “oh who am I kidding. I can’t do anything right,” her head slumps to the floor. You were going to berate her, you can’t stand this attitude of hers, but when you see a single, solitary tear slide down her cheek you sigh. Getting angry at her won’t solve anything. You turn away from cleaning to face Twilight before extending your hand to her, she looks at you quizzically.
“Huh,” She eyes your hand before raising her head to look you in the eye.
“It’s how humans introduce themselves, they say their names before shaking their hand— Er hooves— you know what I mean. Anyway, my name is Anonymous.” You wait for Twilight to return the gesture. She looks from your extended hand, to you, then back to your hand. ‘Come on, shake my hand damn it,’ you think to yourself as you wait. Finally you see a smile form on Twilight’s lips. She gets into a sitting position before she extends her hoof. You take her hoof in your hand.
“Twilight Sparkle, it’s a pleasure to meet you. You know, gryphons do the same thing,” Looks like you’ve befriended a bookworm of sorts. Makes sense considering she’s probably the librarian. It dawns on you that she just mentioned a creature that comes from your mythology. Are those things truly real on this planet? If so you wonder what else might exist around here. You decide you’ll ask her all about it after you’ve taken care of the mess. You give her hoof a single shake. After that you get right back to cleaning up the confetti, when you notice she isn’t making any motion to move you turn to see she’s still looking over you in confusion.
“Is that it,” she asks in bewilderment.
”Yup,” you say before promptly turning back to the confetti and streamers. You’re picking up the colored paper for about half a minute before Twilight shouts.
“I did it!” You turn back to her and see that she’s trotting merrily in a circle with a large smile on her face, “I did something right! Right?” Her ears flatten when you realize that you aren’t smiling back.
“You didn’t mess up at all Twilight,” You go right back to cleaning. You can’t help but grin to yourself when you hear her giggle with excitement. Unfortunately your smile disappears when you see that she’s still not helping you clean. “Now, are you going to help me clean up this mess? It’s your place after all.” Her giggles go from happy to nervous. She rubs the back of her head with a hoof. The human like motions these ponies seem to be able to do is going to take some getting used to.
“Yes, sorry,” You’re surprised to find that she isn’t using her magic to clean. Instead she’s collecting the confetti with her mouth.
“Twilight?” You ball up the confetti and streamers you’ve collected.
“Yesssh,” Her response is muffled considering she’s got a mouthful of streamers.
“Aren’t you going to use your magic to clean? You're a unicorn.” Twilight shakes her head. She then spits out her collected trash.
“I’m two for two right now. I’m cleaning AND I properly introduced myself, why risk messing all of that up over
something as silly as magic.” She looks at you as if her response was the most obvious thing in the world. It takes all of your willpower to keep from cursing. She just teleported into the room and now she’s saying she can’t use properly use her magic. Your body starts to shake with rage.
“Are you okay?” She sounds concerned when your eye starts to spasm.
“Oh I’m fine, I’m just wondering how you managed to teleport in here if you’re implying you’re bad at magic.” Twilight shrugs before turning her back to you. As she gets ready to pick up more confetti and streamers she responds.
“I am bad at magic. I got lucky with that spell.” It takes everything you have to keep from picking up one of the books in the floor and throwing it out a nearby window. You don’t believe her for a second. Today is going to be a long day…
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Did you will publish the 3rd chapter soon? I can wait to see how this human that doesn't have a clue of friendship, will now have to become the new glue of the ponys.
Discord does know that this little game of making feel Twilight more and more miserable can have the potential to back fire at him right?
P.S: Exactly, how long has pass in Equestria since he won? And were is Spike?
Uhmm. Terra is Earth. Why not just use the fandom name for their world?
Anyway, this was an amusing chapter. Looking forward to more. Also waiting to see who the romance is with.
1896574
What is the fandom's name for their planet? I'll change it right now.
1896754
I think it is Equis, or something like that. I can't remember the right spelling. maybe somebody else knows.
1896765
Well as soon as someone provides me with the name I'll gladly rename it.
1896770
Assuming others read the comments. If I see it used in again in a story I will let you know.
this story intrigues me....now I must read it all!!
1896770 he was close it is Equus or about that
screwball
1896770
I've read it as 'Equis' a few times.
I'm pretty sure that's the most commonly used name.
Bah ha ha ha, hilarious. Luna and Celestia playing Tic-Tac-Toe on the moon... Brilliant, just brilliant.
4104597 mwa agrees
Fucking Tic-Tac-Toe. It finds it's way into everything.
1896754 Both Equis and Equus are common.
That TF2 reference!
I think you made a mistake here. Technically it changed from day to night. So it doesn't make much sense. But since it's Discord we are talking about this could also make sense in a weird sort of way.
6971948
poetic irony? 🤷