Chapter 3
I awoke to the expected sight of a hasn't-been-washed-in-months mattress, along with the less than wanted expected smell. I glanced over at my old bedside clock. 11:00. One hour before the shop opens. If this was any other day, I'd stay in bed for a bit longer, since it takes all of 5 minutes to get myself and the shop ready for the day. Today though, was different. I felt a strange feeling of wanting to do my best today, and of resolve to get out of bed this very instant.
I stood up, and rubbed the grogginess out of my eyes. What's happening today, again?...OH RIGHT, TODAY'S LYRA'S FIRST DAY ON THE JOB!
I was already in the bathroom before my mind thought to ask itself "What the hell are you doing?". "Taking a shower," the other half of my brain replied. "Why are you taking a shower?". Uh...good question? I don't really need to look my best today, it's not like I have to impress Lyra or anything. I'm already here I guess, might as well take a shower anyways...
I wonder when the last time I used this thing was...wasn't there some reason I stopped using it--OH CELESTIA WHICH ONE OF YOU HALVES CONVINCED ME TO GET IN!? Right, the hot water for the shower broke a few weeks ago...I really haven't washed since then? Celestia, I must smell like shit.
After I quickly dunk my head in the sink (yeah, like that would help), I am once again sitting at my familiar counter. I turn on the Weather Network, and see that the time is 11:07 now. I've got some time to kill. A drop of water falls from my mane, and splatters on my desk. I look back at the TV again. 24 degrees Celsius and sunny...maybe it's time I reunite with Celestia.
---------------------------------------
Soresaddle Street, while lively with illegal activities at night, looks like just a bunch of rundown businesses and abandoned
warehouses in the day. And some of these businesses are actually pretty rundown, or just indefinitely closed. Ever since the Ponynet's popularity exploded, where lewd material can be found for free online, and where drug info is no longer hard to find, either, less people are visiting porn shops, and less people are being shepherded into doing things they'll later regret. There used to be many more porn stores on this street, and my dad experienced some pretty steep competition from them, but we held on, and almost by pure coincidence we are the last one standing. Now the only businesses that are still actually open are the Mareborough, the Knife and Apple, the sex toy shop a bit further down the street, the struggling adult theatre Dirty Rich's House of Mares, and a seemingly random convenience store. It's a good thing it exists though, or else I might be too lazy to feed myself.
As I come out of my reverie, I realize I was subconsciously walking to the park. I look up at the sun, and it hurts my eyes more than it should. Blotting out my windows is a necessity in this business, but it can't be healthy. I don't even have a window in my room. I look off in a random direction to get away from the blinding light, and happen to look directly at a random mare. She gasps, and immediately acts like she's extremely interested in one of her hooves. Curious, I look in other directions as I walk. Are people really avoiding my gaze? Is my reputation that widely known? Is it my damn cutie mark? Or do I just smell?
Smell, luckily though, does not impede movement, and I soon enter the park. I find a nice bench, and stretch lazily on it. The sun's a little bit too hot, but it just feels...right. I raise from my posture, and look in every direction. Fillies playing jump rope together, a father and his colt playing catch, and an old stallion playing a game of chess with a pony half his age. Maybe I should try to be more than the malodorous slacker who runs a lewd business. It feels like if I would just turn the page, my life would be very different...
But, hell, who am I kidding? I'm not one for all this philosophical fop. The only "meaning of life" you'd ever catch me talking about is Monty Python's. Now that I think about it, why did I just think that? I act before I think sometimes, but this time I thought before I thought? I wonder which half of my brain got me started on this whole thing...
One thing I know for certain though, is that right now both halves are agreeing on something. That that flower over there is really nice.
------------------------------------------
Lyra arrives right on time.
I look up from the counter and smile. Lyra is standing cheerily in the doorway, burdened only by two yellow saddlebags.
"Hey Lyra," I say, getting out of the chair. "You ready for your first day on the job?".
"Sure am, Sly," responded Lyra. She walked behind the counter, magicked her bags onto it, and then sat down in the chair. I pulled up a little stool, and sat down beside her. For some reason, I was giddy with excitement. I could barely wait to see what awesomeness this day held for--wait a second...
