• Published 24th Dec 2012
  • 4,501 Views, 274 Comments

The Symphony of a Winning Lyrist - JaketheGinger



For Lyra, life is pretty swell. She has the best fillyfriend anyone could ask for in Bon Bon and she doesn’t need to worry about work at all. If only things stayed that simple.

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The Pony Who is a Totally Cool Adult

Have you ever seen something break down before you, something really important? Ever seen the chaos and the debris left behind? You feel powerless and guilt washes over you like a tidal wave, right? Yeah, that was what I was feeling right then.

And it was only getting worse. Caramel was shifting in his seat and wasn’t readily accepting Colgate’s kisses on his cheek. He kept mumbling, trying to say something, but he had a lump in his throat. Colgate kept hugging, caressing and kissing him all the while.

He wasn’t committed, and she was clueless about it.

Turner was watching them closely, especially Caramel. He had picked up on the same thing as I did, I knew it. But he was lucky—a mere spectator. I was the trigger that started this whole mess.

What could I do? The safest option was to tell them both that this would never work. But that’d break Colgate’s heart. Yet if I let them stay together then things would get even worse…

I realized that nopony was getting out of this without being hurt. And, Celestia damn it, it shouldn’t have come to that in the first place. What sort of Heartstrings creates heartbreak? That wasn’t me, that wasn’t what my family stood for!

But no, I’d gone and messed everything up. Hurt everypony involved. It was enough to make me start questioning the legitimacy of my own damn name...

Colgate suddenly froze, then looked at Turner, narrowing her eyes just a little. She only did that for a second or two, but I caught it. Suffice to say, I had no idea what she knew that I didn’t. Turner seemed completely normal to me.

Whatever Colgate had noticed, it was long gone. She relaxed and nuzzled her ‘coltfriend’. “You’re just nervous, hun.”

Out of my peripheral vision, I could see Berry tighten her hold on her bottle, trying to suppress a snarl. Thunderlane was occupied with eating the rest of the food. A smart move. It looked careless and ignorant at the time, but he was just trying to avoid getting caught in the mess, I imagined.

Turner had a calculating look in his eye. Colgate suddenly turned her head to inspect him again. “Something you want to say, Turner?”

Turner jumped. Just a little, but it was there. He opened his mouth, then closed it right after. I scratched my head, watching the two of them. Just what was going on? Was there some rivalry that Colgate had with Turner? That couldn’t be the case, since she would have told me. Did she know something about Turner that I didn’t? Maybe. I wasn’t too aware of him before now.

“Yeah,” he finally said. He glared at Caramel. “Don’t.”

I almost fell out of my seat. Everypony blinked. I heard a soft gasp escape from Berry’s mouth. Then she had the barest hint of a smirk on her face. I also heard a choking sound. That was Thunderlane. He was fine, don’t worry.

Colgate shot Turner a dirty look. “Excuse me?”

Goddess, this was going to turn ugly. I grabbed my seat, kicked my hindhooves off the floor and jumped into the seat nearer Turner. I leaned in and whispered to him, “Uh... Turner? Might want to be more gentle here?”

Turner gently brushed me aside. I wish he hadn’t; he had no idea what he was about to unleash. Nothing hurts worse than heartbreak, and he was about to effectively stampede all over Colgate’s heart. “The both of you are rushing into this. Caramel, I know you're hesitating and I know why. Don't let yourself be forced into something you don't want.”

Caramel fidgeted with his hooves, avoiding everypony’s gaze. “Yeah... but—”

“We're not rushing into this. It's come naturally,” Colgate swiftly cut in.

“It hasn't. Otherwise, Caramel would have said yes already,” Turner retorted.

Colgate scowled at him, bringing Caramel even closer to her. He froze, helpless. “What's your problem with us?”

“Colgate, he doesn't love you.”

That was enough to cause the dam to start breaking. Colgate slammed a hoof on the table, shouting. “You don't know that!”

“I do, and I'm not going to let the pair of you dig yourselves into a hole. A hole where the only way out is to break your heart.” He leant forward, staring hard at Caramel. “Come clean now, before it gets worse.”

Caramel squirmed in his seat and I could see Colgate tighten her hold over him. Goddess, she was getting desperate. The poor stallion had effectively turned from a pony into a trophy. I glanced over at Berry, just to try and gauge her reaction. We locked eyes. I froze.

She wasn’t angry anymore. Her expression was way too relaxed for that. Her eyes were downcast, her brow furrowed and her lips tight together. We both wanted it to stop before things got out of hoof. I wasn’t sure if she even blamed me for all this anymore.

I turned away from her and looked at Colgate. The idea I had wasn’t the best, but it’d buy some time for us all. All I needed was a private one-on-one with her to sort things out. With a shaky grin, I said, “Maybe you'd be willing to have an open relationship?”

I heard the sound of a hoof smacking face. Yeah, Berry, I would’ve facehoofed too. Goddess, I’m an idiot.

“Lyra, no,” Colgate told me decisively. “I've got something with Caramel, and you think I'm going to let it go just because Turner over here doesn't agree with it?”

To my surprise, Thunderlane entered the conversation, cutting me off before I had a chance to reply. “Caramel, I think you should listen to Turner.” He coughed and moved in his seat. “Don’t drag this sorta thing out, y’know? Isn’t that what they say?.”

“Caramel,” Turner said, giving him a heavy stare.

All eyes fell on him. Caramel was sweating now, his breathing rate soaring. He looked from Colgate to Turner, then back to her, then back to him. He closed his eyes, let out a deep breath, and then…

“He’s r-right,” he said shakily.

