Old Wounds
A soft drizzle washed down over Warden’s wings, and he peered up at the sky with a long-suffering expression, water dripping off his nose. He lifted his left wing to cover himself slightly, his right wing aching far too much to extend properly. His limp was as bad as ever, and his pace was slow.
Kuno had been gone for a while now, and he was quite certain she wouldn’t be returning looking for him for at least a little while. Her sweet tooth would keep her in front of the oven for an hour at least, and licking the bowl for another hour.
Warden just needed time alone, time to think and work it all out. His intended target lay ahead, visible past the soft patter of raindrops: the old apple tree under which his first wife was buried.
Warden stepped in under the sheltering canopy of leaves and shook his wing off, giving a faint groan and dropping onto his stomach in front of the grave, staring at the headstone, resting his head on his hooves. Water dripped onto his nose from the branches of the tree, but he ignored it.
It was several long minutes before he spoke.
“H-hi Swarm. Long time no talk, I guess. What’s it been, almost two years now? I...” Warden trailed off, burying his nose between his hooves and closing his eyes. “I think I’m in love. I know, I know... I’ve already been married, you were the love of my life, and we spent so much time together... but... this is different. It’s so... so much more powerful.”
Warden paused then, shaking his head and staring glumly at the gravestone of his dead wife, biting his bottom lip.
“I remember how it felt when I was with you... how it made me happy... and warm. I was content. I was the happiest I’d ever been in my life... and then you were gone, and it was the worst time of my life. And now... now I’m going to marry Kuno... and I’m... I’m even happier than I was when I was with you.” Warden bit his bottom lip again, clenching his eyes closed and grinding his hooves against the ground slowly. “But... I... I just feel so guilty. What did I do to deserve Kuno? What did I do to deserve you? What right do I have to just turn around now that you’re gone and move onto something that’s better?”
Warden sighed, hanging his head.
“I don’t even know if it’s just... time has numbed it all... or if I really do love Kuno more than I loved you... but I feel like I’m... moving on. I know I said that I was moving on, that I was going to live for me... that I was going to be strong and not get stepped on...” Warden bit his bottom lip again, creeping closer to the grave and digging a gentle furrow in the earth, tipping a seed into the divot and then covering it over gently. “I-I brought you a flower... it was one of your favorites.”
Warden drew back then, sitting on his haunches and staring at his forehooves.
“I’m just... so scared of losing you again, Swarm. And I don’t mean in a literal sense. I mean in an emotional sense... Even when I was with Kuno, there was always this... little part of me, somewhere deep inside that was hollow. It was your place. That dull, aching throb in my heart reminded me of everything I lost to get here. It kept me grounded, made me who I am... and now it’s gone.” Warden scraped a hoof against the ground helplessly, staring at the gravestone. “It’s just... it’s gone. And I... I can’t live with that. I can’t live with myself if I can just... forget you. I can’t tolerate myself if I can just throw you aside like a broken toy...”
Warden sighed faintly, dropping back down onto his chest and staring at the gravestone, resting his head on his hooves like a faithful dog waiting for his owner to return.
“Warden?” a voice asked softly.
Warden lifted his head slowly, peering back over his shoulder at Kuno. She was in her natural form, and the soft drizzle made her chitin shine in the dying light of the setting sun.
“Warden... are you okay?” Kuno asked, coming to sit besides him, gently pushing her nose against his shoulder, lifting a hoof to lay over him reassuringly.
“No,” Warden said with a slow shake of his head. “I’m not okay.”
Kuno gave a sympathetic nod, laying herself out beside him and gently licking at his neck. “Talk to me, Warden.”
“We’re getting married,” Warden stated.
“Aye,” Kuno murmured, nodding once. “Are you... getting cold hooves?”
Warden shook his head slowly. “I’ve never wanted anything more in my entire life,” Warden murmured brokenly.
Kuno blinked, her ears splaying back. “Then... what’s the problem?”
Warden looked from Kuno, to the gravestone, and then back again. “You don’t understand... you can’t understand. Your mind doesn’t work like that.”
Kuno pursed her lips. “Try me.”
Warden nodded gently, leaning against the changeling. “I’ve... always been pretty torn up about Swarm’s... passing. I could have saved her and I didn’t. I lost the most valuable thing in my life because of my shortcomings... There’s always been a part of me, deep down inside that just... it was black. Empty. Hollow. It was a wretched, seething pit of agony and the only way I could cope with it was to ignore it...”
