• Published 20th Dec 2012
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Cultural Artifacts - Dan_s Comments



A little piece of Earth arrives in Equestria, a human and it's home. The citizens of Ponyville and Princess Luna struggle with this newcomer, as it struggles with them.

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34) There's No 'I' in Team! There's Six in Asinine Platitude Spouting Idiot.

Cultural Artifacts - There's No 'I' in Team! There's Six in Asinine Platitude Spouting Idiot.
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.
Day 64

Woona crawled on her belly across the ice floe. She waited for the Big Guy to crawl back out of the flaw in the ice trench. As he packed away the two cameras, she crawled forward into the trench so she wouldn't be silhouetted against the sky.

There it is, she thought in horror, The Equestrian Mammoth Shoggoth, or the Shmooze. Her horror was such, at the sheer malevolence radiating off the mass vast of eyes and mouths that she didn't focus on the Big Guy reeling her back by her tail until she'd broken contact.

"Thank you," she said and huddled in a ball, "I just need a moment."

"Take your time. We can't afford to be seen," he said and crawled up beside her and scratched her behind the ears. "This is between friends," he told her, "Not sex."

Woona giggled, "It's about as close as you can get in public." She laid her head down and just enjoyed the soothing of his fingers. After a while, she pulled her head away. "I may be able to sit here on the ice all day, but you could get frostbite. Let's head back. We have some important details to discuss, and the flight home should be when they are discussed."

"Okay, stay low for the first couple dozen miles," he said.

They proceeded to the precipice before he climbed on her back, and she plunged off the edge to build up speed to race low over the surface.

"That's twice," the Big Guy said, "I think you fliers generate a field that protects your passengers and yourselves from wind chill. I did it with Derpy and thought it was going to freeze us solid, but it was warmer flying than standing still."

Woona considered that, but broached the subject. "Luna and I are swapping places." She felt the hurt silence and began to explain. "It's not a knock on you, or Celly. But Luna needs you, more than she needs Celestia. And Celestia needs a friend more than she needs her kid sister."

"Elegant," he said, "Just don't let these pictures derail your plans. One shock may have Celestia clinging to the familiar like a limpet to a rock," he warned.

"I have a plan for that too," Woona said.
------------------------------

Twilight slid down the rock face in the caverns under Canterlot. The bumps and bruises seemed a minor reminder of the price of not paying attention to what was directly in front of her. Then she looked up at the steepness of the slope. "I'm never going to climb out of here," she said and looked around, "Well, I wanted to go deeper, it seems I got my wish." She began picking her way across the narrow gap between the slopes. The occasional twinge of the scrapes and bruises she suffered during her climb irritated her.

"I wish I remembered why I started this," Twilight said, "I'm sure it was a good idea." She nearly yelped as she squeezed through a narrow cleft in the rocks, scraping an area that had also been scraped repeatedly. "Ow, I guess I wanted to be bald there. I thought this was a good idea, at the time."

She looked around, and considered which path would take her farther down. The sound of a tickle of water drew her forward.

It was only a few drops a minute, but the tiny rivulet still gave her a path to follow.
------------------------------

Derpy wasn't sure why Bonbon had been trembling, but she'd hugged the distraught mare right along with Lyra. The others had wandered into their shared bedroom, and accreted around Bonbon like an oyster making pearls, until none of the sniffily mare could be seen from the outside. Derpy slowly nibbled at the back of Bonbon's neck, not hurtfully, but the old pony way of saying 'you belong to us'.

After a few moments of that, Bonbon burst into tears. "I don't deserve this!" she insisted, and began sobbing uncontrollably as she clung to Lyra.

"Nobody 'deserves' friends, and they always give more than they cost you in the long run," Derpy said, quoting bits of conversations she and Dinky had with the Big Guy, Celly and Woona, "But when you pay, you give all. That's the price. You don't deserve us, but we love you, and want you, and will happily pay that price."

Rather than lift her mood, Bonbon sobbed harder. Lyra looked over the sobbing mare's shoulder and shook her head. Derpy returned Lyra's grin, and kept snuggling against Bonbon and stroking her mane.

I have a feeling I know what else is bothering her, Derpy thought of Dinky, But we can help with that too.
------------------------------

Rarity felt her mane stand on end as she saw Applejack and Fluttershy returning to the suite of apartments the Ponyvillians were occupying.

Avant guarde is the wrong word, but, they are striking! she thought as both froze at her intense interest.

Applejack's mane was separated into sections, each clipped with a piece of metal, it was a severe and austere styling, but gave the mare the look of a captain of industry. Fluttershy could make anything look good, but her mane hand been redone as dozens of small braids, each tipped with a bow or flower. Her tail had been redone like macrame, flowers and bows of her hair all woven tastefully throughout. Both had their manes and tails brushed until they shone like polished metal.

"Rarity, are you all right?" Fluttershy asked.

"Am I?" Rarity asked, "What spa does such excellent work?"

"Discord's doin' 'ambush make overs'," Applejack said, and frowned, but then looked over the effect, "Maybe I shouldn't, but I kinda like it."

"I love mine," Fluttershy said and tossed her head, "Like a cloud of bows and flowers. Not for every day, but it's a very nice change."

Fluttershy looked at the dust cloud where Rarity had been standing. "You suppose she liked it?"
------------------------------

Celestia nodded to the noblemares who stood in clusters and gossiped. She'd noted that a number of them had striking new hairdos and makeup sets, every single one was a vast improvement over the style they had probably latched onto when they were fillies and no one had the guts to tell them that on a matron they looked ridiculous. She put that down to commonsense breaking out, or some changeling letting them look at themselves from the outside.

In the Sun Room were Celly, Woona, Selene, Luna, and Discord standing around the table, rivaling their majesty was Rarity. The mare always took pride in her appearance, but this was amazing. "Rarity," Celestia gasped, "You can't go out looking like that."

"What?" Rarity asked, shooting a shocked look at Discord, who seemed equally confused.

"So many old stallions will never survive it," she said.

"Well, it is Canterlot," Rarity said and trotted out with her head held high.

Discord accepted a hoofful of bits from Luna, and both glanced at Celestia, along with Celly and Woona. "No, I can't," Discord said, "I'm not going to risk trying and failing." Then he vanished.

Celestia filed that away.

"I heard from two of you about serious events," Celestia said.

"We'll deal with the existential," Luna said, "And move to the personal." Several large pictures floated out of Luna's saddlebags and set themselves before Celestia. "I think I now know why Sombra went mad. This is to the north of what was the Crystal Empire, I have no idea how large it actually is, but with the dry, still air, visibility was at least 20 miles."

Celestia staggered at the idea of a creature at least 40 miles wide and 20 miles long, or bigger. "Perhaps Discord, no, that's what he meant isn't it. He isn't sure he can."

"He certainly didn't mean giving you a new mane- and tail-style. He doesn't want to risk trying and it not working, and the subsequent blame," Celly said, "The simple fact is that this may be what Sombra was freezing, and the rest of the Crystal Empire was just a side-effect."

"Such a selfless act would have been beyond him at that moment," Celestia said, "We tried to redeem him."

"Not to put too fine a point on it," Celly said, "But our track record of redeeming the fallen is abysmal, yours and mine."

Celestia frowned at that.

"Which leads us to the personal," Luna said, "I'll be leaving with Selene, and Woona will be taking my place."

The entire world went black.

"She took it rather well," Celestia heard from the shadows.
------------------------------

Twilight carefully stepped on the tiny path cut in the rocks. This rock is more weathered than the rest, she considered, I wonder why. I'd also better watch my step, or the path will crumble under me. The crack and rock dropping right in front of her warned her of other dangers. She raised a shield, but the rockslide scoured away the path before and behind, then undermined the outcropping she stood on.

Twilight screamed as she fell, trying desperately to catch a hoofhold on the friable rock face.

"Youch!" she screamed as something caught her tail and brought her to a sudden halt. As she hung there, she twisted around to catch sight of her rescuer, and her heart sank.

"Not you," she said.

The Big Guy gave her a puzzled look. "I can let go and you can wait for the next person, but I think you're in for a long wait," he said

"No," she said, "Thank you."

He set her down on the much thicker path he walked on. Does he always have to be better than me? she wondered as he worked out his shoulder. She braced herself for some joke about her weight.

"What was up there that was worth leaving the mine car tracks?" he asked.

"What are you doing down here?" she asked.

"After Blueblood found Nistag's lab down here, I thought I'd poke around and find out if there was something else down here," he replied, and started walking down the path between the rails.

Twilight trotted after him. "These caverns have been explored."

"How thoroughly? And not by a monkey-based biped they haven't. Some of the openings are too narrow for pegasi," he said, then glanced at her scraped up condition, "Or other ponies. And ponies aren't naturally good climbers. You came down without the right kit: pitons, rope, hammer, sample box or a camera."

"I don't even know why I came down here," she admitted, "After listening to some of Cadence's stories, I had to explore for myself."

"Well, don't go too deep," he teased, "There are creatures in the dark that are worse than your greatest nightmares."

"Something out of your legends?" she asked.

"Partially, and that alone in the dark, you find out who you truly are."
------------------------------

Celestia swept the cool cloth off her face and confronted the world's entire supply of alicorns. "What did you say?" she shouted as she grabbed Luna in a fierce hug, "After being apart for so long! I can't lose you."

'Luna' handed Selene back to the real Luna, and Celestia released Woona, letting her breathe. Selene giggled at this.

"I'm not going to stop being your sister," the real Luna said, "I'm just going to stop being the Lunar Diarch."

"Be honest," Celly said, "As much as you wanted her back at your side. You stopped needing her a week after she was gone."

Woona approached. "Luna hates being the Lunar Diarch," she said, glanced at Luna who nodded for her to continue, "She took the throne to please you and be with you, but she's a thousand years out of date. She wants to be with you, but the price is too high."

"What?" Celestia asked as she looked at the faces around her. One who was her twin, and twinned sisters she could barely tell apart. Cadence and Selene stayed to one side.

"Luna was trapped in the moon, she fought Nightmare in an endless now with no seeming passage of time," Celly said.

"While Celly turned me into a statue and came out nearly every day to talk to me about things. Policies, gossip, little bits of literature," Woona said, "So when I escaped the stone and Nightmare's clutches, I was up to date on what was going on. Your Equestria is not that different from ours."

