• Published 20th Dec 2012
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Cultural Artifacts - Dan_s Comments



A little piece of Earth arrives in Equestria, a human and it's home. The citizens of Ponyville and Princess Luna struggle with this newcomer, as it struggles with them.

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12) Adjacent Event

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - Adjacent Event

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 24

A very blue stallion stepped out of the door in the middle of the darkness occupying Ponyville's newest park. He looked around, then trotted through the nearly empty streets. As early as the Ponyvillians rose, not many were awake at this time. One of the few who was, was coming out of the town library to get his breakfast when he encountered the stallion.

"My card," the stallion said politely, the faint Vanhoover accent only confused Mystery a bit more. "I sent a letter through her assistant requesting a meeting with Miss Sparkle, I thought she was an early riser."

"She's in Canterlot," the griffon said, as he tried to place the infuriatingly familiar pony, "So is her assistant. I don't know when they'll be back. I'm Mystery, part of the translation team."

"Oh, splendid." The stallion extended a hoof to shake. "I'm Sangbleu, Encard Sangbleu, with the Royal Academy's Lapidary Society."

"That's where I know you from," Mystery explained, "You publish those books. Must be nice to get a pack of royals to pay you to do what you love."

"I still have to justify myself to the budget committee. At least I've made them keep me out of the limelight," the stallion said and smiled. "I'm here to do a survey on any unusual stones our visitor may have brought."

"Not 'brought by the Ponyville Monster'?" Mystery asked and shared a smile with the stallion, "Sugarcube Corners has a good breakfast, join me?"

"Certainly. The advantages of an expense account. As for monster talk, I visited the statuary gardens to look at the last people who pissed him off. I don't intend to be among them," Sangbleu said and took on a horrified, cowering pose.

The griffon chuckled. "Then don't hurt any foals, he killed some fool who did that," Mystery said as he continued towards Sugarcube Corners.

"Where are you staying?" Mystery asked.

"Sleeping on his back porch. Some of the ground went with the house when it moved," the stallion said.

"You sure are being thorough," Mystery said as Sangbleu opened the door for him, "Thanks."

"I have to earn my bread and flowers," the stallion looked around, "Darn, no apple fritters, I love those."

"When Applejack gets back, you can probably order them by the barrel," Mystery said. "So, has he managed to burn down the capital yet?"

"Nope, they threw him in prison, on the day before he was getting a stained-glass window in the Great Hall. I think that's a first," Sangbleu said. The pair shared a chuckle.


"You okay?" Discord asked.

Why wouldn't I be? he replied, careful not to move and wake up the pony pile.

"That dream was, rather intense, even for you," Discord said.

You get caught up in it, I'm sorry, he said.

"Uh, no, you didn't. I was just wondering about the reality of the dream, was it based on some event?" Discord asked.

Not one I recall, he replied, Why the sudden interest?

"You seem kind of depressed lately," Discord said, "And less willing to take some of the ponies' behaviors in stride."

Well, they have been bothering me. Especially the really creepy ones, he admitted.

"Creepy?" Discord asked.

Now we're getting somewhere, Discord thought.

Yeah, like Applejack, he replied.

Or not, Discord thought.

"Applejack?" Discord exclaimed, "The boringest of ponies?"

Yeah, gives me the shivers, he replied.

"Applejack?" Discord said.

Yeah. It's like she shifts between realities. First she's standing there, freckles and hat. She starts walking or running and the freckles disappear, or the hat. I don't think she flushes or pales so you can't see them, or her hat flies off. I mean they flat out vanish, freckles or hat. Then a little ways on, they reappear. I thought you were doing it, but then I remembered she was doing that while you were still in stone. And she's not the worst.

"There's worse?" Discord asked.

Yeah, Rainbow Dash, he said, She's so proud of her wings. You'd think she'd be upset, or even notice if they suddenly vanished. But no, as long as they materialize again after a little while, she's fine with it. I'm just glad I never saw her do that when she was flying. That would really freak me out.

"Freak you out," Discord said, glancing around nervously.

Yes. I mean, if this was a movie, or some animated cartoon, I could put it down to continuity errors. But with living creatures, and no one seems to notice or care if a big piece of furniture, or one of their limbs randomly blinks in and out of existence. That's really upsetting.

"Upsetting," Discord answered, his eyes wide and staring.

Are you all right? he asked.

"Me, fine, just checking on you," Discord said, "Ha ha." And walked, not ran to his private place. "Tom, why have I noticed none of that, until now. It's like we're all trapped in a children's animated cartoon."

"You are trapped in a childrens' cartoon. Fortunately, I reside in a cartoon for adults with young children," Tom said loftily.

"And that makes you feel better?" Discord asked.

"Better than your phase of existential dread," Tom said, "None of this helps him however, that dream was clearly a replay of when Tear Twister did to him, what she did. That he either didn't clearly remember or was in denial. It also reveals a deeper aspect of the culture shock. How everyone around him accepts facial features, body parts and furniture materializing and dematerializing must play into some serious fears on his part." Tom paused. "It seems we have another victim."

"How could I not have seen it, how could I not have realized. The skin of reality must be stretched taught over this world. It gives ever so slightly, and things vanish, and it draws together a moment later, and things reappear. It's my doing," Discord whispered, and faced Tom, "This is my fault. I wanted chaos, I never wanted the world to just go away. How will I stop it? How will I beg forgiveness? How will I warn them? Is it already too late, is this world doomed and spinning down to die? What'll happen if I can't save everypony?"

"The Newberry people called, and unless Fluttershy dies of a horrible, wasting disease, you aren't getting one of their medals," Tom said.

"Darn," Discord said and stood up. "What do we do, tell him he really is in a kiddie cartoon?"

"Oh yes, sir, and then we can scrape what's left of him off the walls and ceiling, and see that it's fed and watered for as long as it survives," Tom said sarcastically. "Can you at least try to turn some of that masterful, corkscrew intellect to solving the problem? We can't tell him the truth, lying is a bad idea, so . . . "

"Use it as a wedge to really get him to talk about his problems. He's as much as admitted he's going nuts. The fact he sees such things, and nopony reacts to them, is prima facie evidence. So we talk about him using his intellect to distract him from real problems."

"Just remember, never out and out say it doesn't happen. Just point out that 'wouldn't somepony notice', or wouldn't physics take a hand in it. You can honestly deny that you had a hand in it, and that you can ask him to describe it in detail so you can use it," Tom said.

"Thank you Tom, I have a mind to save." Discord put on his Stahlhelm, over his horns, pulled the goggles down out of the visor and rode his invisible Harley out of the room.

"Watch out for the -!" Tom winced. "Chicken coop, it's full of ferrets. Oh dear, that's going to sting. Poor Quinn."


"It's too early for it to be morning," Rainbow Dash complained as she finished leaving her bed. The others had gathered to make the trip back to Ponyville. There had been the sound of duct tape coming from the room they were going to pass through, once Trixie and the Big Guy had gone in hours before the scheduled time.

"So, there's a path straight into their Highnesses' boudoirs from the Big Guy's house. Won't the gossip columns have a field day with that one?" Rarity commented dryly.

"Better than what they used to say about Celestia and Twilight staying up late to study," Shining Armor said, "There were times I wished I wasn't a responsible member of the Royal Guard, and could give them the thrashing they deserved."

"Ya mean . . . "Applejack asked, and simply looked horrified.

"While she was a filly," Cadence replied, "You thought happy, filly Twilight became the recluse she did when she discovered books?" The pink alicorn shook her head. "There are times even my patience was stretched."

Twilight had remained silent during the discussion.

"I am sorry Twilight, discussing your life as if you weren't even there," Rarity said.

"Why would I want to discuss that part of my life?" Twilight asked, "A bunch of people with no lives, deciding to live their life through mine? The idea that nopony in the royal court would raise a fuss about it also bothered me. Either in the stories that it was happening, or in real life that they were lying. 'We're above such things Miss Sparkle.'"

"They quit when Twilight started showing her magical prowess, and accidentally blew up a few buildings," Spike added.

"The Alchemy buildings are designed to blow up!" Twilight replied defensively, "That's why the walls are reinforced concrete and the roofs are sheet tin. Boom." She mimed an explosion going straight up.

"I hope she's gotten better with the explosions," Armor said.