"Lyra..." I said. "What the HELL are you doing?"
"Sitting..." she said.
Well, she was sitting, but in a way that was seriously freaking me out. She had her back resting on the back of the chair, with her forelegs resting on both sides of it, and her legs dangling. It did not look healthy.
"Doesn't it hurt?" I asked.
"No, this just feels natural to me!" Lyra shouted back at me. "I've been sitting like this my whole life."
"Okay, whatever you say..."
"Shouldn't you be going somewhere?" Wow, Lyra's pretty quick to anger.
"Actually, I always watch over my employees on their first few days on the job. Make sure they've got everything down."
"Oh," said Lyra. She relaxes again. "I guess that's fine...what was some other employees's first day like?"
"I've only ever had one other employee."
"Well, what was their first day like?"
"I really don't want to talk about it."
A few moments passed. This was a pretty awkward silence. Not at all what I was hoping for. Criticizing her probably was not the best way to start off a conversation.
"Nice flower," said Lyra. I had set up the violet-blue tulip in a jug of water on the side of the counter. I'm not sure if it really went with the whole atmosphere the rest of the place was creating, but for today, it just felt right.
"Thanks," I replied.
More awkward silence. I watched the seconds on the Weather Channel tick up. A minute passed. Two. Three. Four...dammit, this might turn out to be as boring as any other fourteen hour shift, and twice as awkward!
Lyra apparently shared my frustration. She huffed a little bit, and then sighed. "Listen, I'm sorry," she said.
"What are you sorry for?" I asked.
"For shouting at you, and all. It's just that this morning, Bon-Bon called and said her and a bunch of my other friends all had no classes today, and asked if I wanted to hit up the new mall with them. I have this new job, though, so I turned them down. Bon-Bon then asked me what store I was working at, but I didn't really want to tell them, your...establishment being what it is..."
"Well, then I guess I'm the one that should be saying sorry..."
"No, no. I really do need the money, and I see my friends pretty often anyways."
"Okay," I said. A few more moments pass. Not agai--
"I just wished we had something to talk about though," Lyra said. "Like, usually work is a fallback topic that everyone's comfortable talking about, but this"--Lyra made a sweeping gesture over the store--"is not a comfortable topic."
I was about to just boringly agree with her again, but a little voice then popped up in the back of my head. Time to make this day a little more interesting, it said. Good idea. I've got nothing to lose by doing this, but it would be so much easier to say this if I had a little alcohol in me...
"Well..." I said, as suave as I could. I even put my eyes at half-mast. "We could still talk about"--I made the same sweeping motion--"this." Wow, that came out pretty good.
Lyra looked a little surprised by my reaction, though I think I was more surprised than she was. Her head darted in a few directions before she sighed. "Sure, let's try that," she said.
Yes, now this conversation was about to get nice and juic--
"DELIVERY!" yelled a voice from the doorway.
Fuck. "Come in..." I grudgingly said. I took the box of Mareboros down from the shelf. So close...
In came a tall, lean stallion with a medium-sized box precariously balanced on his back. He was wearing the violet-blue uniform of the Equestrian Postal Services, and had an ecru-coloured coat, as well as a poofy coffee-coloured mane.
"I have a package here for a Mr. Clop," he said.
Lyra did a cute little giggle. I was about to tell him not to call me that, but if it makes Lyra sound that precious, I'll let it slide. I instead just simply stated that I was "Mr. Clop", making Lyra giggle even more. The postpony set the package down on the counter, and I signed the form.
I popped a cigarette into my mouth as the guy left, not sure whether to be angry or grateful. I eventually settled on grateful, as on top of Lyra's giggles, I now had an unopened box of...conversation starters on the desk.
"Well!" I said, overly cheerfully. "Let's get this thing open!"
I started peeling off the tape with my teeth. Lyra looked to be getting a bit nervous again.
"I know!" she exclaimed. "Why don't we turn on the radio?" Damn, how did she spot that thing so quickly? I keep it kinda half-hidden on a shelf under the counter, since I'm more of a visual guy, and don't usually turn it on. It's kinda old anyways. Whatever, she just probably ruined the show-and-tell I wanted to do with these porn movies.
