Spyrodragon63
Joined 24th Oct, 2012 ·
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I KNEW RAINBOW WASN'T LESBIAN YEEEEEEEEEEEAH!
1833285Yeah I hate they stereotype Rainbow like that.
Oh, oh my.
Lol, oh wow.
When you've got problems in both your title and description it can dissuade people from reading your story and promotes insta-disliking.
ummmmmmm ... what the BUCK did I just read and why?!?!
ummm didn't like that much
sorry
Instead of saying u say you
This needs some serious editing
Reddit has taught me the way of the spell check ~ so much that I get irritated when something is spelled wrong. You have some of the worst spelling I have ever seen in all my the roaming the interwebz. Text is not a language, and until it is, write (or type in this case) in an existing language.
Don't know how? Go to school.
Okay, i look at this story, and i see potential. And need of a spellcheck. I am not going to like or dislike this for now, the jury is still out on it. And aggron, in some schools students can use texting shorthand in all subjects on normal work and test work except for English. But i agree, it doesn't belong in a fanfic. Back to the writer, your story was lacking in descriptiveness, or, in simpler terms, there weren't enough details. Your opening was good and smooth, but when you got to the clop scene, it kind of lost its momentum. All in all, you had a good idea for a story, just need to work on details. Lack of adjectives used to be a problem for me when i started writing. Anyway, take your ideas, flesh them out a little and if you want some help editing, let me know.
The sex scene was really short and not very descriptive. And there's many spelling and grammar errors. I'd rate it as a 3/10, but besides the mistakes, it would be a 7/10.
Ok dude the story it has spelling mistakes
and next time use more descriptive words. And the readers have to picture the story I didn't picture nothing 
I loved it. To say you were betted to write this and u clearly didn't want to I give you....
1 rairty
2 scoots
a twilight 
and best for last a spike
3 derps
Holy Faust, this was a terrible read. A great idea, sure, but a terrible read none of the less. Your writing lacked so much detail, and focus, and worst of all, committed The Greatest heresy of all to a writer and reader. That heresy my friend, is lack of conviction and passion.. I give this a thumbs down for how poorly this is written. And learn how to spell, all of those spelling errors and typos made my eyes bleed and my IQ Drop. I don't aim to be a grammar Nazi but damn dude, that was ridiculous. I recommend a full rewrite. get some editors and proof readers and practice your writing... or just delete this but then that would be lost potential... now that i am reading what i just typed I seem to be coming off a little bit of an asshole... oh well, deal with it. this was meant to be constructive criticism, if it wasn't I am sorry.