"Not really, it's just that nopony notices anymore," Pinkie Pie said, "Or we just stand back and watch the pretties."

While Twilight grumped, everypony else laughed.

The Big Guy and Trixie reentered the room.

"What the hay is so special secret about that room?" Rainbow demanded.

The Big Guy rubbed his hands together and let out a laugh that had every hair and every feather of everyone in the room standing on end.

"Ya really want ta know there, Sugarcube?" Applejack asked, and glanced at her hat dangling from her erect mane.

"NO," Rainbow squealed, "I'm good."

They stared at Fluttershy nuzzling his leg. "It's so good you're feeling better."

"Fluttershy," Sveti asked, as she tried to preen her hackles down, "That didn't frighten you?"

"It certainly frightened Trixie," the showmare added.

"He's just being a big silly," Fluttershy responded, flittered around behind him and gave him a happy hug.

"She is the one who has tea parties with bears," Lyra pointed out, "It's going to take mousse to get that to stay down," she said of her forelock that was standing as straight as her horn.

"It's going to take a moose," Spike said and snickered, pointing at Cadence and Armor.

"I think that's where they got the idea for the helmet crests," Cadence offered, trying not to giggle.

"I think it makes me look rather fierce," Armor replied and posed.

"That it does, sir," Milestone said as he stuck his nose in. "Her Highness Luna will join you shortly, but her Highness Celestia would like you to go to the throne room first, to say goodbye."

"She's going on vacation and sticking me with the Princess job!" Cadence panicked, and pranced in circles, "Whatever shall I do?"

"Close your eyes and think of Equestria," Armor said solemnly.

"Oh course," Cadence took a regal bearing and walked out with Armor flanking her.

"Why is everybody in this city either boring or crazy?" Pinkie asked.

"No comment," came the chorus of replies.


Celestia detached herself from the collection of nobles and diplomats as the group entered. Even the Royal Poise had a difficult time with the sight that greeted her. She blinked, then blinked again.

"Interesting fashion choice," she managed. Rarity, Armor and Cadence managed the nonchalance to pull off the new look. The others were too nervous. Even Pinkie Pie sticking her hoof in her mouth and blowing couldn't get her hair to poof properly. It would poof, then with the sound of an arrow hitting a target, would go straight up again. The mare whined a little at that.

"I apologize your Highness. We - asked a question, and got an answer," Twilight said.

"Must have been quite the question," Celestia said, and covered her laugh with a hoof.

Twilight sighed. Armor gave a salute. Cadence gravely beeped her Majesty. Rarity more timidly did the same.

Then she came to the Big Guy. The alicorn looked a little sheepish. "I wish you could fully understand me, or that I could trust that Discord is properly translating. But you have my apologies for the miscues and misunderstandings. I think I need to let you be yourself, and let my ponies see to your care and well-being. I am glad you're well enough to resume your duties." Celestia smiled.

The Big Guy got right in her face and roared. Teeth bared and an utterly ferocious sound. Celestia pulled her head back, but he pressed forward. The little twitterings of the knots of nobles and diplomats fell silent and stared. The Ponyvillians and guards glanced worriedly at each other. Celestia roared back, pressing her head against his forehead and making him retreat a step or two.

He took a breath and raised his arms. The ululating terror he released, the mad eyes and hands in raised claws had the guards raise their weapons. Celestia's head and neck formed a question mark as he pressed forward.

Celestia's face contorted in rage and menace, her wings flared and she let out a furious trumpeting that shook the palace walls. She stomped her forehooves as she pressed him back until he was nearly teetering back on his heels.

He hugged her around the neck and rested his head on her withers. She wrapped her wings around him, rested her head on his neck and raised a leg to stroke his back.

"I'm glad you forgive me, and you're feeling better. But you don't have to defend my ponies from everything by yourself, you silly colt. I have guards and the Elements to help you," Celestia chided gently. She broke the hug and kissed him on the forehead. She looked at the collection of stunned ponies and foreigners. "So that's how your manes and tails got that way."


"I can't believe you did that!" Discord raged inside his head. "I can't believe she did that!"

What? he replied, I got to scare the entire royal court and the best of the best in Canterlot, and she gets to prove to the same that she's no slouch in the whole 'I am a badass' rankings herself. Lets her be more than the pampered pony-princess.

"I'm just pointing out that with everyone else there, it was not a good idea," Discord replied.

For someone with a real 'get out of death free' card, you're awfully nervous. Besides, ponies social norm like crazy, and nearly always defer to authority. The only one I had to worry about was Celestia, and if your translation was accurate, I had nothing to worry about. He looked at the chaos spirit. Your translation was accurate, wasn't it? You didn't intentionally lead me down the garden path into humiliation, did you?

He glanced around the seemingly empty space. Discord? his voice echoed off the insides of his mind, That's what I thought. Ahem. I love you, you love me! We're a happy family, with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you!


Tom found Discord hanging from a chandelier in his private place mumbling something incoherent. The collection of singing, blue, bipedal creatures fell victim to a single beehive round fired in through a window. "Yes, thank you gentlemen, spot on target as always," Tom said over the radio. "Yes, I am a crystal radio."

Tom watched in disgust as one of Discord's tears fell to the floor and became a small, blue, singing dinosaur. His disgust and the creature grew as a second tear hit it. "Well, that's enough of that." He removed the floor and let the creature and the next tear fall forever. "Say hello to Lucifer when you hit bottom."

Tom looked at Discord, still shivering and crying. Tom shook side to side. "When will you ever learn?"


"I can't believe you did that!" Twilight shouted at him as they walked back to their temporary quarters.

He just stared at her uncomprehendingly as he walked.

"You 'RARRR' at Celestia!" Twilight said.

"Reroarrahroarreroar," he politely replied and shook a finger scoldingly at Twilight.

"It hardly makes a difference," Twilight countered.

"Well Rarrr is so common, and reroarrahroarreroar has a more musical tone," Rarity said thoughtfully, "Quite an important difference to the well-brought-up gentlecolt."

Twilight stared at her friend, then at the rest of the snickering group.

"He still thinks she kin stick a little sun in him and roast him inside out," Applejack pointed out, "He wouldn't a roared or reroararoared if'n he didn't reckon it was a game Celestia would play."

Twilight stared at all of them in utter amazement. "You don't understand."

"With respect, Sparkle, you don't understand," Trixie said, "I seriously doubt your mentor likes the pedestal you and others insist putting her on. He seems the only creature willing to play with her. So he played, she played back, and everyone accepts it was something else. Do you honestly believe the sudden increase in 'beeping' was for any reason other than Celestia did it, and all those movers and shakers suddenly could play a fantastic joke on all the trend followers?"

"You mean he might have played a joke on alla Equestria, and their Highnesses helped?" Applejack stammered, and took off her hat and held it over her heart, "Mah faith in pony nature is plumb shattered."

Twilight glanced around from one mirthful face to another with growing amazement. "But he made fun of her."

"Not without her full knowledge and consent, darling," Rarity said, "She could have thrown him into, well back into a dungeon. She didn't, because she figured the other ponies would either get the joke, or deserved to be confused."

"Poor Twi." Rainbow Dash patted Twilight's head. "Such an egghead, to be in the 'deserve to be confused' camp."

Twilight groaned and bowed her head.

"I think she doesn't like being on a pedestal," Fluttershy said.

"Yeah, not much room to walk, and that first wrong step is a doozy," Pinkie Pie added.

"Like I didn't like being a model," Fluttershy said.

"Or Trixie's dream," Derpy added.

"No . . ." Trixie gasped, then fell silent, as every eye fell on her, she sighed, "Very well. Trixie is tied to a wheel, and he tied her there." She glanced at Dinky, who was following alongside her mother. "It's clear he's excited, Trixie is equally excited, and things are apparently going to get very exciting," Trixie said and blushed, then frowned, "Then who should appear but Bearer of the Element of MAGIC!, Twilight Sparkle, complete with Heroic Glow! 'I am here to rescue you!' Well, Trixie has absolutely no interest in being rescued from her special somepony. And in this last one, while she was giving the heroic speech, he grabbed her tail, picked up her back end, so her she her back end was running in place and the front end was squealing that 'this isn't how it happens in books'. I've been 'rescued' from that dream eleven times by different Bearers, Princesses, and even BatMare, and Trixie never wanted to be rescued even once!"