I could definitely become more of an audio guy though. The radio just happened to be playing the one song that wouldn't ruin the mood. I started furiously tearing at the tape, hoping to make it to the goods inside before the chorus came on. Lyra just got even more nervous, but she also looked a bit too dumbfounded to do anything about it.
Ahh...filly look at that body
Ahh...I work out
Ahh...filly look at that body
Ahh...filly look at that body
Ahh...filly look at that body
Ahh...I work out
When I walk in the spot, this is what I see
Everypony stops and is staring at me
I had now opened the box. I blindly picked up the first DVD with my mouth.
I've got passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it, show it
I slammed the DVD down on the counter.
I'm sexy and I know it
Lyra and I burst out into hysterics. On the front of the DVD was a large blue stallion standing on his back legs with a wild look in his eyes. You could easily tell that he was...very well endowed. I couldn't have planned for this to go any better.
We laughed for a good minute. "Okay okay, enough," said Lyra. She turned off the radio.
"What do you think of this guy?" I said nonchalantly.
"Ugh," replied Lyra. "Way too brash with his presentation."
"Agreed," I said. I shoved the DVD out of the way, and slammed the next one down. This one depicted two young mares making out on a bed. Almost everything on the DVD cover, including the ponies themselves, was pink. The DVD was called My Super Sweet 16, written in bubbly and obnoxious letters.
"What about this one?" I said.
"Meh," said Lyra. "My door swings straight, so I don't really care for the fillyfooling stuff. A bit too loud, as well. Pink's not my favourite colour."
"I agree, sista," I replied. I'm trying to walk a line between suave and comical, without going into either territory too much, but I'm not sure if I'm succeeding.
The next one showed basically what a mouse would see if it was looking up and diagonally left at a stallion giving it to a mare.
I cringed a little. "I don't really like this one," I said.
"Me neither," said Lyra. "Leaves nothing to the imagination. You should tease the audience a bit more before you reveal everything."
I pounced at my opportunity. "So, you like teasing?" Bam! Suave success!
Lyra blushed. "Well, I guess...I just like a little foreplay before it all happens."
I took another puff off my cig. It was helping me put together the suave image pretty well, though it was almost out by now. I would need all of my suaveness for this next line.
"So, tell me Lyra..."--exhale--"...how often do you observe?" Bam! Hit that nail right on the head!
Lyra's blush deepened. "Um...". She paused. Come on, this is getting pretty juicy...
"Not very often, I guess," she finally said. "I live alone, but still only once a week at the most."
There it is! If we are flirting, this is a pretty strange way to do it, but hey, I like it.
"Same here, actually," I said. Lyra looked pretty surprised at this.
"Really?" she responded.
"Yes, really. You might think that I do it all the time, because I'm in the business, but I really don't, with all the late nights. And even when I do have the night off, I usually hang out at the gentlecolt's club across the street. My buddy owns the place."
"You mean the whorehouse?"
"I guess you could call it that. It's a bit more esteemed than that though. It's actually pretty nice. I could take you there sometime if you want."
"Nah..." A little bit of a pause. "Damn, I can't believe you got that out of me." Wow, that's the first time I've heard Lyra say anything even a little bit obscene.
I did a little snicker. "Ah guess that means ah'm tha most dashing of ponays in the whole coun'ay!" I said in an exaggerated Appleloosan accent.
Lyra guffawed. Yeah, I know that wasn't the best comeback, but hey, it worked pretty well!
My cigarette ran out, and I put it in the ashtray on the counter. I then lit up a new one and got out of the stool. "Let's put the new releases on the shelf, shall we?"
"Sure, Sly," responded Lyra.
-----------------------------------------------
It was now about 7:00 PM. The day had actually been pretty eventful. We got a few of the regular types of ponies you see in a porn shop, which was good, since it allowed me to educate Lyra on them. The fat perverse stallion who's probably never seen anything of a real mare his whole life. The newlywed colt/mare who thinks that porn would be a great gift for their partner (hint: it isn't). The openly gay stallion who thinks the nether-regions of stallions are "absolutely marvelous". The actually-under-18-but-trying-to-hide-it colt, who you can usually tell apart by their nervous behavior and shivering. Or just their lack of identification when asked.