“See? You're stressing him out—” Colgate said over him. She blinked, catching his words. Her ears lowered as she gazed at him. “What?”

“Colgate, I only wanted to be friends…” Gently, very gently, he pushed her away. “It's my fault. I shouldn't have given you those chocolates…”

For a small while, Colgate just… stopped. She blinked a few times, but that was it. Her mouth hung agape. I think I heard a few strained sounds come out of her mouth. “B-But... we... all…” she stammered. Her eyes were watery now. “All of those moments were nothing to you?” she said, almost a whisper. Berry reached for her drink again.

Caramel turned away. I couldn’t blame him. “I’m sorry, Colgate, but…”

“Just... ignore Turner!” she cried. I saw a few things in those misty eyes of hers. Anger. Frustration. Hurt. And now it was all coming out in full force. “It’s not like he has anypony anyway!”

Even if she was heartbroken, there are some things that I just can’t tolerate. “That's a low blow, Colgate,” I told her.

“Well it's true, isn't it?”

Turner’s eyes narrowed for a brief moment. “Well excuse me, but I'm just doing the right thing. Even if you don't appreciate it.”

“You're doing what you think is the right thing!” she yelled. The tears were streaming down her cheeks now. I sucked in a breath and started fiddling with my forehooves. Goddess, Colgate, I’m so sorry…

“Yeah, and one day you'll thank me for it,” Turner said, not raising his voice at all. If Colgate’s spiteful jab was affecting him, it wasn’t showing.

“You... you... just shut up!” Colgate shouted, her teeth bared, body tense. Had her horn started glowing, I would’ve been the first straight over that table but she had more sense than that, thank Celestia.

Turner said nothing more, just leaning back in his chair, staring down Caramel. I suppose he did all that he had to. I couldn’t read Berry’s expression well; she was just staring at her drink. Thunderlane was fishing for something under the table.

Colgate desperately clung to Caramel, trying her hardest to caress and kiss his cheek. Her movements weren’t sensual. They were panicked, dire and hungry. Each attempt was blocked by his hoof. “Caramel, p-please... don't leave me... we had something. I-I know we did.”

Caramel left his chair, standing up and moving away from Colgate. Her hoof hung limply after him. That simple action made her understand more than words ever could. “Caramel, I…” she looked down, tears rolling. “I-I…” She bolted, sobbing and galloping upstairs. A door slammed shut and the sound of crying ceased to be heard.

I’m not sure what was worse: seeing Colgate crying like that, or the heavy, painful silence that followed. None of us looked at each other. Just as well, really. I was biting my lip, struggling to keep my own composure.

“Wow. Berry, you got any more in those bags?” Thunderlane finally said after downing his drink.

Berry shot him a dirty look. “Lane? Is this really the best time?” He went back in his seat.

I had to say something. Anything just to prevent another silence. “Goddess that was awful... but it was the right thing to do,” I said, running a hoof through my mane. I looked at Caramel. “Caramel, I… I can only apologize for putting you in that position.”

He just nodded, then turned to Berry. “Berry, I think I need a drink.”

She was only too quick to oblige. She got out another bottle and passed it over the table. “Take it.” She gazed at all of us. “Look... if you all want to, we can take this to my place,” she offered.

“I think we've all been partied out,” Turner said, as Caramel chugged on his wine.

“Yeah…” Lane agreed, ears lowered.

“Mhm... Turner?” I asked.

“Yeah?”

“That was…” I stopped, mulling over my choice of words. While what he had done was necessary, it wasn’t the way I would’ve gone about doing it. Then again, how could I talk? I was the one that caused all this in the first place. “Pretty noble of you to do. Are you alright?”

“I wouldn't call it that.” He shook his head, then gestured upstairs. “You'd better go up after her. I think the rest of us should head home.”

“I was planning to.” I had to. The whole reason this happened was because of my stupid advice. It was my duty to pick up the pieces I had smashed. I hung my head. “Goddess... I really bucked up.”

To my surprise, I felt somepony nuzzle my cheek.“It's... it's okay, Lyra.”

… Berry?

Clearly I was showing more hurt than I had thought. I wasn’t sure why Berry wasn’t chewing me out right now, but hay, I took it as a blessing that she wasn’t. Maybe she had a bad day the other time. Maybe she now thought it wasn’t completely my fault. Or maybe she just hated seeing a friend down.

Whatever it was, I was damn glad it was happening. I was only too eager to nuzzle her in return. “It's not, but... thanks, Berry.”

Turner looked over at Caramel, who in turn was looking down the neck of the bottle. He swayed a little. I blinked when I realized that he had downed the whole thing. Turner got up and went over to him. “Alright, I suppose we'd better get him home. Lane, can you gimme a hoof?” The black pegasus nodded and joined him.

“If you need a talk with me, I'll do whatever I can to help,” I told them. It only felt right, after what I had put them all through. Especially Caramel. Goddess, Berry’s drinks looked sorely tempting right now…

“I'll take care of him. You'd better get after Colgate,” Turner said.

“Yeah. Take care, everypony,” I said, nodding and beginning to head upstairs. I heard the front door open behind me, several sets of hooves shuffling out. As I slowly went up the stairs, going up to Colgate’s bedroom, I couldn’t hear her, but I knew I wouldn’t like what I’d find inside. Colgate, a sobbing mess, hating my guts.

Just what have I done to her?

“Lyra, wait.” It was Berry. Halting, I spun around to face her. “Don’t go in there.”

Oh, so she was still harboring resentment for me then. Great. Just what I need: two of my friends hating me. At this rate, even Bo—

No. Don’t even go there, Lyra Heartstrings. Stop that train of thought right now.

