Rescue (APRIL FEWLZ!)
An explosion jolted Simon awake. He sat bolt upright in his bed. The sun was up, the basement was brightly lit, and there was a woman in his room standing before him. She spoke into a walkie-talkie,
“Hostage located. He’s okay”
“Roger” came the crackled reply.
She was nearly six feet tall, and shapely. She was fair-skinned, with long dirty blond hair. She wore a black beret. Her olive-green shirt was far too small, displaying both her navel and a generous amount of cleavage. She wore black tights, and black thigh-high spike-heel boots. She held a long, menacing-looking firearm.
Simon rose from his bed, reached out, and touched her arm. She was real. She was soft.
“Come on” she said with a faint British accent, “We have to go before the big one sees us”
Simon turned around, reached under his bed, and retrieved his hidden gun and holster. Then he obediently followed the woman upstairs.
In the main room of the library, Simon stopped and looked at the stairs to Twilight’s room.
“Don’t worry, I took care of her. And her little dragon, too” said the woman, reading his thoughts. Simon thought he smelled a whiff of gunpowder.
Outside awaited a small black helicopter, rotors still turning.
“Get in!” the woman ordered, and hoisted herself in through the open side. Simon looked around. Ponyville looked deserted.
“Get in!” she repeated, and grabbed Simon’s arm. Simon complied, and pulled himself up into the body of the helicopter.
Ponyville descended away beneath and behind them, as the helicopter raced away, heading South.
“We’ve never pulled an operation so close to their capitol” said the woman, as the city of Canterlot passed out of sight.
Her hand was still holding his. She squeezed it.
“My name’s Ellen” she said, “What’s yours?”
With his free hand, he pointed to the name on his breast.
“Simon” Ellen read aloud, “I like it”
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ERHMEHGERD! Best story evah! Can't wait for sequel!1!
Moooooooooorrrrrrrrrrreeeeee
-sincerely,
NG
I hate April 1st for all the bs I'm having to wade through to find the legitimate updates :(
das wut
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/8127922944/h314782ED/
Fuck April Fools... April Fuckwits more like...
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Interfesting...
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So you all have no doubt figured out that this chapter, in which Twilight Sparkle is killed by a lady dressed as a prostitute was in fact an April Fool's day joke. Reactions range from highly positive to intensely negative. Hopefully nobody's day was ruined, and hopefully some of you got a little chuckle.
...to the complainers,
I promise I won't remove your comments.
I've spent much more time writing this story, which you apparently enjoyed enough that you want a reminder every time it updates, than I did writing this dumb little chapter. Apparently, this dumb little chapter caused you enough grief that you had to share it in the public comments section of my story, where everyone on FiMFiction will be able to see just how much I've pissed my readers off.
Yet you didn't say one thing, good or bad, about my story prior to this joke chapter being published. Constructive criticism is always welcome, a little bit of earnest praise goes a long way, but calling me out on an annual display of intentional stupidity does nothing to improve my story, which I'm writing for you.
Think about it.
4171111 Nicely put. Besides, it's the one day of the year everyone gets a free pass to do stupid shit. It's not like it didn't happen last year, people.
4171111 When are you going to put in the real chapter?
4171111 I gotta admit, it was pretty funny. Props to you.