Lyra and I had talked about a lot, as well, and we really started yapping after I brought down a six-pack from the minifridge upstairs. She talked all about how she got into college, how she discovered her love for the lyre, and we dabbled in which colts on campus are hot, and which are not. She also tried to get me to believe this half-assed science theory she has that because of the way some Equestrian objects are designed, there is a planet in an alternate universe full of bipedal hairless apes that are as smart as us. Yeah, like that's true.
I talked a lot more, though, since I really just had more interesting things to talk about. How I started working here, what the Knife and Apple is like, and a few memorable experiences here with Doctor Whooves. I even told her about his first day in the end, which she thought was a riot.
Unfortunately, it was now time for her to leave. I wished her goodbye. Just before she walked out the door, she turned around.
"On hotequestrians.net, search 'Hot Stallion Gives it to Petite Mare'. It's my favourite," Lyra said. She then quickly dashed out the door.
My jaw practically hit the floor. With "recommending porn" checked, Lyra and I have now done everything the Doctor and I have done in-store, besides watching porn together (which was very awkward, if you were wondering). And that was only her first day! She's not very wild when she's had a few drinks, but she's pretty open-minded.
I guess I could take a break right now. I have been working seven hours already, and I need to work seven more. While I'm on my newly-decreed break, I guess I could also check out that video...oh, who am I kidding, that's the only reason I'm giving myself a break in the first place!
I quickly put a "Back in 5 minutes" sign on the door, and dashed upstairs. I turned on my computer, and searched up the video. The thumbnail looks good, it's a fine length...yeah, I could clop to this. I don't think I should go into further detail here.
About five minutes in, the video finally starts to get really steamy. Lyra does like foreplay, definitely. I can see why this is her favouri--
"Hey Sly, I forgot my saddlebags! Do you know where they ar--"
I dared to look behind me. Lyra was standing in the middle of my bedroom doorway. Yes, she had obviously seen. We both started sweating.
"Heh heh," she said. "Oh look, there are my saddlebags! Right by the minifridge!"
IN THE NAME OF CELESTIA, WHY DID I BRING THOSE BAGS UP HERE!? THE FRIDGE DOESN'T NEED TO CARRY ITS STUFF ANYWHERE!! Lyra quickly magicked them onto her back, and nervously trotted to the doorway.
"Uh, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then! Bye!"
And then she was gone again. That was definitely not according to plan...
Scratch what I said a while back. Lyra and I had now technically done everything in the shop me and Doctor Whooves had. And the "watching porn together" part of that was even more awkward than the last time.
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hm... me gusta
lol...
O_O
philosophistry.com/scans/2010/lol-face.jpg
I loled at the end
This is hilarious. Please, continue.
awesome, lol. Really funny, and it's got decent story too. Hard thing to come by. Please, continue.
An excellent blend of adult humor and situational comedy all held together by great writing. While I spotted a misspell here and there (Or just thier lack of identification when asked), everything flowed smoothly and the dialogue between the characters seemed natural and unforced. Overall, it was a great chapter and I can't wait for more.
Ironically, they where probably listening to virgin radio
Very good story
Pffft.... um ponies are always naked? -shrugs- Might read it all eventually...
If you had told me 2 years ago that I would be reading a story about a pornshop set in the land of Equestria, from the girls show MLP: FiM, I would have taken you to the mental hospital.
Anyway, good story, it's pretty funny.
*tracks*
I really enjoy this story. It's humorous, entertaining, and somehow manages to stay tasteful despite the subject matter. Very impressive, author. I'm looking forward to the next chapters, but make sure not to go too far with it. You're tip-toeing on the line as it is!
This is freaking awesome! Good work. Can't wait for more.
At the risk of sounding like a hipster, I would like to say that I've followed you story since it's first posting and am happy that it got features on EQD. Congrats!
