Rainbow and Twilight have both had crushes on each other for a while. When Twilight accidentally breaks Rainbow's heart, Rainbow runs straight into the Everfree forest, endangering both her and her precious crush
Pinkie Pie is known as one of the zaniest and most unpredictable ponies in Ponyville. But, what happens when something zany and unpredictable happens to Rainbow Dash?
A good plot, I like it. You could do with placing somepony's thoughts in either italics, or quotations. You missed the "Applejack" in the following line:
shot her a glance. “Weird? What do ya’ mean by that?”
Good stuff though. You've made it pretty interesting near the end. I really like the detail you put into Rainbow Dash's aerobatics too.
Looking very good so far, the characters are certainly acting cannon and your descriptions are very good. I for one have always found it difficult to focus on describing things (I always write dialogue heavy) I'll keep up to date with this story the intro certainly sets an interesting foundation.
Attention author! I represent the Internet Fanfiction Requisition Association, and I've been instructed to inform you that we require this fiction to be updated earlier than immediately under the threat of severe internet sanction.
Lookin' good. Tracked.
Hmm
Cool story, man! Can't waait to see more!
A good plot, I like it. You could do with placing somepony's thoughts in either italics, or quotations. You missed the "Applejack" in the following line:
shot her a glance. “Weird? What do ya’ mean by that?”
Good stuff though. You've made it pretty interesting near the end. I really like the detail you put into Rainbow Dash's aerobatics too.
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Well, it was originally a Google Doc, but fimfiction screwed up the italics. I'll fix it once I have the time.
And thanks for pointing out the missing Applejack. Editing screw-ups...
This is good. The descriptions of Rainbow's aerial acrobatics were very vivid, and I didn't notice any spelling/grammar errors.
Looking very good so far, the characters are certainly acting cannon and your descriptions are very good. I for one have always found it difficult to focus on describing things (I always write dialogue heavy) I'll keep up to date with this story the intro certainly sets an interesting foundation.
Attention author! I represent the Internet Fanfiction Requisition Association, and I've been instructed to inform you that we require this fiction to be updated earlier than immediately under the threat of severe internet sanction.
181335 You have no authority here!!