“Why shouldn’t I?” In hindsight, I was a bit defensive, but I saw this as my problem to solve, not Berry’s.

“Because… you’re not the only one who can talk to her. You’re not the only one she needs right now.” A kinder way of saying ‘you’ve done enough damage’, no doubt.

I stared at her. She wasn’t frowning, but had said her words with that calm authority a teacher might use. “Are you still mad?”

“A bit. You aggravated the situation.” Her tail flicked. “But from the looks of things down there… well, she had the wrong idea from the start. And, Lyra…” She stepped closer, lightly touching my cheek. When she withdrew her hoof, it was wet. “You look awful. Go home. I’ll handle this.”

I wiped at my eyes. Even if I was crying, I didn’t care. I was going to fix this. “No. This is all my fault. I’m going to put an end to her pain, and make her feel better again. I have to do this.” I tried to turn away, but Berry grabbed my shoulder and stopped me. I jerked away and tried to remove her hoof, but big surprise, the earth pony was stronger than me.

“Berry! Let go!” I cried, uselessly trying to get away.

“Lyra. I swear to Luna… stop.” I stopped, looking at her, my vision blurred by the tears. “I can deal with Colgate. I want to help her. Let me have this.” I thought she’d brush me aside, but she didn’t. Instead, she stared me down and waited. I squirmed in place, trying to hold my ground. Berry didn’t move a muscle. Eventually, it was enough to make me slink away, go down the stairs and leave the house.

I felt terrible, simply put. Shame filled every fiber of my being. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that I messed something else up. ‘The more things change, the more they stay the same’ and all that. But I never saw it coming. That was the worst thing. The fact that I was so stupid, I never foresaw the consequences of my actions. Never bothered to check things out for what they really were. Lazy me, as per usual.

I was tempted to go into a bar and have a few drinks. Really tempted. But that was the easy way out, and I was done with drinking my problems away. I’d done enough of that when I first moved into Ponyville. Hay, if I hadn’t met Bon Bon, I probably would’ve died years ago from liver failure. Good thing I feel fine now, then.

It was how I met Berry, actually. We were both dealing with some pretty hard stuff. Her with her parents and me with my own failures. She sobered up first, which is probably why she’s always warning me about drinking, come to think of it. And to repay her for that, I break the heart of the mare she loved. Goddess, I’m a jerk.

I headed back to the one pony who would support me through this, without fail.

Bon Bon was working at her stand, which was a bit odd, considering the time of day. That being the evening. I always think that she works just a bit too hard. Five days a week she’s at the stand and when she gets home, she bakes. After that, another day is spent just making more candy. She only gives herself one free day per week. She loves it, yeah, but sometimes she gets home looking so tired, although that means we snuggle and we both love that.

Bons was standing there, peering at the ponies who were wandering through the market. I guess she was trying to catch the evening wanderers. Her candies were eye-catching, as usual. I walked over to her and nuzzled the crook of her neck. She smelled of sweets, as usual. It was nice.

“Lyra, I thought I told you that—” I stopped nuzzling her, if only so she could see my face. Bon Bon doesn’t like it when I bug her during work, but this was different. Her expression softened. “Lyra? What’s wrong, dear?”

“I messed up,” I answered her, sniffling. “B-Big time.”

Bon Bon closed the stand, rolling down the cover on the front so that we wouldn’t be seen by any passersby. Then she sat me down and wrapped her forelegs around me, caressing my back and gently kissing me on the lips. She kissed away my tears too, and after a few minutes of the embrace, I wasn’t as big of a mess.

“What happened?” she asked, then pecked my forehead.

“Colgate, Caramel… Caramel didn’t love her. Turner convinced him to reject her.” I buried my face in her soft chest, shaking my head. “She was so upset, Bon Bon. It was awful.” I was saying the information as plainly and quickly as I knew how to. If I talked about it more than I had to, I would’ve been in tears again. “All my fault.”

Bon Bon nodded. “And what about Berry?” Some other ponies would have moved to straight up comforting and telling me it was all okay. Bons was different though. She was a pony that liked to be patient, rational, and liked to know all the facts before making her own judgements. She’s a lot wiser than me, for certain.

“Less mad at me. Still wanted me to back off, though…” Another nuzzle by me. She nuzzled my head in return.

It took her a few moments to digest and consider the information. But she never stopped holding me. She was firm, like a rock, but also comforting, like a perfect fillyfriend is. “I think you three need some time to think things through and recompose yourselves. Give Berry and Colgate a couple of days, hun, then go talk to them. I’m not going to say that you were completely in the right, Lyra. Maybe you shouldn’t have pushed Colgate as much as you did without informing Caramel. But…” She put a hoof under my chin and slowly raised my head so that my lips met hers. The kiss was sensual without being hungry. She broke off first, putting her hoof on my cheek. “You don’t deserve this amount of hurt.”

Bon Bon’s so rational, calm, and nice; my other half that had been empty for a long while. Maybe she’d be better off with somepony else, but Goddess, I’m glad love doesn’t always listen to reason.

“Focus on your work career for now, yeah?” She ran a hoof through my mane. “I’ll try to talk to Berry and see if I can convince her that you were just being you.”

I sniffled, but gave her a weak smile. “By that do you mean a silly, lazy bum?”

“Yes.” I got a boop on my muzzle, then a kiss. “But I love you anyway.”

I wiped my eyes, my smile growing. “I love you too, Sweetie.”

“Come on, let’s go home,” she said, beginning to shut down her stand and gather her supplies.