180313 Dammit! I thought I had gone through the fic and made sure I had fixed the terms, but it seems I missed the most glaringly obvious one! I guess I'll just go and fix it now. Good thing people did notice it in the end.
whoa, the rating here is so much higher than on EQD!
I can't say I saw this when it first appeared like Hybrid there, but no matter where or who sent me here I'm glad I've read it. Can't think of any constructive criticisms besides what I wrote in the Chapter 1 comment section, least not right now, so I'll leave it at that. Tracking this one for sure.
HAHAHAHA
What is the the most awful, dirty, filthy, foul, gross, horrid, impure, loathsome, nauseating, obscene, outrageous, repugnant, repulsive, revolting, rough, sickening, soiled, unholy, vile, vulgar, porn in the shop? Is it human on Human, right? That s*** is nasty.
My friend told me about this, told me it was completely horrid. But it made me curious, will read some time. Hoping for the best
i1120.photobucket.com/albums/l494/Wickedland/DiscordLaughter.jpg
People always take fics like this WAY too seriously.
I'm not ashamed to admit that I found this highly entertaining and eagerly await more =D
Quite enjoyed what I've read so far, but it's getting late so I'll continue tomorrow. Personally, I love this kind of humor; being tasteful without tiptoeing around "sensitive issues" is a hard thing to do, and you pretty much nail it here.
Brilliant!!
OK, so after chapter 1 I will say this fic is well written and entertaining enough. The base story is OK, but the presentation of many of the aspects of the story are flat out retarded.
Chapter 1:
Saddlesore Street itself makes no sense. Ponyville isn't big enough to have a street like that. In addition, in a small town like Ponyville it would not make any sense for hookers and druggies to be out and about when they could easily get their jollies either at home or out of town.
Rainbow Dash's story makes absolutely no sense.
Element of Harmony. Personal friend of the Princesses. Only pegasus to perform the Sonic Rainboom. Personally invited to be a Wonderbolt. Cleared training in a year.
Has it all come crashing down because she slept with a teammate? Wut?
Even assuming that's not allowed the fact that Spitfire got off easy? Who is she compared to Dash? A Celebrity? Dash is that plus way more. She's one of the 6 most important ponies in the entire kingdom of Equestria.
At the least she should have formed her own areal team and continued her relationship with Spitfire now that she's not on the team.
This is one of the most contrived premises (for what at this juncture seems an irrelevant plot point) I have ever seen in my life.
"Clop" is not a term to be used in fic, it's a fandom term only.
Is "Vivid White" a human? Why does she have "hands"?
Lyra is not CERULEAN. Cerulean is blue. There is a cerulean green, but she's not that color either. She is SEAFOAM GREEN.
Colgate is Cerulean blue and would have been a much more ironically better choice since she has the same damn cutie mark as Doctor Whooves did.
Chapter 2
You use "filly-fooling" but "gays" instead of "colt-cuddling"?
*Sigh* You would really have to characterize Gilda in the worst possible way.
You realize how silly Griffon on Pony "rape" sounds? They're hindquarters are lion. Lion dicks, like all felines, are really tiny.
Just wanted to say I find it absurd that Equestrian porn is so much more messed up and hardcore than human porn.
Chapter 3
Oh well. At least Lyra's characterization is a COMPLETE retcon of the preexisting fanon.
-----------
Anyway. Considering the stir this is causing on EqD and the reassurances that "All the pre-readers loved it" I am not especially impressed so far.
I will probably continue reading this unless it goes totally off the rails.
It's fine for pure entertainment value, and very well written (I noticed no editing errors at all other than the derped youtube link for the LMFAO vid which you should remove) but I can't see myself giving more than 3 stars at this point just due to the fact that I can't take the premise seriously at all and the plot isn't really interesting to me.
Pretty good, tacking and 4.5 stars. Laughed a good number of times and congrats on getting on EQD.
BTW.. am I really the ony person who typed in 'hotequestrians.net' into his browser just for the lolz of having done so? Obviously there is no webpage related with it, but I just HAD to look it up.
and as a last side note. You butchered HTML link does not work as intended.(I think, it has to be manualy copy pasted)
>> DPV111 While I agree with all of the points youve stated, what the heck were you expecting? Try to understand that this is inteded to be read for laughs with low expectations. Kinda like watching Jackass with some friends for kicks. With that said, my interest in this fic didnt really peak till the middle/end of this third chapter.