The others chuckled about that.

"But, why not? If he tied you up?" Dinky asked.

"If a stranger started tickling you, would you be nervous?" Trixie asked.

"Yeah," Dinky said.

"But on Nightmare Night, you come home from school," Trixie said in spooky tone, "All the lights in the house are off, and all you can see are these glowing, orange fangs. And you hear your mother's voice, 'I am going to gobble you up little foal'. Then your momma pounces on you and starts tickling you, completely different, right?"

"Yeah," Dinky said, "Oh, you know he's not gonna hurt you, so a little scary is good."

"Exactly," Trixie agreed.

"Then why did everypony start blushing when you said you were excited?" Dinky asked.

"Oh look, we're here," Trixie said and pointed to the door to Celestia's room.

"Yay!" Dinky shouted and raced ahead, with Derpy right behind.

"Cheater," Applejack accused.

"A showmare knows when to run down the curtain and get off the stage," Trixie said.

"I thought you didn't trust wheels," Pinkie pointed out.

"Oh no, you'll miss the snipe hunting party!" Trixie gasped.

"Where?!" Pinkie gasped.

Trixie pointed to the door and Pinkie dashed after Dinky and Derpy. A second later she was back. "It got canceled on account of dough."

" 'Dough'?" Trixie asked.

"Yeah, the door is closed, so no dough," Pinkie said and grinned. "So, when I rescued you, did I bring cupcakes, or muffins? Or did I bring doughnuts? If it was late evening cupcakes are better, but in the morning doughnuts are better."

"Pastries did not enter into it," Trixie said.

"Well then it must have been an imposter," Pinkie said firmly, "If I'd been rescuing you, I would have brought pastries."

"I'll keep that in mind," Trixie said.

"I mean duh, even Discord started with chocolate rain, and he was just rescuing himself," Pinkie explained.

Trixie noted that the other Bearers had beat a quiet, but hasty retreat, leaving Trixie alone with Pinkie. "But you didn't bring pastries to rescue Princess Luna, now did you?"

Pinkie teared up. "You're right. I lost such a chance for a little party!" she wailed. Then she sobered. "That's why I've got party supplies stashed all over Ponyville, for just such an emergency."

"But we're in Canterlot," Trixie pointed out and started walking towards the door to her Highness' chambers.

"But it would take months to stash all the party supplies around here. Do you think the Princesses would mind?" Pinkie asked as they entered.

"You can ask," Princess Luna said.


The painstaking examination of the former location of the Ponyville Monster's house came to one conclusion. "None of the stones here can be distinguished from native Ponyville stones," Sangbleu commented, and then wrote down that conclusion in the notebook he'd brought. Other than the three fillies who seemed to have been watching with vague anticipation, and the recently returned, baby dragon who'd been taking his own notes, nopony shared in this Equestria-shattering revelation.

"So what now?" the dragon, Spike, asked.

"I get permission to examine the grounds where the house now lies. Then I get a blinding headache that the stones of a completely alien planet have chemical composition and mystical resonances exactly the same as Equestrian analogues," Sangbleu explained, "From a planet that has a different or nonexistent mystical tradition, that's just frightening."

"So what's next?" Spike asked.

"Brunch," the unicorn said, "And planning."

"Sugarcube Corners," Spike began.

"Had that for breakfast, and would like something other than bake goods for the rest of today," Sangbleu said and yawned, "And a nap."

"There's a couple of good restaurants in town," Spike said, then whispered, "Some are better than Canterlot, if you don't mind a second-rate presentation."

"Lead on, I always thought of food as being tasted, not looked at," Sangbleu said.

"You remind me of someone," Spike said absently, "Someone from Canterlot."

"Prince Blueblood," Sangbleu said. Then in a perfect copy of Blueblood's tone and manner, "If you didn't have such an, ugh, monotonous color scheme, you and I could be brothers."

"That's scary good," Spike said in wide-eyed amazement.

"Just takes practice and proximity," Sangbleu said in his normal tone, "Besides it's fun at parties. Of course people forget I'm there, and think they actually met him."

Spike nodded. "Well, you won't have to worry about running into him here. If Rarity catches him, she'll turn him into a throw rug."

"That might be interesting to watch," Sangbleu said, hoof on his chin, then he laughed, "No, who'd pay me to examine rocks, then?"


Luna opened the door to a room with high cabinets, all with covers blocking what they held. Luna gave a sigh of relief. At least Celestia's little secret is safe, Luna thought.

"Ooo! What's -?"

Spoke too soon, Luna thought and turned.

'PUT. THAT. DOWN!'

It wasn't the Royal Canterlot voice, it wasn't even Equestrian, but it was perfectly clear and brooked no defiance. The pink mare removed her hoof from proximity to the sheets covering one cabinet, the one concealing the 'Elements of Harmony' plushes, and fell into close formation between Rainbow Dash and Rarity. Occasionally glancing over her shoulder at the stern figure pointing at her.

Luna tried very hard not to smile at the change between 'touch everything, no personal space respecter' and 'nervous, follows the rules' Pinkie Pies.

The Big Guy brought up the rear with Trixie, and Trixie used the unicorn lock to seal the room. Luna led the group to the door to Ponyville. She briefly considered the danger of the door at the bottom of the stairs. No, we've got them controlled, and you'd need a key, or explosives to get in there. And what harm could they do, except to themselves? Luna considered, Talk to Celestia about covering that door over with a hoof-width of reinforced concrete. 'Nothing bad could happen, they could never get in,' who am I kidding?

The hallway that led to all the destinations was the same as Luna remembered, including the box she'd left there. Pinkie, predictably approached the box, then looked over her shoulder. The Big Guy stared at her, one eyebrow raised. Pinkie patted the box and put her friends between herself and the box as fast as possible, moving herself and them. She grinned back at the Big Guy, whose expression hadn't changed a bit.

Being one of the few people who'll yell at her seems to have its advantages, Luna considered as she headed towards the door to let Dinky and Derpy out. The others would stay for a moment.

"I'll be back in a bit," Derpy promised, and raced off with Dinky.

She's smarter that ponies give her credit for. A rock is smarter than ponies give her credit for, Luna amended.

"We going in, or going out?" Applejack asked, looking at the dim light and close quarters.

"Responsibilities, or claustrophobia?" Rarity asked quietly, not teasing, but wanting to know.

"Both, I reckon, always feel better in the open. And this place feels like a tomb outta a Daring Do book," Applejack admitted as she glanced around.

"Aw, there's nothing to be scared of in here," Rainbow condescendingly assured her, "It's all -"

"Woohahaha!" echoed off the walls.

"Who says he doesn't understand us," Trixie said, as Twilight tried to peel Fraidybow off of her and Applejack.

"I wasn't scared, I was just playing along," Rainbow said as she released the other two.

"Yeah, Rainbow Dash wouldn't lie, she was hugging you two and shivering like a filly to make it seem more real," Pinkie Pie came to Rainbow's 'defense', "And the rest of us weren't really scared either of a big spooky laugh echoing off the walls so you couldn't tell where it was coming from so it could be coming from everywhere and it was coming for you and AHHH!" Suddenly Pinkie was hugging Rainbow Dash.

"Pinkie, you scared yourself?" the pegasus asked.

"Nope, just a little demonstration, luh la luh la," she said and plonked away, stopping before the box, and following a square path to avoid it.

"Before someone hurts themselves," Luna said, "I think I'd better tell the secret."

"Back!" Derpy said as she closed the door behind her.

"As numerous people have told me, I broke his bed, I should get a replacement. I also need to face a few ghosts of my own," Luna said and looked at the others, "I would appreciate the help of a few ghost hunters on my trip."

Applejack stuck a hoof in Pinkie's mouth as she inhaled. "Not the kind ya'all kin giggle at Pinkie." She looked at Luna. "Yer talkin' about the castle, and yer old room," Applejack said.

"Yes. Celestia's magic preserved it, and I have not had the heart to return to the site of my two defeats, although I welcome the outcome of the second." She opened the box and removed what was there.

Pinkie gasped and covered Fluttershy's eyes. Trixie gasped and covered Twilight's eyes. Applejack gasped, and was growled at by Rarity. The farm pony just waved at her.

"Caught up in the moment," Applejack said and waved nervously.