"So what Woona is saying," Luna said, "Is that she wants to be Diarch, and I don't. She wants to be your friend, as much as I love you my sister, I'm still your kid sister who lacks a thousand years of experience, so I'll always be behind you, deferring to you."

"Likewise," Woona said, "My sister has a sense of wanderlust, and very strange taste in companions, which your sister shares. Both the taste and the wanderlust."

"I'm not abandoning you," Luna said, "I'll still visit. And with four of us, you might get an occasional vacation."

Celestia snorted at that.

"But Woona wants to help you run the government. It's too overwhelming for me," Luna said.

"And I want my sister to be happy as well," Woona said, "She argued just as hard -"

"And just as futilely, " Celly added and grinned ear to ear at her sister, who stuck out her tongue.

"But the fact is, neither of us are abandoning our beloved sister, we just don't want to follow the life they've charted for themselves," Woona said, "Luna wants to go back to being an explorer, and I want to put all the solutions to Equestria's problems that I've been thinking over for several hundred years into practice."

"Such as?" Celestia said, feeling distinctly put upon.

"Abolishing the Lake Telermet Fishing Oversight Agency," Woona said.

"The what?" Cadence asked.

"You know it better as Sweet Apple Acres," Woona said, "The battle with Nightmare Moon created a blockage in the river that runs alongside Ponyville, creating a huge lake, and it emptied through Ghastly Gorge, not into the ocean. There was an agency set up to prevent over fishing. Well, three hundred years after the dam existed, the lake overtopped its banks and it broke a new opening, and the land drained. After another few hundred years, settlers came into this piece of dry land and set up Ponyville. But the Agency is still there."

"Good grief," Cadence said.

"Like we said," Luna spoke up, "I am not abandoning you. You need a helper who both wants the job, and would be good at it. I am neither. Celly needs someone to keep her from sticking her head in a puzzle and not surfacing for air until she solves it. Woona wants my job, and I want hers. Woona can be the friend who stands up to you, and I can be the same for Celly."

Celestia looked over the faces around her. Celly shrugged, while Woona and Luna waited for her response. Cadence and Selene had resumed playing. "Cadence, what of you? If they are going to deal with that thing, then they might free the Crystal Empire. Are you ready to take the throne?"

"No," Cadence said, "Ready or not, I will not take the throne," Cadence said.

Celestia nearly staggered. "Cadence, we've talked about this, that if the Crystal Heart doesn't embody the right environment."

"I have heard the legends," Cadence said, "But I was talking with Colonel Blueblood, and he pointed out that I haven't done anything to deserve the throne. I have none of the military necessary to take the Empire from Sombra's armies. I have no special standing as a lost and found citizen. I am going to be there because you put me there. That would make me little more than one of your mayors. I respect your wishes, your Highness, but thousands of ponies are going to be looking to me for guidance, and I'll only be there because you think I should be. Blueblood, the changeling royalty, and their armies who will free the citizens from the vestiges of Sombra's control will deserve to have a say in the new government. If I go there, I'll have to earn my place among them."

Celestia was speechless.
------------------------------

"Why are you following me?" Twilight asked him as she trotted down the mine cart track.

"Because I set you down ahead of me on the path I wanted to walk and you're not slow enough to overtake and pass," he replied.

Twilight grumbled, but kept trotting.

"Do you want some water? I have a spare canteen," he asked.

"No, I don't want any water, I don't want any trail mix, and I . . . I thank you for offering," she said.

"So what are you doing down here? I'm exploring."

Twilight stopped. As a mercy, the Big Guy didn't run into the back of her. "I want to get out of here, " she answered.

The Big Guy stepped around her. "Follow this path back up until it ends. Don't take any side paths. There's light enough to see once the tracks run out, so follow it," he said, then laughed, "The only place you go to the depths of, to get out, is Hell." He started walking down the tracks at the same ground-devouring pace that required trotting to keep up ahead of.

Or keep up with, Twilight sighed, and followed him. What am I doing? she asked herself, He told me the way out, but now that I know he's going to go look, I have to know what's at the bottom. She hung her head and trotted after him.
------------------------------

The meeting had broken up in an unusual way. Celly and Luna had left together, with Selene. Cadence had gone off to find Shining Armor. Leaving Woona and Celestia to walk back to the throne room alone.

"It isn't your 'fault' that this is happening," Woona said, looking like an older, more mature Luna. Making the pair appear to be adult sisters instead of Celestia being larger than Luna.

Making us look like equals, instead of the queen and her kid sister, Celestia thought.

She sighed, "And I suppose it's nobody's fault?" she asked.

"We know the answer to that," Woona said, "You haven't done wrong, but you've only done all right. You and Celly were exactly what the ponies needed, a thousand years ago, and you haven't done badly by them in the intervening millennium. But there's change brewing, one you aren't seeing. Some ponies are growing up. The endless carnival is about to close up for the summer. Over what time were Tirek, Sombra, Discord, and Nightmare Moon threatening Equestria the first time? Decades. Now they all attack, and more, in less than one year, and the ponies bounce back. An ordinary pegasus thinks nothing of asking a newly arrived alien to fillysit. Would that have occurred a thousand years ago?"

"It's time for me to step down and get out of the way?" Celestia asked, letting some of her bitterness show.

"No, it's time to stop being 'mommy' to a pack of foals, and start being 'MOTHER!' to a rambunctious teen-ager. They won't love you any less, but they're going to get bumps and bruises that mommy's kiss won't make go away." She stopped in front of Celestia. "No one is rejecting you. We all just want the relationships on more equal terms. Cadence is going to the Crystal Empire, but she's going to earn her place, not get it as a gift. Luna will be off doing what she loves doing, and coming back full of enthusiasm and wonderful stories. Fledglings have to try their wings, or they'll never leave the nest. If you love them, let them go, and if they love you, they'll come back."

"I know that in my head," Celestia admitted, "But my heart just can't grasp it."

Woona nodded as they walked.
------------------------------

The bridge was rickety, and of course, he just headed across at his usual speed. The only change to his behavior was extending a foot way out, and putting weight on it slowly, then doing the same with the next foot. It allowed him to cross the bridge much faster than Twilight could, despite her four hooves. She winced at every creak and tried his approach to little avail. The bridge did little more than creak and groan as they crossed, so she felt better about that. But once back on the cart path, she had to gallop to catch up with him.

"You could have waited," she accused.

"You are trying to go back where you came from," he replied, "I'm exploring. If I stop you can continue. If you stop, I assume you've come to your senses and turned around."

She grimaced at that but kept up. They walked in silence for quite a while. Twilight was brimming with questions, but had no idea how he'd react, beyond continuing to ignore her. Finally, she couldn't stand it any more. "Are you angry with me?" she asked.

He kept walking, not even turning around to answer. "What would it matter if I was?" he asked as he climbed up the nearly sheer wall to look at something in the cave wall. "You're Princess Celestia's student. There's nothing I can do to you, legally, as long as the crown backs your every action." He dropped down to the path and continued walking. "That's the big advantage of living in a tyranny. Those on the inside can do anything, those on the outside have to watch their every step."

"Princess Celestia is no tyrant!" Twilight insisted.

"Oh, what was your punishment for nearly wrecking Ponyville? Did you even have to apologize? No, your low-caste friends got assigned the work, despite what you did to their sisters. Which was exactly what Chrysalis did to your brother, for essentially the same reason, and you're furious with her. Those ponies who attacked me when I got turned into an alicorn. All they had to do was listen to a lecture. I eventually got tricked into being banished for the threat I posed. When the ruler's cronies get all the benefits and face none of the responsibilities, then you have the beginnings of a tyranny. Even if the ruler is not a tyrant, their cronies are."

"You mean me," Twilight said.

"If the shoe fits," he replied as he climbed up to examine something on the wall. "Don't mind me, just go on ahead."

"What is it you're looking for?" she asked.

"It's technical," he replied as he dropped down.

"I happen to be very well-read," Twilight said and stomped her hoof.

"I am not going to waste my time explaining it," he said, "To someone without the industrial infrastructure to actually use it."

"Then stick to the theory, physics can't be that different!" Twilight said, and heard her voice echoing off the walls.

"Okay, that's it," he said and stepped over her and headed back the way they'd come, "I'm not hanging around someone eager to bring the walls down on her head to satisfy a childish curiosity."

"You're just being stubborn!" she said.

"And you're just being nosy. Just like the library you freaked out about. Whoever said it was your job? Answer: no one. You just pushed yourself in where you weren't wanted and to Hell with whatever anyone else wanted."

Twilight came to a fork in the path. One way the cart tracks continued. The other seemed to be where his footsteps were coming from. She growled and trotted after him. "I am not nosy! Or pushy!"

"Tell Fluttershy that," he said quietly, "And keep yelling, the avalanche will do you good."
------------------------------

The Sphinx found Trixie in the hospital. She was entertaining the collection of foals, fillies and colts who'd been injured during the battle. There are more of them than I thought, or that anyone let on, she thought as she watched the patter and simple tricks that held the audience enthralled. She smiled at the simple act of entertaining, not the people who would shower her with bits, but these forgotten ones who had only their appreciation to give. This must be what Fragrance meant when she created the changelings, the Sphinx realized, Someone who enjoyed the appreciation with no status chains to go with it. And those chains seem to be the only thing that matters around here.

The doctors intervened, leading Trixie off to the disappointment of her new fans.

Trixie smiled when she saw the Sphinx. "Ready to break into the easy end of show business?"

"Sure," the Sphinx said, "How is this easy?"

"When ponies are this bored, even if you stink, they want you," Trixie said, she was thinking as they moved to another large room, filled with an older and younger audience: young parents with their very young children. "Wild animal is out, can you be a straight man?"

"How do I be a straight man?" the Sphinx asked.

Trixie grinned. "You'll do just fine, just take everything I say at face value, no metaphors or slang, and ignore my obvious reaction to your antics."

"Easy, I hardly know any," she admitted just before they walked onto the 'stage'

"Welcome, and be prepared to witness feats never witnessed by pony eyes," Trixie said, and subtly pointed her tail at the Sphinx.

"I don't count, I'm not a pony," the Sphinx said.

Trixie covered her face with her hat. The audience giggled.

"First the cup and ball trick!" Trixie said.

The Sphinx wondered what Blueblood would say, or Discord, or the Big Guy. "You pulled me out of your hat the last time you did that trick."

