In celebration of Ponyville's seventy fifth anniversary a talent showcase is shown. Raiden, ever the competitive one, decides to enter to show off his skills. Unfortunately, because of his celebrity status Raiden can't compete to win. Not one to back down Raiden decides to train another to prove he could win through somepony else. But of all the talent in small town Ponyville, Raiden's eyes fall on Ditzy Doo aka Derpy. Just what is Raiden hoping to do with the young pegasus?
(This story is a gift for my first 66 watchers. Taking Place in Noir's universe)
Chapters (5)
Oh mer gersh, this looks awesome!
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"Colgate: I don’t care about your shiny teeth, no matter how happy they make you"
Rina-chan/Fairly Odd Parents reference. I like it.
Good side story, though there is a lot of punctuation missing in the speech text.
You know I always imagined privates voice as Jason Marsdens character Impulse from Young Justice but in a slightly darker tone. I've always wondered who you'd think could portray as privates voice Jacob?
1870313I always read Private's voice as my own regular voice with just a little bit of a lower octave. I don't know of any specific person I'd want to be Private's voice actor. Then again nopony has done an audio reading so I've never heard any one else's take on his voice.
dem wing-boners
nice chapter, i enjoyed it.
interesting little snippet at ditzy's past. and another little glimpse at raidens family
dost thou ever runn-eth out of ideas for character pasts?
i await the next chapter with much eagarity
COMMENCE WAITING GAME
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2026864The greatest characters are characters with history. If you can think to give a character an interesting life before they arrive at the point in the story then people will be interested to learn about it.
The perspective into Ditzy's life and the Bolt family were good, it is nice to see this sidestory has updated. The song that Ditzy thinks of when she thinks of Cobalt, are those lyrics from Total Eclipse of the Heart?
2027709Yep, a very personal song between them. It's the reason for the title as well.
Love it!
2027510
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you make a very strong point there friendo
i know who i'm seeking out for assistance if i ever decide to get off my backside and write a story of my own
Rainbow and Derpy's relationship is something that I find as something interesting and I like seeing it in stories and your portrayal of how protective Rainbow is of her friends really fits her. Also on another point, Raiden's manager is a complete jerk.
Love it. Also love the way theyre standing up for each other.
so, this is getting continued yes?
2169666Yes, after every case until after case 20. So two more parts are coming until this side series is finished.
2169698well then, hurry it up! this latest case Private is working is pretty good, despite it turning into basically a ponyfied version of Disneys The Little Mermaid...
2169760Oh believe me, monkey wrenches will be thrown in the next chapter...
2169860speaking of, any idea when that going to come out? in roundish figures of course...
2169893I just sent it to get edited, expect it in about a day or so, really depends on Shattered's schedule.
2169908good to hear, i like these stories. not normally one for mystery or noir, but these r quite good
2169999Well it's not 100% Noir by any stretch of the imagination. I like to think of it as simply a more mature take on the series with a mystery to tie the stories together.
2170028no arguments there, i doubt that true noir would make six or seven assorted video game/movie/music references in one story... (case 13)
As I have said before part of what I enjoy about your stories is the depth that there is to the characters and it shows in this chapter, I did enjoy how you expand more on the characters both Ditzy and Raiden. On another note I still hope Gander gets what's coming to him as well that also now applies to Siren.
2215042I can't really explain it but I've always been good when it comes to character backstories. I just find it facinating to delve into the life of a character. How they became what they are, what they decided to do with their lives, family. Like I said before, people are willing to invest in a character if you give them a history.
2215182
I agree, character backstories are one thing I really enjoy reading and it is unfortunately not something that always occurs.
Yet further proof of your writing ability. Excellent work.
2215438You all flatter me, really
, I only hope I can keep up with your expectations.
dude, the feels
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It's amazing how you've shaped this world and the characters in it. The backstories of all the OCs are very interesting, and youve added so much of your own story to the background characters. I also like how somehow, all these characters are connected in some way, it reminds me of Les Miserables. Basically all the characters are somehow connected.
2231189I've always been good when it comes to character backstory. Everybody is connected to everybody somehow in Noir. Something as suptle as adding Seeker in Derpy's dialogue show's that. I haven't even gotten to half of the connections these characters have in mind. I'll bet you'll never guess what I have in mind for Nurse Redheart
comon, whens the last part coming out? the side story is up, the last case is finished...i have a horde of hatchling dragons wanting to see Derpy sing and win...
There are no words to describe how beautiful this chapter was... All I can say is that, you did a great job in this writing this story.
2376869It's up now...behold...
2381560Thank you so much. I try to put as much heart as I can in writing whatever I write.
2381571
I can see it clearly, all of your stories have your heart in them. In fact because of some of your stories I decided to write a story of my own. It... could have gone better at first, but I've fixed the problems in it. At least I hope so
Never loose heart in your stories, it is what makes your stories great.
2381592Just remember something a very wise friend told me. Write for you. Always write because you want to make something great.
2381597 I shall keep a note of that advice, would be boring to write for other's when you don't enjoy it yourself.
Tears were shed, I'm not even going to attempt denying it...fantastic
but wait!!!!
The doctor.......grrr........she's mine!!!!
2376869 Sorry, that was my bad. I had a lot of stuff going on, so I didn't have much time to edit.
2384877 fine, but ur sentenced to three days with CMC for the delay, and u have to help in any crazy stunts they come up with!
Beautiful ending to this tale.
I do have one thing to bring up though that is this sentence,
“Do you realize what sending your brother in cost me?!”,
it sounds a bit awkward reading it but was it suppose to be "is costing" not "in cost"?
2386990I should've put a comma or something
2387005
How would a comma help?
2387015never mind
2387019
Sorry about that, just curious.
2385358CUTIE MARK CRUSADER PYRO TECHNICS YEEAAA!!!!!
darn it, stop trying to break me with yer feels
oh, who am i kidding......
so beautiful
Can I reach into the screen and stab Siren and Gander? Please?
2376869 Okay, laser-rifles, I can understand. Dragons??? With someone who needs all of the grammar lessons???
2655388 <shrugs> i use texttalk in comments, bad habit but it does save time...