What.

Wait what?

So, lemme get this straight:

Trixie is having a mental breakdown (why?), She randomly starts talking to Twilight (why, when did they meet?). They make out (where did these feelings come from, when did they start?) and it ends with Twilight on top. (OOC, this is Twilight, it's her first time, she's gonna be excited, but really nervous.).

You need to add depth, give reasons.

Hope this helped!

...''OMG''?
That wasn't a good idea.
Net abbreviations said out loud REALLY take away from the story.

I just saw that image on DeviantART, what a coincidence.

133181 In my headcanon, Twilight has been initiated by Spike

133265 OMG wat

Every time I see someone upset I also seduce them, then engage in sexual activities.
Its good, but your pre-reader (if you have one) didn't do a good job. But besides that, I think its good and i'm actually going to want to read more!
BTW Its a clopfic, so haters 'gona hate.

Not sure If want...

I'll give this story a chance and track it, it looks like it might be interesting

133324 *phew* Good~!
Glad I'm not the only one out there that does that, I was beginning to think I was a bit weird...

My favourite sentence by far is She savoured the taste of Trixie’s ear, even though objectively speaking, it actually tasted like nothing in particular. Powerful, powerful stuff.

133527 Hahaha sounds like your getting close to a emotional break down

133614 HAH WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!? EVERYTHING IS JUST SPLENDID! NO NEED HERE TO SEDUCE AND ENGAGE IN SEXUAL ACTIVITIES... NOPE NOT HERE.

133623 You can't hide whats inside!!

133633
I'M NOT HIDING ANYTHING!!! BECAUSE NOTHING IS INSIDE OF ME!!!

133646 ..... not yet...

133647
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/612_small.jpg

133652 I haven't learned how to most pictures... so Imagine Twilight with a meh Gusta face

Random seducing with probably sexual results? ME LIKEY

Some observations.

1) Make account "clopmama" using a disposable email address.
2) In 10 minutes, cobble together 800 words of clopfiction.
3) Still receive more than ten times the viewership and more encouraging comments than on any serious writing you've done.

So, yeah. Maybe I've been betting on the wrong kind of "plot"...

133283
Wait wait wait. How did Spike learn about it?

No, lemme guess. Rarity told him...

Seriously, Spike is half of Twilight's age. HALF! How could he ever, ever learn stuff like that?!

If it was Rarity, I have but one thing to say, "CHILD MOLESTER!!!!!!"

134522 Toucha' my friend!

134522 If you wrote this in ten minuets then why da hell aren't you posting more????????????

135163 <<
He has a point, let us see what you can create with a whole 20 minutes!

135397>>135163

Ok. You know what? Clopfiction is my ambition now. Like, for real. Let's see where I can take this.

140022 Oh hell yeah! Shits about to get real!!!

140022
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw2191_320.jpg

Very, VERY OOC Twilight. She may have been angry at Snips and Snails at the end of Boast Busters, but not enough to effectively curse at them in ponyese (a term I am now taking credit for coining). Not only is Twilight waaayyy too shy and well-mannered to do that to adults, but these two are still just children (and not very smart ones at that). Also, the whole "emotional distress makes me hawt" thing is just... ugh. I'm still going to follow and see where this is going, and hope it gets better.

Twilight lightly licked Trixie’s eyes from behind

Wut

What......is going on?!?