"It'll work perfectly, this time," Trixie said defensively, "Or I can send you home, what are you complaining about?"

The Sphinx shrugged. "It's a win-win for me I guess. But I kinda like not being an earthworm."

The kids howled at that. And the parents began smiling again. Yes, the Sphinx thought, I can understand exactly why Fragrance did what she did.
------------------------------

Cadence paced across the room and back while Armor sat on the couch and watched. "How do we earn our way in? What would they need more than anything else?"

"First, soldiers, but Blueblood and the changelings are going to provide those in droves," Shining said, "The second thing is what did Princess Luna need when she returned? A full education in the modern world."

"I thought of that, but she was going to live in Canterlot, and take up a position Celestia held open for her. If we wanted them to be vassals of the Celestial Throne, I wouldn't even be thinking about this. I'd have Celestia toss Blueblood and the Big Guy in prison somewhere, and lock them away while I took the throne."

"With Discord gone, there's plenty of space in the statue garden," Armor said, "So what you are looking for is a new approach, something that others haven't thought of. I think I have a few people you might want to meet. Some are in jail right here in Canterlot."

"In jail?" Cadence asked.

"Some malcontents can't keep themselves under control," Armor replied, "The others, well there are ways."

Cadence dashed over and hugged him.
------------------------------

"Fluttershy," Twilight mumbled as she lay in her bed and tossed and turned in her sleep.

"Should we wake her?" Fluttershy asked quietly some distance from where Twilight lay in bed.

Pinkie stepped up next to her and shook her head. "She's had a hard time," she said very quietly, "With all the planning, and craziness."

"She seems to be having a bad dream. Should we tell Princess Luna?" Fluttershy asked.

Pinkie thought for a moment. "Naw, I think we can handle this." She headed over to Twilight and leaned over her. She whispered, "Your friends are here, and we love you and want the best for you."

"Your friends love you, and can help you do anything," Fluttershy whispered to Twilight.

Their friend seemed to settle into a more restful sleep and the pair grinned as they withdrew to let her rest.
------------------------------

The Big Guy stared at the candle while Dinky and the Crusaders watched. The small 'park', not much larger than a room, provided an out of the way place for him to practice. Dinky suspected that Celestia had offered the place so she could keep an eye on him, without seeming to. Dinky had explained about horn focus, and channeling energy, and all the lessons her magic textbooks talked about. She'd explained them again with Sweetie Belle's help, then Scootaloo talking about wings, and Applebloom talking about her connection to the land of Sweet Apple Acres.

The candle steadfastly refused to be lit.

The Big Guy looked at their downcast e expressions. "Don't worry, it'll happen eventually," he explained, "Magic is a thing of legends where I'm from. I can't go from mortal to Merlin in one day, no matter how ticklish my teacher is."

As he wiggled his fingers at her, Dinky squealed and hid behind Scootaloo.

"What's going on?" the pegasus asked.

"The dark and mysterious art of Zen Tickling," the Big Guy said in a scary voice.

"Zen Tickling?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"I shall demonstrate, who is the most ticklish among you?" he asked.

Scootaloo pointed at Sweetie Belle, everyone else pointed at Scootaloo. "Traitors," she said.

The Big Guy instantly found her most ticklish spots, and had the little pegasus squealing and begging for mercy in moments. He stopped and let her get her breath. Then he began wriggling his fingers and getting them ever closer to those ticklish spots. Scootaloo giggled and jumped away, and the fingers pursued but never caught the giggling, squealing pegasus. "Zen Tickling," the Big Guy said.

After a few moments, he relented and laid back down. The fillies clustered around him. Dinky snuggling into the crook of his arm. "The mind can convince you of things that aren't there. You can will yourself to success or failure, but it's a double-edged sword. You might be able to will yourself well, but you can also will yourself sick. So you have to be careful. One reason you three might not have your cutie marks is that you're chasing them so hard. If you switched to doing fun, interesting stuff together, you might get your marks sooner. Same activities, different goals."

"How's that supposed to work?" Applebloom asked, "Doing the same stuff but not the same goal. But we'd still be tryin' ta get our cutie marks?"

"No, you'd be enjoying your activities with your friends rather than crusading for Cutie Marks," the Big Guy said, "I could tell you right now what your special talents are."

Dinky stiffened and was about to warn him off.

"But as I understand it, that'll prevent you from getting them," the Big Guy said, "I mean, if one of you gets her mark, will you drop the other two as friends?"

All three denied they would.

"Then part of your problem is you're trying too hard. Relax, and let it come to you." He glanced over, and the candle lit. "Like that."

The Crusaders began chattering excitedly, but Dinky understood that he'd been talking to himself as much as he'd been lecturing them.
------------------------------

"What was that about Fluttershy?" Twilight demanded as she looked around the darkness, the small circle of light from her horn didn't reveal him or his footprints.

"She was sent by the Princess, and you had to interject yourself, fouling her mission," came the voice from the darkness around her. "You watched Derpy and Dinky have no problem. Spike even guided you through how to do it. Did you ignore them because they are Derpy and Spike, and you knew better?"

Twilight shied at that, and searched the darkness above her for his voice.

"Or maybe there was a book you had to follow."

She winced at that, and reminded herself to take all the bookmarks out of Commentaries on the Griffon First Contact.

"You had a perfect reason to come visiting, and a comedy aspect to soften things: Rainbow Dash's report to the Wonderbolts. I would have understood you helping someone do a report, I probably would have set up the machines to demonstrate the maneuvers from multiple viewpoints," he said, she was sure from above her, "Why didn't you?"

"I didn't think of it," she admitted, "Besides, it was her job, I didn't want to interfere."

"It never occurred to you that a flying maniac like Rainbow, with a request in hoof from the Captain of the Wonderbolts, somehow couldn't bring herself to approach me, might not need a friend to help? No wonder Celestia sent you out to study friendship. That's an F- with dishonors on that one Miss Twilight Sparkle."

Twilight grimaced at that. "She could have asked," Twilight mumbled.

"Now in your mania to get my library," he said, as she almost localized him, "You seem to have forgotten my mention of the Library of Equipolis, and the monument celebrating its destruction. And that the Changelings are converted Windingoes, I would have had to find the ruins of one of the ancient cities to learn of those things. Do you really think that there were no library wreckages there? That the knowledge there wouldn't dwarf what was in my house? And that all you have to do is ask, instead of demand?"

Twilight felt her pulse quicken, and her breathing speed up. He's right! The ancient library! All those secrets lost for so long, the ancient commentaries, the spell craft, the plays and poetry, the ancient music! The - The world spun around and she collapsed.

"Now you know why I didn't mention it," he told her, as he landed beside her and held a paper bag over her muzzle, curing her hyperventilation.

"You must hate me," she said.

"You? You're still alive, so I don't hate you. You're an irritant, nothing more. I hate this whole set up, which is why I'm leaving. But I do have a question you need to answer, for yourself if for no one else."

"Your friends are here, and love you and want the best for you. Your friends love you, and can help you do anything," he said, "Why haven't to asked for their help?" He stepped back into the darkness and was gone before Twilight could stagger to her hooves and totter after him.
------------------------------

Twilight opened her eyes and looked around in confusion. Pinkie, Fluttershy, Cadence and Shining Armor were all standing around her bed, in her Canterlot apartments. All of them showed varying degrees of worry.

Twilight sighed. "Cadence, I think I have a problem."

The alicorn smiled and hugged her. "We'll get you through it, together."
------------------------------

"How did we get covered in tree sap," Scootaloo asked, "Again?" The other two Crusaders walked beside her, but not touching as the scrubbing they'd gotten had left them rather tender.

"They make maple syrup out of tree sap," the Big Guy explained, "You wanted to see the process. Stereotypes aside, so did I."

"I'm still wondering how it didn't get us," Dinky said.

"Because when I said, 'look out', you didn't say 'where?' you just ran. Important lesson, if someone shouts a warning and starts running, don't question, follow. An Ordinance Sergeant at a dead run outranks a Major General."

"You can look around while you're running," Dinky said and giggled, "At least now you know how they make syrup."

"She said surreptitiously," the Big Guy added.

The Crusaders rolled their eyes at the Big Guy and Dinky laughing at the joke.

"No Cutie Marks though," Applebloom said, looking at her still blank flank.

The approach of Trixie and the Sphinx changed the tone. The pair looked positively grim.

"Something wrong?" the Big Guy asked.

"Something. The idiot princess who fell victim of Pinkie Pie's cookie mines, then of the brigands, has also fallen victim to yet another effect of her own mordant stupidity," Trixie said, "The doctor and wizards, and even the royal Diarchs themselves have tried to restore her horn. All to no avail."

"Unless you need the 'Cutie-Mark Crusaders Tree Sap Collectors!'," the Big Guy said, "I don't know what I can do. Even Dinky is a better spell caster than I am."

"The doctors think it's psychosomatic," the Sphinx said and grinned at Trixie, "It isn't magic she needs."

"It's theater," Trixie added and gave a truly frightening grin.
------------------------------

"All those books. Not half-decayed ruins, but all in perfect condition," Discord crooned as he patted Twilight's head, "Enough to fill your pretty noggin to the bursting point. A lifetime of reading wouldn't be enough."

Twilight felt her eyes go to pinpoints and her breathing quicken. Her heart raced as she smiled at the thought of all those ancient, never seen before, not known in a thousand years, full of secrets lost and theories unheard of, by authors who were only legends now -

"TWILIGHT SPARKLE!" Cadence said sharply.

Twilight cringed back from that angry, disappointed foalsitter's tone. She paused. Took a deep breath, then another, and nodded to Discord. "More."

Discord shrugged. "The Star-Swirl the Bearded section is over a hundred paces long, and it's in the 'Minor Theorists' section. There are the papers of Leomaro Da Marchi, and Troticus, Velvet Night and Shadefire."

Twilight resisted the urge to throttle the draconequus to demand the path to those books. But he still shied back when she looked at him.

"Twilight," Shining Armor said, sounding worried.

Shocked back to the here and now, she took another deep breath. Then another. "This is hard than I thought."

"You can't break the habits of a lifetime in just one day," Discord said and conjured a tea service.

Shining looked at the tea cup in front of him, and gently took a bite. "Good tea," he said as he chewed.

"Why are you helping us?" Cadence asked.