"I made those." Rarity pointed out and looked over.

"I've seen those before," Twilight said as he picked up Trixie and moved her out of the way. "But aren't those a little inappropriate?"

"She's given him her bed . . . " Applejack said and fell silent.

Rarity sighed. "They are riding gear for creatures like the Big Guy, the styling is similar to something I found in the book he lent me. Although I could have made them much less, utilitarian," she said the word as if it were dirty.

"Uh, what is it?" Rainbow Dash asked, "It looks like a . . . " Then she got it. "Your Highness is going to wear that?"

"For a pony to wear it for another pony, it is exactly what you surmise," Rarity said primly, "For a pony, especially a winged pony, it is to keep a rider from falling off."

They realized the Big Guy had slipped away, because he was returned with a blanket that he carefully set on her croup rather than Luna's back.

"Shouldn't that go further forward?" Rarity asked.

"We tested it, if we placed it where it would go for pony play, it would interfere with my wings," Luna said as she moved them.

"Beg pardon, 'tested it'?" Applejack said.

"He, we had a dream. That he rode my back as we escaped by flight is all I shall reveal," Luna said, "Damn fire-breathing mice."

"Okay, that's enough for my curiosity," Twilight said, and watched as the Big Guy carefully saddled her Highness. Adjusting and tightening the straps.

Luna could see that were all getting more uncomfortable by the minute. "I want the pegasi to accompany us. My luck when being alone with him has been only slightly better than my sister's luck when she plans something for him."

"I think I have a way all of us can go," Twilight offered, "If I can get some help from Rarity and Trixie."

"Proceed, if you wish," Luna said, she looked away from the ponies and at the Big Guy who held the bit in one hand and the bridle in the other. "I am committed, am I not?" she said quietly, and took the bridle with her magic, and fitted around her muzzle. "Your hands are cleaner than my hooves," she told him, and opened her mouth. She was aware of the ponies staring, and that while it would not give him the level of control it might on a non-sentient animal, it was still a tremendous showing of submission.

Maybe I should suggest this to Celestia, get ponies to quit worshiping at her feet, Luna thought as he carefully and apprehensively approached. No, if she plans it, she'll get a wild hair to fly high and the heat of the sun will make him burst into flames, or the thin air will kill him. She held still as the wood slipped into the spaces between her teeth. Or he'll just fall off, she thought as he reached inside and adjusted it. She carefully clamped just her lips down hard on his hands, not touching his skin with her teeth. Both to remind him of her strength, and so the others couldn't see what her tongue was doing with his fingers.

His frustrated grin made it worth it. He pulled his hand out and mimed wiping it on her coat, but wiped it on his shirt, before setting the bit into the fittings on the bridle. He didn't take the bridle, or lead her by the reins, but collected the long weapon and small pack he'd brought along with the blanket.

How did he move so quietly, or are we ponies so inattentive he can move among us without being noticed? Luna wondered as she walked towards the door.

He held the door, but Derpy took that position and nudged him toward Luna. There would scarcely have been room in the hall to mount Celestia. I'm, short enough for this, she thought as he climbed aboard and with Rarity's help got his feet in the stirrups. He leaned down low to avoid bashing his head on the door frame as Luna leapt through the door and was airborne.

She immediately discovered one advantage of being pursued by a horde of fire-breathing mice. Immortality means I don't really have to breathe, she thought of the death grip he had on her throat, I think he could strangle a dragon.

She squeaked a noise, and repeated it. He relented, giving her enough slack to breathe, and made an apologetic noise, but still held on for dear life.

I wonder if Discord was 'translating', she pondered as she decided to keep the maneuvers down to the minimum. I should have let Derpy explain how she carries Dinky. She doesn't even have a saddle.

Derpy and Rainbow Dash took up positions alongside, but Luna couldn't spot Fluttershy. Then she caught a glimpse of a pink mane and a butter-colored wing. She's directly behind, and I didn't feel her. Maybe that 'weak flier' just doesn't cause the disturbances other pegasi create as they fly. She craned her neck for a moment, and saw the smiling pegasi had a hoof on the Big Guy's back, assuring him that even if he fell, someone would instantly catch him. While he kept a tight grip with his legs around her barrel, a sensation she found oddly sensual and enjoyable, it wasn't the death grip he'd had with his arms around her neck a few moments later. She nodded to Fluttershy, who smiled back.

The cloud that rose, and was now following them, contained the rest of the friends. Sveti was pushing the cloud along more like a pegasus would than a griffon. Lyra's and Trixie's horns glowed softly, leaving Rarity and Twilight to watch their progress and step in if needed.

The convoy turned towards the Castle of the Pony Sisters. Luna felt only trepidation as they flew over Everfree. We overthrew chaos, then took one of the most naturally chaotic places in Equestria as our home, Luna thought as they flew, Sometimes I wonder if we were thinking clearly, or if we wanted a barrier around our home from the very ponies we had saved. I was there and I still don't have answers.

She briefly considered a detour to Zecora's, but decided against it. Stay on course, keep it simple, she reminded herself.


Sangbleu looked up at the sight of the collection of fliers. All right, someone else likes to operate against type, he thought as he concentrated on the soil of Sweet Apple Acres. Interesting. So much crushed stone, mixed in with the organic material. No wonder this place is so successful. But it won't last, eventually they'll have to spread more minerals for the trees. Say in forty or fifty years.

He politely ignored the three fillies who'd been stalking him. They are curious about a stranger acting weird, he reminded himself, They have no idea who I am. I doubt they'd know if I told them.

The stallion working the fields had passed him twice, but since he wasn't on the family's land, he'd only been mildly curious. The farm stallion had spoken with the fillies, and continued on to his chores. Sangbleu decided not to get close to the fillies. Like you don't get between a bear and her cub, he thought as he collected a sample of the minerals, And I'll forward the results to the botanical group. If the minerals are the source of the magic, that may be what makes the Zap Apples possible.

"Celestia's mercy!" he shouted and pointed.

The fillies gasped, looked and missed him fading from sight. He carefully picked his way down the road as they searched for him. He knew they could track his hoofprints, but that would take time and he'd be in a position to drop the spell and walk away. As soon as he broke line of sight, he dropped the spell and trotted back towards Ponyville.


As the force arrived in the interior courtyard of the castle, Luna felt both exultant, and terrified. She also was disturbed by her reaction to the sensual pleasure of weight pressing against her back, the legs wrapped around her barrel and the arms around her neck as she flew. I'll have to tease Twilight about how she carries her assistant, she briefly considered. She turned and shook her head as he tried to dismount.

He looked curious, but kept his seat.

With my luck, you'll trip and split your head open, she thought as Fluttershy stayed close, fluttering around to ensure he stayed safe, letting Luna concentrate on where she put her hooves, the loose rubble and possibly weaknesses over the underground portions of the castle. I doubt that anypony has thoroughly examined this place since Celestia abandoned it for Canterlot, she thought as she walked through the halls.

The Bearers and the others landed and formed up. None strayed too far from the others. Their uncertainty worked in her favor.

I don't want them getting lost, or out of position where they could help, she thought. Then a roar of something large and angry sounded through the hall. She smirked that the Big Guy had the long weapon in hand and was scanning the area, as if the small weapon that was fine against Diamond Dogs would affect something the size of a hydra or even a manticore. Or it might have an effect, she realized, If he hits it in the eye. Then that projectile will be in the brain. It might affect a large creature.

None of them made a sound as they listen for whatever made the noise. Luna watched them all, and the differences between the species were laid out before her. Fluttershy stays near the Big Guy looking every which way. Twilight and Rainbow Dash search for targets, while Rarity and Applejack form a second line to rush forward or be the rally point for the more aggressive pair. Pinkie Pie watches and listens. Derpy and Lyra looked about nervously, but unconsciously move to extend Rarity and Applejack's line. The mares had unconsciously formed to defend the stallion. Sveti watches everywhere, but conceals herself to pounce upon an interloper. And the Big Guy has the long weapon pointed in the general direction he is looking, but held loosely so tension wouldn't slow his reaction.

It's like a pack of ants trying to defend an elephant, Luna thought of the collection, As if anything could really threaten me.

Trixie was facing the exact opposite direction of all the others, scanning the area intently.