“You sure? It’s pretty early for you to—”

A hoof on my lips shut me up. “Yes. It’s about time I got back anyway.” Bons gently stroked my cheek, wiping away more tears. “We both could, by the looks of things.”

I nodded, then helped Bon Bon with her supplies. She’s a pretty tough mare, but she doesn’t own a cart to haul her stuff around in. Too much money for something she can do herself, she tells me. I could see her point, but using a cart would be so much easier for her…

The walk home didn’t take long. I opened up the door for Bon Bon and we both put her work things away. Then she went into the living room and sat down at a table at the end of the room. It was covered in small but extremely detailed figurines, most painted by Bons herself.

Yes, ladies and gentlecolts, my fillyfriend is a huge nerd.

She made a thoughtful noise as she looked over the figurines. “Lyra? Do you mind getting some Warmaul pieces down? I think they’ll need a repaint.”

“Sure.” I trotted up the stairs, then with my magic I brought down the ladder that lead up to the attic—Bon Bon’s nerdy place. I climbed up, then pumped more magic into my horn so I could see things better. Some ponies have said there’s an actual light spell, but I’ve never learned it. This method works fine, just about.

The attic is filled to the brim with all sorts of nerdy things. Figures, games, comics, novels, costumes… even weapons. I’m serious. As I entered the attic, right to my left was a steel broadsword mounted on the wall. Bon Bon doesn’t trot around with them in public for two reasons: one, she can’t actually wield them properly, and two, going around town while carrying weapons can unsettle a lot of ponies. However, her parents were blacksmiths, so she got the weapons from them.

Bons’ parents are the grumpy, hard working sorts. Even worse than Raindrops. Suffice to say, we didn’t see eye-to-eye. But they did love their daughter, so I could tolerate them whenever they visited. And they tolerated me. Begrudgingly.

I searched around and got a couple of figures. Some ponies in armor, griffons and a minotaur. I headed back downstairs to see Bon Bon getting her paints ready. She does all the painting herself, despite lacking magic, and she’s pretty darn good at it too.

“Thanks, hun,” she said, as I sat down beside her and gave her the figures. She took one of the pony ones, an earth pony in emerald armor, and dipped a brush in the appropriate paint. With delicate, tiny strokes, she reapplied the paint that was beginning to fade.

I fidgeted. Something was still pressing on my mind. That failure of a job interview was beginning to make me question things. A lot of things. Like: “Am I a wasted opportunity?”

Before I knew it, the paintbrush was flying across the room. Bons picked me up and before I knew it, I was on the couch, wrapped up in her forelegs. She kissed my head soothingly. It felt comforting. “Don’t you ever say that, Lyra Heartstrings.” She didn’t raise her voice once, but there was steel in it.

I nodded, not saying a thing. Tears wouldn’t come; I was too tired. Tired of everything blowing up in my face. Tired of getting pushed around by ponies who think they’re better than me. Tired of being a lazy bum. It was time for change, damn it.

Sleep came without any warning. I don’t think Bon Bon minded though, bless her heart. I dreamt of us, together. It was a happy dream.


I actually woke up at the same time Bon Bon did, which was five in the morning. I had to check two times to make sure such a thing existed. After a filling breakfast, I was ready to venture to the Doo household once more.

Well, I would have been, but by the time I was ready it was almost six-thirty. So I went back to sleep. This is what you get for sleeping so early; your body clock goes completely out of whack.

So I woke up for the second time that day and started all over again. Seriously, I even had breakfast again. Don’t blame me, I have a craving for oat cereal whenever I wake up. It was four in the afternoon, which seemed like a good time as any to visit the Doos.

As I walked over to their home, a curious thought entered my head: Derpy is the only friend I know who’s a parent. Knowing that felt pretty weird. Despite being, well, a bit of a klutz, Derpy’s far more adult than I am. Hay, even Bon Bon and Kicky are less mature than her, in a way.

I’m aware that Dinky wasn’t expected, but Derpy’s seemed to roll with her like it was nothing. For the love of Celestia, she’s got another one too! It never ceases to amaze me. As for me? I know kids aren’t my thing. Too much responsibility for me to handle. And I’m not saying that because I’m lazy, I’m saying that because a child needs the best care and protection it can get. I’m just not it.

I went up to the door and did the expected: knock knock knock. A cheery, “It’s open!” came from within. Opening the door, I was surprised by a lack of Dinky cutting off the circulation to my leg. Oh well, at least I could go up to Derpy with ease. She was in her living room, looking at a scrapbook on the table.

“Hey Derpy,” I greeted her as I walked in. The photos in the scrapbook were your usual adorable affair: Derpy with her family, each appearance of Dinky almost overclocking my heart. In fact, everypony’s appearance did. All of the pictures had a lot of heart to them. What was a little surprising, however, was the presence of Kicky. I guessed that Derpy and her were starting to move forward in their relationship. I made a note to interrogate Kicky about that later.

“Huh. Working on an album?” I asked.

If a nod could be bubbly, Derpy just pulled it off. “Yup! I try to add a little every month so I don't fall behind on new events.” She let out a cute giggle-snort. “I'm not as picture-happy as I used to be, but it's still pretty important to me.”

“Aaaw, that's sweet,” I smiled and sat down next to her. “Somepony's in a good mood today.” Derpy nodded again, adding in a picture drawn by Dinky. This was one of the ones that included ‘Mommy’s friend, Miss Klowd Kicker’.

Heh. Children can’t spell and it’s cute.

Since she was in such a bright mood, I decided to go ahead with what I had come here for. “Well... I was wondering if I could ask a pretty big favor from you.”