"I'm not, you are entertaining me," Discord said, "That was my lesson. There are ponies who make the world almost as crazy as I did. I just have to learn to watch them, and enjoy their performance."

Twilight frowned. "You mean me."

"All of Celestia's students," Discord said, "The scion of Harmony spread more chaos than I did. Glorious."

Twilight let out a breath. "Let's try this again."

"At least this time I didn't have to shout," Armor said, and threw an apologetic glance to Cadence.

"And it's not just the library, but all their infrastructure. From lights, to water pumps, to building buildings," Discord crooned and laughed.

Twilight took a deep breath, let it out and nodded to him.

"Actually, you're doing it wrong," Discord said.

Twilight felt a stab of panic.

"It should be four heartbeats inhale, hold two, and four heartbeats exhale," Discord said.

Despite her crisis, she did as Discord had suggested. As she calmed down she looked at him curiously. "That does work better."

"Of course," Discord said, "Think of all the things I learned in my lifetime, all the secrets lost that I still know. All the lost cities I remember and whether they are there, or just legends."

Twilight stepped towards him, stopped, four heartbeats breathe in, two hold, four heartbeats breathe out, until her heart rate came back to normal.

"You almost had me," Twilight said.

"I have to make it harder in training than in real life," Discord said, put on a pot helmet covered with stars and stood before a red and white striped banner with a field of blue in one corner. "A gallon of sweat saves a pint of blood!" he insisted, then the helmet disappeared, the stars appeared on the banner's blue field, then it disappeared. "The library of Equipolis. I could take you back to the time before it was burned. You could clear the whole thing out before the first torch flew."

Twilight took a deep breath for four heartbeats, held it for two, and released it for four. She nodded. "More."
------------------------------

Rainbow threaded through the doors to the royal apartments carefully, on hoof. That and the condition of her wings drew all the others' attention.

"Rainbow?" Rarity asked, a lilting laughter hidden in her tone, "You were spying on them, weren't you."

Applejack's chuckle drove the spike in deeper.

"Well, Fluttershy went in, to see what all the fuss was about. Then I saw what they did to Derpy," Rainbow said.

"What did they do to Derpy?" Twilight asked.

Rainbow glanced around at the three mares and their intense interest. She tried to shake her wings loose, then sighed. "They, that is the Big Guy and Luna, were brushing out her wings," she said, and hoped that would explain it.

"Isn't that like a slumber party game?" Twilight asked, "Like manestyling, and hoofpolishing?"

"Yeah!" Rainbow said, "Between mares, but think about a stallion giving a mare a manestyle, or putting on hoof polish!"

"I think it's romantic," Rarity said, offering no help whatsoever.

"So they were playing slumber-party games. Derpy and the Big Guy are as good as hitched, and the Princess always wanted friends," Applejack said and glanced around, "It's a little strange, but nothing ta cause that." She pointed at Rainbow's wings.

"They were also nibbling on the leading edges!" Rainbow shouted, "While they were brushing them." Just thinking about it made her wings 'poof' more.

"The horror!" Twilight said as she frowned at Rainbow.

Sveti wandered over to the group and sat down. "So, one's a display of submission, the other a display of dominance." The griffon reared up before Rarity. "I can do what I like to you and you cannot stop me!" she hissed at Rarity, "What color hoofpolish do you want?"

Applejack and Rarity started giggling, then laughing.

"Bizarre, for a pony," Twilight said, "Perfectly reasonable, even calculated for him. And I bet all three of them loved every moment of it."

"Doesn't it creep you out?" Rainbow asked.

"I somehow doubt it creeped you out," Rarity pointed out.

"Where's Pinkie?" Rainbow asked, "She'll understand."

"She's with the colonel-general," Sveti said.

"Isn't he, kind of old, what'll they be doing for so long?" Rainbow asked.

"Talking?"

"Snuggling?"

"Thinkin' stuff up?"

The trio looked at Sveti. "The griffon tongue developed to let us collect the last bit of marrow from inside bones we couldn't crack open," the she-griffon said, "It's very long and flexible."

Rainbow stared at her. "What does that mean?"

"It means as a good general, if the usual way to enter the city through the gates isn't available," Rarity said, "He'll improvise another way in."

"Hi girls," Pinkie said as she trudged in, her gate slow, her hair flat, when she realized they were all staring she tried to brighten her grin, but she just looked tired, "What were you all talking about?"

"Siegecraft," Twilight said, "Are you all right?"

"Me?" Pinkie said and looked around, "I just came to get my shampoo and toothbrush."

"But, er, your hair," Rarity said.

"Oh, I'm not sad, I'm just kinda tired, but it's a good kinda tired," Pinkie said, "Exciting last couple of days. Almost too much fun." Pinkie went into her room and returned with a small basket dangling from her mouth, "See ya in th' mornin'." She trotted out.

"What's going on?" Rainbow asked.

"You have got to be kidding me," Twilight said, "I've got a book on it around here somewhere." She trotted into her room.

"Must be some book," Applejack said as she trotted after her.

"Celestia sent it to me," Twilight admitted, and blushed, "I think I was meant to give it to someone else."
------------------------------

Fluttershy felt Bonbon and Lyra snuggle up on either side of her as she looked around the large sleep room the Big Guy and the mares with him occupied. The thorough brushing out of her wings had felt marvelous, and had left her very relaxed. At least they didn't nibble on them like they did Derpy, then Derpy and the Big Guy did to Luna. She nearly giggled at the expression on the formerly scary princess' face when they started in on her. I think I figured it out, Fluttershy thought as she rested her head on the pillow the Big Guy had gotten for the trio.

The Sphinx arrived, carrying on her back an exhausted Trixie. She laid down carefully to avoid waking the weary unicorn. Celly levitated off Trixie's hat and cloak, and draped a blanket over the pair. The Sphinx nodded as she settled in to sleep.

It's like a slumber party. It isn't the 'hareem' the ladies of the court have been talking about. The girls cluster around and some cuddle, but that's all they do with him. Or maybe it's like an insect hive or colony with the pampered 'queen' in the center, and all the workers and warriors between her and the outside. Maybe bees are the best example, since the Big Guy is the best fighter, Fluttershy considered. She gave into the impulse to spread her wings over Bonbon and Lyra as she settled in to sleep. The mares snuggled in closer.
------------------------------

Twilight closed the book, Applejack had left when her laughter became too loud. Twilight looked around for Rainbow Dash. "I wonder where she's gotten to?" On a whim, she looked under her bed and saw two eyes staring out of the darkness at her.

"I'm never coming out," came the wavery voice so unlike Rainbow's arrogant confidence.

"That's okay. I'll be sure to tell the Big Guy where you are, and you're feeling especially lonely and unloved," Twilight told her.

There was a Rainbow streak connecting her bed to the door of Rainbow's room. Then the sound of lots of furniture being piled up against the closed door.

Twilight trotted out to where Applejack and Rarity were staring at the spectacle.

"What the hay does she think he's gonna do?" Applejack asked loudly enough Rainbow doubtless could hear.

"It's more like what she's afraid she'll enjoy him doing," Rarity explained to Applejack at a similar volume, "After all, maybe he's into wings."

"Now girls, you know he wouldn't do that to Rainbow," Twilight said and winked to her friends, "Even though he tickle fought Applejack."

The mare in question went from restrained giggles to blushes at that. Rarity had an even harder time restraining her giggles.

"He probably doesn't find her attractive," Twilight said and was rewarded with the scraping sound of furniture being moved away from the door.

Followed by an angry Rainbow Dash. "Ha, he probably thinks I'm too much mare for him!"

"With Celly and now Luna in his group?" Twilight asked, and let Rainbow deflate, "He doesn't hate you or anything. He just paints you into the background. 'Oh you're Fluttershy's friend'."

None of them could tell what emotions Rainbow was feeling, she seemed to be going through every one she had. Trying them on before discarding them. She settled on aghast. "How could he not know who I am?" Rainbow asked.

"Well," Twilight considered, "Considering his interest in air machines, maybe flying creatures aren't that interesting."

"Well, he is interested in Derpy," Rarity said.

"She's a good mother in need of a good partner," Applejack replied after a bit of 'consideration', "So it can't compare."

"I think it's more that he is avoiding her because she must obviously be frightened of him," Rarity said, as Rainbow looked at each of them with growing incredulity, "She did have an assignment from Spitfire to research those flight maneuvers and never even approached him. If you scare someone that badly, it's just bad manners to keep thrusting yourself into their business."

Twilight caught the raised eyebrow directed at her. She hung her head.

"In the morning," Applejack told the others, "You go charging in now, then nopony is gonna wanna help you."

Rainbow relaxed and bit and returned to her room. The others drifted off to their own.
------------------------------
Day 65

Twilight had risen early, in hopes of meeting with the Big Guy before the day really got started. But Derpy had reported that he was 'off on a project'. Then she'd had to wake up Rainbow Dash and go looking. Trixie was also missing, and no one seemed to know where either of them had gone.
------------------------------

Derpy was walking through the courtyards of the castle, enjoying the morning sun, the smell of the flowers which were blooming everywhere, and company of Dinky. The fillies was happily thinking and discarding ideas for the 'big project' Trixie, the Big Guy and several others were working on.

Then Derpy saw a stallion she'd hoped never to see again, and he was heading right towards her. Derpy scooted Dinky behind her.

"Derpy, good to see you. Is that Dinky?" the unicorn said and peered around Derpy as she kept herself between Dinky and the stallion.

"Yes," Derpy said.

"Dinky is my daughter," the stallion said.

Derpy bristled at that. "Dinky is my daughter," Derpy said, "All you did was get me pregnant. To win a bet as I later found out."

"That was a mistake," the stallion said, and moved closer, Derpy moved back.

"I'm quite fine with the results. I have a daughter I love very much, and I haven't seen you in years," Derpy said, and kept moving so she was always between Dinky and the stallion.

"You treat that . . . creature as the father," the stallion asked.

Derpy felt the anger pass through her, and she was beyond it. "Yes, I do. I'm not smart when it comes to things, but I am good at looking at people, and the bubbles they surround themselves with. When I met you, I realized you were lonely. I wasn't so stupid that I was fooled by your desires, I just was naive enough to think that once you let me into your 'bubble' that I meant something to you. When I met him, I realized he needed to be needed. He needed people to let him inside their bubble. He could be trusted, and in trusting him, he trusted us."