180539
No
Fun
Allowed
=======
Anyway. Neat story, gonna keep following this for shits and giggles. (And I am getting a good deal of giggles out of this.)
In contrast to Boring McAnalyst-pants, I believe you've got Gilda more or less down pat. An absolute dick, with no consideration for others. Also, the rest of the plot is feasible. (You know, given that it's centered around the sex industry in a world populated by talking pastel ponies.)
The odd slip-up with grammar and formatting was observed, but the fact that I didn't give a flying [shazbot] about them (despite my almost OCD-like attitude towards said defects in other works), and wanted to keep reading anyway speaks for itself.
Keep it up! It's getting a solid 4.5 from me, bordering on a full 5.
this shit is great
you made me spit out mucus when you did the seamen thing
gj, you get a 5
Nice job getting this posted on Equestria Daily, I haven't seen such a shitstorm over there in quite a while
Hahahaha! Yeah, def setting this one on my watch list. 5-Star all the way.
Oh god, my stomach is hurting
Damn this is funny, I'm so tracking this 
-Glassed
180539
Obviously this guy takes his borderline-clopfics VERY seriously and hates being called gay.
And also, in Rainbow Dash's scenario, she WOULD be more important and popular. That makes what happened even more understandable. When you're popular, you have to go along with the expectations of the crowd. I take it you've never been popular yourself, DPV, and that's why you don't get it.
The story thus far is just...
There are some mistakes, like the color Captain Frownypants pointed out, but so far I really like it.
haha this was awesome I though I would suffocate from laughing at the end of the fic
> "EAT YOUR FUCKING LIMBS"
media.giantbomb.com/uploads/12/121572/2093465-arrow_to_the_knee.jpg
YOU PUTRID CUNT
sude, dis is funneh...
A story that has lyra with no bon bon and is straight? is that even allowed?
180697
Is it wrong to offer a review of a story you like? Or to want a silly story to make sense? I get that the story is not to be taken seriously, but it's still ok to voice my opinion, right? Plot holes. They're not just for aisle 3.
180813
I love fun. Most of my faves are silly comedies. Do you have a reason I shouldn't post a review of a story I read? I'm not telling others what to think or whether to read or not, just my opinions.
Also Gilda is a bitch not a psychopath. It WAS funny but overboard for my taste. YMMV.
181404
Obviously this guy takes his borderline-clopfics
This isn't a borderline clopfic. It doesn't even come close... yet.
VERY seriously
It's not that I take the fic seriously. I actually like the writing but have issues with the story, so I offer constructive criticism. Why is that a problem?
and hates being called gay.
LOL. I just asked for consistency in terminology. If you use "fillyfooler" instead of "lesbian" you should use "coltcuddler" instead of "gay". Problem?
And also, in Rainbow Dash's scenario, she WOULD be more important and popular. That makes what happened even more understandable. When you're popular, you have to go along with the expectations of the crowd.
Except that 1: it was stated Spitfire was the more popular "face" of the Wonderbolts compared to newbie Dash which is why she stayed and Dash was booted. and 2: I was more referring to the fact that Dash is easily as or more"connected" than Spitfire and wouldn't be snubbed so callously. Elements of Harmony > Wonderbolts.
I take it you've never been popular yourself, DPV, and that's why you don't get it.
And this is the point where I stop respecting you and taking you seriously. Grow up.
There are some mistakes, like the color Captain Frownypants pointed out, but so far I really like it.
I see. You are taking my tone as negative toward the story and getting defensive. Just FYI I actually like this story and the author's writing style. That's why I'm leaving criticism. If I thought the story was crap I wouldn't care enough to type all that.
This is how I show my love
I made it in my mind because
I blame it on my A.D.D. baby
Sooo, what? I'm reading a RomCom, set in a porn shop, within the confines of the MLP universe?
That is a sentence I never thought I'd say.
How is this as good as it is?
The concept is intriguing, the comments are... intriguing, the character choices, also intriguing.....
