• Member Since 16th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 2nd, 2014

SwiperTheFox


This sneaky fox, always clad in a blue mask and gloves, has long been a bane of unwary travelers with loose accouterments.

T

An innovative experiment operating on the material in between universes, hyperspace, fails miserably. An explosion levels the research complex and propels a technician into another world. An accompanying explosion in Equestria ends up with the protagonist abandoned in a hospital. Soaked with the caustic substance, he must deal with a brain that has been popped open like Swiss cheese as well as a clunky new pony body with new abilities.

His frequent migraines bring unimaginable pain. They also open up new doorways between universes. Not knowing friend from foe, he must find some way back home soon. Otherwise, he'll continue giving 'birth' to a variety of mysterious creatures-- assuming he can even survive that many of these attacks. Through his journey, he finds himself trailed by a cowpony in black that spins wild tales about an evil Princess Celestia and her six evil assistants. Although he appreciates the help, he doesn't quite agree, since they seem rather... nice.

Although the above sounds grim and dark, I'm intending for this to be a Steven Spielberg / Robert Zemeckis-style adventure story with a positive tone as well as a lot of silly and light moments. This is my first time seriously trying to write something like this as a complete story. I'd love any feedback. I had a devilish time converting my Word docs into a presentable form here-- so the formatting might be screwy at times. I apologize in advance. The story is rated 'Teen' for some salty language and sexual related humor. There's nothing you wouldn't see on, say, a NBC nightly TV-movie. Thanks very much for reading.

->A special thanks to Spring Fresh for drawing the illustration over there.

Chapters (20)
Comments ( 35 )

Holy Cheese and Crackers, importing the text is difficult...

Well, damn, I hope that there aren't any sentences scrambled or italics missing right now... darn it.. :fluttershysad:

Seems your story is lacking in views... or comments =( I'll read it over tommorow and tell you what I think, if that's any help ^^

What is this I dont even.... VERY confusing and hard to follow, blame it on my intellect if you will but so far its very very very convoluted.

Less confusing Than before, easier to understand

137213

Thanks for reading. :twilightsmile:

But how are you able to read it at all? I thought that it's still "Under Submission" so that it hasn't been accepted and made public yet, so then people can't read it yet?

138006 It seems public to me... I dont know if thats a mistake or not

138803 Okay, I see that it's been made public now. The little button thing confused me.

Did you read up to part two and then stop? Just curious. I'm sorry that you didn't like it so far. :fluttershysad:

No no, I've been busy, I decided I should hold comments to the end (unless of course you want them every chapter)

139638 Oh, that's fine. Whatever you want. :twilightsmile:

Ooo~ possible romance between Dawn and Raspberry? I like where this is going; Great story so far

it is quite nice if you ask me, i'm tracking it and wish for you to write more

also, i can't help but wonder why there are so few views on this, it's worth a lot more than it has

142335 Thanks! Please let me know what you think after you read the whole thing! :rainbowkiss:

142893

Yeah, I was hoping to make more of a splash with this one, but oh well. Thanks for reading, anyways. :heart:

So, is there anything that you think should be changed-- anything to add or subtract, any names you didn't like, any characterizations that didn't work for Twilight or Derpy or Fluttershy, etc?

144108 I personally prefer derpy as a very intelligent mare with just a lazy eye and maybe a speech impediment, though this works too, Twilight does tend to obsess about things, though she would probably need more incentive to get how she did about it, also I hope you put the part inbetween the last two parts in there

144895 and, i'm very impressed, what you are calling two chapters is a light novel's length

144895
w.r.t Derpy, she's both very fun to write and also very frustrating... although more the former :derpyderp1: :heart:
I really am trying to 'play against type' by having her depicted as a charming eccentric who has flashes of brilliance as well as sympathetic mental problem. I really liked having her randomly throwing in some accurate French in there (as well as sing from the real French pop song "Bonjour Salut" by Antoine)... I hate the cliche of her just being a useless, stereotypically retarded character in most fanfics. And she helped save the day. :derpytongue2:

Twilight is difficult. She sort of fell into the antagonist role since Raspberry is so afraid of Celestia, and Twilight is Celestia's right hand filly. In chapter three, I need to have Raspberry do something(s) or be involved in something(s) that re-kindle that anger and animosity towards Twilight. I was thinking that maybe he accidentally blows up or otherwise damages her library. He steals something magical from her. Or he rants against Celestia in Twilight's presence. :twilightangry2:

144898
Yeah, I always wanted to this to be Past Sins level. I want it to be like a publishable novel. Hopefully. :ajsmug:

144968 at this rate, assuming that you're gonna do a standard amount of chapters, between 10 and 20, you may surpass the length of one of my favortie books, The Bronze Canticles Vol. 1 which has over 1400 eight inch pages with I believe standard 10 point font

145323 That's ambitious... :twilightblush:

I'll probably finish it off at four chapters.

I need to say that this is your best work, though many readers are not equipped to enjoy it. Sort of like Vonnegut. "Equipped" meaning either "brilliant" or "defective," of course.

I've noticed that Raz tends to make comments to himself that echo my thoughts on the plot, and also, the story "makes my brain hurt"; is he supposed to be an audience insert? And music and things springing out of somepony's head = FLCL-level weird -- must be read with The Pillows playing at high volume.

You'll probably be more successful with Lamppost as far as winning readers, but this is a real gem and you should be proud. One of my favorites.

351603
In some sense he's an audience insert, yes, but I'm hoping that he stands out as a distinctive character. :raritywink:

I'm glad that you like it! :pinkiehappy:

351603
Oddly enough, this is what I intended to write when I started fanfiction-- more, for lack of a better term, "intellectual" type stuff that tells an adventure rather than the more shipping and slice of life stuff that I've ended up doing. :duck:

631869
Glad that you like it!

I'll... have more... sometime... :trixieshiftleft::trixieshiftright:

993143
I have some ideas in this; I'll just have to see how it goes. :twilightblush:

993198

If zer iz no update soon; I vill crush you. Otherwise, I hope you figure out what to do.

993221
I can't make any promises! Sorry, like I've said before a bunch of times I've been in a creative slump recently... :applejackunsure:

993244

Hmm, why don't you just write some stupid, off the wall, shit to get back in the swing of things? Write something you enjoy, after all there's no point in writing if you don't derive any joy from doing it.

P.S I'm not great at advice, so take this as you will.

Ah, nostalgia, looking back on one of the first fics I read.

This is getting interesting, but kinda weird, great imagery though, I feel like an adventure is coming on.

You may be taking your time, but all of the characters are REALLY well fleshed-out.

How do you have that many main characters!?

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