"That isn't what makes a father," the stallion said.

"No, making lunches, helping with homework, doing the laundry, being there and helping when your foal is hurt, those make a father. And the 'icky alien' has been a better father in two months than you were in all the years since you got me pregnant and abandoned me. Abandoned us. The only reason you showed up at all is you're afraid what you did might come back to bite you. Except Dinky doesn't even know your name, and I intend to keep it that way. You can go back to your parties and laugh about the hick you fooled, and we can go back to someone who actually loves us and we aren't an embarrassment to be covered up or silenced."

The stallion took a step forward.

"Guards!" Derpy called.

"The Royal Guard won't -" the stallion began, then watched the green flashes engulf nearly a dozen ponies. Ponies Derpy had known were a little too conveniently wandering along her way.

"Like I said, I trust him, I know him," Derpy said, "I thought I knew you, but I didn't realize you were a foal interested in seeing what you could get away with, and you still are. My daughter is mine, not yours. You thrust yourself into my life or hers, and you'll be a stuffed head mounted on a wall."

"Celestia would never allow him to hurt a pony," the stallion said as Derpy and Dinky withdrew behind a screen of changelings.

"Who said he'd do it?" Derpy asked as she withdrew out of the stallion's sight.
------------------------------

Sweetie Belle looked at the collection of marbles on the table in the middle of the small lab space. They were an assortment of materials and colors. Some were painted so she couldn't easily tell which were what material. She sighed, concentrated on her horn and started moving some of the marbles out of the pack, just rolling them. She couldn't lift them, but they were separated.

Blueblood and Fragrance wandered over and looked at the collection. Rarity watched them very nervously. Sweetie Belle's late development had always worried her. The two nobles quietly examined the marbles Sweetie Belle had been able to move. Rarity nuzzled Sweetie Belle as she looked anxiously at the pair.

"It'll be all right," Rarity said, "His reputation was an act."

Sweetie Belle nodded bravely, but Dinky's ease with her powers had gnawed at her certainty.

"You've been teaching her with cloth, feathers, and so forth?" Fragrance asked.

Rarity nodded. The young mare's tone hadn't been accusatory, just questioning. Rarity nuzzled her nervous sister.

Blueblood approached, he seemed completely different as 'the Colonel' than he was as 'the Prince'. "I think you might want to let her practice with the silverware," he said. He tapped several of the marbles on the table. They all made a metallic sound. "She will have to work harder for the lighter materials, but she can get some satisfaction from metal." He ruffled Sweetie Belle's hair. "Not everypony can be Twilight, many have specific strengths and weaknesses."

"Thank you," Sweetie Belle said, as did Rarity.

"Is there anything we can do for you?" Rarity asked.

Blueblood shook his head. "As I understand it, the Crusaders are going to be helping with some 'Theater!'," he briefly sounded like the Blueblood she'd met at the Grand Galloping Gala. But a moment later, the Prince was gone and he seemed more like the middle sibling of Twilight's family, still studious, but a tad more athletic and outdoorsy. He accepted the friendly nuzzle from Fragrance, and Rarity had to remind herself not to be jealous. He is who I'd dreamed of meeting, she thought, But it never was to be.

"I said, if you want to get together and talk about gemstones," Fragrance said.

"Be nice," Blueblood said, "She was 'in the zone', and the rest of the world can go howl."

Rarity grinned nervously. "Yes, sorry, thinking about ah, things. Especially what 'project' would require 'THEATER!'."

Blueblood laughed. "A certain ridiculous junior, very junior, princess has herself convinced that even Celestia can't heal her horn. Several people thought that if love and friendship wouldn't work, then terror might."

"I can't imagine Celestia would allow him to hurt anyone. That was what got him exiled in the first place, those bandits," Rarity said.

Blueblood, Sweetie Belle and Fragrance all giggled. "Celestia is going to be part of the performance," Sweetie Belle explained.

"Maybe you should ask her highness about just who really drafted that order, while Celestia was elsewhere," Blueblood said, and laughed.

"She won't tell," Fragrance said and laughed herself.

Rarity nodded and determined to discover this secret herself.
------------------------------

Twilight finally found the Big Guy, in his home, in his office. He sat at the desk, a pair of headphones on, doing something with a ball in a fitting, and the keyboard. The image on the screen seemed to be a wave form of some kind. Twilight could almost feel Rainbow's confidence draining out of her every second she stayed in the building.

"Excuse me," Twilight said.

The Big Guy glanced at the pair, his absolutely neutral expression on seeing them drove home the rift between them. He removed the headphones so they hung around his neck. "I checked with Celestia and got permission to use Royal Property," he told her.

"What are you doing?" Twilight asked.

"Mix tape, now if you'll excuse me, I have a pressing deadline," he said, and put the headphones back on, but didn't cover both ears, when he turned back, the ear facing them was uncovered.

"Rainbow was intrigued by your collection of books on flight mechanics and -" Twilight began.

"The books are Celestia's, not mine, if you want something of me, please be brief, I have a deadline," he said.

Twilight gulped. Typically, ponies would deal with the person in front of them first. He was more interested in the job he had to do. Or he's just not interested in dealing with us, Twilight considered.

"Your help with flight maneuvers," Twilight said, although she felt she needed to expand and clarify what she wanted.

"Not today," he said, "Excuse me." He reached over, and while both ponies shied back, he caught the edge of the door and closed it. Not slamming it in their faces, but ending the conversation nonetheless.

"Let's get out of here," Rainbow whispered as Twilight prepared a better argument.

Twilight looked at her with concern, but followed the nervous pegasus outside. Once there, Rainbow shook herself. "Sorry, but that place is just terrifying, and weird."

"How so?" Twilight asked as she followed Rainbow outside.

"The halls are almost wide enough to spread your wings to fly. The ceilings in some of the rooms are high enough to need to flutter around, but not high enough to really get a flight. And there's all the windows to look in. It's like catching a bird and putting it in a cage. Yeah, it's a nice cage, but it's still a cage. You're trapped and anyone who wants to can stand outside and stare at you." Rainbow shivered.

Derpy passed them with Dinky in her forelegs. She seemed to zip through the house and burst into the office.

The Big Guy listened to whatever Derpy was exclaiming, and he held mother and child tightly against him as Derpy sobbed and Dinky looked very worried.

"Let's go," Rainbow said as she tugged on Twilight's ear. "That's what I meant. No privacy. Everyone staring in at you."

"Should we help?" Twilight asked.

"I worked with Derpy, she delivered your mail. Did you do anything with them before he arrived?" Rainbow asked.

"Nothing special," Twilight admitted.

"Then it's none of our business," Rainbow replied and led Twilight back to the cave opening.
------------------------------

It had taken quite some time for momma to calm down enough to actually make sense when she was explain why she was reacting. Dinky had been there, and she couldn't quite figure out how what momma was saying related to what had happened. So Dinky sat beside them on the floor of the office. Momma had the Big Guy in a wings-and-forelegs grip, still somewhat sniffily, while the Big Guy hugged her back.

I know enough not to ask if she's all right, Dinky thought, Because she'll bottle it up. I guess the Big Guy isn't the only one with a load in her emotion tank. I've got to let her splash it all out.

Occasionally, the Big Guy would scratch Dinky behind the ears, before returning both arms to hugging momma. She snuggled against them both, gently stoked her momma and waited.

"He - used me," momma said between sniffles, "And left me when I was pregnant with Dinky. I, I tried to contact him. He wouldn't see me. Now, he . . . "

"It's all right," he said as he hugged her and stroked her mane, "You're safe."

Momma separated herself slightly from him. "I knew you'd have guards on me." She smiled and snuggled against him, looking happier and more relaxed. "Even when you weren't with us, you were looking after us."

"I care about you," he said, "Of course I would."

"So, he was my daddy?" Dinky asked, and watched Derpy react with horror.

"He and your mom got her pregnant, like I helped get Lyra and Bonbon pregnant," the Big Guy said, "But he didn't care about you or your mom. Your mom's very hurt about that. Now he wants to take you away from me, and maybe from your mom."

Dinky felt a terror she hadn't known even facing monsters. "I won't let him," she said.

"Neither will I," the Big Guy said and pulled her into his lap so she was between him and momma. She did her best to hug both of them.
------------------------------

Derpy had curled up in his bed back at the house with several of the ponies who weren't participating. He'd carried Dinky with him to the practice. She'd also been clinging to him like a limpet. Never had the girls hanging off me before, glad of it when I met my wife. But now that they're not human, I've got a pack of them, he thought as he walked, Are decent guys that rare here? Armor seems all right, so does Big Mac, Blueblood was playing the fool and Fragrance seems very taken with him, Milestone is happily married, Eagle Belle, Fancy Pants, and Mr. Cake are all happily married or in long-term relationships.

On instinct, and because of the giggles from ponies passing him he turned around. He 'caught' Discord mimicking his pensive expression and posture.

"Oh," Discord said and glanced around, "Hi! Do you know how to get to the Albert Hall?"

"Play Carnegie Hall with the Queen watching would be a way," he replied to the draconequus. Discord frowned at him. "I used to tell those kinds of jokes all the time. Drove jokers crazy that my flubbed punchline ended the joke."

"I can see why the Diarchy wants you gone," Discord said, "So, onto the spectacle and pageant?"

"Of course," he said, "I'm afraid you've been replaced in some ponies' mind as the Gotterdammerung incarnate."

"I heard. I sent Hotaru and her friend in as close escort," Discord said.

"Do you really think this will work?" Discord asked.

"If it doesn't, I've got a few Marx Brothers' movies for you to see," the Big Guy said.

"Who do you think the funniest one was?" Discord asked.

"Karl, but he did political satire. Trouble is, no one gets it," the Big Guy said, "Like Machiavelli's The Prince wasn't supposed to be a 'how to' guide. It was satire too."

Discord shrugged. Then got a brilliant expression. Fortunately, Dinky and the Big Guy had been provided welding goggles. "I can make a restorative soup, in Neighpon style!"

"Miso horny?" the Big Guy asked.

Discord glared. "You keep ruining my jokes, I'm going to turn you into something unpleasant." Discord glared again. "Yes, more unpleasant than you are now."

"See, stretch your muscles, and you can keep up," the Big Guy said, "So, how are you and Tom getting on?" the Big Guy asked.