Ah, she assumes misdirection, Luna thought. He slipped off her back and advanced with the long weapon, the spear tip extended, on a cabinet. The roar sounded through the hall. Derpy joined Trixie as they flanked the Big Guy as he advanced across the floor.

Luna watched as he knelt, aimed his weapon at a cabinet, and nodded to Trixie. The roar began again, and the door wrenched open, revealing a fat, old woodchuck, who glanced around nervously. Whether it was the Big Guy with the weapon, and his 'you are lunch' expression, or Sveti moving up to reinforce him, the woodchuck ran from the hall and leapt out a window.

The others sighed and chuckled. The Big Guy shook his head. Luna let them relax slightly then pointed at the staircase. "We still need to head up there," she told them and headed up the stairs.

Rainbow raced ahead, and discovered the doors wouldn't open no matter how she strained.

"Not feelin' yer oats?" Applejack asked.

"Okay cowpony, you try it," the pegasus exclaimed and stepped aside to let her friend try.

Luna watched her strain, and even kick the door to no avail. Then Twilight tried her magic. The doors briefly glowed with the characteristic tone of Twilight's magic, but even after a millennium, the magic binding the doors and their contents held firm.

"Why do I feel you are amusing yourself with our antics?" Trixie asked, "You could have opened that door at anytime, and we wouldn't gain entry if we blasted through the walls."

"Correct," Luna said, "But it was fun you all presuming yourselves stronger than Celestia."

Chagrined, the ponies stepped away from the doors. Luna touched them with her horn, and the doors swung inward, as they had for years, but not for the last thousand. Derpy led the Big Guy inside, there they began pulling sacks from the mailmare's saddlebags.

"You want all your stuff, don't you?" Derpy asked as she pulled out newspaper to wrap the various items and brick-a-brack that occupied spaces on the tables and other furnishings.

"I hadn't considered that," Luna admitted as she looked around at her room. The only sign of what had happened all those centuries ago was the smashed mirror. Everything else was exactly as she'd left it that fateful night.

She wasn't aware of her collapse, or her tears until the ponies closed in around her. The Big Guy sat before her, scratching her behind the ears. She seized him in a hug and began sobbing uncontrollably.


Tom floated above the floors through the corridors of his host's mind. He spotted a pony that looked like King Sombra having a bad hair and horn day. The creature's two horns and unkempt mane and tail, as well as the way it skulked down the middle of a pathway wide enough for a four-lane highway told Tom quite a bit.

"So, you are . . . ?" Tom asked as he maneuvered over the creature.

"I am the pony devil, here to offer life, love and happiness, at the cost his immortal soul," the creature said and attempted a horrifying laugh. It wasn't a patch on their host's. "And what do you want? I have spare contracts."

"Friends recently gave me what I want, but I am Tom. Long Tom to my friends."

"Pride is a sin you know, LOOONNG Tom. Long Tom because you're popular with the ladies like Rarity?" the creature asked and thrust his hips forward.

"Not really," Tom said, and fired the 155-mm M2 rifle at his target. The smoking heap of fried grease seemed incapable of further exposition, so Tom floated away. "All right, this psychosis has gone from juvenile to infantile, so it's time to rouse my other self from the dinosaur-induced, diabetic coma, and start dealing with this problem." He passed a crude graffiti of 'Yankee Go Home' undersigned with better workmanship with 'But I'm Canadian'. "I think I have had just about enough of this."


Derpy had pulled out all the canvas bags the Big Guy had brought in his pack. She arranged them with the newspapers and other sacks she'd brought, and now she and Rarity were carefully packing all the Princess' gewgaws and knickknacks. Some were clearly grooming aids, and some Derpy couldn't figure out at all.

She glanced back at her Highness, still sniffling a little, and directing the disassembly of the massive bed that was to be a gift to the Big Guy to replace the one that Luna had destroyed. Derpy smirked. It's large enough for all of us to cuddle around him, she thought happily. Then looked at haughty Trixie and aristocratic Princess Luna, and at erudite Lyra, and wondered, What does he see in me? Does he pity me, or is there something about me he really likes? She forced the thought aside. He loved teaching Dinky math, he loved the picnic we had, he's been happy to see me when I arrive. Maybe a simple, ordinary pegasus can't understand what he sees in simple, ole me. I can understand he likes it, whatever it is, and trying to be more of what it is has messed up even Princess Celestia. I guess just being me is the best I can do.

She continued her work as the others carefully disassembled the large piece of furniture.

"Uh, how are we going to transport that back to the door in Ponyville?" Derpy asked, "The cloud will never hold it, and we didn't bring a sling to carry it, or pads to keep it from bumping and breaking itself."

Everyone froze as they looked at each other. After a moment, the Big Guy snickered. He walked over to the room's linen closet and removed several blankets and began wrapping the parts. Twilight facehooved.

Derpy only smiled, Clever, but simple. Maybe that's why I like him too, she thought as the others wrapped up the bed. He collected several of the canvas bags onto a blanket. He also pulled some of the wash clothes and smaller towels to help them pad what they were packing for her Highness. He walked to a chest of drawers and began to pull one open, when Luna galloped over and kicked it shut. She grinned nervously at him.

He shrugged and returned to the linen closet to get sheets and blankets to start wrapping the chest of drawers as it stood.

"What do you suppose is in that drawer?" Rarity whispered.

"Something we're better off not knowing about," Derpy replied firmly as she continued packing, now using the content of the linen closet to help pad the breakables for transport.

Rarity snickered, but Derpy didn't want to anger the very touchy Princess.


Tom returned to Discord's private room, pulling a rack of fish behind him. Tom turned slightly. "Some of these can't be seen, but they could be smelt, by the hard of herring. Some are slightly off note, so they need to see a tuna fish. But I need the right one." He scanned the rack. "It would be easier if this was a rack of lamb, 'he said sheepishly.' Haddock? No, he's enough of a haddock as it is. AH!" He grabbed a fish and held it above him. "There can be only one!" he shouted, then lowered his voice and the fish, "And it primarily benefits the fish as well. I always want to smack him just for the halibut." Tom looked over. "It's not my fault that I have to remind some of you that I am a piece of Discord. Blame that guy in his grandmother's basement in Pasadena for sending the hate mail." He swatted Discord across the face with the fish.

"Clam Chowder!" Discord shouted as he looked around.

"Manehatten or Neigh England style?" Tom asked.

Discord looked at him with wild eyes, wilder than usual. "It was terrible."

"You do need to learn not to force the issue," Tom reminded him.

"Oh I learned that! I assure you I learned that . . . can you put the floor back?" Discord asked.

"Certainly," Tom replaced the floor in the room, and ran a vacuum cleaner over it. Pulled by a sled-bunny team, each one in his own color-coded parka.

Discord dropped down from the chandelier. No humorous noises sounded and the chaos spirit seemed vaguely paranoid.

"Sir -" Tom began and stopped as Discord jumped.

"Oh, yes, you," Discord said and chuckled nervously, "I have learned my lesson. Play it straight, he gets very vicious when he thinks someone is trying to hurt him."

"I rather think the roaring contest and the subsequence siege of the blue dinosaurs was unpleasant," Tom pointed out, "But hardly worth that description."

"Oh, I left that behind after you removed the floor," Discord said as he began examining the furnishings, looking under them for hidden dangers or listening devices.

"Then what?" Tom asked patiently.

"Someone tried to break in here," Discord said, finishing his examination by checking over his beloved chair.

"Here, as in this specific here, or the more general here," Tom asked, gaining a measure of worry himself.

"They didn't find your stash of Wonderbolts memorabilia," Discord said disgustedly, "Or your Cadence wedding dolls."

"They are action figures," Tom said primly, "And getting the prerelease version of the Tuxedo Shining Armor took a most dogged bidding war."

"Fine, 'action figures'," Discord said dismissively, then sobered, "At least neither of us has a blowup Celestia." He shuddered at that.

Tom was equally disgusted. "This story is rated for Everyone, perhaps we should change the subject."

"Not much of a change, the intruder snuck in here, into his mind, disguised as Celestia, bold as brass," Discord said.

How does one sneak in as bold as brass? Tom wondered, picked up the wad of paper flung at him.

" 'Iz easy dude sneekz by bolding as Cleesta,'," Tom read, then crumbled up the note. "Either get a bloody spellchecker on your smart phone or a real keyboard."