Blinking, she took her hooves away from the album and looked at me. “Oh?”

“You know Tornado Day is coming up, right?”

“Yep! I've been practicing my air-to-air coordination for it. Rainbow wants all hooves on deck for that, and... well, I can't afford to send everypony spiralling to the ground in a mess of fur and feathers. Or setting the tornado on fire.” There was a small pause, and a sheepish smiled showed itself. “Again.”

I smirked, but secretly, I was feathering terrified that everything would go to Tartarus. Well, if it did, I would be the mailmare, so I could mail myself and Bon Bon to Canterlot. “I was just wondering if I could borrow your job while you do all that prep and stuff. I know it's a lot to ask, but I need to build up my reputation here…”

Now she blinked two times. I couldn’t really blame her for the shock. “You actually want to wor—” She hastily amended herself. “To do my job for a bit?”

“Er, yep,” I flashed her an awkward grin. “Sorry if I'm asking too much.”

“No, it's—” She stopped to chew on her lip.

Crap. If she didn’t let me have this, then I had few other options. Okay, there was Carrot Top—she could always use the help—but… I really would have preferred to help Derpy. Being a mailmare felt far more esteemed than just helping a farmer with their crops. “It's...?”

“It's actually ... perfect.” My ears perked, and I felt a big silly grin appear on my face. “Rainbow's riding my rump about boosting my numbers for Tornado Day, but I'm already stretched thin with the ponies with work, and after work.”

Wow, we were both winners in this? “Oh, great! You'd have to show me the ropes and everything, but after that, you won't have to worry about a thing!”

“It's not that hard, really—mostly you just have to remember which streets intersect with which other ones and making sure you don't mix up ponies' mail when you make your delivery.” She paused, pondering. “Hay, I'd bet the cloudsiders' mail won't even need to be touched--they're all training for the tornado anyway, so they'll probably just come to the post office and pick it up before going home.”

More good news, I supposed. Even so, it was probably still hard work. “I bet you make it look easy, though.” I leant towards her, hugging my savior. Goddess, she’s so cuddly. “Thanks so much, Derpy. I really needed this.” Even if I was helping her out as well, I still felt like I owed her. Even if it was just for her bubbly nature.

Derpy returned the embrace, and we were all nice and snug. “Hey, thank you! We can meet up with Tool Time later and sort things out. Make sure you know the ropes. Hay, with all the help he's losing to the tornado, he'll probably hire you on the spot just for being there.”

“Heh, that makes things simpler. Although I expect that he'll be surprised to see me turn up, looking for work.” I gave her a squeeze, a very important question on my mind. “How in the world do you manage to be so cuddly?”

“Years of practice, and the perfect little filly to help me hone it.” There was that delightful giggle again. Let me make it clear: I wasn’t about to start falling in love with Derpy. I was fully content with Bon Bon. But I could see her positives, and they were pretty amazing ones. “According to her, I'm just the right amount of 'squishy'.”

“I'll say. I could do this all day, but where's your snarky daughter hanging about?” As cuddly as Derpy was, she didn’t have the sassy, sarcastic edge that Sparkler had. And that was something that never failed to amuse me.

“She went out to the park for a bit. Something about needing needing extra time for chemistry.”

I shot her a blunt look. “The park. For chemistry,” I deadpanned.

“I think she's forgotten that I was a teenager once too, back before the invention of steampower.” She looked at me with a knowing grin. “Playing coy about having her first crush…”

I smirked, hatching up an idea in my head. If Sparkler was with her crush, then I could always see how the two were getting along. Oh, and tease them, of course. “I can make sure they're not mixing up their chemicals, if you want.”

“Thanks. I don't want to smother her, but …” She bit her lip, finding the words. “... she is my daughter. I just want to make sure she's okay.” After a beat, she added, “And that Ratchet Time's hooves don't go the way of the bison and begin roaming where they shouldn't be.”

I snickered quietly. Derpy could be pretty witty when she wanted to. “That's a good one. Anyway, I'll go ahead and check on them. Thanks again for the help, I really don't deserve your kindness.”

“Life's rarely about what we deserve. More often than not, it's just doing what we can with what's given to us.” Smiling, she patted my shoulder. “And I'm more than happy to give you a chance. Also, maybe a muffin or two for the road.”

Oh, the prospect of having Derpy’s muffin sounded delicious indeed.

… Stupid sexy Cloud Kicker… Stupid sexy Derpy.

“Mmm…” I wiped my mouth to stop drooling. Over the food muffin. “That sounds good, actually.”

Derpy grinned at me, getting off the couch. I couldn’t tell if she was amused by my drooling, or that she knew that I found her sexy. I admit it: Derpy has got the stuff. But sexiness does not equate to the ideal romantic partner. I already had mine, and I could never see myself with Derpy. I don’t think we meshed together like that.

I followed her to the icebox, where she got a chocolate chip muffin out for me. I devoured it down, while she had three all to herself. After the light snack, I set out towards the park to find my grumpy teen of a friend.

I ended up in a bush.

It was intentional, this time, I swear. I wanted to see the couple in action, how they acted around each other, stuff like that. Then I could get a good scope on the nature of the relationship.

… Okay, maybe—no, definitely—I had definitely messed up with Colgate and Caramel. But I hadn’t really seen the two together much apart from a few get-togethers. This time, I was going in serious, steady and… er… something else that begins with ‘s’. Stealthy! That’s the one.

So there I was in a bush, spying on two teenagers. Yeeeah, does sound a little creepy, but in my defense, Sparkler is more mature than me.