"He's a stuck-up, rule-abiding, stick-in-the-mud," Discord grumbled.

"So you're learning from him too," the Big Guy said, "Good, parents should have children who exceed them."

Dinky hugged him tightly. Discord beat his own head against a wall, then put it back on.

"Better?" Dinky asked.

"Much," Discord said, "Such pretty birdies."

Dinky and the Big Guy looked at each other and shrugged.

They arrived at the assembly, which included a number of ponies neither he nor Dinky had seen before.

Trixie was quick with the introductions "This is Octavia, she'll be in charge of music. This is Emerald Dance, she'll be in charge of the choreography, and I'll be in charge of special effects."

"Have you briefed them?" he asked, noting the ponies were an uncomfortable mix of enthralled and terrified.

"Yes," Octavia said, in a tone cooler than her body language suggested.

I'm glad Derpy gave me those lessons, he thought, Poor girl is having some significant issues. And Emerald is worse off.

"Basically this is an opera without songs, or a ballet with the most stately of dances. But, is the blood necessary?" Emerald asked.

"Can you think of anything that would have as profound an effect on ponies?" he asked, "This is still in the planning stages, I'm not married to any of the ideas I've laid out."

"No," Octavia said, "Blood is the most visceral." She shuddered and steadied herself, then glanced at Emerald. "I apologize for our behavior. I'm afraid the chance to hear music from another world has both of us a bit . . . excited."

"Viscerally?" he asked and grinned. When they smiled back, he continued, "I have the mix tape. But actually, many of the instruments are similar to the ones you're familiar with. Pianos, cellos, violins, bagpipes, steel drums, organs, etc., are all part of the repertoire of a human musician. Although we have some very different musical traditions due to being separated by greater distances. You don't get to travel across the entire 'world' in a day or two."

That got them excitedly chattering.

"I think if you asked her Highness to get access to the CD player, you'd get some idea of the flavor of the spectrum," he told them.

"I thought Twilight Sparkle was in charge of that," Emerald said.

"Never was," he replied, "Always and still is, the Diarchs."

They chattered about that excitedly, while he picked out the subtle, body-language clues between being excited, and being xxxcited.

"Shall we begin?" Trixie asked and they attacked the overall plan. Listening to snippets of music as they moved through the performance. Both he and Trixie kept copious notes.
------------------------------

The Big Guy was a little confused when the mares directed him to one of the smaller rooms that were part of the suite of rooms they'd been housed in. Sapphire and several of the changeling queens were also in attendance. All of them seemed to be in collusion over something, but he wasn't sure what. "What's going on?" he asked.

"Just a test of extended range," Sapphire said, "And why trying to become human is so difficult, confusing and painful."

"We're non-magical, and half the time we don't know what we are," he replied. That got a snort of laughter from a couple of the changelings, but then Dinky 'pounced' one of them and snuggled her. The look of abject horror on the queen's face, and her look of apology at Sapphire told him that whatever they'd planned, the others knew about and had approved.

They thought Sapphire's tales of love directed at them were wild stories, he thought as he entered the room they'd been herding him towards, Poor girl. Must be a real shock, getting the good stuff after so long.

The room was small by palace standards, meaning a half-court basketball game could be played inside, instead of an entire cricket pitch laid out. There was a human-sized, four-poster bed near the middle of the room. Looks forlorn, rather than the centerpiece, he thought and glanced around at the usual baroque and overblown furnishings. This place always did remind me of an upscale cathouse, like that 'gentlemen's club' in London, he thought as he glanced around.

Derpy stepped out through one of the doors, a bathroom or a closet. She was humanoid, not as far as Discord's work, having vaguely pony features, her top mounted ears, small wings, and her tail. She was again dressed in the T-shirt and bike shorts. But her self-consciousness worried him, she seemed a lot less sure than she had before.

"You like," she asked, the quaver in her voice hard to disguise.

He walked over to her. "Very much, do you want me to contact Discord or Tom to -?" He stopped at the nervous shake of her head and her fidgeting with the hem of the T-shirt.

"I knew you liked it, and that you, so when the changelings, I could get used to, us," she said.

He gently pulled her hands from fumbling with her shirt and held them in his own, then he kissed her. "Derpy, I'm perfectly all right just cuddling with a pony. You don't have to do this and flip your tail just to keep me," he whispered and kissed her on the nose.

Derpy's face twisted into a mask of abject misery, then she buried her face in his chest. She let out a cry of anguish and began sobbing while she hugged him.

The door opened enough for a half dozen pony heads to peek around it. Top to bottom Dinky was pleasantly confused, Lyra was ecstatic, Bonbon rolled her eyes and withdrew, only for Rarity to replace her, Celly, Woona, Luna and Celestia made up the next four, with Tom looking over the doorjamb. Satisfied, they withdrew, and if the thud was any indication, they hadn't withdrawn with any grace, or they'd tripped over those trying to squeeze in from behind.

He continued hugging the softly whimpering woman in his arms and waited. He was content to hold her all night.
------------------------------
Day 66

Princess Buttercup hadn't expected the midnight awakening of being dragged from her hospital bed. She had never expected to see the Monster of Ponyville again. "You!" she whispered as she ignored the rough handling onto a gurney and the clamps holding her legs in place.

"You have something I need, and I think you'll be well rid of it, your curse."

She almost jumped for joy, but the setting told her not to celebrate, and his expression showed no favor towards her. She nearly squealed in terror as he patted her head. "You, you aren't going to take my soul?" she asked, her eyes wide with terror and she scrabbled helplessly backward.

"Of course not," he said, his tone briefly eased her fear. "Ripping your soul out would be traumatic. These thing must be done delicately, or you hurt the spell," he told her.

She felt her ears pressing tight on her head as she drew back as much as the restraints allowed. "Please, I have money, influence, power, you can have whatever you want!" she said.

"And how have they helped you? I have all that too, without you," he replied and pulled a mask over his face. It looked like a sinister version of what the doctors wore in surgery. When he shut off the lights, the outline of his skull could be plainly seen.

She drew back until the restraints dug into her.

Several ponies, fillies and colts approached out of the darkness. Not fillies, skeletons! she thought as they closed in from all sides. She couldn't move to avoid them. She squirmed as they dotted her white coat with henna-colored drops of something.

"Please, I won't hurt you, my family can provide you protection! Don't do this!" She realized the skeletons were drawing patterns on her legs and back. "What do you want from me?!"

If the terrors weren't enough, an ominous chorus sounded. She couldn't make out the words, even if they were words, but she could feel the tone. Something large, hungry, and pitiless approached. "Please! Don't! I'm a royal, I can give you whatever you want!"

"I want my mother back," two of the skeletons intoned in unison.

She shrank back. "I can't do that," she admitted, and the pair went back to dotting her.

They put swirls and arcs on her barrel as she squealed and struggled. "NO!"

Then they stepped away. The music had grown quieter, she could see neither the ponies, nor the Monster. Only the faint, red-brown glow of the dots across her body. "Princess Luna! I call you in my nightmare!"

She received no answer.

He stepped into sight again, this time with a spear. The motions of his body and the whirling of the spear seemed almost dance-like, attuned to the music. The unseen chorus sang low and ominously. She tried to watch him as he circled her.

"Yowch!" she squealed as something struck her foreleg as she'd been watching him. She looked down and saw the red line of a blood-welling wound from her hoof up her foreleg. As she stared in horror at the wound, she yelped as another strike landed, this time on the back leg on the opposite side. When she turned to look, another wound on a foreleg, and as she looked, a fourth wound. All of her legs had a single shallow cut on them, not bleeding deeply, but the red line of blood drew her eye and refused to let her go.

"This isn't happening, this isn't happening, this isn't happening!" she chanted. She looked at the movement and flash of white. "Celestia! Princess Celestia Solar Glorious Magnificat, as your loyal liege-mare, I beg you to save me!"

Celestia appeared out of the darkness, looked at her and nodded.

The Ponyville Monster approached Celestia, with the knife stained with Buttercup's blood.

"Behind you!" Buttercup shouted.

Celestia turned to the Monster, who handed the blade to a pony so ancient, she looked like a mummy.

"NO!" Buttercup shouted at the pony-mummy plunged the blade into Celestia's belly.
------------------------------

"Hey!" Discord complained as Celestia stole a hoofful of his popcorn. The observation gallery of the operating theater was dark, so the capacity 'audience' could not be seen by the players below. Some had an academic interest. Some were there to watch their family and friends in their 'play'. Celestia, Woona and Discord were there to intervene if things went too far.

"You can make more," Celestia said as 'Celestia the player', actually Celly, fell, and had her heart ripped from her chest by Granny Smith. The mare handed the still beating heart to the Big Guy and he carried the bloody thing to Buttercup and let the thin trickle darken Buttercup's face and muzzle.

The mare was clearly frightened beyond her ability to react.

"This should be the interesting part," the head of surgery of Canterlot Hospital said to Celestia, "Watch his reaction, not hers."

"What's gonna happen?" Applejack asked as she pulled her nose from the glass.

"If the graft goes well, it's like hitting your funny bone and your leg goes all tingly," the doctor explained as another surgeon in a 'skeleton' set of scrubs approached with the horn, "If it goes really well, it tingles so much it hurts. Add the reawakening of magical focus and it becomes very disorienting at the same time. That's what the inhibitor is for, and why the unicorn is usually unconscious for the procedure. We have the inhibitor and the anesthetist standing by."

Celestia and Applejack nodded while Twilight and many of the other doctor ponies took notes.

The music changed to something very oppressive as the Big Guy did his measured dance to it. Even knowing it was an act, knowing that she was being manipulated, and knowing he was physically separated from her, Celestia still cringed inwardly, and noted that even the most disconnected academics were affected.

Celestia's heart went out to the terrified mare, but even the Diarchs together hadn't been able to overcome the psychological block that prevented Buttercup from healing. "It will be over soon," Celestia said, despite knowing the mare couldn't hear her, "And then you'll be well."
------------------------------

Buttercup screamed as Celestia, her heart restored to her chest, stood up and shook herself. "It will be over soon," Celestia told her, "And then you'll be well."

Her scream continued as all of the dots that marred her coat burst into flame. She couldn't feel them burning her flesh, but fire terrified her. She looked at the cloud of smoke forming an evil version of . . . Her.