"I take it you dealt with the interloper," Tom said, and noted how frightened his counterpart was. "He dealt with it, then what is your concern?"

"He pierced her belly with his -"

"Rated for Everyone," Tom reminded him.

"Okay, fine, then cut her/him/whoever was masquerading as Celestia from sternum to crotch, while the ersatz Celestia screamed and begged for mercy. But rather than bleed and be filled with things requiring the Gore Tag and a Mature rating, she was filled with air. She started deflating once he punched a hole in her, and he didn't cut her open until she was nearly done, nearly empty. Of course, she was terrified by the experience, the helplessness and the fear of death."

"I suspect that was rather the point," Tom said disparagingly.

"Yes, I guessed that too. Still, when facing an opponent with no imagination, imaginative punishments are an order of magnitude more terrifying," Discord offered, still agitated by what he'd seen, "Then, after he made the hole big enough, he pulled himself inside her empty skin. It stretched a few places, was loose in others. All the time her eyes were moving, you could see the whites as her terror grew. Trapped, a suit for another creature, unable to move, unable to affect what happened to her."

"Disturbing," Tom agreed, "Did he parade around in his new clothes?"

"No. He picked up a cylinder with some weird hoses and gizmos attached, and strapped it on himself, but only after he fitted the mouthpiece over her horn and inflated the suit a little. Then he dove into the ocean."

Where'd he get the ocean? Tom wanted to ask, but kept listening.

"So he caught a couple of lobster, a few abalone, and some crabs, and returned to the surface," Discord continued in his haunted tones.

"Terrifying, seafood for lunch, what horrors have been released on Equestria?" Tom said, earning a glare from Discord.

"Yes, seeing the terror of someone looking just like Celestia as she failed to understand what was happening, and the only movement she could manage was the rather pathetic flapping of her half-limp wings. It's what he did next," the draconequus said coldly, "After he climbed out of the ocean with the seafood, he took the skin off, and sealed it back up. Then he put the mouthpiece back on her horn, and blew her up, just enough to let her flop around helplessly, no strength and no coordination."

"Like a beached fish?" Tom asked.

Discord stared at him. "I am at least trying to give this story some gravitas. Do you have to sneer at everything? You have completely ruined the mood!" Discord complained.

"Perhaps because I find the method of death ridiculous, and even I can guess it," Tom said, "You have a pony balloon and a high-pressure gas cylinder. I assume he let her helplessness terrify her, then offered to inflate her, inflated her to immobility, and them ever so slowly took her to the limits, with the associated creaks and groans of an overstretched balloon. Perhaps each feather on her wings forming their own little bubble to squeak and threaten imminent explosion."

"Well, yes," Discord said, "But I would have made it properly spine chilling."

"There are almost too many characters in this story for most readers to keep track of. Unless you learned the identity of this intruder before his/her/its dream manifestation went kablooie, I seriously doubt they care."

"Even if he fed the scraps to lions and tigers?" Discord said.

"Even if he flew them straight into their mouths like sailcats, Rest in Peace Mr. Winters," Tom said solemnly. Discord produced a chocolate cake and blew Taps.

"Okay, so he applied a rather terrifying and unusual torture to someone who broke into his mind in the guise of Celestia. I hardly think that's really what's bothering you," Tom said.

"You think I think that he thinks that I think he'll do that to me?" Discord said.

"No," Tom said dryly, "I am very sure he would not attack you that way. You have embarrassed him at most, and even when Luna and Celestia, and Pinkie Pie caused him injury, he realized they had no malice so he did not respond to that. But that actually is secondary."

"Secondary?" Discord asked, "What's primary?"

"I think you're jealous," Tom said.

"I'm jealous about being terrified, cut, stretched past my breaking point and being thrown in shattered fragments to lions?" Discord asked, "I think you've finally cracked."

"What you are jealous of, is the attention, not what the attention consists of," Tom said, "You aren't jealous about being terrified and tortured, you are jealous about the intricate attention. You've been poking at Celestia, and would appreciate her driving her horn into your guts almost as much as pleasant chat, as long as it's all focused intensely on you."

"That's ridiculous," Discord said and turned his back on Tom, although the rest of him still faced the sphere.

"Oh, then look at your mentor. He's afraid of Celestia, but he can play with her in front of all the others, as long as he remembers to give her a way out. You know as well as I do that he didn't have to let her win the 'roar at each other' challenge, but doing it let him keep playing."

Discord glowered at the crystalline entity.

"Haven't you wondered what he sees in Derpy?" Tom asked, "It is the quality of her attention. He can be quiet around her, and she knows that despite his ferocious reputation and capabilities, she protects him. She doesn't have to do anything, but they both know they are happier together sitting quietly than separate."

"You act like she's some kind . . . of security blanket," Discord said and his jaw dropped, followed by his eyes, horns, eye sockets and color.

"That seems like an impressive idea?" Tom asked, "When you've pulled yourself together, would you care to share?"


The aerial procession drew the attention of everyone in Ponyville as the massive collection of cargo-carrying clouds and their flight-capable neighbors headed towards the door in the park. They also saw Princess Luna among the group, flitting here and there among the cargo bundles. As nervous as a filly with her first ribbons.

The entire assembly settled down outside the door, and had an immediate and interested audience. The Big Guy clambered out of the cloud he'd been riding on and stepped onto the ground. Zecora was among the observers of the arriving collection.

"Seek you near and seek you far, in Ponyville and there you are," Zecora said to Twilight, "So this is the Monster of Ponyville, losing that title was quite a thrill."

Twilight grinned nervously at that. She glanced at the Big Guy, who was arranging the loads to pass them through the door, while the others rested after their long trip.

"We were considering passing by your home, but having this collection suddenly descend on your doorstep might not have been a welcome surprise," Twilight explained.

"The surprise would be yours, I in fact was out of doors," she replied, "Rumors aplenty I have heard, what real magic have you observed?"

"Machines, that do incredible things, and he somehow can do something that paralyzed all the ancient villains of Equestria, and keeps Discord fascinated," Twilight said, "I think he's crazy."

"Frightened you, did he not? Hated that, quite a lot," Zecora warned, "Underestimated foes, knock you out, not keep you on your toes."

He walked up to the door and rolled up his sleeve. His whistle brought everyone's attention. Twilight nodded and watched as the Big Guy tapped on the front and sides of the freestanding door with a long stick.

"Who is the student and who is the master?" Zecora asked and indicated Trixie watching the performance with interest.

He gestured for Luna to come forward. The Princess did, among the gasps from some of the more religiously royalist community members. He held the stick next to Luna, measuring her length, and then beside the door. His pantomime of confusion seemed to say 'I don't think she'll fit.'

Luna regarded the histrionics with growing disdain. The Big Guy picked up on this before most of the audience, and opened the door, letting Luna and most of the parcels pass through. The bed notably remained behind. He closed the door and walked around it, tapping with his stick and reciting an almost musical line of patter about something.

Once he finished circling, he held the stick against the edge of the door, and indicated Luna's length in comparison. The ponies laughed at the display. He shouted what might have been a charlatan's 'magic words' as he tapped the door. Then he flung it open.

"Hello, my little ponies," Celestia said as she stuck her head out the door.

The Big Guy threw his hands in the air and fell down in 'surprise'. The crowd loved it. He hit the stick against the ground a few times, carefully listened to it, and waved Celestia back through the door. Twilight and a few others gasped at the audacity as Celestia compiled, closing the door after her.

He walked around the door, tapping it with the stick, and shouting words that sounded a good deal harsher than the first 'incantation'. He yanked the door open.

"Hello, my little ponies," Celestia said as she stuck her head out the door.

The Big Guy stared at Celestia, stared at his stick, stared at Celestia, then broke the stick in two over his knee and flung one piece one way and the other the opposite way. He slunk over to Trixie and gestured at Celestia, who still stood grinning in the door way.

Trixie stared at him in utter horror. Celestia blew a raspberry at him. He turned and charged the door screaming. Celestia closed it 'at the last moment' so he crashed into it. As he fell slowly to the ground, the crowd laughed at their antics. Lyra and Derpy ran up. They were joined by Dinky. Dinky's horn glowed as she walked around it, giving it a delicate kick here and there. Lyra and Derpy dragged the 'corpse' away as Dinky performed her circuit. The little unicorn strained to use the door latch.