… geeze, that wasn’t so much a defense as a self-inflicted insult.

Peering at the two, there wasn’t much to go on yet. They were just kinda talking. I assumed the stallion was Ratchet. My ears twitched, but not because I was straining to hear them. No, somewhere next to me there was a shuffling sound, branches being snapped and broken.

I blinked. “What the…” Looking to my side, I saw her. I felt my heart tighten.

“Hi Miss Lyra! Are you practicin' bein' sneaky?” Dinky whispered, shuffling up close to me.

“Dinky?” I whispered back. “How the—shouldn't you be at home?”

Dinky looked down, her muzzle scrunched up as she thought. “Umm... bush noises.” She shook the branches of the bush, then brought out some binoculars and looked through them. Clever girl.

“Well, as long as you're with a responsible adult.” I stopped and thought pretty hard about where I was, who I was, and what I just said. “An adult.”

“Yah-huh!” Her grin slowly turned agape when she looked through the binoculars. “Whoa... I didn't think they were that far away…” I turned them the right way around for her. “Ooohh, that’s how they go! Thanks Miss Lyra!” She sure was her mother’s child alright. Adjusting in her position, she pulled out a drawing of the area. It was crude, but adorably cute; everything was drawn in crayon. Two stick ponies had ‘Sparky’ and ‘Ratchet’ over them, with biohazard warnings (with Derpy as a mom, it’s no surprise she knows those warning signs) around them, the words ‘Kooties! Blek!’ floating nearby. A green bush had ‘Me’ written over it. Dinky added ‘Miss Lyra’ onto the diagram.

I couldn’t help but let out a quiet giggle, snorting at the same time. “Oh Dinky, are you sure you want to witness some cooties?”

Dinky shook her head. “Nuh-uh! But I wanna help prevent 'em, so Sparky doesn't get disfected.” She stuck her tongue out at that. Funnily enough, I never minded cooties when I was a small kid. To me, they were just love points.

“I think she's immune by now.” That’s what I usually said to children about cooties; you get immune eventually. Sometimes that works to get them over it, sometimes it doesn’t.

In any case, I brought my attention back to the couple. They were doing that shy thing. Y’know, nudging each other and pretending not to acknowledge it but really they love it. It was adorable though, considering Sparkler’s face had turned a nice peach color. “Hnnngh. Okay, that's adorable, but... get on with it already.” As nice as it was, this was just crush-level stuff. I needed to see more chemistry between the two if anything was gonna work between the two of them.

I paused to consider what I just said. “Goddess, I sound strange saying that about teens…”

“Nuh-uh, Mommy says your silly, not strange.” Thanks for the vote of confidence? Bah, silly is better than sloppy, I guess. “Anyway, ya don't get immue t' cooties 'till you're older.” Dinky stopped, considering something. “I think I heard Miss Cloud Kicker say somethin' to Sparky 'bout condos?”

I almost choked on air. “Er, um…” I fumbled with my hooves, looking at Dinky. “Kicky was being silly when she said that. I should really teach her a lesson.” For the record, this officially makes me more responsible with kids than her.

“Oh. A'kay.” We went back to our super secret spy work.

Ratchet looked both ways, then brought his foreleg up, slowly extending it towards Sparkler and not-so-slyly parking it on her shoulder. She giggled and settled into his embrace. Okay, that was better.

“Corny, but effective. He's in,” I whispered. Contrary to popular belief, moves like that can work, but only at the beginning of a relationship. Once you’ve spent a month or so together, try more original ideas. It shows you care.

Dinky made a retching sound. “Sparky’s gonna hafta take a looooooong bath t'night.”

“A bubble bath, right?”

Dinky nodded with the wisdom of a sage. “With lotsa bubbles. An' soap, an' shampoo. Maaaaaaybe some bleach too, 'cause cooties're rilly hard t' get rid of.”

I had to double-take at that. Had Derpy never told Dinky the dangers of bleach? I mean, sure, maybe it doesn’t seem as important in a household where anything can set aflame, but bleach can still be a child killer. “Erm, no, Dinky. Never add bleach to a bath. It'll take your skin off.”

I kept an eye on the couple when a random passerby walked past. The two instantly separated a little from each other, looking away and trying to downplay everything. Obviously this wasn’t an ‘official’ thing yet.

“Oooh. Owie. Maybe somethin' else?” Dinky asked.

“I think the soap's enough.” I grinned and nudged my companion. “Heh, they're not public yet.”

Dinky stuck out her tongue, looking disgusted. “But they're out in the park!”

The pair of teens awkwardly settled back into leaning against each other. As they did that, I wrapped a foreleg around Dinky and brought her closer. “I mean, they're not wanting to show everypony that they're in love.”

Dinky nodded. “Good. That means Sparky's not totally overa—ove—” She grumbled, stopping that attempt. “Ratchet's cooties aren't all infectin' her an' stuff yet.”

“Nah, not yet.” At that moment, I realised something. I had pretty much everything I needed at this point; the two clearly weren’t going to take things further. At least, not in the park. “Wait, why exactly are we hiding?”

“'Cause ya can't be sneaky if ya don't hide,” Dinky replied. To be honest, her logic, while childish, made sense.

“But do we need to be sneaky?”

“Yah-uh. ‘cause of reasons.” She adjusted the binoculars a little.

And that’s when I formed a brilliant plan. “You know, we could just walk up and start embarrassing them…” I grinned at her, hoping she’d catch on.

“Yeah, but then Sparky'd know it was me! 'sides, Daring Do always takes notes, so I should do that too 'fore I do anythin', right?”