"Fool!" the vaporous Buttercup-apparition said, its tone like hooves across a chalkboard, a high irritating squeal, "You will never be free of me, for I am you."

"BE SILENT AND BEGONE!" the Monster thundered and gestured at the apparition, "You are mine now." He grabbed a wisp of the smoke and began reeling it in, stuffing it in a bottle.

Buttercup was so horrified by the easy way the Monster dealt with the curse that she missed the skeletal ponies approaching from either side. "Please, I've done nothing to you! Leave me alone!"

"Can't do that," one said, and wiped her horn stub with a cloth. Through an unseen window, a beam of sunlight illuminated the entire scene as another figure set the horn on her head.

Buttercup screamed. The doctors had warned her that magic flashing through a new horn would 'tingle', she'd never felt it, but this felt like someone had lanced her brain with fire. Mercifully she collapsed into unconsciousness before she could even scream.
------------------------------

"I knew it," the head of surgery said, "As the lights came up on the operating theater and the players rushing forward to comfort Buttercup were shooed away by the medical professionals in the theater. "He did react to that." The pony bowed to Celestia. "Excuse me, I have congratulations to offer and apologies to make."

"So," Woona said as she watched the drama unfold on the operating theater floor, "He can be outmaneuvered, and he does care about ponies he doesn't have a connection to. I'd say our experiment was as successful as his."

Celestia nodded.

"Y'all didn't tell him she'd react like that?" Applejack asked, "Seems almost as cruel as what he did ta Buttercup."

"Yes," Woona said, and looked at Celestia, "But we had to ensure he was safe. And without the pretense of him being ready."

Celestia didn't look at them.
------------------------------

The doctor held his ground admirably, but he had support. "You should have told us," the Big Guy said and glowered.

"He told us," Dinky said, placing herself and Selene between the Big Guy and the doctor, "He said your reaction couldn't be faked, and that would prove to Her Solar Highness once and for all what you are inside."

The Big Guy took a deep breath and his anger seemed to dissolve. "So everybody else knew?"

"Including the patient," the doctor said as he nodded, "That's also why Doctor Quick Sleep our anesthetist was standing by."

"Don't you mean anesthesiologist?" the Big Guy asked.

The doctor shook his head. "No, an anesthesiologist uses chemicals to achieve the effect an anesthetist achieves with magic."

"You certainly are a doctor, precise jargon for specific effects," the Big Guy said and sighed again, "Did I at least pass?"

"With flying colors in my book," the doctor said, "I apologize for the theatrics, but since you were solving your problem with theater, I thought I could solve yours with enforced method acting, and I made sure Her Highness knew what to look for."

The Big Guy wasn't satisfied, but he wasn't angry anymore either. "Okay, as long as it did her some good."

"Can you forgive us?" Trixie asked, obviously worried at the effect their deception had on their friendship.

"It was for a good cause," he replied, and scratched her behind the ears, "I just hope it was worth it."

He spotted Twilight and the others. Neither looked happy seeing the other.

"Miss Sparkle, Miss Dash, I apologize for blowing you two off yesterday," he said, "But I was in the middle of working on this and grafts have a short shelf life."

"Shelf life?" Applejack asked.

"That horn was donated by another unicorn as part of their estate," the Big Guy said.

Rarity, Fluttershy and Twilight got it immediately, Applejack took a few moments, then paled as the others had.

"Why would somepony will their horn to a princess?" Rainbow asked.

"Ask your parents," the Big Guy replied, which confused the pegasus even more. Selene's giggles didn't help.

"If you're about to volunteer to help them, they'll have to wait until tomorrow," Derpy spoke up and fluttered between them, "I'm sorry Twilight, but he's had a hard few days and he needs to get some sleep."

"Whose fault is that?" the Big Guy asked.

Derpy blushed, as did several of the others. The kids giggled.

"It can wait," Twilight said, "It's not as though Rainbow hasn't been ignoring the report she had due, for weeks."

"Hey, I was doing important stuff," the pegasus confronted Twilight, while Derpy nudged the Big Guy out of engagement range.

"So, she'll be all right?" the Big Guy asked, "Buttercup, I mean."

"If she reacted to her horn graft the way she did," Trixie explained, "She will be more than fine. She may have her full powers restored. Another reason to be leaving with the Colonel."

"Why? Did the Diarchs try and fail at that task?" the Big Guy asked and nopony would look at him. "Oh, not good. Should we head straight to the ship?"

Trixie laughed. "I don't think it'll be quite that bad, but it does add to the list of 'things non-magical creature can do that magical ponies haven't'."

"As opposed to 'can't'," he replied.

"Which makes it worse. The spells we used were a pack of foal's tricks. Celestia or Luna could have cast them herself, by herself. The fact they didn't even consider 'scaring her out of her rut' will be the stinging nettle," Trixie said.

"That still leaves Molybdenum Blossom. Those plant dragons were similar to Nistag's work. And he has been out of the picture a long time. And the character I met would have trouble mixing gasoline and matches, and getting a flame. I suspect MolyB found a way around Discord's limitations."

"How?" Derpy asked.

"Yeah how?" a second Derpy asked.

"That's Discord," the Big Guy pointed to the second Derpy.

The draconequus materialized. "I'll ask how you found me out later," Discord said, "How did dear MolyB avoid withering to a husk and dying her well-deserved fate?"

"What are Zecora and Fluttershy doing with Tom right now? And how old are those talking trees we found in the Everfree?" the Big Guy asked and smiled as everyone looked horrified.
------------------------------

Fluttershy followed Zecora to the clearing deep in the Everfree. Both had their saddlebags filled with the equipment and supplies to perform their task. One of the trees was still alive, seemingly healthy, and 'empty'. It was only a short distance away from the others, Fluttershy was certain it was close enough to 'feel' the other two.

"Ready?" Zecora asked, visibly nervous not of being in the depths of the Everfree, but being so close to the Alicorn Amulet.

"I am," the stone sphere dropped out of the canopy and hovered near the two equines, "Are you sure you want to do this? That creature is neither sane nor sound, and will be quite a handful, hoofful."

"I have to try," Fluttershy politely insisted.

Zecora nodded and pulled the potion from her saddlebags while Fluttershy laid the Amulet against the tree.

"I could rule the Universe with this," Fluttershy said, "I know enough of animals to know their tricks and savagery."

Zecora shied as Tom hid behind her.

Fluttershy giggled. "Sorry, I had to."

Zecora and Tom chuckled.

Fluttershy took the potion as Tom shattered the amulet and let the spirit of the amulet enter the tree.
------------------------------

She was a tree again, and she felt her connection to the tree spirit from the amulet. Unlike her previous communication, she was just getting images, flashes of insight, and occasional roars of raw pain. Fluttershy smiled inwardly, those were all things she was more than familiar with. She mentally approached and then waited for the signs of aggression, when they came she offered soft, soothing images and noises of her own. After a while she moved closer. The process would take a while, but Tom could extend the duration of Zecora's potion as long as she needed.

Fluttershy considered also sending a runner out to contact the others, but decided against it. She did 'inform' her patient that two of his kind did exist, and did converse.

She was not expecting the flood of absolute terror she received in response. Maybe they didn't part on such good terms, she thought and struggled to make the tree 'discuss' and thereby expiate its fear.

The response was a clear image of the Big Guy as a demon of the darkest hells.

I'll apologize later, but I won't lie, she thought as she tried to construct the concept that as long as the tree spirit behaved, Fluttershy could keep the nasty demon away from it.

That seemed to have a soothing effect.
------------------------------

"So, do you eat . . . ponies?" Sweetie Belle squeaked as she walked with Selene and the other Crusaders, as they followed the Big Guy back to his quarters.

"First, most animals on my world are non-sapient, they aren't people as they are here," the Big Guy said after getting a shrug from Derpy, "Second, horse and therefore pony is considered an inferior good, something you use less of as your wealth increases, and my birth and home countries were pretty wealthy."

"You're saying ponies are inferior?" Rainbow asked.

"Compared to arthropods, insects, spiders and so on? Yes. I'd rather eat a crab, than horsemeat," the Big Guy said.

"You'd rather eat bugs than a pony?" Rainbow asked. She glared at him as she flew in front to confront him. "What? You think we taste bad or something?"

"There's also parasites, you know worms that live inside, and diseases," the Big Guy said. Smiling at Rainbow. "I mean just look at you."

"What's wrong with me?" Rainbow asked as she looked round herself. She ignored the giggles from the Crusaders and Dinky.

"Your coat, Twilight's and Rarity's, even Applejack's are glossy. Yours is drab: unhealthy. You're skinny, which considering how much you eat and sleep, means something else is eating the food you put in your belly. Even if you aren't all wormy, you'd be all stringy and leathery. Fit for soup, not very good soup, and only after boiling the heck out of you."

Rainbow's eyes danced with fire as her fury grew. The chuckles of her friends didn't help her mood. "What you agree with him?" she shouted.

Applejack decided to spoil things. "Why are you so all fired eager to get eaten?"

"Because . . . !" both Rainbow and her words hung in the silence. She facehoofed as the others erupted in laughter.

Derpy fluttered up and patted Rainbow's head. "He does do a little chewing, but spits it back out," she told the pegasus.

Rainbow stared at her a bit as Derpy giggled.

"Well, it's been fun, but here's where we part," the Big Guy said and entered the apartment. Derpy and the others pointedly blocking the way forward for the others. Inside, was Luna, without her princess regalia. "Your Highness." She was between him and the bed, so he dropped into the large chair and leaned back.

"You're doing it wrong," Hotaru said as she entered.

Luna hissed at the former Nightmare. "What are you doing here?"

"Getting him to go to sleep," Hotaru said as she sat down, her wolf ambled over and sat down beside her. "Just look at you. He's got to confront you to get to the bed, it isn't turned down with you invitingly lounging in it, it's clear you are a barricade, not an enticement."

"What do you know about it?" Luna said.

Hotaru glanced at the wolf, then glanced at the Big Guy's feet. The wolf's expression emulated a shrug, and he walked over to cover the Big Guy's feet with his body. He still looked at Hotaru.