"Hello, my -" came out sounding natural for Celestia, then came the most defective Luna impression in living memory, "I am Princess Luna! Fear me!"

"Worst imitation of an Alicorn's tones, hearing it shivers straight through my bones," Zecora said.

"But that is Princess Luna," Twilight gasped, as the rest of the crowd burst into laughter.

The Lunar Diarch had taken her 'Celestia-size' form, and occasionally shook a back hoof to dislodge the moon cutie mark stencil that drying paint had glued to her hoof. The overall effect looked like a Luna impersonation even the Cutie Mark Crusaders would be ashamed to own.

Once Lyra and Derpy began laughing at the ridiculous scene, the rest of the citizenry joined in. With the notable exception of Twilight and Trixie, who still viewed the entire event with a level of utter disbelief. Somewhere along the line, Celestia had taken the bed pieces inside, presumably to set them up. Luna looked around at the laughing citizens, she stood in her Celestia-like, 'Nightmare Moon' size, shape, but not appearance, and the citizens only laughed.

Celestia joined her sister, and whispered in her ear. The Solar Diarch nodded to the Big Guy, who nodded back and headed through the door with Derpy, Lyra and Dinky in tow. Twilight didn't miss the absolutely venomous look Luna gave to the Big Guy as he left, or his apologetic nod. Acknowledging his misstep. Luna's expression returned to bemused as the ponies surrounded her and Celestia.

"It's like whatever, whenever they get together, all rational expectations just sizzle away to smoke," Twilight said as the Ponyville ponies actually laughed with their Highnesses.

"Life passed before your eyes, because of this delightful surprise?" Zecora asked Twilight, "A sense of humor your mentor has got, although you were certain she had not? And the Big Guy's punishment for Les majesty, Luna will be quite harsh, are you eager to see?"

Twilight looked at how delighted her mentor was. "I can't understand why she lets him do that, to treat her so . . . "

"Like a playful friend?" Zecora asked.

Twilight grimaced at that. "Why does it sound like a rebuke?"

"No one wants to be just one thing to everyone," Zecora replied and walked over to the crowd surrounding the Princesses.

I want to go yell at him for affronting Princess Celestia's dignity, but Princess Celestia didn't have a problem with it. Or the roaring contest, Twilight realized, She seems to accept, and even like the games he plays with her. Luna clearly doesn't, but she understands fun and modern ways so poorly, she might not understand that the games actually elevate Celestia's status. Pony calling the mule hooved. I didn't realize that until just now. She gets to be who she really is for a moment, instead of the soft, gentle pony she always portrays herself as. Today, she got to prove she was fierce, fiercer, than the nastiest thing to hit Equestria. And she got to prove she was clever, by doing something nopony would ever ask her to do, and doing it well.

Rarity had walked over. "If you keep making that face, it might stick that way," her fellow unicorn said.

"Just having something rubbed in my face, and really not liking it," Twilight admitted, "You all tease me about 'worshiping' Celestia. I just never realized how limiting my vision, and many ponies' vision of her was. Our friend elevates her too, but while I put her on a pedestal."

"He has her walk across the ceiling?" Rarity asked, "Twilight, even I don't want to be seen as only a fashion designer. Yes I want to be recognized as one. But I also want ponies I care about to know there's more to me than a pretty face and a deft horn."

Twilight smirked. "Yes, I've noticed that neither Applejack nor Rainbow will 'roughhouse' with you, and not just because you'd turn them down."

"Why Twilight, what ever could you mean?" Rarity asked, a hoof on her chest.

"I think they aren't sure they'd win," Twilight said.

"Ah, I've never been so insulted," Rarity said and flipped her mane, "I'm going to take you over where your mentor can punish you." Rarity's magic lifted Twilight slightly off the ground, and despite her hooves going the other way, she headed towards Celestia.


Lyra watched him measure the area in the room, and compare it with the measurements he'd taken of the bed frame. She'd been glad to assist in moving the furniture around to accommodate the much larger structure. She desperately tried to keep the glee from her expression as she thought, He'll have space for a 'pony pile' any time he's home. She sobered herself, Don't push. And I may be counting my chickens before they've hatched. That look her Highness gave him after the little magic show may mean she'll take her toys and go home. Human, if that is what you are, you have got to quit enjoying living so dangerously.

She watched Derpy and Dinky also watch him, and briefly wondered where his 'official' guard was. She should be here. Although the danger is minimal, Lyra thought as heard a knocking at the door. The Big Guy accompanied Lyra to the front door.

Sweetie Drops was there, looking very chagrined and nervous. She nodded to the Big Guy, and greeted Lyra with a simple hello.

The Big Guy stood aside for her, then glanced outside before closing the door.

"Aren't you going to say 'I told you so?'" Sweetie Drops asked.

Lyra hugged her. "No," she replied, "I still haven't proved they are native to Equestria. And if they aren't, why does this place look like a scaled up version of our homes. Scissors, switches, chairs and benches, why do they all look like they'd fit him perfectly, and are awkward for us?" she asked as they followed the Big Guy back to the bedroom. "Tell me there's anything in here that would look completely out of place in a pony home, or a university? It doesn't make sense, unless they developed them. How we got them? That's theology."

"Have you told him any of your theories? Or can he still not talk?" Sweetie Drops asked.

"He can communicate, but I think there are things that set off stable ponies." Lyra grinned at her skeptical friend. "I think we need to get him stable here first. I mean it's only been three weeks. And with all the weird stuff that's happened to him, having some nice, normal, slightly boring ponies around is probably more welcome."

"My momma isn't boring," Dinky replied loyally.

"Compared to Pinkie Pie, even Celestia is boring," Sweetie Drops replied.


"Next week?" Trixie asked as she, Twilight and Celestia stood in the library.

"Your service has been exemplary," Celestia said, "Three weeks is sufficient. It is clear you've learned your lesson. Tomorrow would be the last day of your second week. After that, you may stay or go as you please."

"So, I could stay?" Trixie said, barely trusting all the differing emotions raging through her.

Stay or go, she thought, I could return to the stage. With the 'recompense' from the dragon queen, I could buy a new wagon, with all my props and supplies restored. How will I explain it? Do I even want to? Do I even want to go?

"That's wonderful, you can be back on the road, entertaining adoring throngs, and you'll have exploits you won't even have to brag about," Twilight said happily, "In fact, if you tell the truth about them, some people may not even believe them."

"Trying to get his library all to yourself?" Trixie asked and raised an eyebrow.

"I'll leave you two to discuss it," Celestia said and stepped outside.

"You've been pushing the limits quite a lot with me," Twilight said patiently, "But I realized that it isn't important. You aren't my friend, but you seem to be his. Whatever you decide is your decision. I won't try to influence you," Twilight said, "The translation has been ordered by the Princesses, and I'll do it. The griffon team will also be working on it."

"So whatever I decide is on my head," Trixie said, "You play the game well, when you finally decide to play." Trixie walked out of the library into the growing darkness.


"You need to have a little fun, sister," Celestia said as she entered the hallway that led to both their home, and his.

"We didn't do fun when we were young," Luna replied quietly.

"We don't have Discord now, except one little piece that our friend keeps enmeshed in webs of fascination," Celestia said, "It was play, but neither body nor mind was hurt. And a bruise to Royal Dignity will heal quickly enough. You hurt him when you refused to play."

Luna sighed. "Why does he have to be so frivolous?"

"Because he is a masterful killer and destroyer, who is trying to step lightly on a world not his own. And in his own way, he is trying to help both you and me. Seeing things we don't, or have shut out of our lives when we were more like him. Discord, Sombra, Nistag, they did not fall to persuasion or a gentle word. We struck them, hard."

"And Nightmare Moon?" Luna asked, "She, I, deserved my fate. And I remember and put away that part of me."

"Put it away, but do not deny it is part of you. That is part of what he is trying to point out. That what I have done, is cling to things too long because they became what ponies expect, and after Discord they needed that stability. That stability is becoming something our ponies could do with less of. We are not absolutely needed. Unicorns once raised the sun and moon themselves. Pegasi controlled the weather, without direction from Cloudsdale or Canterlot."

"And ponies made war on each other," Luna pointed out, "Do you wish to return to those days?"

