After losing control of the crystal empire and having his body destroyed Sumbra wonders a realm known as the dream for a way to restore his power. What he finds is an evil greater than he can understand and unleashes it upon Equestria. Luna is able to sense something is coming but will her warning be enough to prepare Equestria for the wrath of a god?
A MLP/World of Warcraft crossover
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Great beginning but i have to get this out
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Attention! Lore Nazi mode activated!
As far as i know Twilight Dragons cannot be turned back into whatever kind of dragon the egg was that was corrupted to create them but you can handwave that with interdimensional Equestrian magic or whatever.
But nonetheless i think it would be far more interesting to have an actual pureblood twilight drake in Equestria who is cured of the blind devotion and fanatism that all members of the Twilight Flight have due to them being created to only serve Deathwing. And a twilight drake, even a very young one, is still a cosiderable force to be reckoned with and in a magical world like Equestria he would be even stronger because they feed of magic and the older this magic is the more power they gain. And what magic would be older than the one that holds the world of Equestria together?
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Wow someone actually read this AND left a commented?! I knew it was not possible by any means in the World of Warcraft to cure him and he may not be as cured as you think just yet. I must say though I didn't think about keeping him twilight to have him become crazy powerful but that might make for a very interesting twists either later in this story or in another story later on. Do you know a lot about WoW lore? I could really use someone to help me with a kind of major point that most lore sites I have used are vague on.
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i wouldn't say i'm all knowing on wow lore but i certainly know more than your average joe and if i don't know something i know where to look or can make an educated guess on how to treat the issue. So yes i can help you to the best of my abilities just send me a pm about it.
Well, first off, I'd like to say congratulations on a well put-together first fic. So many authors throw up (as in, vomit) a story with absolutely no respect for the fundamentals of writing, and expect "my first story" to be an excuse. You clearly have a grasp on the fundamentals of grammar, formatting, and generally making the work pleasing to the eye.
I'd love to offer you some commentary on the content, but I am facing the severe handicap of my WoW knowledge. This is to say that my Warcraft Lore goes as deep as 'Deathwing Bad!', and no deeper. I wasn't able to pull much away from the opening passage for this reason, of course, but the latter segment held my interest to at least the extent that I knew what was going on. For right now, my advice is to get some more content up.
-Loyal Liar
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Anything else you see that I could do better let me know. I think I'm really lacking in dialog and may be over doing it on details in some places. Again thank you both for taking the time to read and comment. It means a lot.
You make a good point Loyal. I was trying to put as little detail needed in the Warcraft part of the story so I could move out of it quickly and not have the readers who lacked knowledge of WoW feeling lost. I see now it may have caused the opposite so I'll try to work in a an explanation part asap or may revise the opening to be very clear. Also thank you! I was really starting to question if I should return to my lurker statues but your and cadmium's comments have put me on the right path. I hope you found the formatting enjoyable as I had no idea how I should do it and looked at your story WLL as a kind of guide.
A recommendation: if you wish for this story to be taken seriously, I suggest you do your best to cleanse the description of any spelling errors. It does not make for a terribly good first impression. It would also be a good idea to look into getting a competent proofreader; I'm not the type to lash out at a story because of an error here and there, but this contains enough simple mistakes to be distracting. There's good potential for a story lurking in here, and I only wish that it were a little easier on the eyes.
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First off thank you for commenting and offering advise on how to improve the story. As for your comment on getting a proofreader I couldn't agree more but all the groups on this site I have been able to find are currently too busy to offer any help. If you know somewhere I look to try and find one please let me know. Thank you for mentioning the typos in the summery I had changed it recently in a hurry. I hope as the story continues I can improved the quality and that you will enjoy it more.
You set up the antagonist pretty soon, i like that and i have a wild guess to who or what it was that whispered to Sombra, because it somehow sounds eerily similar to a certain black dragon aspect we all know.
What would go great with the theme of the twilight is that its either the transition from day to night or from night to day which could be used in a way that it is the drake who, in the end, will influence if it will be the hour of twilight leading to the fall of night or the dawn a new day for Equestria. And not necessarily in the form of choice between evil/good.
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Hey Cadmium nice to see you commented again and are happy with some parts of the story. First Ill say your assumption sounds well reasoned but you will just have to wait and see. Second I'm glad you appreciate the connection I'v been (not so subtly) trying to draw between twilight being the time between night or day and the dragon. I Hope the grammar and spelling was easier on the eyes this time. Finally found someone to proofread and the number of mistakes I made was crazy. As always thank you for the feedback.
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Im not overly concerned with grammar and spelling as long as its not a complete butchery of every rule there is. I do notice errors but i don't care
and what i was wondering about how big would the ponies be in relation to the various Azerothian species? Because the drake is describes as being the size of an earth pony (bic mac size?) And as we know even as a whelpling dragons are half as big as Humans sometimes even bigger than that and they only grow larger the older they get. Twilight drakes are not really restricted to that but every drake that fought at Wyrmrest is still multiple times bigger than a normal Human most of them are even bigger than a Tauren. That would mean the ponies would be gigantic in comparison to the Azerothian races (which would be hilarious if they ever met)
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I made him the size of about Big Mac because in there will be fighting and I do not want him to be crazy OP. He will have a huge advantage with the whole fire breath and claws thing but I did not want him to simply wreck anything short of an army. Hmm I think I have a good idea on how to address that and will do so in the next chapter.
Darn someone caught that.
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A wizard did it! Or in other words MAGIC!
And on the topic of magic, Dragons in the Warcraft universe are some of the most potent users of magic, mainly because they where around since the beginning of the world. And because he is described to be a red drake he would be particularly adapt with the handling of life force even if he never used it before.
Oh ok I guess using the google doc upload will add comments at the bottom.
Whispers, I sense some Old Gods here. Yogg Saron and C'thun are the only ones I ever heard that whisper to you when roaming old world territory, especially in the vanilla raid in Silithus and Ulduar. It's just a guess, so don't feel compelled to do anything with it. Anyways, I feel like this could go pretty far in the cross-over realms, but It is not an easy task, and so I urge you to stay away from the usually bs in Cross-overs, if you know what I mean, but if you don't know what I mean, I highly suggest you research and read other WoW cross-overs as well as others that may fall under the same category as this one.
Gore? Oh dear. :-S
I'm in for grim stoof, aye?