Kuno gently pushed her nose against his cheek, nuzzling him reassuringly.
“It was... the part of my heart that Swarm took with her when she died. It was always empty and black and painful... but now it’s gone. And I... didn’t even notice it was leaving.” Warden bit his bottom lip, almost drawing blood. “She was my wife and I’m just... just... over her?! I’m a monster. Only a monster could look back at their dead wife and feel calm.”
Kuno gently pulled him against her with her hoof, nuzzling soothingly into his neck. “You’re not a monster, Warden.”
“I’m a heartless bastard and I don’t deserve you,” Warden said bitterly, forcing back tears. “She was my life and I feel... nothing.”
“She was your life,” Kuno murmured softly, nuzzling her nose against his cheek gently, giving it a kiss. “I am your life now.”
“I just... I just replaced her...” Warden murmured brokenly. “I found somepony better and just... replaced her. I failed her, and I don’t even have the decency to hurt about it any more...”
“Time heals all injuries,” Kuno murmured soothingly, nuzzling her nose against him reassuringly. “Warden... did you get any... letters from the hospital after Swarm passed away?”
Warden immediately looked up at Kuno. Her tone was tactful, careful, and delicate. She was tip-toeing around something. “I... threw them on the fire. I didn’t care to read them.”
Kuno’s ears pinned back at that, and she looked away, biting her bottom lip. “I... when you were in the hospital, unconscious all that time... I did a bit of snooping.”
“Snooping,” Warden repeated flatly.
“I... Swarm is an unusual name for a pony. I thought that maybe... she was a changeling, or something. Just a stupid theory I had that I had to disprove. I searched the records and well... I found the autopsy report for Swarm.”
“What’re you getting at?” Warden asked bluntly, in no mood for verbal games.
Kuno pinned her ears back. “Well...the original report says that she died due to complications resulting from her cancer... but... the autopsy didn’t say that.”
Warden stared at Kuno for a long moment, silent.
“I didn’t want to tell you... I didn’t tell you sooner because it’s just... reopening old wounds. Making you relive all this pain... and just adding to it. And I don’t like seeing you hurt, but...” Kuno trailed off, biting her bottom lip, before taking a deep breath, steeling herself. “The autopsy revealed that Swarm died due to complications arising from both her cancer and... the foal...”
Warden looked up sharply, his eyes widening. “F-foal?” he asked. He felt like the wind had been knocked out of him.
Kuno nodded gently. “The medication they were giving her for the cancer caused her to have an extremely early miscarriage... none of the nurses noticed the signs... and the strain caused heart problems, and... Warden... I’m sorry.”
Warden gave a slow exhale, feeling tears springing into his eyes. He swallowed them down hard, trying his best to even out his breathing. A fiery spike of pain was twisting in his chest, like someone had shoved a dagger into his side. It took him several tries to be able to speak, his bottom lip quivering. “S-she was p-pregnant?”
Kuno nodded gently. “Her outlook was bleak without the medicine she needed... probably why she didn’t tell anypony. She wouldn’t have made it another month...”
“D-did they k-know what the f-foal was?” Warden managed to ask.
Kuno looked away, frowning. “Warden...”
“Tell me,” Warden hissed.
Kuno paused at that, her ears splaying, before she nodded gently. “It was a unicorn... a little colt...”
Warden bit his bottom lip so hard that he tasted blood, turning away and staggering a few steps to the side, hanging his head and trying to steady his breathing, panting raggedly at the ground.
Kuno stepped over to her fiance, gently wrapping her hooves around him.
Warden pushed her away firmly, looking away, a single dribble of blood sliding down his chin.
Kuno came back at him doggedly, wrapping her hooves around him tightly. Warden struggled again, his ears pinning back, his eyes rimmed in red. “S-she was p-pregnant...” he whimpered brokenly.
“Let it all out, Warden,” Kuno murmured softly, rocking him gently back and forth.
Warden dissolved into her embrace, burying his nose against her neck and howling in pain, squeezing her tightly with both hooves, the pain in his crippled hoof irrelevant against the screaming agony stabbing into his chest. Kuno held him, soothing him as best she could while he wept brokenly in her hooves.
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2013859
Hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng!
Right in the heart AP!