“Makes sense.” I looked over her so called notes. They were nothing more than unintelligible words on the map she had drawn. They were clearly letters, yeah, but can you tell me what ‘Put the Muffin in the Klowd’ is supposed to mean? “What does it say?”

“Um…” She stared at her writing. Even she looked confused. For a minute, she just looked at it. “... itsa code, for rilly 'portant super-secret spy stuff, 'kay?”

“Ooooo, right.” I nodded, then ruffled her mane. “I getcha. Super Secret Agent Dinky stuff.” Sometimes, it’s best to play along with a child’s fantasy. It’s like this: would you like it if someone read a story you were writing and said it was terrible and made no sense? No, you’d probably be pissed. And for children, being pissed means a temper tantrum.

“Yah-huh! It's just hard when you're lookin' through bino-kyewlarz an' stuff, 'cause ya can't see the paper t' make proper words, so ya gotta write in code.” She nodded sagely again.

I hid a small snicker by covering my mouth with a hoof. “Alright then. I might just go up and talk to them, though.”

“A'kay. I'll stay here an' keep takin' Super Secret Agent notes an' stuff,” she said.

“Good filly,” I replied, ruffling her mane again.

Dinky put down her binoculars in order to give me a very nice hug. “Careful, 'kay? Ya could get cooties if ya get too close.”

I smiled, squeezing her gently. “Yeah, I'll be careful.” I tapped her on the muzzle, looking at her seriously. “And don't go anywhere without letting me know, okay?”

“I won't.” She went back to peering through the binoculars. “You just make sure Sparky's a'kay, a'kay?”

“Will do, Dinky. Don’t worry about her.” With that said, I crawled out of the bush and approached Sparkler. Of course, I went the long way around and cleared the leaves from my mane as to avoid suspicion. Once I was there, though, I put on a wide smile. “Oh, hi Sparkler!”

“Eep!” She jumped and turned to look at me. Some of the color drained from her face. Hah! A second in and already this was getting good. “Oh... hey, Lyra.”

Ratchet coughed awkwardly and the two shared a look, before he stared at me. “Hey, Miss Lyra.” After a pause, he shuffled closer to Sparkler. An odd move, considering my presence. He must have been trying to assert his authority.

That’s one of the reasons why I don’t find stallions attractive, actually. Most stallions, even the nice ones—believe me, some stallions are really great ponies—have this tendency to feel like they have to protect their one true mare. With mares, you don’t really get that, so I feel like more of an equal to my partner.

“Are you Ratchet? Pleasure to meet you. Sparkler must have already told you about me then.” I looked away and flicked my head, sweeping my mane out of my eyes. “Sparkler's cool adult friend.”

“I'm... ah, Ratchet. You might know my Uncle Tool Time at the post office, or my dad, Hammer?” He sounded a little nervous, but a nice kid all the same. Politeness was a big plus.

“I've heard of them, yeah,” I answered. Not much else to say, since I didn’t know them all too well.

Sparkler made some embarrassed sounds that I couldn’t decipher, then ended it with a cough. “Lyra. Ratchet. Ratch? Lyra.”

“That's me,” I grinned and tossed my mane again. “The social, outgoing adult mare who's good friends with Sparkler.”

Ratched blinked, then looked at me as if he actually knew who I was. “Oh, yeah, the music mare hob—” A sharp nudge from Sparkler stopped him in his tracks. Points for politeness: lost. C’mon, it was obvious what he was gonna say. “Music mare substitute that came in. Sorry I missed that class, it sounded good.”

Now it was my turn to blink and cough. “Oh, y-yeah. It was real fun. The class was a riot…”

“It was awesome. Seriously, you should come back,” Sparkler said. Was she being sarcastic? I was too flustered to tell. Why did they spring this on me?!

I answered her with an awkward laugh. “Heh heh... nah. Gotta move on and aspire to new things, right?” Never going back to that place. Nope. I’m done working with teenagers. The Cutie Mark Crusaders would’ve been an easier option—and I realise how poor a comparison that is.

“Eh, I guess…” Sparkler offered.

Ratchet shrugged, trying to subtly shuffle closer to his mare. “Still, it sounds like I missed an interesting class.”

“... interesting is one word for it,” I said, then coughed. I could think of another great word for it: a-huge-bucking-waste-o’-time. What? It’s one word. “So, how are you two doing?”

“Fine,” Ratchet quickly said.

“Totally fine,” Sparkler added.

“Very fine,” Ratchet repeated. The whole exchange was over in about three seconds.

“You won't mind if I join you two, then?” I said, suppressing a grin. I failed.

“Cooly fine. On this fine day.” Sparkler gestured around her.

“That's fine,” Ratched added.

“Well, I couldn't help but notice how close you two are to each other…” I spoke as I sat down next to Sparkler. Ratchet instinctively tightened his hold over her.

Sparkler went first. “We're fine.”

Then Ratchet. “Totally fine.”

“And close.”

“Very close,” Ratchet finished. Geeze, even foals spoke longer sentences than these two. Still, that meant my teasing was working.

“Mhm. A pony might start thinking things about you both.” I laughed under my breath.

“Yes. Silly things.” That was Sparkler.

“Many things,” Ratchet said, coughing.

I let a bit of silence hang, allowing the two to actually think about said things. Sparkler seemed to finally get it, looking at Ratchet curiously. “Accurate things?”

Ratchet slowly nodded. “... yeah, accurate things.”

Now it was time to move in for the kill. I put my hooves on their shoulders, then pushed them right up to each other so their warm, flushed cheeks touched. “And maybe those accurate things are nice things, huh?”

