• Member Since 26th Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen Nov 27th, 2020

Siiver7


siiver7.deviantart.com

E
Source

The families of the mane six come together to celebrate a Hearth's Warming Holiday, partying together, giving presents, and blessing each other with a Happy Hearth's Warming.

All except Rainbow Dash...


-Jeez, my grammar was BAD back then! But I'm too lazy to fix it, sorry. But I might resubmit it all polished up...next winter.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 22 )

i enjoyed it you could always expand on it if you make dash leave the party in anger and sorrow.

1854582 Hmm, forgot to mention how Rainbow Dash went away from the party. Thanks! :)

more scootadash fam fics!!! i love stories where scoots become dashies daughter i wish more woulf proceed beyond the adoption alone.:scootangel:

1854703 Sorry, this is just a little short story. Expanding beyond what I typed would move away from the main point and theme, ya know? :P

yea i know :ajsleepy: but one can hope im adopted myself so i really want to find an awesome scoot a dash fic you know long enough i dont finish it in an hour and detailed enough im not skiping years :facehoof:

My personal rating is NEED MOAR CHAPTERSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. :flutterrage::trollestia:

1854755

Sorry, short story once again, eh-heh... :twilightblush: *omigawd please don't have me die via angry Fluttershy*

Okay, this story has the potential to be very good, except that it touches upon one of my major pet peeves when it comes to writing screwups. So here we go...

Ahem...
:pinkiegasp:
PICK A VERB TENSE AND STICK TO IT FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!!! :flutterrage: Either write past tense or present tense but, for the love of all that's good and legible, don't go jumping back and forth between the two. That's just plain sloppy :twilightangry2:

Otherwise, this was a really good story and you nailed the sentiment of the whole piece, but that one major gaff sort of ruins it for me. :unsuresweetie:

1854817 Hehe yeah, I always tend to slip up on that part :twilightblush:

Ok, overall it was not a bad story. The plot, character development and pacing were right on. However there are a few things to point out for future reference.
1. If there are more than two characters talking you MUST tell the reader who it is that is talking. Even if they have a distinctive accent (like in the case of Applejack.
2. Look over your work one last time. I saw a few errors in capitalization and having an extra word in where there shouldn't be one.
3. Yeah, watch tenses.
4. The line separation thing kinda threw me off. Usually that is used to denote a passage of time or a dramatic change of scene.
So yeah, that was about it. I won't vote this up or down I think you have a nice little story here but it just needs to be cleaned up. :twilightsmile:

Why is the Authors note so Small??

Beautiful story. Made me cry and smile.
Just what I needed.

i liked it, i feel though as if the story is ended a bit to abruptly. you don't need more chapters if you wanted it to be a short story, but a bit more detail on Rainbow dash might bring the reader closer to Rainbow dash and help them understand even more. like:
i felt that the events were rushed, i have this problem constantly too, like i cant figure out what to write so i skip it. but its better to describe in long detail than to leave it empty and hanging.

and more like i said before, i didn't feel much because i didn't have enough time to understand. rainbow dash is alone, but then again, shes not. the end. maybe some more story on the bond between Scootaloo and Rainbow dash, and even better, a sense of being included even more would really draw the holes together.

all in all, great story, a bit empty, but with some revision, destined to be a great fic.

Oof, right in the feels.

2636670 O__o' Thanks! :twilightblush:

no one said it was her dad could of been a big brother

One of the minor things that made this for me were the character's reactions. For example, the scene with Rarity and the present was comedy gold.

You might need to update the story because the video is unavailable.

aww this was adorable, wish there were more chapters but oh well!

Login or register to comment