"No," Celestia said and nuzzled Luna, "But to a different world than we occupy now. But I don't know how. He does. It will be a delicate act, balancing what we think is good for our ponies, what the ponies think is good for them, and whatever crazy ideas he puts forth. Don't turn away from him because the early steps of this dance have been clumsy. We've trodden on his feet a time or two with our missteps."

"I do not like to be mocked," Luna ground out.

"Have a care sister," Celestia warned, "Having absolutely no one who will play with you, is the loneliest life you can imagine. You know that from your imprisonment within the moon. I know it, surrounded by adoring ponies. Would you care to fill bushels with our pain and see which overflows more?" Celestia headed through the door to their apartments. The parcels had already been removed. Only the bed and its fixturing remained in the hall.

Luna sighed and lifted it with her magic. She rang the doorbell and waited to be allowed entry. She hid her glare at him as best she could, but his little game still rankled.

Inside his bedroom, the space for the bed was clearly laid out, and apparently, the others had been waiting. The mirth in the room effectively vanished as she arrived. The ponies were respectful. The Big Guy seemed chagrined.

Celestia wouldn't understand, but I prefer it this way, Luna thought as she assembled the bedframe in midair, Respectful, but not frightened. I'll let Celestia be the 'fun' one.

She set the completed frame in place, put the mattress and sheets in place as she lowered them onto the completed frame. She enjoyed their amazement at her skill.


Derpy glanced around. We were 'pony piling' the Big Guy, she thought, So the dark I understand, but why can't I move? Why can't I talk?

The sudden burst of light, dim as it was, made her squint. The Big Guy looked at her, then unzipped her belly and took her off the hanger and carried her out of the closet. He laid her on his new bed and carefully brushed her off.

She giggled inside as the brush passed through her fur and caressed her skin. She wanted to smile and tell him not to tease her. He turned her over and brushed out her wings. She silently giggled more.

He carefully stepped in through the unzipped opening, putting his legs inside her legs, his arms within her arms. Once he'd zipped her up, which made her giggle, she hugged him tightly for a moment.

He stepped outside and looked at her wings. She extended one, and he checked the joints and the feathers carefully. Then he looked at the other and she extended that one. He checked it just as carefully.

She hugged him carefully as she extended her wings and lifted him into the air. Their target was Canterlot some distance away. But she knew he trusted her to get him there safe and sound.


Fluttershy glanced around. Where am I? It's so dark! she thought worriedly, What's happening, is this a dream? Where are my friends? she wanted to shout, but couldn't make even the slightest noise. The Big Guy opened the door and reached towards her. She silently giggled as he unzipped her belly and pulled her off the hanger. She tittered silently. Oh, this is one of those dreams. I really should take him flying again, and take Derpy as a safety pegasus. I guess this is a reminder that I should just do it. He liked it, and I think he likes flying.

She enjoyed the gentle brushing out of her coat and then he turned her over to brush out her wings.

She laughed inwardly at it all. I'd never have the courage to ask, but maybe I should talk to Derpy, she laughed inwardly.

He stepped inside her through the zippered opening. She felt the faint chill of his skin.

Don't be worried, she wanted to soothe him, It'll be all right. I won't let you fall. You've trusted me before, you can trust me again, she thought as he zipped himself inside.

He stepped outside, glanced back, and carefully tugged on her wing. She extended it, and blushed as he checked her feathers and the joints of her wing. The heat of her blush warred with the decreasing chill of his skin. She extended her other wing automatically when he turned his attention to her other wing. He stepped away from the house and took a few jogging steps, and let her lift him into the air. She carefully circled the house, checking its condition.


Rarity opened her eyes, and felt something inside her. Oh know, I can't be clothing! I can't be off-the-rack! she thought in horror, Oh Rarity, calm down, you can never be pret-a-porter, you will always be haute couture.

He opened the closet door.

He looks awful, she thought as she looked at the tiredness he wore like a cloak. The poor thing, she thought as he unzipped her and carried her to the bed. There he gently brushed her out.

Well, he knows how to treat a lady, she thought, This must be one of the dreams they talked about. I hope this isn't Nightmare's return. We should be ready for the unusual, and we'll have to remember to talk about our dreams.

He turned her over and was especially careful with her butterfly like wings.

Oh wonderful! she thought happily. He carefully stepped into her, and she admired herself in the window's reflection. Well, I do make a striking fashion statement, but I must admit the wings make me spectacular, she thought as he stepped outside.

She extended her wings and took to the air.

He aimed towards Canterlot and she eagerly carried him towards it. Such a chance to show them what it means to be Rarity! she thought eagerly.


Discord was transforming himself into the Big Guy as he approached Rainbow Dash's dream space. "What are you doing?" Luna asked as she stood between Discord and his target.

"Just learning a lesson about friendship," Discord admitted, "Something you really need to do."

"I?" the alicorn exclaimed.

"Yes," Discord said, "They should have reacted with horror at being reduced to a mere suit of clothing, until they saw whose clothing they were and that they were still his protectors and trusted allies when he did something dangerous for him and trivial for them. Even Fluttershy exulted in that role." Discord leaned close. "Imagine, holding him safe and warm inside you as he flew where he willed, on your own wings."

Luna pawed the ground, looking uncertain, then grimaced. "I won't be tricked by you! You were the invader of their dreams, not him! There is nothing you can say or do that will let me pass you to warp the dreams of other ponies."

"Never say never, Highness," came a cultured voice behind her.


Luna looked around the darkness that surrounded her. Okay, I have to learn that even a fragment of Discord is powerful. And my own desires can thwart my duties, she thought as she felt the light fall on her.

He peered at the odd clothing hanging in his closet. She inaudibly whickered nervously as he ran a finger over her soft fur. Then he yanked his hand back and stared in horror.

No! No! No! Luna wanted to scream, You didn't skin me! I'm fine! Her fear became anger. Discord! If you scare him away with this stupid 'test', I'll turn you into solid stone, smash you to gravel and feed you to every chicken in Equestria!

Either he found it, or Discord rapidly provided to find a sales tag. While he didn't understand the writing, he recognized the Carousel Boutique's symbol on the tag. He seemed to quiet as he considered that while Rarity would make some odd clothing, she would never lay claim to having flayed a Diarch, and turned her into a suit.

He took her off the closet pole, then realized she had a hanger inside. He found the zipper and she would have squealed at the tickling the unzipping gave her. He smiled at the construction, checking the floppy wings and horn before removing the Luna suit from the hanger. His gentle touch on the soft, inside lining made her want to shiver, it didn't tickle. But it was new and exciting. Then she saw his rueful expression.

He held up the costume so he was eye to eye with it. He made sounds like badly butchered Equestria as he rocked the shoulders side-to-side, then he raised one of her 'hooves' and slapped himself across the face, then again, and when his head was back from the slapping, he mimed stabbing himself with her floppy, felt horn.

No! I wouldn't do that! she desperately wanted to tell him.

His sardonic smile nearly broke her heart as he carefully replaced the hanger, zipped her back up, and replaced her in the closet.

Please, I'm not like that! Luna wanted to shout, I know what fun is! I can be less stuffy with friends! I want to show you the joy of flying, flying with me! Please, turn around, come back. I won't hate you. Don't leave me alone.

He paused halfway through the bathroom, and glanced back at her. Luna let her hope return. She waited for him to come back.

He gave out a half-hearted chuckle, then another.

That doesn't sound right, Luna thought as she hung there and watched.

He burst into despairing laughter, and slid to the floor. Clutching his knees to his chest he laughed desperately, hopelessly, and slowly fell over sideways and began beating the floor. The laughter was replaced by screams of rage. Luna cringed at the sound, and at eavesdropping on such a private and vulnerable moment.

After a short mortifying and agonizing interval, he fell silent. The blows stopped falling and he lay there, unmoving, barely breathing. The faint rasp of his breathing a clue to how far he'd stressed his vocal cords. Luna watched as he lay there as the minutes dragged on.

As abruptly as it started, he stood. His expression composed and placid. Other than the bruises on his hands and the puffiness of his eyes, there was no evidence of the lapse of composure and control. He walked out of the bathroom/dressing room, and closed the door behind him.

Luna wanted to close her eyes and weep, but that simple action was denied her by her current form.

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