Both of them went as red as an apple covered in red paint. “Verynice,” Ratchet spoke, so fast I could barely catch him.

I giggle-snorted, deciding to cut them some slack and end my act. “Oh give it up, you two. It's so obvious even Dinky can see.” I hesitated. Oops. “But not literally. That'd be stupid.”

Sparkler caught onto that pretty quickly, damn it, judging by her teenage groan. Ratchet though, seemed confused. “What about Dinky now?”

“Nothing. Just making a comparison,” I shot back, doing my best not to look at the foliage Dinky was hiding in.

“Eeeyah…” Sparkler drawled out. Damn it, stop being so smart.

Luckily, a squeeze from Ratchet seemed to throw her off the scent. Plus, he even went onto a new topic of conversation. “So, Lyra, what brings you out here?”

“My love detector started going haywire, so I decided to try and track the source of the disturbance,” I said, with a confident smile.

Sparkler snorted in disbelief. “'Love detector'? What, does it go 'bing' when there's love around?”

“Yep. Bing! Bing! Bing! Oooo, what do we have here?” It sounds silly, but we Heartstrings have always tended to sense the love in other ponies. I’m not sure when that started, considering our family origins, which were less than lovey-dovey.

Ratchet rolled his eyes and explained with the dullness and reluctance of a typical teenage stallion. “Yeah, yeah. Sparks and I hit it off all right after a class project, so…”

Sparkler finished things off for him, seeming more engaged. “Figured we'd see how things go. Plenty of time to see if we can make things work.”

Suffice to say, I was impressed with that. “Wow. That's pretty sensible and mature, actually. Nothing like some of the ponies I knew back when I was your age. Granted, I never was really interested in those things... until Kicky came along, but that's a different story.” My gaze drifted away for a moment, as I licked my lips and remembered those, sweet, sweet, sexy memories. “Mmm.”

Oh, right. Two teens were staring at me. Both wide-eyed and moving away from me. I frowned and began to get back on track. “Haven't spoken to her in a while... Anyway, you two. How do you think things are going?”

“Fine.”

A nod from Sparkler. “Very fine.”

Here we go again… “Totally fine.”

If I had a watch, I’d be looking at it right then. “Finely fine.”

See the hoofball game recently? I didn’t, but… “Nicely fine.”

I mean, I’m not a die-hard fan of hoofball, but it’s fun I guess. “Finer than Miss Rarity's chinaware.” Ooo, that was a good one.

Finally! They were done. “Geeze, you two are more awkward than the time I was caught ba—” Uh-oh, more sexy thoughts creeping in. “An awkward thing that's awkward. Let's sort that out.”

Too late, it’d seem. “Gaaaah! Lyra!” Sparkler shivered in her seat. “Thanks for that image!”

Ratchet didn’t quite catch on though. Either because stallions generally don’t, or he was just dumb. Maybe both. “What?”

“Nothing,” I answered.

He blinked slowly. “What?”

“Nothing!” Sparkler exclaimed, and a sharp nudge from her ended any questions.

“Anywaaaay…” I began. “I want you two to know that it's okay if you love each other and want to make it official.”

Both of them stared at me, eyebrows raised.

“Uuuh, okay?”

“Thanks?”

I waved a hoof at them. “Oh stop pretending it's not happening. C'mon, nuzzle each other.”

Redness of Sparkler’s cheeks, increasing. “Okay, okay, fine…” She leaned in and gave Ratchet a tiny nuzzle, which he returned. It was forced, but I could see a spark in there. Geddit?

The Inconspicuous Bush made a noise. “Bleg!” Sparkler jumped, stopping all nuzzling.

Crud. I had to act fast, lest I revealed my accomplice. “BLEG!! Ack!” I kept hacking and wheezing. “Sorry, something got caught in my throat. But didn't that feel nice?”

Ratchet gave me a suspicious glance, but Sparkler had sussed it out, her head in her hooves. “Oh dear gods... Dinky?”

The bush made more sound. “... bush noises?”

“Dinky? Where?” I looked around, trying to find that adorable little filly. “I don't see or hear a Dinky.”

Sparkler groaned into her hooves. “Dear Luna, kill me now.”

I wasn’t giving up on Dinky, no way in hay. “All I hear are inconspicuous bush noises.”

Sparkler let out a loud, irritated moan. “Dinkyyy!” The bush rustled for a moment, then stopped. My partner in crime was out and safe from being compromised. Mission accomplished, report back to base, Dinky. “Dear Luna on the moon…”

“I think it’s cute...?” Ratchet offered.

Well, the game was up, but with Dinky safely away, I could start being truthful. “Okay, it was her. But she's just being a little sister. I better go after her, huh?” Time to make my escape too. Sparkler groaned, giving no indication that she’d whap me upside the head for this incident. “Well... have fun!”

I started to go, but stopped when I formed an idea of how to turn things around for them. I leaned near Ratchet’s ear and whispered, “Now's your chance to score some gentlecolt points.”

“Uh... how?” he whispered back.

“Comfort her. Let her know it's okay. Heck, make fun of me if you want to. Take some of the embarrassment off her.” I didn’t mind some fun being poked at me. Sparkler did that enough already, which I was fine with. Her charm was in her snarkiness.

When Ratchet nodded at me, I trotted off and let them be. I saw Dinky, heading back to her house, so I sped up to follow her and make sure she got back okay. I took one last look at the embarrassed couple and saw Ratchet hugging and consoling Sparkler, thus bringing them closer together.

Okay, so sometimes maybe I am a genius.