Color me intrigued. I think I will read this one tonight.....
Well someone's certainly flying against fanon with the Doctor. Although Doctor Who would be a lot more interesting with this type of Doctor...
I was skeptical about this but became plesently surprised
I await more
And I have not been disappointed! This is shaping up to be a fine comedy! A fine comedy indeed!
182561 Thanks for your criticism, actually. Not many people have actually told me where I could've done better, apart from accidentally putting "hand" instead of "hoof". As for your criticisms, I imagine Ponyville not to be the really small size that they show when they do outside shots of the place, and that it's actually bigger than that, and it's only drawn like that for simplicity's sake. I still don't think it's in any way "big", but I think it has some room for a small place for all this.
For Gilda, I guess I may have gone a little overboard, but I kinda wanted to exaggerate it, kinda for the lulz, and kinda because I don't like Gilda, which is a bit shallow. Nevertheless, I never plan on Gilda coming back into the story, so I had to make her one appearance memorable. If I ever do bring Gilda back, I think her character will be a bit less one-sided.
For RD's little backstory, I agree that RD should be more important than Spitfire, since she's an Element of Harmony, and she's saved the world twice. In the canon universe, though, no one seems to think it's that amazing that the Mane 6 have done all that, and the Mane 6 get no recognition at all, like when the rich Canterlottians (?) knew nothing about Rarity's friends.
For colours, I don't really think the exact colour of a pony is so important, as long as I'm not completely off. I understand some people think different, though, so I'll take more consideration into what colours I use for ponies in the future.
Saying Vivid White had "hands" was an honest mistake, and one I'll fix. Also, "clop" is a fan-made term, but I think it just feels right for it to be in this fanfic.
And now, to address the one other major criticism I've been getting, that Lyra and Doctor Whooves aren't really in character. Truth is, I don't really know much about either character's fanon. I know Lyra is either depicted as a) Pony who tries her hardest to prove humans exist and b) Regular old pony who's in a relationship with Bon Bon and plays the lyre. I decided to put Lyra into the second category here, as the first one wasn't really what I wanted for this story, and her needing college money was a good excuse for why she wanted to work at the shop. And as for Doctor Whooves...I really don't know anything about him...yeah, that's obviously lame, and in retrospect, I should'v researched his character more, but I've never watched Doctor Who, and my knowledge of it is very limited, so I just never had an interest in reading any Doctor Whooves fanfics. As for why I just didn't use an OC for him, and maybe another for Lyra as well, once again in retrospect, it probably would've been better. I just didn't think I could really sculpt the personalities of 4 characters instead of 2 from the ground-up (Hard Cider was originally supposed to be more a main character, and he might become more of one later on.). I also think I liked the whole "Love Doctor" thing. I can't really go back and change it now, though.
So yeah, that's my "author's note". Thanks for the feedback, everypony!
182983
People are complaining characters that have no canon characterization what so ever are OOC?
I have no response to that. It's so far beyond my frame of reference that I don't think I... what?
Trust me. Your writing quality and characterizations (except Gilda) are the reason I will be reading the next chapter when it comes out.
As for the rest... like I said: Plot holes. They're not just for aisle 3.
me gusta i eagerly await more
Wow, this one's really kicked over the hornet's nest at EqD....
But hater's gonna hate, as they say. Ignore the star-bombs and keep up the good work. This is legitimately hilarious, and also I sense what could be a really sweet and very heartwarming romance with Sly and Lyra (at least that's what I'm hoping for!)
Maybe this isn't for everyone... but it's just fine for me.
You're on ED, here's hoping you don't get down-star'd into oblivion.
normally i don't go for this kinda stuff, but i find myself drawn back here, waiting for more...WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?!
XD
182983
Don't forget the Mare-Do-Well episode either. It showed that Ponyville was big enough to have a cliff overlooking the town center and a hydro electric dam not too far off either. So yeah, a seedy could easily be fit somewhere.
Personally, I really enjoyed this fic. I like thinking that ponyville is all cupcakes and rainbows.
Keep it up!
This is genius man!!
Make Chapter 4 please!