I really am enjoying the approach you've been taking with these two the second time around. Rather than some sort of driving plot line, you're letting life itself drive the story. It is coming across amazingly well, and has been wonderful to read!
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Anon, you glorious [BAD WORD], now my whole mood is ruined for writing my story!
But in a good way. *sniff* I always wanted to know more about Swarm and you give me this. That is why you're the only author I will follow. Warden, good sir, I'm terribly sorry for your loss.
I guess that life isn't done shitting on poor Warden: dead wife, drug addiction, forced into slavery by Daggertail, crippled, almost loses Kuno, emotionally forced to give up his farm, almost violated by a hive of changelings and now a dead son.
...Anymore horribleness and he'll become Max Payne.
Kuno has to play the role of emotional rock to maintain Warden's mental health.
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All the feels. ALL OF THEM.
2013917 Actually, this is going to help him heal.
Remember, it was his fault that she died. It was his failure and his shortcomings that ultimately caused the death of Swarm, in his mind. Sure, he's lost a son he never knew he even had. But he can also stop blaming it all solely upon himself. Which might sound selfish of him, but for someone who's wallowed in grief for years, laboring under the false impression that his wife died solely because he's not the knight-in-shining-armor sterotype, it's an important step for healing.
Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.
While not textbook, Warden is still going through stages of grief. It's just been so long that he no longer feels it.
And there ya go, an insight into Warden you probably didn't want or cared for.
2013859 You bastard. You magnificent bastard.
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Warden, this is a message from Kuno....
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Yep, you got me. Right in the feels.
Awww. can't stop!
Beginning:
Middle:
End:
Wow...he lost his wife and his child who he never met. I'm not even sure whether you just don't like Warden mister Author, or you just enjoy knowing that you broke all of your readers feels simultaneously .
Bravo, good sir.
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ALL OF THE FEELS! AP... why are you so good at making me feels like this?!
Poor Warden, he was going to be a father but instead became a widower.
I just love this story, through tick and thin Kuno and Warden always stick together.
I had a feeling Warden would hit this stage sooner or later (i.e., feeling guilty for "replacing" Swarm), but my feels still weren't prepared for this.
2013940
Wow.....what a plot twist... another great chapter. This really is an emotional chapter.
Also, I did think Swarm was a weird pony name. Sounds more like a changeling name. so great show for that.
Wait, Kuno and Warden have'nt maried yet, have they?
First thing when i saw snooping word xD
I know the feelings of poor Warden here, when i lost someone dare to me (not a lover mind you) i felt like i could've done something, maybe i could've but i didn't i felt like i was a weaklen. but my friends and family pulled me through it, just like i know Kuno will with him.
It's a good day for rain.
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This story just gets better and better
Feels...
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I love these characters, I love the interactions, I love this story.
WOW! This was one very moving chapter. It makes me wish I was an artist of images, so that I could create the perfect artwork for this chapter.
2014199 I wish more artists felt that way
Or that I had money...
I'd have images of Warden just laying there in the rain, head on his hooves, staring at Swarm's grave. Or of Kuno hugging him soothingly. Or tons of different ones, really!
Actually, that's all a lie. I'd have images of Kuno eating fairy floss and being badass.
Actually, I was thinking of a combination of those two ideas. With the right software, I am certain that I could make a decent one, but it is certain details that only a true artist could do that would make the difference here. Maybe someone will see this, and take the idea and make it into a visual representation of the feels within this chapter.
2014157 Damn straight....
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*sniff* That made water come out of my eyes.
Nicely done.
Oh good god my feels WHY? I just finished reading Transcend and then this. It hurts so much! Dam you! Why so sad?
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2013859 this should have been the first comment, on the first chapter of the first one.
rule number 6 of Kurt Vonnegut's 8 rules to writing.
"Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them—in order that the reader may see what they are made of."
now i truly see why he has a broken leg, wing, and now a freshly torn open heart.
(actually i always knew, i just never decided to quote that rule till i looked at the comments and saw some people asking why you have bad things happen to him)
The feels...
just...why did she have to tell him?
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Hhhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggg
Just take the rest of my feels before you destroy them all
*sniff* That was so...
Commence read.
Well that was rather deep moment there.
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oh wow... didnt suspect that...
poor warden. Hope Kuno dosent end up the same way swarm did. that would be rather painfull for everypony involved. 
heres a mustache for a job excellently done! 
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I assumed they were already married
. Oh well keep it up!
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