• Published 27th Dec 2012
  • 2,320 Views, 157 Comments

Heroes For Equestria - CSFORLIFEFUL



An evil force is about to be unleash on Equestria. In order to stop it, three unlikely heroes are sent to Equestria to fight the evil force, saving Equestria from total annilation. Rated M for swearing, violence and other stuff.

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Chapter 26

Chapter 26: Drunken soldiers
5 days later...
Yuri's house is now complete and Kay is helping Yuri moving the weapons supply to the house. After they finish moving all the weapons, both of them takes a rest.

Yuri: Thanks for the help, comrade.
Kay: Not a problem. Boy, to be honest, this doesn't look like a house. It's more like a weapons house if you ask me.
Yuri: This is home for me. You see, back at my motherland I was security for the gun supply, and sometimes I even sleep in the weapons room, so I got used to it.
Kay: You sure you don't want a bed with that? Pinkie Pie said she got an old bed kept in the basement for to long, she thinks you might need it.
Yuri: Spasibo, a bed is what this place need. Vodka?
Kay: No thanks, I don't drink. You have that all the time?
Yuri: Da, and this will be the last bottle.
Kay: Well, Applejack got some cider back at her place. Why don't you try them?
Yuri: That's some good word for a man who doesn't drink.
Kay: I don't touch those stuff anymore. Alright, I'm just gonna stay here.
Yuri: Okay then, I'll be going.

Yuri left the house, while Kay stay to check out the gun supply. On the way there, Yuri stumbles upon Josh.

Josh: Hey, Yuri. Where you heading to?
Yuri: I'm going to get some cider at Applejack's farm, wanna come?
Josh: Well, since I got nothing today, alright.
Yuri: Da! Lets get some booze!

Sweet Apple Farm
Yuri and Josh arrives and greet by Big Mac.

Big Mac: Welcome, now what can ah' do for you folks?
Yuri: I'm down to my last bottle of vodka, and I heard you got ciders here! Got any strong ones?
Big Mac: We might have them strong ciders here. We don't really sale them so they're my ciders, but y'all can drop in and take a drink here anytime you want.
Yuri: Spasibo! Lets get drunk!
Josh: Can't believe I'm doing this, but okay.

Big Mac's private place
After drink few cups of strong cider, the three are now drunk....really drunk.

Yuri: You know, I use to wonder why World War 2 happen untill I watch History Channel!!
Big Mac: Ah don't know what you're talking about but its funny!
Josh: Guys! Guys! Wanna know something!
Big Mac & Yuri: Yeah?
Josh: Five days ago I kissed Twilight...AND I LIKE IT!!
Big Mac & Yuri: HAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!
Big Mac: Ya should play her horns! I heard unicorns got turn on by doing that!
Yuri: I get turn on when a woman give me a lap dance! Hey! Where are the womens!!
Josh: Yuri! You stupid ass, we're not in a strip club!! We're in a fucking room where this big ass pony spends his day drinking and jerking off to who ever he wants to jerk off to!!
Big Mac: How you know that! You're a pyschic! Here, more drinks for you!!

Yuri's house
After checking the gun supplies, Kay took a nap but then experience a nightmare.

Kay's dream
Thug: You're going to give the stuff or what?
Kay: Show me the money first, then I give you the stuff.
Thug: Alright then. (show Kay a briefcase full of money) Here's your money, kid.
Kay: No, this ain't enough!
Thug: Look, tell your boss to fuck off and take the money!!
Kay: This ain't enough, asshole!!
Thug: What is this, charity? Just take the fucking money, give me the stuff, and fucking leave!
Bill: (pushes Kay away)Are you fucking deaf!!! This money is ain't enough, dick brain!
Kay: Bill! Stay out of this!
Bill: You always said that Kay! "Stay back", "Leave this to me", "Stay out of this", FUCK YOU!!
Thug: Is this shitty drama over yet! Take the money and leave, assholes!!
Bill: I won't leave untill you give us the proper amount of money!
Thug: Or why don't I smoke you first!(aims his gun at Bill and shoots him)
Kay: BILL!!(aims his gun at the thug)

Kay awakes and quickly aims his gun at Twilight, who came visit the house.

Kay: *sigh* Sorry. I-I just got a nightmare...
Twilight: Is it Discord?
Kay: No...just my past....I don't wanna talk about. So, why you here for?
Twilight: Just wanna check out the house, and it's looks great, except it need more decorations.
Kay: Well, in Yuri's book, he considers this boxes of guns as decorations.
Twilight: Oh. Anyway, have you seen Josh somewhere?
Kay: No, haven't seen him.

Somewhere around Ponyville
Yuri and Josh are still drunk, walking around aimlessly.

Josh: Yuriiii.....where the hell are we going.....
Yuri: I'm to drunk....to know where I step my foot. Hey Ivan!!! Your wife look like a bear!! Did you marry a bear!!!

Then suddenly, Yuri accidently bumps into Rarity.

Yuri: Sorry mister, I didn't see you there..
Rarity: Mister?! I am a mare! Are you blind!
Yuri: I!! Am not blind....just drunk!!! And your hair is very swirly!! Makes me want to THROW UP!!
Rarity: How dare you!
Yuri: How dare I? How dare I!!! I dare!!
Josh: You show him, Yuri! His hair make me want to throw up!
Rarity: I told, I am a mare!!
Yuri: What? I'm too drunk to listen!!

Rarity has enough of their insults and she use her magic to levitate them.

Josh: Yuri look! I'm flying! I'm flying!
Yuri: You look like a bird, Josh!! Hey mister! Make us fly faster!
Rarity: You wanna fly? I'll make you fly!!

Rarity then throws them to the ground and the two fainted. Kay and Twilight heard the comotion and rush to the site.

Twilight: Rarity, what happen here?
Rarity: Those two insulted my hair and called me a "he"!!
Twilight: What? What would they do that?
Kay: Cause they're drunk, they smell like cider. Strong one if you ask me.
Rarity: Well, that's not a reason to insult me!
Kay: They're drunk, and they can't think straight. We have to get them out of here.

Kay lift the two and carry them to Yuri's house.

Twilight: It's alright Rarity. They don't mean that. They're just....drunk.

Yuri's house
Kay: Alright, you two just lay your asses here.

Kay left the two drunken soldiers and heads out. Then, a royal guard arrive to meet Kay.

Royal guard: Shining Armor wants to see you three at Canterlot.
Kay: The other two are still drunk, so I'll just have to go without them.
Royal guard: Very well then, follow me.

Canterlot
Shining Armor: Kay, it's good to see you.
Kay: Good to see you too.
Shining Armor: Where are the others?
Kay: Their not in a combat mode right now, so I'm the only one here.
Shining Armor: Well, it's better than nothing.
Kay: So, what chu' want me here for?
Shining Armor: Our spy as return and he told us that the enemy is making another bomb.
Kay: Another bomb? Motherfuckers don't want to quit. How many are we talking about?
Shining Armor: Just one-
Kay: Just one?! What is this? A joke?
Shining Armor: Let me finish. Just one bomb, but it's a big one. He said that this one will completely wipe out Equestria.
Kay: ......okay, that ain't no joke.
Shining Armor: According to our spy, the bomb is located inside Discord's underground base. We need you to go there and destroy it before it's too late.
Kay: Roger that.