"I know a good man when I see one," Hotaru said, "You don't seem to understand, more pity you. For what I did, and invading his mind, he would have coursed me to death though he traveled a thousand miles and took a hundred years. So Discord put me in the one place that would evoke his pity on anyone who came from there. And it made me profoundly grateful to escape no matter what happened. You have a child, which was your secret dream you hid even from dear Celestia. Now you want back in. Guess what, you aren't Queen here. You're a suppliant, you come on bended knee or you are only ever going to be Celestia's tag-along little sister. Not even Selene's mother."

Luna fumed at that, but the Big Guy's soft snore told her he wasn't even listening. Hotaru grinned at her, then transformed into her nebulous form, but gathered under the Big Guy and the wolf and buoyed them up on her cloudlike form. The wolf snuggling against the human as they floated above the floor.

Luna pawed the ground, her horn glowing, until she looked across the room at Selene and Derpy glaring at her. She fidgeted and dithered as she considered what she was going to do. To the disappointment of her Derpy, and her own daughter, she ran away.
------------------------------

Luna ran, she was no longer quite sure whether she was running to, or running from, but she ran. The panic that had gripped her hadn't abated. And while a rational part of her mind told her that galloping through the corridors like a madmare afire was certainly at least as embarrassing as the embarrassment she was fleeing from, she swept that thought aside and kept running.

Until she collided with the giant, invisible marshmallow, at least that's what it felt like. She shook her head and looked at a bemused Rarity, a unicorn she'd never seen before, and off to one side, Prince Blueblood and Discord playing cards. The room was part of the apartment suite the Elements and their families had been granted.

'Highness', or something similar greeted her from each of them.

"Sabac," Blueblood said and laid his cards on the table.

Discord frowned. "How is it in a game where chaos rules, you keep winning?"

"I have a lot of experience living in a world where I can't control the situation, and getting around rulers who don't pay attention," Blueblood said as he collected the cards and shuffled.

The soft impact had jarred her out of her fear, and the realization she was on the far side of the castle from where she'd been vanquished it completely. "What are you all doing?"

"Playing cards, your Majesty," Blueblood said as he dealt, "The Big Guy mentioned it, and Discord wanted to see if he could replicate it. Sabac."

"That's it, first Pinkie Pie at tic-tac-toe, then you at cards, why can't I ever win the games I created?"

"Is it not better that the joy those games generate flow out to the world?" the unnamed unicorn mare asked. Her accent was almost old Canterlot, but there were elements missing.

"And you are?" Luna asked.

"Nopony, Your Highness. Just part of the background," the mare replied. She wasn't uneasy, she was barely keeping her venom under control.

Luna got the impression ordering 'Nopony' to answer would not end well. "Very well, Nopony," she said.

"You should tell them why you're here," Discord said, cutting the tension between the pair. "That you ran away from him. I'm sure, stripped of his need to play the fool, Colonel Blueblood can tell you about what attracts a male, and what drives him away."

"Being overly clingy," Rarity said, "And not taking the hint of what he wants is a big one." Blueblood looked mortified, until Rarity started laughing, then he joined in. "Men are such simple creatures we overly complicate them and begin confusing ourselves, and them."

Luna noted Nopony's interest when Blueblood began to speak. She also listened. "What are his likes and hobbies, which are the ones he wants to share, and which are the ones he wants to keep to himself?" Blueblood said, then looked at Luna and Rarity, "That was not a rhetorical question."

"Teaching," Rarity said, "Even when he couldn't speak our language, he taught Dinky math, he gave me a wonderful book on fashions, and I believe he gave Spikey a book on how to be a dragon."

"Seems accurate," Discord added, "He seemed to see me as a willful student, rather than a danger." He looked at Luna. "What do you need to learn?"

Luna frowned at that. "I hardly think asking him the same questions will be useful."

"You have his library," Nopony said, "What books are the most worn, and which are out where all can see, and which are kept close to the belt?"

Luna considered.

"The other part is look at who has already caught his eye," Rarity added.

"Derpy, Celly, you," Blueblood said, "Trixie, Sapphire, and Bonbon."

"Not Lyra?" Rarity asked.

"Lyra chose, Bonbon was drawn in," Blueblood said, "What did they all need in common?"

Luna was completely flummoxed, and it got worse as all the others grinned to each other, knowing the answer that evaded her. "I do not see a thread of commonality," she admitted.

"They all needed someone, anyone to want them. Derpy needed a trustworthy partner who could bond with Dinky, Celly needed a father figure, Trixie needed someone to look beyond the greasepaint and see the mare inside, Sapphire needed others she could be herself with, Bonbon wanted friends who would accept her crazy marefriend," Blueblood said, ticking off the others, then looked at Luna, "Who do you want? Father-figure, knock-around friend, father for your child, true-seeing friend, keeper of a place of solace and serenity?"

"Two from column A, and one from column B?" Discord asked, "Or do you even know?"

Luna sighed. She looked at Discord. "You cannot tell me he does not terrify you right down to your bones."

"I understand, but I also know he's no danger. Like a carnival thrill ride, a moment of terror, and much laughing about it afterwards," Discord said, "That's what you need. You need someone to give you permission to laugh."

"I laugh, at jokes that amuse me, and the antics of my daughter," Luna said defensively.

"And at yourself?" Rarity asked, "Can you laugh at what you've done?"

"You can't, can you?" Nopony said, and laughed, "You still think of yourself as Nightmare Moon Redeemed."

Luna hissed and turned to face the upstart. "Lies!"

"Tell Hotaru that," Discord said, "You really think he'll break you, like what happened to her?" Discord stood, his expression dark. "Then understand this. He didn't break Nightmare. I did!" Discord thundered, he continued in a whisper, "I would not see another immortal cast down, destroyed and forgotten. So I sent her into a darkness beyond her imagining. I put her where even the hardest heart could feel only pity for her. I put her where her pride would be a pale shadow when someone offered succor and friendship. Where pity would be taken as grace, if it meant escape. Any price would be welcome. You believe yourself unworthy. You are correct. Nothing you have has been earned. Everything was a gift. Fate, your family, the people around you, all gifts beyond measure. If you wish to be worthy of them, quit thinking you deserve any of them, or that you could repay in a thousand years. Treat them as what they are, love gifts from those who don't expect any return to them, but expect you to pass on similar gifts to others."

Discord shook his head. "Are you so lost to friendship, that I have to teach you this?" he asked, "You want to know how to catch his eye? You've had a parade of ponies giving you a hundred variations on a theme." Discord suddenly straightened up, shying away from her. But the grin on his face told her that revelation not repulsion drove his actions. "Can you really not see? Is that what ails Sparklettes, and Celestia?" Discord giggled. "That's too rich."

"Tell us," Rarity said, "Or we'll tell the Big Guy on you."

"Oh poo!" Discord replied and turned Rariy's mane and tail green.

Rarity gasped. "Oh, such bold lines, and complimentary colors! Such a work of art!"
Discord frowned and changed it back, then considered and returned it to green. "Anyway, they expect it to be the 'blinding revelation served upon their plate'. But it isn't that, he isn't that. It's the simple day to day existence. What acquaintances would do, as they decide to be friends. Derpy trusted him that first day, because he'd already proven himself. She just asked him to foalsit like you would of any trustworthy neighbor kid. Bonbon treated him as a romantic rival, even Nurse Redheart treated him as an explorer. All of them treated him as a personality, you and 'Tia were afraid to." Discord dissolved in laughter, literally.

They waited as he reformed. "You all don't know! Oh this is rich!"

"Discord, don't!" Luna pleaded.

"Oh, they'll pity you, not hate you," he told her.

"That's worse," Luna murmured.

"The legend of Equipus Rex was about dear Luna, and 'Tia," Discord said and enjoyed the horror of the others, "Oh not like that, they had to spice it up for the audience and to hide it, but poor Luna doted on her daddy, and poor 'Tia loved him, but resented that he could walk in, turn two screws and turn her batch job into a masterwork." Discord wiggled his eyebrows. "Does that sound like someone else?"

"It's nothing like that," Luna said as she pawed at the floor.

"So you say," Discord said and gestured at the others who weren't looking at the princess.

"You can't believe that!" Luna insisted.

"If friendship is so important, why is a step beyond that to love so horrifying?" the strange mare said and looked at Blueblood, "When someone sees that you need, sees the darkness in you and is not afraid, even helps you keep it from consuming you, why would you not want to keep that person in your life?"

Luna noted that Blueblood was blushing and though he was smiling, he couldn't look at the mare straight on.

"Your Highness," Rarity said, "I think what everyone is telling you, is that no one thinks less of you for your feelings, or your confusion about your feelings." She glanced around and seemed to draw assurance from the others. "None of us blame you for being nervous, but have you considered that what you most want is also what he most needs?"

"Which is?" Luna asked, and almost cringed at the slight chuckles of the others.

"Trusting him on the little things, and reigning him in on the really important things," Blueblood explained. Both he and the strange mare chuckled.

"It goes both ways," the odd mare said and she and Blueblood laughed and laughed.

"What should I do?" Luna asked. She expected mockery or derision, at least from Discord. She realized that pity from that reality warper hurt worse than derision.

"Go back, and be your adorable self. And here's a novel idea, apologize and ask him for help. You'd be amazed at how effective it is," Discord said.

Luna nodded and trotted away. She heard Discord offering a bet on her 'screwing it up again', she didn't hear if there were any takers.

She reentered the anteroom, all the ponies there were respectful, but none of them said a thing besides the ritual greeting. She had the odd feeling that this was her last chance.

She reentered the room and spotted the cloud hovering in midair with the Big Guy soundly asleep atop it.

"Now remember, stay as a horse-thing, sit near but not touching, and let your aggravation within just seethe," Nightmare whispered, "That will give him the best, most horrible nightmares. That's what you want, isn't it?"

Luna fumed at that. No, that's what she wants, and by telling me, she'll know I won't do it, she thought, STOP! Quit thinking about what counters, reverse counters and double reverses. What she told me is correct, and it also tells me what I should do. What she gets out of it is immaterial.

She transformed into an approximately human female, and climbed up on the cloud to face him. She carefully wrapped her arms around him and drew him close. She ignored the chuckling of Nightmare.

I've got to quit assuming that if she wins, I lose, Luna thought as the Big Guy snuggled against her.

Author's Note:

Sorry about the delay, I had this written months ago just needing a polish, but when the furor over Twilight brewed up, I decided to let it bubble for a week or two, since I had always planned on Cadence doing what she's done in canon.

Then I lost access to the internet and the computer with all the story files on it, for several weeks.

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